


Just to Get High

by Lastsyns



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: Anal Sex, Comfort Sex, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Frottage, Illnesses, M/M, Masturbation, Rape, Rape Recovery, Repressed Memories, Restraints, Self-Harm, Sleepy Cuddles, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 01:30:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 82
Words: 120,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5028457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lastsyns/pseuds/Lastsyns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Doctor is drugged in a small restaurant he finds that he likes the way the drug helps him to forget. Now it is up to Martha and the others to get him clean and healthy again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

His trousers were missing. He tried to wrap his mind around that, but he was too focused on trying to find his next fix. He had come to this part of town for exactly that and now he was kneeling on the street for some reason. The warm hands of someone grabbing his waist and then the pain as something forced itself up into his body reminded him why he was trouserless. He fought against the person thrusting into his body, but he was too weak, too disoriented to fight them off. He couldn't remember the last time he ate, drank or cared about anything besides the calming effect the drug gave him. He closed his eyes fighting back the tears as he wondered how it came to this. 

-DW-

"Just promise me one thing. Find someone," Donna had told him that snowy night when he had saved her from the Racnoss. 

"I don't need anyone," He had replied immediately.

"Yes, you do. Because sometimes, I think you need someone to stop you." And she had been right. He did need someone to stop him. He never did well on his own, he always pushed the limits or let himself get into harms way in order to save others. He should have died countless times and if it wasn't for his companions, he would have. He was alone now, and that was alright. He couldn't hurt anyone if he was alone. He wouldn't have to take another companion's memories in order to save their life.

He strolled confidently down the unfamiliar street, acting like he owned the place. People moved out of his way, believing that he belonged there as he seemed to know where he was going. He had no idea, though, all he knew was that he had to keep running, keep moving. If he didn't he was going to end up dead and a new man would be strolling along this street with his memories. He wasn't ready to go yet, even if he had made a few mistakes and changed one woman's legacy. Who were the ood to decide that it was his time to die? They had no right to summon him to their planet and what he guaranteed would be his death. 

"Would you care for some company tonight sir," A woman asked interrupting his thought. He turned to look at the woman scantily clad in a thin blue dress. Her brown was done up in curls and fell to the top of her large breast. 

"No, thank you," He replied with a smile. She leaned forward, her breast almost popping out of the top of her dress.

"Are you sure handsome? Maybe you just need a drink first to loosen you up." She grabbed a stein of beer and held it out to him. He held up his hand, declining it as he continued on his way. He was about halfway up the street when someone wrapped their arm through his. He stopped turning to see that the woman was back. "I can give you a quick suck if you're interested."

"I'm not," He responded sternily as he pulled his arm away from her. She stared at him a moment, obviously not used to men telling her no. She leaned forward, and he could smell the alcohol on her breath. 

"I know a nice gentleman up the street if that's more your type," She whispered. The Doctor glared at her with all the strength of the oncoming storm. She backed away from him slowly before hurrying back to her original post at the bar. The Doctor stood watching her for a moment as she tried to seduce another man. She kept glancing back at him, clearly uneasy with him standing there. Grabbing the other man's arm, she took him into the bar and out of the Doctor's sight. The Doctor turned heading once more on his way. 

It was strange now to think what would have happened if he would have gone with her that night. One thing was sure and that is his life would have turned out different. More than likely he wouldn't have slept with her but tried to help her out of her current situation. Still he would not have ended up at the small restaurant on the outskirts of town. The building was run down, but the smell of food coming from within reminded him he hadn't eaten in awhile. He entered the restaurant to find only a few locals inside. The place was dimly lit, and the talk relatively quiet. He made his way to a small booth sitting down in it. 

"What can I get you?" A heavy set woman with a soft voice and the name Veronica on her badge asked. 

"I would like a cup of tea and a plate of chips," The Doctor ordered. 

"Sure thing," She replied. She left the Doctor alone returning a moment later with the drink. He let the tea bag steep a moment then picked it up, taking a mouthful. The tea tasted different than he was used to, but it wasn't bad. He took another drink as he waited for his food. As he waited, though, he began to feel funny. His system quickly registered that he had been drugged by an unknown substance. He stood up quickly, feeling panicked by the drugs racing through his system. He stumbled his way towards the door, desperate to get back to his TARDIS. 

"What's the matter Sweetie?" Veronica asked him. Her voice no longer seemed soft, but harsh to his ears. "Tea not agreeing with you? Maybe next time you will choose another restaurant as we don't take kindly to strangers here." She grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the door and pushing him out of it. He stumbled, barely stopping himself from falling face first into the street. He tried to connect to the TARDIS and he felt her hum through him, trying to guide him back to the safety of her doors. As he walked, though, he felt lighter than he had in years. It was as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and for the first time in a long time, he could finally breathe.

He woke up later inside the TARDIS, laying inside the dip of one of the corals in the control room. He wasn't sure how he got there, all he knew was that his body and head hurt. Somehow he was hung over and a bottle of whiskey beside the coral, as well as the taste in his mouth, indicated that he had drunken it. All the worries were back that he had managed to escape from and he actually found himself wanting to take the drug again. He tried to ignore the need as he walked to the controls, pushing buttons to prepare for his next journey, but the feeling was still there. Grabbing his coat he headed once more out the door and towards the restaurant. 

-DW-

The man spilled himself deep inside his body before rolling off of him with a grunt. The Doctor fell to his side. He curled into himself crying softly as the man threw a small bag of powder at him. 

"Take it you whore," The man hissed at him. The Doctor picked up the bag disgusted with himself for still wanting the drug after what the man did to his body. He slipped the bag into his jacket pocket as he looked for his trousers. He saw them not too far away from where he was laying and forced himself to sit up. Pain shot through his body, but the pain was temporary. He would feel better once he got the drug inside his body. He climbed unsteadily to his feet, picking up his ripped trousers in the process. Barely able to walk, he made his way towards the TARDIS. He had gone too long between the last dose and he felt as if he were dying. 

Deep down a part of him knew that this was wrong. He needed help, but a stronger part was telling him that once he took the drug he would be fine. He listened to that part as he made his way into the familiar control room and collapsed on the floor. He left his trousers where he fell as he crawled his way up the ramp. He felt cold air blow on him and he ignored it as he tried desperately to get to the kitchen. He needed a glass of water to mix the powder with, in order to drink it. 

The TARDIS didn't help him. She didn't even talk to him anymore, making him feel more alone than ever. She had been the one to keep him alive after his people were ripped from his head and now she was quiet. He had yelled at her until his voice was raw, but she still refused to help him. No matter, he didn't need her now. All he needed was in his hand. He continued his slow crawl towards the kitchen as he heard the sound of her engines start. He should have wondered where she was taking him, but all he could focus on was getting to the kitchen. He made it to the kitchen as he felt her land with a thump. He fell hard on his bare bottom, gritting his teeth with pain. 

"Doctor," A familiar female voice called out. He heard footsteps getting closer and he looked up to see Martha entering the kitchen. His mind didn't register the shock on her face upon seeing him half naked on the floor as he held up the small bag to her. 

"Please Martha, I need it," he begged her. Martha took the bag from him, placing it in her pocket. 

"I think you've had enough," She told him.


	2. Chapter 2

Martha hummed silently to herself as she made her way across the UNIT base to the hospital that she worked. It was her first day back after taking a week off to spend with her boyfriend, Mickey. The two of them had spent the week in Paris, not that they saw much of it expect the hotel room. Still it had been a wonderful week and she was sorry to see it end. Mickey had gone back to Cardiff last night to return to his job at Torchwood with a promise that he would be back soon. Martha thought about quitting UNIT to join him. She was positive all she had to do was ask and Jack would give her a job without question. She loved her job at UNIT, though, and would miss working in the hospital. 

"Good morning Doctor Jones," Adam greeted her as she walked through the door. Adam worked as a nurse and was on overnights for the next few weeks. Not that the hospital needed it usually. Most of their work was during the day stitching wounds or setting broken bones. They also tended to patients who needed surgery or were sick enough to stay in the hospital for a few days. Those patients were rarer though and often times got transferred to London if they needed long-term care. 

"Good morning," She responded as she headed to her office. Doctor Seth Walker was waiting for her in her office. He was almost twice her age and had resented her when she first came on board. In the end, she had won him over and now she had a good working relationship with him. "Good morning Seth," She told him cheerfully. 

"Morning Martha. I see the vacation agreed with you. Did you have fun?" He wondered. 

"I did," She replied. Together they went over the handoff from night to day. There was one patient currently staying in the hospital, but they were expected to be released later in the day. Overall the week she had been gone had been relatively quiet and normal. Seth left for the morning and Martha made herself a cup of coffee as she started on her paperwork. It was about an hour later when she heard the familiar noise of the TARDIS. Jumping to her feet, she rushed out of the office and across the hall. Opening the door, she could see the TARDIS materializing in the hallway just outside of her office. It was a horrible spot for the Doctor to park and she was going to get him to move it if he planned on staying for any length of time. Still it would be good to see him as it had been months since he had helped them move the Earth back to its rightful place and she was beginning to doubt she would ever see him again.

"Doctor," She called through the door as it failed to open. Her key to the TARDIS still hung on the chain around her neck and she pulled it out, opening the door. The TARDIS was colder than normal and Martha pulled her sweater closer to herself as she made her way inside. Her heart dropped as she came across the Doctor's ripped trousers on the floor next to a few drops of blood. "Doctor, it's me, Martha. Are you alright?" She called out as she picked up his trousers and took them with her. He wasn't in the control room, but it was possible that if he was hurt he was in the medi-bay. She made her way towards it, laying the trousers on the captain's chair as she passed it. 

"Doctor," she called out again, hoping that he would answer her. As she headed down the corridor, she saw that the door on the right was opened. She went into it, stopping in her tracks as she saw the Doctor laying on the floor. She barely recognized the skeletal figure. Not only was he skeletal, he was filthy with a full beard. His hair was long and messy his eyes looked sunken into his head. His suit topped was ripped and he was still trouserless with blood on his thighs. His legs had cuts and bruises along them in various degrees of healing and she was sure she would find the same beneath his ripped jacket. Not that he seemed to notice as he pulled a small bag out of his pocket, trying to hand it up to her. 

"Please Martha, I need it," he begged her, his voice hoarse and barely understandable. Martha reached down taking the bag in her hand. The powder in the bag was an off white color with blue crystals in it. She didn't have to be a doctor to know that it was some sort of drug. She just couldn't believe that it was the Doctor begging her for it. She stuck it in her pocket as she stared down at him. 

"I think you've had enough," Martha told him softly.

"Give it back to me," He hissed as anger filled his eyes. 

"I'm not going to give it back. You are killing yourself and I am not going to stand by and watch you die," Martha informed him sternly. The Doctor tried to lunge at her, but he didn't make it very far. He collapsed to the ground again.

"Please Martha," He sobbed as he reached up towards her pocket. 

"No," Martha responded, pulling out her phone she dialed Adam's number. He answered it on the second ring. 

"Yes, Doctor Jones?" He questioned immediately. 

"Adam. I need you to bring a gurney to the blue police box that is sitting outside of my office. We have a new patient," Martha told him. 

"I'll be right there," Adam responded hanging up. Whether or not he found the request strange, he didn't say. Martha leaned down, getting as close as she dared to the Doctor. He was still bleeding and needed to be tended to, but he was also clearly distraught over her taking the drugs and she wasn't sure if he would lash out at her again. 

"Doctor, my nurse Adam is on his way here. We are going to take you into the hospital and get you cleaned up," Martha informed him. The Doctor glared at her again. 

"I don't need your help," He spat. It was obvious to her that was a lie and she wasn't sure whether or not he believed it. 

"Then why did you bring the TARDIS here?" She questioned him. 

"I didn't. She came here on her own," The Doctor hissed. 

"Well then obviously she disagrees with you as well," Martha told him. 

"Doctor Jones?" Adam's voice called from the main control room.

"Down here," She replied going to the doorway. Adam came into view with the gurney along with two of the daytime nurses. They were looking around the TARDIS puzzled by its size but knowing they had a job to do they hurried towards her. They brought the gurney into the kitchen and set to work. The Doctor fought them as they got him off the floor and onto it. He kicked, screamed and clawed at the nurses. Martha rushed to the medi-bay and returned a moment later with restraints. They quickly restrained him to the gurney to stop him from hurting himself or them as they wheeled him off the TARDIS. As they entered the control room, Martha heard her phone ring. She looked at the caller ID, not surprised to see Jack's number. He had been scanning for the TARDIS from Torchwood ever since they landed again and would have known immediately when the Doctor landed at UNIT. 

"I'm kind of busy Jack," Martha said as she answered the phone. 

"So he is actually there?" Jack questioned happily. 

"Yes, but he is in bad shape and I have to tend to him," Martha informed Jack. 

"How bad?" Jack wondered, all the happiness gone from his voice. Martha didn't have to answer as the Doctor did it for her.

"You can't fucking do this to me," The Doctor yelled in the background as they wheeled him off the TARDIS.

"Is that him?" Jack asked trying to remember if he ever heard the Doctor swear before. 

"Yes," Martha answered. 

I'm on my way," Jack told her. 

"Jack," Martha started to tell him no, but Jack hung up on her before she could. It was normally a three-hour drive from Cardiff to London so Martha expected that she would see Jack in two. She pushed that thought aside as she followed the Doctor out of the TARDIS and into one of the hospital rooms. Her nurses carefully transferred him to the bed, restraining him again as he fought them. Martha grabbed a pair of scissors and a clean syringe as she yelled orders at them. Soon the Doctor was completely naked and Martha could see bruising along his chest and stomach as well. She could count all of his ribs and his stomach was slightly distended. She took a vial of blood and passed it to the nurse to run to the lab. They needed to find out what drugs they were dealing with so that she could treat him. 

"Let me go. You can't treat me like this. I refuse to let you," The Doctor screamed at them as he pulled on the restraints. Martha put her hand up stopping their treatment of him. 

"Doctor listen to me," Martha snapped at him. He went still for a moment, glaring up at her with all the fury of the Oncoming Storm. "You are in no shape to go anywhere. If you leave here now, I can guarantee you that you are going to end up in the morgue within a week. Do you want that because I sure as hell don't and I am not going to let you die. Why you thought it was a good idea to take drugs in the first place is beyond me, but you and I are going to discuss it at length once you are clean. Now fight me all you want but I will have you declared mentally incompetent to make that decision. Now can I treat you or do I have to go above your head?"

"Go to hell," The Doctor spat. Martha picked up a blanket from the end of the bed and covered him with it. 

"Alright." Martha turned to her nurse, Amanda. "Keep an eye on him a moment. I am going to review his paperwork and see if he has a next of kin filled out. Don't let anyone touch him until I get back." 

"Yes Martha," Amanda responded. Martha left the room, hurrying to find the Doctor's files. He had worked for UNIT in the past and, therefore, would have had to fill out a medical information card. On the way she pulled out her phone, calling Seth back into work. He would be able to declare the Doctor mentally incompetent of making the decision about his treatment and then once she had the next of kin's permission, they could continue to try to save his life.


	3. Chapter 3

Martha dug through the old files to find the Doctor's medical information. She glanced at it, not surprised that he didn't give them much information besides the fact that he was allergic to aspirin. What did surprise her was that he had Sarah Jane listed as his next of kin. The writing for her name was in a different colored ink than the rest of the card and had to have been added at a later time. Martha didn't bother to look at the phone number as she pulled out her own phone and chose Sarah Jane's number from her contacts. Dialing it, she let it ring through to voicemail before calling her number again. The phone rang through to voicemail a second time. Martha swore before leaving a short message for Sarah Jane to call her back as quickly as possible. She was relieved when the phone rang about five minutes later and Sarah Jane's name was on her caller ID.

"Thank you for calling me back so quickly," Martha answered the phone. 

"I can't talk long. I am in the middle of something," Sarah Jane whispered into the phone. 

"That's alright. I won't take up much of your time. I don't know if you realize it, but you are listed as the next of kin for the Doctor. Right now he is here at the UNIT hospital and I am having him declared mentally unfit to make decisions regarding his medical care. Once that is done, I need your permission to treat him," Martha told her. 

"I can't believe he really listed me. He always teased that he was going to, but I never took him seriously. What happened to him?" Sarah Jane asked.

"I wouldn't believe it if I wasn't witnessing it myself, but he is addicted to a drug and letting his body go. He is almost skeletal and has various cuts and lesions across his body," Martha said matter of factly. She heard Sarah Jane draw in a gasping breath. 

"Of course, I will give you my full permission to treat him," Sarah Jane informed her. "I am in an important meeting and as soon as it is over I will head over there."

"It would be better if you didn't. He is already showing signs of violence and I am sure it is going to get worse as he goes through withdraw. Even if you do show up, I may restrict you from entering his room for your own safety," Martha advised her. 

"I understand. Keep me posted and I will come up there once it is safe," Sarah responded. They both said their goodbyes before hanging up. Martha rushed back to the Doctor's room, opening the door a crack. Seth was still in there analyzing the Doctor. The Doctor was talking to him, but she couldn't believe the vile words coming out of his mouth were from the same Doctor that she had traveled with. Not wanting to hear anymore, she closed the door waiting impatiently for Seth to finish. While she waited she wandered down to get the medication that she needed to start treating him then headed back to his room. Seth was still in there so she tried just standing outside the room, but soon she was pacing. The door opened a short time later and Seth came out of the room. 

"I am in complete agreement with you and am declaring him mentally incompetent. I will draw up the correct paperwork as soon as I get back to my office. Were you able to get ahold of his next of kin?" Seth questioned as Martha hurried over to him. 

"Yes and we have full permission to treat him," Martha told him. 

"Then I suggest you get in there. Be careful as he was trying to lash out at me while I was talking to him and right now he is dangerous to both us and himself," Seth warned her. 

"I understand. I am going to sedate him so that I can treat his wounds and get him cleaned up," Martha replied. "Also there is a Captain Jack Harkness coming down here from Torchwood. I was going to have the gate turn him away but can you let them know to allow him to come through?"

"Certainly," Seth agreed, heading to his office to call the gate. Martha took a deep breath before heading back into the Doctor's room. 

"So the bitch returns," The Doctor hissed at her. 

"I'm going to ignore that one as you aren't yourself at the moment. Fortunately for you I have been given permission to go ahead and treat you, so I expect I will be hearing a lot of that until you are clean," Martha commented. The Doctor glared at her. 

"I refused," He spat. 

"And you have been declared mentally incompetent to make your own decisions and your next of kin has given us full permission to treat you," Martha explained. She pulled out a clean syringe along with a vial of sedative. She filled the syringe before daring to get closer to him. He lashed out at her the best he could with the restraints and she had to jab the syringe rather roughly into his arm. He screamed at her in both pain and anger over her action. 

"There now, we will just give that a minute to work," She cooed at him. 

"Go to hell," he responded. She turned to look at Amanda who was still in the room standing across from the bed. 

"I need you to get a saline IV and get it ready to be setup as soon as he is asleep," Martha told her acting like the Doctor wasn't in the room anymore. Amanda followed her instructions while Martha got her suture kit ready. She watched the Doctor fight to stay awake, but he was too weak to fight off the sedative for long and was soon deep asleep. Once out, Martha called Adam into the room as well and the three of them set to work. First thing, she did was unrestrain the Doctor and have the two nurses help her to turn him onto his stomach. She cleaned up the blood from his thighs, examining him to find out exactly where the blood was coming from. Her stomach flipped and she fought not to get sick as she did so. It was obvious to her from the moment that she saw the blood that his body had been used brutally by someone. It was no wonder the TARDIS had decided to bring him to her for help, she just wished it was sooner. Wishing didn't change anything, though, and she needed to concentrate on what she was doing. 

She finished suturing him, then examined his back, and legs cleaning up wounds as she went. She then had them turn him over onto his back and cleaned up the front of his body. He had several cuts that were infected and she cleaned them up with an antiseptic solution. She was also going to get him started on a strong antibiotic to help his body fight the infection. Since he was going to be restrained and she didn't know how long for, she placed a catheter for him so that they didn't have to worry about getting him to the loo. Once she was done with her part, she had the nurses bathe him and shave his face, being careful of his sideburns, as she stepped out of the room. She kept a straight face as she walked to her office. Once safely inside, she slid down the wall letting the tears she had been holding back fall. Almost as soon as she started crying, though, there was a knock on the door. 

"Just a minute," she called out, her voice breaking as she did. 

"Sorry to bug you Martha, but Captain Jack has just arrived at the gate," Megan told her through the door. 

"I will be right out," Martha responded surprised that two hours had passed already. She stood up, wiping her eyes. Opening the door, she went to the entrance to meet Jack. He had forgone the ride across the base, choosing to rush to the hospital. As soon as he got to her, he wrapped his arms around her hugging her tightly.

"How is he?" Jack questioned her. 

"He is sedated at the moment. Before I let you into see him, though, we need to talk. Come with me to my office," Martha told him. He nodded, following her down the hall. He was worried about the Doctor but even though Martha was his friend she would deny him entrance into the Doctor's room if she thought it was in his best interest. She opened the door to her office, letting Jack go in first before following him in. She sat down at her desk, motioning for Jack to take a seat as well. He was reluctant to sit but did so as she began to talk. She explained as calmly as she could about the Doctor being declared mentally incompetent due to his drug use. 

"The Doctor doesn't do drugs," Jack informed. 

"Normally I would agree with you, but he handed me this when I found him in the TARDIS. He told me that he needed it," Martha told Jack. She pulled the small packet out of her pocket and handed it to Jack. He took it from her staring down at it. 

"That," Jack trailed off not finding the right words. 

"You are welcome to stay, in fact, I would like it if you did. He isn't as strong as he use to be, but he will quickly get his strength back as he recovers. If you do, you need to remember that he is going through withdraw and he is quite angry and violent. It is only going to get worse before he gets better. He is going to try to hurt you with his words since he is restrained. If you can't handle that I can understand and I won't tell him you were ever here if you want to go back to Torchwood," Martha explained. Jack thought about it a moment. He really didn't need the minute as there was nothing that was going to stop him from helping Martha take care of the Doctor. 

"I'm staying," Jack told her finally. Martha nodded standing up. 

"Follow me." Standing, once more she led him to the Doctor's room. The nurses were done cleaning him up and though he was pale, bruised and far too skinny he looked almost normal. Jack walked over to the bed, gently running his fingers down the side of the Doctor's face. 

"His hair is too long," Jack whispered. 

"Once he is better, we will cut his hair. There is one more thing you need to know if you are going to assist with his care," Martha advised Jack. He listened, not responding as she told him that the Doctor had been brutally raped. 

"Do you know by who?" Jack questioned, his tone clear that he wanted to kill the person. 

"No, and I doubt we will ever know," Martha replied. "He is still sedated at the moment and should be out for a couple more hours. I advise that you take the time to get a cup of coffee and collect yourself. Once he is awake the real challenge is going to begin." Jack nodded. They had a fight ahead of them but they both had to believe that at the end of it they would have the Doctor back. Even if he hated them for it, at least he would be alive.


	4. Chapter 4

Jack followed Martha's advice and took the time to collect himself before the Doctor woke up. He had dealt with people detoxing before over the years. He had even helped a few of them get clean offering his home as a sanctuary as they fought against him, desperate to get ahold of the drug again. Addicts he could deal with but never had he imagined that he would ever be supporting someone that he looked up to as much as the Doctor. It made him wonder what caused the Doctor to fall so far that he had turned to drugs rather than his friends or companions for comfort. He would find out, though. Maybe not at first as he wouldn't be privy to the early conversations that the Doctor would be forced to have, but in time he hoped the Doctor would also talk to him. 

He went to the canteen for a cheap cup of coffee, taking it back to the TARDIS to drink it. He tried to ignore the blood on the floor by the entrance, but the sight of it angered him. He wanted to find the man who had hurt the Doctor and tear him limb from limb until he begged for mercy. Doing so was not going to change what happened to the Doctor, though. Still it would make him feel better. Stepping around the small amount of blood, he walked up to the console running his hands along. 

"Thank you for saving him," Jack whispered to her. She hummed at him as he leaned his head against the console. Martha had told him how bad off the Doctor was and if the TARDIS hadn't taken it upon herself to bring the Doctor to UNIT, he would have more than likely died within the next few days to a week at most. "You don't have to worry about him anymore. We will take good care of him and get him cleaned up for you. In the meantime, I'm going to place you into standby mode until he is well enough to travel again. We are also going to be moving you out of the hallway in front of Martha's office to an empty room nearby. Don't worry you will be safe there and close enough that if he needs your help we can come to you," Jack informed her. 

The TARDIS hummed at him in understanding. She trusted the humans to take care of her thief for her. Jack placed her into stand-by mode, following the familiar pattern the Doctor had taught him years back. He wanted to place deadlock chains on her breaks to guarantee that the Doctor didn't leave before he was ready. He didn't have any on hand, though. That was alright as he would message Mickey to bring them up on his next trip to visit Martha. Before he left the TARDIS, there was one more thing that he had to do. He walked to the front of the TARDIS, cleaning up the small amount of blood by the door. Feeling slightly better, he headed back to the Doctor's room.

While he had been gone, Martha had added a strong anti-biotic to the IV in the Doctor's arm. She had also started him on a second IV that contained the nutrients his body desperately needed. His arms and legs were once again restrained to the bed in the padded restraints that she had taken off the TARDIS. She had also sent the drug that he had been taken down to the lab to be analyzed along with his blood. She was hoping to find out anything she could about it so that she would be better prepared for him withdrawing. Right now all she knew was that he was going to be aggressive. Based on her knowledge of drugs, she was also prepared for him to be exhausted, in pain and have strong cravings for the drug until it cleared his system completely. While she wouldn't give him anything to reduce his pain, she was hoping that Jack would help her keep him as comfortable as possible until his ordeal was over. 

"Feeling better?" Martha asked as he entered the room. 

"A little, not much. I will feel better once the Doctor is clean and back to normal," Jack informed her taking a seat beside the Doctor's bed. Martha nodded her agreement. 

"Once he is done detoxing, though, he is still going to have to go through both mental and physical healing before he will be allowed to go out in his TARDIS again. I plan to keep him here until he is better, but then I am going to move him to my flat while he continues to heal. It only has two bedrooms, but you are welcome to stay as well. I will just get a second bed for his room so that you can continue to care for him at night or while I am at work," Martha explained. 

"It sounds like you have already thought a lot about this," Jack commented. 

"I can't stop thinking about it. I can't help but wonder what caused him to start taking drugs in the first place." Martha looked at Jack. "He hated even taking medication for his headaches when I traveled with him. Him becoming a drug addict was the last thing that I would have ever expected from him." 

"Me either," Jack agreed. They both paused in their conversation as the Doctor moaned softly. He tried to turn on his side, but the restraints kept him from moving far. Giving up, his breathing evened out again without him ever waking up fully. 

"We should probably be quiet and let him sleep as long as he needs to. I will check in again in a little while," Martha whispered. She headed to the door, leaving Jack alone with the Doctor. Jack sat watching the Doctor as he continued to sleep for the next hour before showing signs that he was waking up again. He groaned loudly and tried to raise his hand. Meeting resistance, he opened one eye in confusion. His other eye opened upon seeing the restraints and he sat up as much as he could as he looked around the room quickly assessing where he was. Seeing Jack he collapsed back against the pillows. 

"Didn't you get the hint I don't want you around the last time I abandoned you," The Doctor spat at him. 

"Lucky for you I am hard to get rid of," Jack informed him, not letting the Doctor know how badly his words actually hurt. He had the feeling that this wouldn't be the last time he heard about it as he helped the Doctor recover. He couldn't let the Doctor know that the Doctor abandoning him had helped shaped his life for the last two thousand years and was still a sore spot. 

"That is because you're nothing but a simple minded ape who is eager to please. I left you and still you came running the minute you thought I needed help. Well, you can help me by letting me go," The Doctor hissed at him. 

"No. You are here until you are clean and show that you are able to take care of yourself again," Jack told him.

"I don't want your help," The Doctor yelled. Jack just continued to stare at him. 

"You don't have a choice. Now you can either calm down and accept the fact that we are not going to let you die or you can be miserable at it. I frankly don't care either way as regardless of what you choose, you will be clean once this is over," Jack advised him more calmly than he felt. He wanted to stand up and shake the Doctor until he made the Doctor realize what he was doing to himself. That would just end up hurting the Doctor more, though. So instead he tried to stay calm and remember what Martha told him about the Doctor hurting him with words since he couldn't lash out. He heard the door open and looked over as Martha came into the room. 

"Yelling is one way to let me know you are awake, in the future I would like you to please trying using your call button instead," Martha said.

"Why? My yelling was obviously effective," The Doctor responded. Martha ignored his comment as she headed over to his bed. 

"How are you feeling?" She asked him pleasantly. He glared up at her. 

"Like someone restrained me," He spat at her. Martha nodded. 

"How about physically?" She wondered. 

"I am feeling restrained," He drew out the sentence enunciating each syllable slowly and deliberately. Martha just stared at him patiently. 

"Until you can show me that you aren't going to lash out and hurt one of us or try to run away as soon as you are released you will be feeling that way quite a bit. So rather than focusing on the restraints, how about you tell me if you are hurting or feeling tired," Martha suggested. The Doctor's eyes narrowed further at her. 

"Go to hell," The Doctor told her as he closed his eyes again. Martha looked at Jack and he shook his head. He had only been awake for a few minutes, but already he had shown them just how difficult it was going to be to get him healthy again. Jack just didn't know if he was as up to it as he originally thought. He had to be though for the Doctor's sake.


	5. Chapter 5

The Doctor stood outside of the restaurant wondering what he was doing. He tried to tell himself that the reason he was here was so that he could stop these people from drugging unsuspecting aliens in the future. He had been lucky that there was nothing in the drug that was dangerous to him, but another species may not have been so lucky. Still, it would be better if he just turned around, went back to his TARDIS and left the planet. He took a deep breath and pushed open the door to the restaurant heading inside. 

"I thought we made it clear that we don't want your kind here," Veronica snapped at him as she entered. He didn't hesitate as he reached into his pocket pulling out his psychic paper. 

"Inspector John Smith from the Intergalactic Police. You broke over a dozen laws by drugging me the other day and unless you want me to bring the Shadow Proclamation down her to shut down this establishment, I suggest that you cooperate with me," The Doctor informed her as he held out the paper to her. Veronica visibly paled as he stuffed it back into his pocket. 

"What can I get you, Inspector?" She asked. "I can have our cooks start up the fryer and have a nice hot plate of chips ready for you in no time." The Doctor narrowed his eyes at her. 

"Are you trying to bribe me?" He asked as he took a step forward. 

"No, sir," She answered immediately. 

"Good because I am not here for chips or tea. I am here to confiscate all of the drugs that you have in your possession. You have five minutes to bring me everything that you have or I will have this place closed," The Doctor informed her as he looked at his watch. The woman hurried out of the room while the Doctor waited for her. He once again wondered what he was doing. He looked towards the door and considered just leaving. Hearing footsteps approaching, he looked back. Veronica was approaching again with a burly looking man. 

"Here," Veronica said thrusting several small bags at him. The bags were filled with an off-white powder and small blue crystals. The Doctor took them from her holding one of the bags up to look closer at it. 

"Is this all of it," he asked sternly. The woman nodded. "Are you sure?"

"I swear that is all that we have," She told him. 

"And how much did you give me of this?" He questioned. He didn't want to overdose himself if he did decide to take it. 

"Only half of a bag," Veronica replied immediately. He stared at her in the eye as he put it in his pocket. She stared right back at him as he let the oncoming storm grow in his eyes. She looked away and he smirked as he turned heading to the door. He walked quickly hearing footsteps coming up behind him. He wasn't in the mood for a fight. His head was still hurting and all he wanted to do was get back to his TARDIS. He made it there without any incident, closing the door tightly behind him. Once on board he headed quickly to the console. He should just go to the nearest supernova and throw the drugs into it. Instead, he sent himself into orbit around a small uninhabited planet before going to the kitchen. 

He pulled the drugs out of his pocket, laying them on the counter as he started the tea kettle. The woman had said that she gave him only half a bag, but he had only drank half the cup of tea. That meant that he only drank about a quarter of the bag. That was a safe amount to start with and if it wasn't enough he could always safely add more. He picked up the bag and then set it back down. He didn't need the drugs. Sure they made him forget about the Time War and everyone he lost, but that wasn't a reason to take another dose. He was a Time Lord and above such things as taking drugs to control his feelings and thoughts. Once the water was done he poured it into his cup and added a tea bag to it. He let it steep for awhile, before removing the bag and adding sugar as well as a small amount of the drug. He lifted it to his lips, hesitating before he actually took a drink. 

"I'm not going to become addicted to it," He told the TARDIS as she hummed at him. She hummed again and he ignored her as he took a drink of the scalding liquid. 

-DW-

He opened his eyes again to the small room inside UNIT's hospital. He groaned as he tried to move his arms, unhappy to find that he was still restrained to the bed. He felt freezing and his body ached especially his legs and his arse. He groaned, shifting as he tried to relieve the pressure on his bottom. He found that his legs were also restrained, though. He moaned louder as Jack stood up coming closer to the bed. 

"Didn't you get the hint that I don't want you here?" The Doctor spat at him. He was shivering slightly and a tremble caused his limbs to jerk every once in awhile, shooting pain through his arms and legs.

"No. You might want to make it a little clearer," Jack told him with a smile. He pulled the blanket further up the Doctor's chest, tucking it around him. The Doctor continued to shiver and Jack wondered if there was another blanket nearby that he could cover him with. He walked over to the cupboard opening it up. 

"Get out of my room," The Doctor hissed at him. Jack shook his head as he found another thin blanket. He needed a thicker one, however, if he was going to help the Doctor warm up. 

"Nope. I'm sorry I hear your words, but I just don't feel as if you really want me to leave," Jack on purposely antagonized him as he reached and hit the call button. The Doctor glared at him. "Doctor, you may not fully understand the consequences of your actions at the moment. I do. I have taken care of several people over the years who are detoxing. I can help you if you let me."

"I didn't ask for your help," The Doctor told him. 

"You obviously need it, though," Jack responded. He turned as the door to the Doctor's room opened and Martha came in. She smiled softly as she moved to the Doctor's bed seeing that he was awake. 

"Do you want to tell me how you are feeling this time?" She asked him softly. He shook his head no as he glared at her. "If you are cold, I can get you another blanket. I also have a heating pad that I could get for you." She saw the Doctor's eyes light up a little at the suggestion, even if he didn't answer her. She had to leave the room to get the thicker blanket and the heating pad. She brought them in and lifting the blanket, she laid the heating pad on the Doctor's stomach. She covered him again and then laid the thicker blanket over him. He continued to shiver as she pulled the blankets up to his shoulders.

"There is that any better?" He nodded weakly. "I know you are mad at me for retraining you and for making it so that you don't have a choice about your medical care. You have to believe me, though, that what I did was in your best interest. Now you can either fight me the entire time you are detoxing and make it harder on yourself than you have to or you can talk to me and I will make it as easy on you as possible. The choice is yours." The Doctor closed his eyes. 

"My bottom hurts," He whispered so softly that she barely heard him. He really didn't want to be trapped on the bed, but Martha would ignore any suggestion about letting him leave. Jack was wrong and he knew exactly what he was getting into while going through withdraw and he really wasn't looking forward to it. For the first time in awhile he thought about his comfort. His bottom hurt too much to continue to lay in this bed for a long period without anything to help the pain. 

"I'm not going to give you oral or intravenous painkillers. I do have a topical anesthetic I can apply as well as a soft pillow for you to lay on," Martha informed him. He made a face at her suggestion. "It is your choice. If you don't take the offer now, it will still be available later."

"Fine," He sighed. Martha walked over to the cupboard and opened it. She pulled out the topical cream she had stored there early as well as an inflatable circular pillow. Returning to the Doctor's side, she pulled up a chair sitting down beside him. 

"I am going to have to unhook your leg in order to apply the anesthetic. Now you have your choice and you can have Jack step out of the room and send Adam into help me or Jack can stay here," Martha informed him. She wasn't about to be alone with him, especially with one of his limbs loose. 

"Jack can stay," The Doctor sighed.

"Alright. I will be as quick and careful as I can," Martha told him. She had Jack unhook his leg, helping the Doctor to pull it up to expose his bottom. She checked his stitches and applied the anesthetic for him before placing the pillow. Jack stared at the far wall, trying hard not to look at the Doctor's body as Martha cared for him. He had always dreamed of what the Doctor would look like naked, but he didn't want to see what pain the Doctor caused it. "How is that feeling?" She wondered before locking his leg back down. 

"Better," The Doctor replied. He fought still as she strapped his leg back down and tucked his blankets around him. Even with the extra blanket and the heating pad, he felt cold. It chilled him down to the bones and he wished that he had more of the heating pads or a hot cup of tea. He looked over as a warm hand took his. Jack held it tightly and he rolled his eyes as he looked towards Martha. "Tea?" 

"I am sure we can find you a cup," Martha responded. She had made sure that she was stocked up on tea as soon as he arrived knowing that he tended to drink a lot of it.

"You better," He snipped. Martha sighed, apparently he was done being pleasant for now. There was no point in arguing him until he was done detoxing. Instead, she decided to make him wait and rather than going to the small kitchen near her office, she headed across the building to the breakroom. She made him a hot cuppa and brought it back. He was almost asleep when she came back, but he forced his eyes open to accept it. She helped him to take a drink and his taste buds were overwhelmed at the sweetness of the tea. It tasted strange without the slight bitterness that the drugs gave it and he actually found himself wondering why he added them. The headache was a good reminder, though and he wished silently for the bitterness again.


	6. Chapter 6

After finishing his cup of tea, Martha left the Doctor with Jack so that she could get other work accomplished. She also needed to inform the Brigadier that the Doctor was on base. There was no doubt in her mind that the Brigadier would allow his treatment to continue but as the base commander she felt that he should be aware of the Doctor's arrival before he read it in the reports later in the day. She also planned to advise him the same way she had Sarah Jane about staying away. As a doctor, she had the right to turn away anyone on the base that she felt would interfere with the Doctor's treatment, including the commander.

She also planned to put a guard on the Doctor's door to stop anyone besides herself, Jack and nurses from entering the Doctor's room. The Doctor didn't need that kind of attention, especially when going through drug withdraw. She had to make sure that who was ever stationed at the Doctor's door, understood that his begin on base was classified and so was the nature of his visit. There were too many young soldiers on the base who had read all about and looked up to the Doctor. Martha wasn't about to ruin their image of him because he made a mistake and had given into a weakness. The Doctor deserved better than that and the men didn't need to know that there hero had his weaknesses just like everybody else. 

-DW-

As the door closed behind them, Jack turned to the Doctor. He glared at Jack with all the hatred he could muster. Jack smiled sympathetically at him and he narrowed his eyes further. 

"Would you like more tea?" Jack asked him pleasantly not giving into the Doctor's anger. 

"Only if you added the small bag of sugar that Martha took off of me," The Doctor answered Jack. Jack leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. 

"We both know that wasn't sugar. Sugar doesn't have little blue crystals in it like the drugs she took off of you did. You also know that I have never given you, nor would I give you drugs willing. So how about you stop acting like I am an idiot," Jack informed the Doctor sternly. 

"Please, just a small amount," the Doctor begged changing his tactic since Jack wasn't giving in. Jack shook his head no. "I need it." 

"No, you really don't," Jack responded, keeping his tone harsh. Tears filled the Doctor's eyes and he didn't stop them from streaming down his cheeks.

"Why do you hate me?" He sobbed.

"I don't hate you," Jack replied, his voice softening. He stood up. Walking closer to the Doctor's bed, he grabbed a tissue from a nearby box and gently tried to wipe the tears from the Doctor's face. 

"Yes, you do. You hate me and want to see me suffer," the Doctor cried harder. He turned his face from Jack, not letting him remove the tears. 

"Doctor, this isn't going to work. I am not keeping the drugs from you because I hate you and we both know it. I love you too much to help you kill yourself. Now stop being silly," Jack chastised him softly. He reached over and took the Doctor's chin carefully in his hand. The effect was instantaneous. 

"Get off of me. Help please someone help me," the Doctor cried out as he thrashed on the bed. Jack backed away immediately putting his hands in the air as he stared down horrified at the crying man. "Please, I don't want this. Just let me go."

"Jack, what happened?" Martha questioned as she rushed into the room. She hadn't gotten further than her office when she heard the Doctor start to scream. 

"I just tried to turn his head back towards me so we could talk. Honestly, I didn't touch him," Jack told her immediately going on the defense. Martha hurried over to the Doctor's bedside. His eyes were wide and unseeing as he continued to panic. He was pulling hard at the restraints, making Martha afraid that he was going to hurt himself. 

"Doctor, it's me, Martha. You need to calm yourself down," Martha cooed softly at him as she stayed out of range of his hands. "I know Jack accidentally scared you, but I promise you are safe here. No one is ever going to touch you again. You just need to calm down sweetie."

"Let me go," The Doctor sobbed weakly as he pulled at the restraints. He stopped thrashing as he seemed to resign himself to his fate. He wasn't back with them yet as his eyes still were slightly glazed. He hiccuped as he sobbed, his body jerking with each shudder that passed through it. 

"Oh, sweetheart," Jack whispered falling back in his chair. This was worse than the screaming. This was something that Jack never thought he would witness from the Time Lord. This was the Doctor giving up and resigning himself to his fate. He had accepted that there was nothing he could do to stop them and that he was too weak to keep fighting. 

"Come back to us Doctor. I know you are afraid and in pain, but I promise you are safe," Martha told him again as she knelt down close to him. She kept repeating the same words to him as she watched his eyes. Slowly they began to focus on her face again as his sobbing gave into soft whimpers. She reached up, as gently as possible, and stroked his hair behind his ear. He quickly went quiet as he his eyes met hers. "There now. Are you back with us?"

"Yes," he responded, his voice even hoarser from crying. Jack picked up a small cup from beside the sink in the room and filled it with water. He brought it around the bed. Kneeling down next to Martha he offered the Doctor a drink. It was a little awkward since the Doctor was laying flat on his back and Jack didn't see a straw anywhere. Still he managed to get the cup to the Doctor's mouth pouring a small amount into it. The Doctor accepted the water, holding it in his mouth for a moment, before swallowing it. 

"You know that I won't ever touch you, without your permission right?" Jack asked him. He didn't know if the Doctor remembered having the flashback or if he just thought the comment was Jack being himself. Still, Jack had to be sure that the Doctor knew that he would never force himself upon the Doctor at any time for any reason. If they ever did have sex, outside of Jack's dreams, it would be completely consensual between the two of them. Much to Jack's relief the Doctor nodded. 

"And I won't ever give you permission," The Doctor replied snidely. 

"Fair enough," Jack smiled as he still held out hope that one day he would change the Doctor's mind. Since Martha was in the room, she checked the Doctor's vitals. He was still shivering, so grabbing a thermometer she stuck it into his ear to take his temperature. He turned his head away before she could get a proper reading. 

"Doctor," Martha scolded him as she put the thermometer back in place. The new angle prevented him from turning his head without pushing it deeper into his ear. He cursed under his breath at her as she waited for a proper reading. Once the thermometer beeped she pulled it out and looked at the reading. His normal body temperature was about 15 degrees when he was healthy now it was sitting at just about 14 degrees. The last time she remembered his body temperature dropping he had been healing from a nasty cut he got on his arm trying to hop barbwire fence. He told her then that his body temperature would drop when his energy was used to heal himself. She figured the same thing was happening now, but she had no way to test his energy level without taking him onto the TARDIS. Or did she?

"Doctor part of the reason that you are feeling cold is that your body temperature is a degree lower than normal. Because of your temperature being low, I am worried that your energy may also be lower than normal. Do you have a portable device aboard the TARDIS that I can use to check your energy levels?" Martha questioned him. Rather than answer her, the Doctor made a rude noise with his mouth. "That was helpful."

"I will go and check," Jack told her, standing up again. He left the room leaving the two of them alone for a minute. While he was gone, Martha didn't try to question or examine the Doctor. She didn't know how he would react and didn't want to be alone with him if she accidentally set him off. Jack thankfully returned quickly with a small blood reader in his hand. It looked similar to one that a diabetic would use to test their blood sugar. Martha took it and looked at Jack questioningly. 

"It will measure his energy. The TARDIS said that you just need to prick his finger and place a drop of blood on the slide and it will tell you his energy level," Jack informed her. 

"It looks like a blood sugar reader," Martha commented.

"That is what he developed it from according to the TARDIS," Jack told her as he had thought the same thing. Martha went to the cupboard and grabbed a clean needle to prick the Doctor's finger with. Seeing the needle, the Doctor curled his hand tightly into a fist. Proving again how weak he had become, Jack pried the Doctor's fist open, holding his finger for Martha to prick. He growled at them as Martha squeezed a tiny drop of blood onto the slide before Jack released his hand. 

"See that wasn't so bad," Martha cooed. 

"Fuck you," The Doctor hissed. 

"Oi, watch your language," Jack snapped at him. The Doctor opened his mouth, taking a deep breath. 

"Your energy has fallen to %75. We need to get potassium into you and see if we can get those levels up," Martha announced loudly as the Doctor swore colorfully at Jack. She doubt either of them heard her as the Doctor had a smug grin on his face while Jack's eyes were wide in amazement at the things he just heard come out of the Doctor's mouth. Martha tried to ignore it as she got the Doctor's attention. "Do you think you could eat a banana?"

"I'm not hungry," The Doctor replied automatically. 

"Of course you're not," Martha sighed. "I am still going to have them bring you lunch here in a little while and once Jack recovers from his shock, I am sure if you ask nicely he will help you eat it. Isn't that right, Jack?" 

"Jack?" She tried again when he failed to reply.

"Yeah," He answered after a moment as he shook his head trying to clear it.

"I will also make sure they bring a plate for you when they bring his lunch," Martha told him. Jack nodded, not taking his eyes off the Doctor as he did. The smug look still hadn't faded from his face as he watched Jack, irritating him even more. He took a deep calming breath as he heard the door to the Doctor's room open, then close again, leaving him alone once more with the Doctor.


	7. Chapter 7

With the two of them alone in the room once more, the Doctor quickly became bored with antagonizing Jack. His head was hurting him worse and he closed his eyes just trying to will his headache away. When he had landed the TARDIS previously he was craving the drug and now he was desperate for it. His body needed the drug more than it needed anything else in this universe. He badly wanted to give in, but the restraints didn't allow him to move. He hated Martha and Jack for keeping him trapped on this bed while it would be a short jump to satisfy his craving. Didn't they realize what he went through to get the last dose? With that thought, he felt his bottom throb as a shudder went from his head to his toes. He didn't want to think about that. The fact that man had used his body in such a way, even after he had told him no. At least he thought he told him no, in actuality he wasn't sure. He opened his eyes as he felt the blanket being adjusted for him. Jack smiled upon seeing his eyes were open and he rolled his own before closing them again. He wasn't concerned with what Jack was doing unless Jack planned on releasing the restraints and letting him go. Then and only then would he thank Jack for helping him. 

It was just over a half an hour later that the nurse brought in their lunches. Jack didn't realize how hungry he was until he saw the plate of chicken, rice and vegetables. The Doctor had the same meal only he also had two bananas for the extra potassium. It didn't matter what kind of food it was, though, as the Doctor chose not to eat. He kept his eyes closed tightly as he pretended to be asleep. Jack ate his own meal as he tried to coax the Doctor into at least eating a banana. For his effort and concern, the Doctor pretended to snore loudly trying to prove to Jack he really was asleep. He was awarded for his performance by receiving an injection of potassium into his shoulder while he grumbled under his breath at Martha. 

As night fell, Martha made the decision she was going to stay at the hospital overnight and sleep on the cot in the room next to her office. She left strict instructions that absolutely no medication could be given to the Doctor without her direct permission. Not only was he a recovering drug addict but he was also a Time Lord with a unique body chemistry and some of their most commonly used drugs would kill him in a matter of minutes. She wasn't going to save the Doctor just to have him die because someone gave him an aspirin to help with his headache. 

"I'm going to bed soon. Do you need anything before I go Doctor?" Martha asked him as she checked over his vitals. He snored softly in response. Martha sighed. She changed his IVs over, adding the antibiotic to the saline one. Once that was done she retrieved the topical anesthetic. Going back to his bed she moved the blanket back before taking a seat next to him. "If you decide you are hungry you still have two bananas you can eat and you can have as much tea as you want. Now I am going to release your leg and apply more medicine for you before going to bed. You shouldn't need it again until morning but if that changes let one of the nurses know."

"Fine," The Doctor groaned finally as he realized she was going to keep talking regardless of whether or not he acknowledged her. At the moment, he didn't care as he just wanted to sleep but his pounding head and aching body were making it hard. That and the fact that he was stuck on his back, unable to roll to his side to get comfortable. Martha released his leg and Jack held it as he was rolled partially on his side. He tried not to squirm as he was examined, but he really didn't like her touching him there. Regardless of the fact that he knew it was necessary. 

"Stay still," Martha told him as she checked his stitches. 

"I can't," He whined. 

"I'm almost done, I promise," Martha cooed. She applied the topical cream for him, then checked the cuts on the back of his legs. The skin was still inflamed and if it didn't clear up soon, she was going to give him a shot of antibiotics as well. For now, though, she had Jack help her lock his leg back down. She fixed his blanket and adjusted his pillows. Satisfied that she had made him as comfortable as possible, she left to see about getting sleep as well. 

"Jack," The Doctor whispered once they were alone. 

"Yes, Doctor?" Jack questioned. 

"If you're not going to let me go. Can I at least have an aspirin?" The Doctor wondered softly. 

"No, you don't get to ask me that. I am not going to assist you in killing yourself no matter how mean you think we are being. Once you are better, you can go out and get yourself killed fighting Daleks or Cybermen or one of the other thousands of species out there. You can die if that is what you truly want, but that will not happen today, not like this. Do you understand me? I am not going to let the last of the Time Lord's die due to a drug addiction," Jack seethed. The Doctor opened his eyes as he analyzed Jack.

"Can I have something to help my head then?" He whimpered softly. 

"Why didn't you ask Martha while she was here?" Jack asked him as he stood up.

"She won't give me medication for it," The Doctor pouted. Jack knew he was right so rather than go and bug Martha, he instead got a clean cloth. He wet it in cool water before bringing it back to the Doctor and laying it on his head. He remained standing as he turned the lights down as far as possible so that he no longer had them blazing down on him. Jack then returned to his side sitting down on the edge of the bed. As gently as he could, he ran his fingers through the Doctor's hair. 

"It might help your head if you were to eat something," Jack suggested. 

"No," The Doctor responded his voice still low. He leaned slightly into Jack's touch just enjoying being comforted for a moment. He was still mad at Jack for helping Martha hold him hostage. Despite that, he took comfort in the fact that Jack was there. Jack had showed him during that long year aboard the Valiant that he would protect him no matter what. That even though he had every right to hate him, the need to comfort him always overruled that thought. The Doctor couldn't help but wonder why as he focused on the soft caresses and not the pain in his body or head. "Jack, I'm sorry I asked for aspirin."

"I know. Now don't worry about it anymore and try to go to sleep," Jack cooed at him softly. He dropped a kiss onto the top of the Doctor's forehead. The Doctor made a face at him, but he couldn't brush it off. Jack kept up the gentle movement until the Doctor's breathing evened out and he drifted off to sleep. Once Jack was sure that he really was asleep and not just pretending still, he took the cloth and refreshed it for the Doctor. With the lights off he wasn't able to read, so he settled back to rest as he waited for the next time the Doctor needed him.


	8. Chapter 8

The Doctor opened his eyes slowly. His head was pounding as he laid in the red grass. Above him, the twin suns shone down making the trees in the distance blaze as if they were on fire. It was still early morning and a cool breeze swept over him. He rubbed his eyes, looking expectantly towards a home that was no longer there. Any minute now, his mother would open the door calling him in for breakfast. He could almost smell the freshly cooked bread and taste the bitter coffee that grew on Gallifrey. He stood up stumbling his way towards the house eager to see her once more. It didn't matter how long he walked or how far he ran, the house remained in the distance just out of his reach. 

He collapsed to his knees, tears streaming freely down his face as his memories came crashing back. This small garden was all that he had left of the planet he had grown up on. The home that he longed to walk to was gone along with the rest of what he loved and hated about that planet. His mother was waiting for him somewhere, but he would never see her again at least not in this life. He had never believed in an afterlife when he was younger. If he was honest with himself he still didn't. Still he had to hope that one day he would be able to hold her and his children once more. To apologize and beg their forgiveness for what he had to do to save the universe. 

Pulling himself to his feet he walked slowly towards the kitchen. The TARDIS hummed at him angrily. It had been awhile since the last time that she talked to him and that he could feel her in his head. He missed her but knew that she was angry at him for some reason. He just needed to give her time and she would come around. Getting to the kitchen, he picked up the small bag next to the sugar. The bag was almost empty, though, he didn't remember opening it. Pulling the drawer underneath open, he found several more empty bags. Desperate he dug through them finally finding one that had the powder in it. He pulled it out, sliding it into his trouser pocket in order to keep it safe. He was going to have to venture off the TARDIS soon to retrieve more, but not quite yet. 

Picking up the almost empty bag, he poured it into a glass and then added water. He stirred it allowing the powder to dissolve before drinking the bitter liquid. He wasn't sure when he had stopped mixing it with tea, he just didn't care enough to make the tea anymore. If he was honest with himself he didn't care about much anymore. He couldn't remember the last time he showered, shaved or cared about his appearence. His clothes were filthy, and his shirt tattered, yet he continued to wear them. His belt had reached its final hole, but it still wasn't enough to keep his trousers up. He tried for a moment to remember the last time he ate. Not that he was hungry. The drug was all that he needed to sustain himself. He refused to believe he was addicted to the drug, though. He could stop taking it anytime he wanted to. 

The drug was beginning to cloud his mind again. Telling him that everything was alright. In the distance, he could hear his mother calling to him. Breakfast was ready. 

-DW-

The Doctor woke up with a start. Terror filled him as he looked around the dark room, not knowing where he was. He pulled on his arms and legs finding them restrained to the bed that he was laying on. He tried not to cry out as he could hear someone else breathing nearby. His body was hurting him including his arse and he remembered someone holding him down as they took advantage of his weakened state. Had they then tied him up so they could use his body again as they pleased. He pulled on his arm harder, letting out a soft whimper as he did. 

"Doctor," Jack's voice spoke up from the darkness. 

"Jack, help me," The Doctor whimpered as he pulled harder. Footsteps echoed in the small room before the light flicked on. He squinted his eyes against the harsh light as the footsteps came closer to his bed. As his eyes adjusted he could see that he was in a hospital room. His memory still felt cloudy, but he remembered that it was Martha and Jack who had restrained him to this bed. They were bound and determined to see him detox from the drug even, though, he didn't want to. 

"What's the matter Doc?" Jack questioned as he loomed over him with a concerned look on his face. The Doctor glared at him, then turned to face the wall. Jack studied the ailing Doctor. He was extremely pale and his trembling was worse despite the blankets that covered his cool body. Both IV's were still in place and the monitors showed that his vitals were still off but holding steady. There was nothing to indicate what was wrong with him, so Jack concluded it had more than likely been a nightmare that caused him to cry out in fear. The Doctor was prone to them and going through withdraw would make them worse for awhile. 

"Since you are awake do you want a cup of tea?" Jack asked him as the Doctor's eyes remained open. 

"No."

"Then how about a nice banana milkshake," Jack offered. 

"No," the Doctor replied again, this time with a little bit of a snip to his voice.

"You should probably drink something. If you don't want a flavored drink how about a nice cool glass of water?" Jack suggested. The Doctor rolled his eyes up to look at Jack. 

"I don't want or need anything from you except for you to loosen the straps and let me the hell go," The Doctor seethed at him. Jack nodded his understanding. 

"A hot cup of tea it is," Jack responded ignoring the Doctor's anger. He left the Doctor alone for a moment to make the tea in the small kitchen across the hall. It was the first time that the Doctor had been alone since he had arrived the day before and Jack wasn't sure what he would do. He made the Doctor a strong cup of tea, placing a straw in it so the Doctor could drink it without having to sit up. He then made himself a cup of coffee before he returned to the room. The Doctor was still laying in the same exact position that Jack had left him, as he stared at the wall. Jack brought the tea around to the Doctor, offering it to him. 

"Thank you," The Doctor whispered as he latched on taking a drink. He no longer sounded angry, but once again he sounded defeated about his situation. He sipped the tea slowly as he stared at Jack.

"What is it?" Jack wondered softly as he lowered his coffee cup. The Doctor just continued to stare at him as his eyes rolled back and his body went tense. Jack leaned over the Doctor as he immediately released the Doctor's arms and legs from the bed. He hit the call button as the Doctor's body began to jerk and twist in a seizure. 

"How long?" Adam asked as he rushed in. 

"Tonic for less than a minute and the clonic stage is going on thirty seconds now," Jack responded as he timed it. 

"Get Martha," Adam ordered as he put the sides up on the bed to keep the Doctor from falling off. Jack didn't hesitate as he ran across the hall, pounding on the door to Martha's office.

"Martha," he called out as he continued to knock. She answered the door quickly, still trying to wake up from her interrupted sleep. 

"He's seizing," Jack explained as he rushed back to the Doctor's room. Martha went running after him. The Doctor was still writing on the bed as Adam stood watch. 

"We're going on two minutes now," Adam stated as Martha came. 

"It's time to stop this silliness," Martha informed the Doctor as she looked at the monitors. Almost as if he had heard her, his body stopped moving. Adam rolled him quickly but carefully into the recovery position. They didn't have to wait for him to start breathing again, as the Doctor took a short breath, followed by another. He then coughed, tea running down his face and onto the bed. He gasped for breathing coughing again as more tea came up. Adam held him on his side as he tried to breathe. 

"You're alright," Martha cooed as he gagged on a cry. He opened his eyes looking at Martha miserably as he trembled. Feeling helpless, Jack grabbed a towel handing it down to Martha. 

"Martha, please. I can't do it," The Doctor whimpered, his voice barely audible due to the harshness of it. Martha used the clean cloth to wipe his mouth for him as she laid one hand on his shoulder. 

"I know it is hard Doctor, but we aren't going to give up. Not yet. Do you understand me?" Martha informed him sternly. The Doctor answer wasn't audible as he sobbed. Jack sat down on the end of the bed, taking over holding the Doctor on his side for Adam. The Doctor didn't care who was holding him, though, as the trembling made it hard for him to hold himself up. Matha checked his vitals, making sure he was done getting sick before having Jack roll him back. He cried harder, fighting to remain on his side as he was forced onto his back. 

"Can't we just let him lay on his side awhile?" Jack asked on the Doctor's behalf. As he began to gag once more.

"We are restraining him not only for his safety but for the safety of the staff," Martha explained as she picked up the restraint. 

"He is too weak at the moment to get away. He doesn't even have the strength to fight me off," Jack told her as he felt the Doctor struggling to get away. Martha considered it for a moment. She could see the fear and pain in the Doctor's eyes as he fought against Jack holding him down to the bed. He was fighting hard, but Jack might as well be holding a doll for all the good the Doctor's fighting was doing. 

"Let him up," She sighed. Jack looked at her thankfully as he helped the Doctor onto his side again. The Doctor curled into himself sobbing harder. Jack leaned down, wrapping his arms around the trembling man, holding him tight. Almost instinctively the Doctor leaned closer to Jack's warm body as he curled up tighter. Jack rubbed his arm cooing softly at him. 

"You're alright. I know your tired and afraid, but you're safe. It's all right if you just want to sleep now. I will be here when you wake," He reassured the Doctor. The Doctor whimpered as his eyes drifted closed. He couldn't fight off sleep any longer, though, and soon was asleep safe in the warmth of Jack's arms. 

"I'm going to go get a cup of coffee and cleaned up and then I will be back to check on him," Martha informed Jack. Jack nodded. 

"I'll be here," he replied dropping a kiss on the Doctor's head. Leaning over the Doctor wasn't comfortable, though, so he laid down on the bed behind the Doctor pulling him close to him. He knew by doing so, he was crossing an unspoken line between the two of them. He just hoped the Doctor would forgive him for it.


	9. Chapter 9

The Doctor woke up feeling sick and miserable. He was confused for a moment about the fact that he was no longer restrained and laying on his back. Not that he wanted the restraints back. He hated the restraints and was thankful that he had been released from them, even if he wasn't sure why. He also wasn't sure why he was currently sharing his bed. He was still trembling with cold despite the warm body that was pressed against him from behind. He didn't have to open his eyes to know that it was Jack who had gotten into bed with him. Only Jack would be bold enough to climb into his bed without permission, especially in a hospital. The Doctor thought about complaining, but he really didn't want to give up the small amount of warmth and comfort that Jack's body was providing him. 

"Jack?" the Doctor questioned softly. He wasn't completely sure that Jack was awake. He had no qualms about waking him if he was sleeping as he had questions and wanted a cup of tea.

"Yes Doc," Jack answered him immediately. He felt Jack's body shift slightly and he groaned as Jack pressed briefly against his sore bottom.

"Why are you in my bed?" He wondered. He heard Jack sigh. Jack started to sit up and he grabbed on to his arm holding him in place. "I don't want you to leave, I just want to know why?"

"You don't remember?" Jack asked as he settled back down. The Doctor shook his head no. "You woke up feeling sick. We released you so you didn't choke and then when Martha went to restrain you again, you fought against her."

"So you are taking the place of the restraints," The Doctor told him snidely as he accepted Jack's answer. It didn't make complete sense to him, especially because he couldn't remember what happened. Still his head hurt and he felt too sick to argue it at the moment. He would push for more answers later, if he remembered. 

"If you would like. I can get out of the bed now if you don't want me here," Jack responded making his tone as condescending sounding as the Doctor's had been. The Doctor finally opened his eyes and turned his head slightly to look at Jack. The movement made him feel temporarily worse as a wave of dizziness washed over him. He gripped Jack's arm even tighter as he let his head fall back onto the pillow. 

"You can stay for now," he informed Jack as he closed his eyes again. Even though, he had just woken up, he found that he just wanted to go back to sleep. He didn't even want the tea anymore unless it was laced with the bitterness that the drug provided. He licked his lips as he could almost taste the bitterness on his tongue. He had always found the bitterness pleasant when it was mixed with sugar, though, he gagged the first time he just drank it with water. He soon got use to the taste and now he craved it. He wanted it more than he wanted to be out of the hospital room at the moment, even if leaving the hospital was the only was he was going to get his hands on more of the drugs. 

"Have you ever taken drugs Jack?" the Doctor wondered softly as he found that he couldn't go back to sleep. 

"It doesn't matter if I have," Jack answered him. 

"If you have taken them then you know what I am feeling. Why are you making me suffer, Jack? You can help me to feel better. All I need is just a small amount of the bag. Martha doesn't have to know that you gave it to me. I promise I won't tell her" the Doctor begged, taking Jack's reply as a yes. Even if Jack had told him no, he wasn't sure that he would believe him. Jack sighed.

"No," Jack replied automatically.

"Why not?" The Doctor questioned him. 

"Because even if I have taken drugs and detoxed in the past. Even if I do know how unpleasant what you are going through is it doesn't mean that I am going to help you get ahold of the drugs in order to feel better. Once you are clean again, you will be able to see how much the drugs were ruining your life," Jack explained. Jack saw the clear look of disgust on the Doctor's face and he was sure if the Doctor's eyes were open he would be being glared at. 

"You don't know what I went through to get that last bag," The Doctor hissed at him. 

"Actually I am pretty sure I do know and I am sorry that happened to you. I wish you would have came to us prior to that man using your body as payment for the drugs," Jack told him. Jack was surprised that the Doctor was able to get any paler as he listened to Jack's words. "Wishing isn't going to change what happened, though. What we need to do now is move forward from it. Martha is going to help your body get clean and back to a correct healthy while. In the meantime, we are going to help your mind heal as well and help you realize that you don't need the drugs."

"I do," The Doctor whined. 

"No, you really don't and once you believe that then you will be able to heal and get your life back," Jack told him. The Doctor risked opening his eyes again so that he could look at Jack. Once more a wave of dizziness swept over him, but he fought it so that he could glare at the man laying beside him. 

"Once I leave I am never going to come back to see you or Martha again," The Doctor informed him. He was trying to make Jack mad at him, but Jack just smiled at him sadly. 

"Then I would know you were back to normal," Jack responded. As much as he had hoped to see the Doctor again over the last two thousand years of his life, he knew the Doctor wasn't a social man and that he didn't look back. Once he left his companions, he moved on and found new ones while the companions tried to have a normal life again. Except what they once considered normal had been shattered due to the wonders of the universe they had been shown. How can you work in a mall at a retail job knowing that you helped save the lives of a small colony of trapped aliens on another planet by helping the Doctor transport them millions of miles before rebuilding their homes? You couldn't put that on a job application and if you did who would believe you. Jack had found his place by working for UNIT and helping to keep an eye out on past companions. Though, through the years he was beginning to wonder if he was the only one who kept watch over them. 

"Bugger off," The Doctor told him. Jack started to move again, but the Doctor continued to hold firmly onto his arm. 

"I can't leave if you don't let me go." Jack pulled harder on his arm and the Doctor let out a small whimper. He held on to Jack with all the strength that he had so as not to lose the tiny bit of warmth and comfort he had found. Jack gave in after a moment and cuddled closer to the ailing Time Lord. "Next time you tell me to bugger off, you better mean it."

"I will," The Doctor growled. Jack squeezed the bridge between his nose as he counted to ten. He would be happy when the Doctor was back to normal as these mood swings were really starting to make his head hurt.


	10. Chapter 10

Jack laid with the Doctor resting peacefully most of the night. At one point, the Doctor turned so that he was facing Jack, cuddling against his chest for warmth. Even though Jack tried his best to keep the Doctor calm and comfortable, the Doctor was grumpy whenever he woke up, but being that he still felt bad from the seizure he mainly just called Jack names. That changed in the early morning when he suddenly became violent. Though, he was too weak to do much harm, he swung at Jack unexpectedly as Jack still refused to get him the drugs that he wanted. By that time he had been without them for over twenty-four hours and he was really beginning to feel the symptoms of the withdraw. 

"Give me them," He screamed loudly at Jack as he swung to hit him again. His head was hurting so badly he was positive that it was killing him. He couldn't remember a time when he had ever felt so poorly or cold. He hated the human race more than anything else in the universe, even the Daleks. They had no right to keep him in this room and he couldn't figure out why he had saved the planet from being destroyed. He decided that the next time an alien race tried to destroy the planet he would let them. In fact once he was free from this bloody bed, he would call them down himself.

"No," Jack answered him as calmly as he could. The Doctor swung at him again. Jack was prepared for him this time and he caught the Doctor's fist in his hand. The Doctor reacted to be held by immediately leaning forward, clamping his jaws around Jack's arm. Jack cried out in pain, resisting the urge to slap him to get him to let go. He released the Doctor's hand as the Doctor removed his teeth. Jack was thankful that he hadn't broke skin, but the skin was already starting to bruise. Realizing that he could no longer lay with the Doctor, he carefully extracted himself from the bed.

"Jack. Please, Jack, don't restrain me again," The Doctor cried out as Jack took his arm, pulling it to the top of the bed. The Doctor fought him trying to pull his arm away, but Jack managed to get it in place. 

"I am sorry, but you haven't given us a choice Doc," Jack apologized as he struggled to close the restraint. The Doctor clawed at him with his other hand, making it as difficult as possible. 

"I didn't ask for this you bloody ape. Just give me my medicine back and leave me alone," The Doctor snapped angrily at him. Jack narrowed his eyes at him. 

"We both know that it isn't medicine, so don't even think of trying that with me," Jack informed him as he hit the call button next to the bed. To his surprise, it was Martha who rushed into the room rather than one of the nurses. She didn't even question the fact that Jack was restraining him again as she rushed over to help him. With two people, it was easier and they quickly had his arm in place as the Doctor screamed obscenities at them.

"Did he bite you?" Martha asked as they forced his other arm in place. Jack glanced down at the now black bruise on his arm. It was now lined with red scratch marks from where the Doctor had tried desperately to get him to release his arm. He shrugged. 

"It will be gone within a few hours," Jack remarked. Martha shook her head.

"You should still let me tend to it once we are done here," Martha commented.

"There is no point. He didn't break the skin and it barely even hurts anymore," Jack informed her with a quick glance up. Their eyes met for a brief moment before they turned back to the restraints. Martha didn't remark that it had been a bad idea to allow him to lay with the Doctor even if they both knew it and for that Jack was thankful. The Doctor continued to fight them, arching his back and kicking as they moved methodically around the bed replacing the restraints. As the last restraint, was hooked into place, the Doctor suddenly went limp on the bed. He laid on his back glaring up at the ceiling, refusing to look at either one of them as he continued to curse. 

"Stupid bloody apes. I should have let you all die," He mumbled to himself. 

"Yeah, well you didn't," Jack responded. The Doctor's eyes narrowed further. 

"Give it back to me. I need it," He screamed as he started to thrash again. His body contorted as he pulled against the restraints that held him in place. "I need it, I need it, I need it. I am going to die and you bloody idiots are going to let me. I need it. Oh, Rassilon I need it." 

"You're not going to die," Martha tried to reassure him. She didn't want to sedate him as that would be counterproductive to him learning how to cope without the drug. They could get the drug out of his body but without him learning how to handle the addiction to it, he could still relapse as soon as he was released. Martha wanted to avoid that as it would not only be hard on him, but she didn't want to go through this again. She hated the fact that she had to restrain the Doctor for his own safety. 

"How do you bloody know? You are nothing but a stupid human. You can't even save yourself how the hell do expect to save me when I don't need to be fucking saved," He hissed vilely at her. Martha expected the anger, but Jack still saw the hurt in her eyes at his words. 

"I can see that you want me to believe that, except we both know it's not true. You're intelligent enough to know that if the TARDIS hadn't brought you here you would still be laying on the kitchen floor. So rather than getting angry at me for trying to save you why don't you get angry at yourself for putting me in the position that I had to take away your rights in order to save your life," Martha snipped at him.

"Martha," Jack spoke up softly trying to get her attention. She turned storming out of the Doctor's room letting the door slam behind her. 

"Good ridden," The Doctor sighed. 

"Shut up," Jack snapped. The Doctor opened his mouth to speak again. Then to his credit he shut it once more, turning his head away from Jack to stare at the wall. Jack took a deep breath as he sat back down in the chair. He placed his head into his hands and wondered if he made the right choice coming down from Torchwood. He should have just stayed in Cardiff.


	11. Chapter 11

The second time that he tried to land on the planet the TARDIS fought him. She shook violently as she hummed loudly at him. He had to fight her to get her to land where he wanted her to then make sure that the brakes were all set to keep her from just taking off again. He had put off coming back as long as he could as he was well aware that the drugs weren't good for him. The problem was that as much as he didn't want to admit it, he was already addicted to them. He needed them just to be able to close his eyes at night without hearing the screams of the people that he lost. It didn't matter that he was losing time, he was finally able to get through the day without feeling guilt over his actions in the Time War. 

"I won't be long," he promised the TARDIS as he stepped off into the chilly morning air. He wrapped his long coat tightly around himself to try to keep the brisk wind off his cool body. The temperature should not have bugged him, but he didn't think about that as once more he started towards the restaurant on the edge of the city. All he could think about was that his head was hurting more than he ever thought possible and if he didn't get the drugs into his system soon it might actually split in half. He was just thankful that the day was overcast since he didn't think he would be able to deal with the bright sunlight at the moment. 

"What are you doing here?" Veronica asked him, visibly paling as he entered the cafe. "I swear that we gave you everything we had the last time you asked."

"I believe you. The problem is that you still tried to drug me. While the Shadow Proclamation and I have decided not to persecute you for attempting to take my life, we are still looking into the matter of the drug that you used. In order to save other unsuspecting individuals from being unknowingly subjected to the drug, we need to know the name of your supplier," The Doctor informed her as he leaned against the wall. He hoped that he just looked bored with her and that she couldn't see how much pain he actually was in. 

"I don't know," Veronica lied.

"Do you know what the penalty is for lying to a police inspector," The Doctor growled at her. He was slightly surprised that she was able to pale anymore than she already had as she shuddered from his tone. "Now tell me who gave you the drugs and I will leave."

"I can't tell you that. He will kill me," Veronica replied. 

"I might kill you if you don't," the Doctor told her casually as he stood up straight. Veronica took a step back as he took a step forward. He took another step as she backed up into the low wall that separated the entrance from the rest of the cafe. She let out a small squeak of terror as he drew nearer. He didn't even think about it as he raised his hands putting them to her temples. She wasn't the least bit telepathic, so she had no walls to protect her fragile mind from him as he forced his way in looking for the information he wanted. He found the name of her drug dealer as well as his location easily. He released her mind, feeling no remorse as she crumpled to the ground in front of him. 

"Next time just answer my questions," He spat. Turning around he headed out of the restaurant. 

-DW-

The Doctor was screaming again. His voice was hoarse he still screamed as he fought against the restraints that held him in place. Jack tried his best to calm him down, being called every name the Doctor could think of, for his efforts. Jack knew it was futile to continue trying to calm him down. That didn't stop him, though, as he spoke softly to the Doctor hoping to give him something else to concentrate on rather than the pain he was feeling from the withdraw. He wasn't even sure the Doctor was listening to him as he talked to him about the work they were doing in Cardiff. 

"The rift has been usually quiet these past few weeks. We don't know if it is just the calm before the storm, but everyone is taking a much-needed break," Jack informed the Doctor. 

"I don't care," the Doctor spat as he pulled harder on the restraints. "Just let me the fuck go."

"Gwen especially is glad the rift has slowed down as she just found out she is pregnant," Jack continued as he ignored the Doctor's outburst. "Rhys was weary about her coming to work while pregnant, but she isn't going to be allowed to go out into the field again until after the baby is born. She isn't happy about being on light duty even if she understands the reason behind it." He looked up as there was a soft knock on the door. No one ever knocked on the Doctor's door as the nurses as well as Martha came and went from the room as necessary. The door opened as the Brigadier came into the room. 

"Hello old chap," the Brigadier said cheerfully even if his eyes were sad as he looked at the Doctor. Martha had debriefed him on the Doctor's condition prior to his coming to the hospital. Just like with Sarah Jane she had advised him to stay away. He couldn't, though, as he had to see for himself the mess the Doctor had gotten himself into.

"Alistair," The Doctor replied in relief. "Thank goodness you are here. You have to order Martha to let me go. She has no right to keep me here against my will."

"I'm afraid I can't do that," the Brigadier responded as he took in the Doctor's appearance. Knowing that the Doctor was dying due to his drug use was completely different than actually seeing it. The Doctor's lithe body was skeletal and the Brigadier tried not to count the number of ribs he could see poking out of the Doctor's chest. 

"Why the hell not? You are her boss are you not?" The Doctor questioned. 

"I am," the Brigadier replied.

"Then tell her to let me go," The Doctor snipped. 

"I may be Martha's boss, but here in the hospital she has the right to overrule any decision I make if it is medically in the best interest of her patient. In your case, I agree with her that you need to stay here until you are healthy enough to finish your recovery at her home," The Brigadier informed the Doctor. The Doctor narrowed his eyes at his old friend. 

"You're as bad as the rest of them. All the times that I saved your life and this is how you thank me. You can leave now," The Doctor spat at him. 

"Oi, be nice. Just because you aren't feeling well doesn't give you the right to be mean to the Brigadier or anyone else who is trying to help you. Now apologize," Jack chastised the Doctor. He knew the Doctor wasn't acting normal due to the drugs withdrawing from his system, but he was still getting tired of hearing the Doctor being cruel to everyone who tried to talk to him. 

"You apologize first for keeping me here against my will," the Doctor argued happy that Jack was finally willing to fight him. 

"I am sorry that we are trying to save your life since you are acting like an ungrateful bastard," Jack hissed at the Doctor. 

"Jack perhaps you should step out for a moment," the Brigadier suggested as the Doctor sneered at him. 

"Why should I be grateful that you are keeping me here in this room with you? How do I know that you are going to keep your hands to yourself and not try to take advantage of me the minute I let my guard down?" The Doctor questioned snidely. Jack jumped to his feet looking as if the Doctor just slapped him. The Brigadier was worried for a moment that he was going to have to try to restrain Jack but Jack didn't look at the Doctor as he rushed out of the room slamming the door behind him. The door frame rattled causing the clipboard on the back of it to fall to the ground. 

"Happy now. From what I understand you have successfully scared off everyone who is trying to help you," the Brigadier told the Doctor. The Doctor glanced at him. 

"Not everyone," He replied. The Brigadier shrugged turning to leave the room. As he closed the door behind him he could hear the Doctor screaming hoarsely again as once more he fought against the restraints. The Brigadier felt bad for his old friend even if the Doctor had brought the pain on himself by his drug use. Still, the Doctor could throw his fit if he wanted to. That didn't mean they had to listen to it.


	12. Chapter 12

As the Brigadier left the Doctor's room he found that Jack hadn't gone far. Despite his anger about how the Doctor was treating everyone, he wasn't going to abandon the Time Lord in his time of need. Instead, he was sitting on the floor leaning against the wall just across from the Doctor's room. The Brigadier crossed the hallway sliding down the wall to sit next to Jack without asking whether or not Jack wanted his company first. Jack stared straight ahead not speaking as he continued to stare at the Doctor's door. They could both still hear his faint attempts to scream his anger at being held through his soar throat. 

"I have known the Doctor a long time now. This isn't the first time that we have argued nor am I foolish enough to believe it will be the last. He will push us away, but we will always be there when he needs us. I know you don't want to leave his side, but perhaps it would be for the best to leave him here while he recovers. You can return to Torchwood and I will make sure that doctor Jones keeps you updated on his condition. If you would like I could even order that he have no visitors until he is well," the Brigadier informed Jack. Jack finally looked away from the door as he turned to Alistair. The Brigadier was giving him a way out. A way to leave without the Doctor knowing that Jack couldn't handle him. As tempted as Jack was to take him up on the offer, he couldn't do it. The Doctor needed him to stay by his side and be strong enough to carry him until he could hold himself up again. 

"I don't want to leave his side," Jack answered him, leaning his head back against the wall. "He needs us more than he ever has in the past and I am not going to be the one to abandon him. I just needed a moment to myself."

:"I understand. Take as many moments as you need. I am afraid that I cannot offer you housing here on the base, but you are welcome to stay here in the hospital wing with him until he is ready to move to Martha's flat," The Brigadier explained. 

"Do you know how long that will be?" Jack questioned. The Brigadier shook his head no. 

"It all depends on the Doctor," Martha responded coming into the middle of their conversation. She handed Jack a cup of coffee as she sat down next to him. He took it gratefully taking a sip as Martha continued. "Not only does he have to withdraw from the drugs he also has to heal from the injuries that he received. I will release him while he is not fully healed as long as he is showing progress and eating again without having to receive nutrients from the IV. Then after he is released we will have to watch him closely to make sure that he doesn't try to relapse while he is still in the recovery phase. Drug rehabilitation programs can take up to ninety days and depending on the individual there can be a lifetime of help and meetings to aid in their ability to continue to avoid relapse."

"I don't think the Doctor will relapse," Jack told her optimistically.

"I didn't think he would ever take drugs in the first place," Martha replied. They all looked at the door again as the screaming suddenly stopped. Jack started to stand up to go check on the Time Lord, but Martha put a hand on his leg to stop him. 

"I will check on him. You sit here and finish your coffee," Martha stood up going into the Doctor's room closing the door tightly behind her. He lay with tears streaming down his cheeks and his eyes closed tightly. If his hands were free he would be holding his head as it was pounding from the drugs leaving his system. He wished that Martha would just sedate him as he felt that she was punishing him by making him stay awake and suffer. He wasn't human he could learn to cope without the drugs without having to go through withdraw to be clean. Martha, of course, would refuse to listen to him, though, as he had lost his right to offer opinions about his medical care. Maybe one day Martha would trust him again, but the Doctor doubted that it would ever be the same between the two of them.

"Please, Martha it hurts," He whimpered. 

"What hurts?" Martha wondered as she approached his bed. 

"My head," He moaned as it sounded as she was screaming at him even if her voice was soft. 

"Would you like an ice pack?" Martha offered. The Doctor opened his eyes just enough to give her a look of disgust before closing them again. "You can have a hot cup of tea, an ice pack or you can lay here and suffer, the choice is yours."

"I'll suffer," the Doctor snipped at her even if all the anger in his voice was gone. He was just more tired, sore and nauseous then he could ever remember being in the past and didn't have the TARDIS to help soothe him into a deep relaxing sleep while he healed. He put up with her giving him a quick examination trying not to get grumpy with her before she finally left the room. He wasn't even alone a minute when the door opened again as Jack returned. 

"Please lay with me," The Doctor begged Jack as he shivered alone in his bed. Jack came over to the bed sitting down in the chair across from it as he didn't listen to the Time Lord's request. 

"What about the fact that you are worried I am going to take advantage of you as soon as you let your guard down?" Jack asked him. 

"I shouldn't have said that," he replied softly. 

"No, you shouldn't have," Jack snapped at him not caring if he had a headache or not. The Doctor winced at the loudness of Jack's voice and Jack sighed. Moving the chair closer to the bed, he laid one arm on the bed resting his head down on it as he placed his other hand on the Doctor's head. His body ran hotter than a normal human's due to the Autron energy and he hoped it felt soothing to the ailing Doctor. Jack got his answer a few minutes later as the Doctor sighed, trying to push his head further into Jack's hand. Jack chuckled leaning forward to kiss the Time Lord on the cheek before nuzzling him with his head. 

"Lay with me," The Doctor asked again sounding sleepy this time. 

"I'm not going to release your restraints," Jack informed the Doctor as he hesitated about joining him on the bed.

"Alright," The Doctor agreed. Jack stood up removing his hand from the Doctor's head as he kicked off his shoes. He laid down next to the Doctor, stretching out next to him as close as he could get. He held him the best he could with the Doctor's arms and legs still restrained to the bed. He was gentle as he laid his head down on the Doctor's chest listening to his heartbeats. The Doctor wiggled trying to get closer as he silently wished he could move more into the warmth Jack provided. Jack reached up laying his hand back on the Doctor's head.

"Sleep sweetheart. I've got you," Jack whispered. Showing how bad he was feeling the Doctor didn't complain about being called sweetheart as he drifted off into an uneasy sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Jack surprised himself by falling asleep. When he awoke the Doctor was still sleeping uneasily. He carefully got off of the bed not wanting to be the center of the Doctor's anger when he finally did wake. Even if the Doctor wanted him to lay down to sleep with him there was no telling if he would still feel that way when he woke up or if he would scream that Jack was trying to take advantage of him again. His mood swings left Jack angry and he didn't like this new Time Lord that had replaced his friend. He just hoped that the Doctor he knew and loved was somewhere in there still. He tenderly fixed the blankets that were covering the Doctor before settling down into his chair. Leaning forward, he rested his arm on the bed and put his hand once more on the Doctor's head. The Doctor groaned turning his head more into Jack's hand as he continued to sleep. 

"Rest sweetheart, I'm still here," Jack cooed softly. The Doctor opened his eyes a crack to look at Jack. They were bloodshot and he looked miserable despite sleeping for several hours. He closed them again without comment as he tried to roll onto his sides. The restraints stopped him causing him to groan. He opened his eyes again. 

"Can I have a cup of tea?" He questioned. 

"Of course," Jack responded. He went into the side kitchen to put the kettle on. While he waited for the water to heat he made the Doctor a small bowl of oatmeal with bananas and chocolate chips in it, hoping to coax him into eating. He then made the Doctor a cup of tea with extra sugar in it. He took them back to the Doctor to find that he was struggling more against the restraints that held him in place. "You're going to hurt yourself if you keep that up. So why don't you lay back and relax."

"I'm in pain and you don't fucking care. Was this your plan all along? Did you just want to torture me while claiming you are trying to help me?" The Doctor hissed at him.

"We are not torturing you and you know it. Just because you are uncomfortable doesn't mean that the entire universe is suddenly out to get you. You have to remember that if you hadn't taken the drugs in the first place you wouldn't be restrained to the bed," Jack informed him unhappy to have the cranky Doctor back.

"Then why are you trying to kill me?" The Doctor questioned. Jack rolled his eyes setting down the Doctor's meal on his bedside table. He flopped into his chair so that he was eye-level with the Doctor before speaking again. 

"We are not trying to kill you," Jack told him firmly. The Doctor's eyes narrowed. 

"Don't fucking lie to me. If you weren't trying to kill me then you wouldn't be holding me here. Do you want me to regenerate? Would that make you happy?" The Doctor practically yelled. 

"Don't be stupid," Jack replied wishing silently that he could have the sleepy Time Lord back. He reached over to hit the call button alerting Martha he needed help. 

"I'm stupid now am I? If I am that stupid then maybe I should just regenerate right now," The Doctor seethed. Jack watched on as the Doctor's hand was covered in a golden mist. 

"Stop that," Jack snipped. Without thinking about it, he slapped the Doctor's hand. It had the desired effect as the golden light faded. The Doctor went quiet as he stared at him in shock. He opened, then closed his mouth before opening it again at a loss for words. Finally, he looked up at his hand examining it for a moment before he turned back to Jack. 

"You hit me," He stammered at last. The door to his room opened and Martha entered looking just as tired as Jack felt. "He hit me."

"He was trying to regenerate," Jack explained before Martha could ask why. 

"Because you are torturing me," The Doctor snapped back. 

"We are not torturing you," Jack argued. 

"Yes, you are," The Doctor retaliated. 

"Enough," Martha intervened at last. "I have other patients in this hospital that I need to attend to. I don't have time to stand here and listen to you two argue. Now, Doctor why do you think we are torturing you?"

"I'm hurting and you don't care," The Doctor seethed. 

"If I didn't care I wouldn't be here. Now is it still your head that is bothering you?" Martha questioned. The Doctor nodded, wincing slightly at the movement. Martha shook her head. "Besides painkillers is there anything we can do to help your head?"

"What about the warmth of my hand?" Jack questioned. 

"That did help a little," The Doctor relented. 

"Then I suggest you eat your breakfast and then if you are nice to Jack he might help you to rest again," Martha informed him pulling on a pair of gloves as she did. "While I am in here though I am going to check your stitches and apply the topical again."

"Can you unhook my arm so I can roll on my side?" The Doctor questioned. Martha looked to Jack before answering him. Jack nodded. "I will unrestrain your right side, but only while I examine you." She removed the restraint from both his ankle and his wrist allowing Jack to guide him up onto his side. He was healing well but the skin was still tender and he gripped Jack's arm tightly as she checked his stitches. She applied the soothing cream for him, then moved on to check his legs. The redness was beginning to fade as he body healed the infections thanks to the antibiotics he was receiving. Martha managed to finish her exam without being swore at once. The Doctor didn't even fight her as she restrained him again to the bed, instead choosing to stare up at her with sad eyes. 

"It is only for a short time more," Martha reassured him. 

"How long?" The Doctor questioned. 

"That all depends on you," Martha responded. "Now do you need anything else before I go to tend to my other patients?" 

"No," He sighed. Martha left and Jack picked up the Doctor's tea offering him a drink. The Doctor drained half the cup before releasing the straw. He glared at Jack as he was next offered a spoonful of the oatmeal. Reluctantly he took a bite. It was the first solid food he had eaten in awhile and it tasted strange. He didn't like the texture and gagged as he tried to swallow it. He tried again managing to get the bite of food down. 

"Do you want to try something else?" Jack wondered taking a bite of the oatmeal for himself. It tasted just fine. 

"Not right now," The Doctor moaned the food sitting heavy in his stomach. He closed his eyes willing himself not to be sick over a single spoonful of food. It didn't work. He coughed as his body rejected both the tea and the oatmeal making a mess on the bed. He didn't care as he slumped against it. His throat burned and his head was hurting worse again. He couldn't even bring himself to complain when a nurse came in to change his sheets and give him a sponge bath. He just laid there with his eyes closed feeling sorry for himself until once more he was left alone with Jack. 

"It'll be alright," Jack whispered laying his hand upon his head. The Doctor didn't open his eyes or respond. He wanted to cry, to scream about the pain he had caused himself. Except he couldn't. He just laid there feeling numb and wondering if he even deserved the care he was receiving. He was the last of the Time Lords but he didn't deserve to be called the Doctor. He was nothing more than a nameless.


	14. Chapter 14

When he was a child, he remembered his father threatening him that he would become a nameless if he didn't get his act together. Crying at night inside the barn was disgraceful and he would never be accepted into the Time Lord academy if he didn't learn to control his emotions. By not going to the academy or worse failing to graduate from it, he would become one of the nameless in their society. Being a nameless was one of the worst possible fates for a Time Lord on Gallifrey. They were considered the lowest of society, even lower than the Gallifreyans. They did the jobs that no one else wanted and were not allowed to marry or have children. When a course or test was failed at the academy they were threatened that they were going to become a nameless if they didn't shape up. The nameless, though, were mainly spoken of like a boogeyman and many in the Academy came to disregard them as such. 

Even he did until he lived among them. It was after he disgraced his family by leaving his wife and refusing to work at the Academy. While other's envied him for the chance, he wanted nothing more than to run. All his life, he had looked up at the stars dreaming of traveling among them. He had lost his chance, though, when he failed the test to drive the TARDIS. That didn't stop him from looking up at the stars every night and dreaming of his chance to see a new planet. Then the first chance he got, he took his granddaughter and ran. He ran so fast for so long that he feared what would happen upon his return. They punished him, grounded his TARDIS and forced him to regenerate, yet still he tried to save them. 

He felt a tear slip down his cheek as he wanted more than anything to return to that old barn. To crawl into the simple bed and hide beneath the wool blanket that covered the bed. His mother would disobey his father, coming out to the barn with a cup of tea as well as a hot bowl of soup. She would sit by his side making sure that he ate the entire thing, not saying anything, just gently stroking the hair on his head listening to him talk. He would tell her everything begging for her forgiveness in his part in ending the war. She would stay by his side until he was healthy again defending him against those who tried to judge him, even if she didn't understand his actions herself. 

He didn't open his eyes, pushing his hand further into the warm hand resting on his forehead. He felt as if his head were going to split in two and he just wanted the pain to stop. The craving for the drug was stronger than ever but at this point, he would accept anything that would calm the ache. The pain grew making him wish that his hands were free so that he could hold his head together. He was unable to stop the whimper that escaped his lips. Once the first whimper was free another one quickly followed. 

"Jack," He finally cried out. "Make it stop." 

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Jack questioned as the Doctor writhed on the bed between the restraints. 

"My head," He managed to whisper. Whether or not he planned on saying more was unclear as his body tensed. Jack quickly released the restraints hitting the call button to call the others back into the room. The tonic phase didn't last long before one again he was seizing. The seizure was violent as his body twisted around on the bed. The IV pulled loose causing a small spattering of blood to smear on the bed. 

"Not again," Martha exclaimed as she hurried in. She had hurried even if she had actually found herself hoping that they were arguing again. The last thing she expected was to find the Doctor in the midst of another seizure. Jack was trying desperately to keep the Doctor on the bed without hurting him as he moved. Martha rushed over putting one of the sides up, then going around to the other side she pulled the other one up just in case. "How long?"

"Going on just past a minute and a half," Jack answered immediately looking at his watch. "He was complaining about his head again. Do you think something is wrong?"

"I don't know. After he stops we will see about running both an MRI and a CT scan to see if there is anything that could be causing the seizures besides the withdraw," Martha answered. She looked down at the Doctor as he continued to move on the bed. "Now come on Doctor this has gone on long enough." 

The Doctor didn't respond as he continued to seize. Adam rushed in and upon seeing the Doctor was in the midst of a seizure ran out again. He returned a moment later with a small cart. Martha grabbed one of the vials as well as syringe filling it. The Doctor's lips were beginning to get a blue tinge on them from lack of oxygen and she was worried that if she didn't intervene soon they would lose him. Finding a vein she injected it into the Doctor's arm. He twitched several more times then went still. Adam quickly rolled him up into the recovery position while Martha grabbed the stethoscope placing it against his chest. Both his hearts were beating but the right one sounded erratic compared to the left. 

"Breathe Doctor," Jack begged. The Doctor's eyes remained closed as he failed to draw the breath his body desperately needed. 

"Come on Doctor, you can do it," Martha encouraged. The Doctor continued to lay there without responding. "We're going to have to intubate him."

"Jack you need to stand back," Adam informed him rolling the Doctor onto his back again. Jack took a step back, watching on helplessly as Adam tilted the Doctor's head back. Martha inserted the metal Laryngoscope down his throat opening his airway to insert the tube. With skilled hands. she made sure it was in place, then used an ambu-bag to give him several breaths of oxygen. 

"Enough of this Doctor. You need to breathe on your own," Martha scolded him softly. She waited a moment before giving him another few breaths of oxygens. When the Doctor failed to breathe on his own again, Martha sighed. She hooked the tube up to the ventilator allowing it to take over his breathing for awhile. "That's alright we will try again later."

"We are supposed to be helping him," Jack whispered. He felt helpless as he watched them working to save the Doctor. Martha didn't answer as she replaced the IV in his arm. She checked his hearts before having Adam roll the Doctor on his side again so that she could check his stitches. She was happy to find that he hadn't pulled any of them. She replaced his cushion then guided him back down. Tucking the blankets around him, she didn't bother to replace the restraints yet. She didn't want him to wake up confused and restrained to the bed. They could wait until he showed that he needed them again before restraining him. Checking him over once more, she was satisfied that he was stable for the moment. Hurrying out, she started to head out to reserve the MRI machine but instead turned towards the TARDIS. Hoping that she could provide answers she stepped inside.


	15. Chapter 15

"He is having seizures," Martha informed the TARDIS as she walked on board. At one time she would have felt silly talking out loud to the ship expecting her to answer. It had taken her a long time to come to terms with the fact that the ship was sentient. "He has had two in the last few days, the second one just about a half an hour ago. It was severe enough that he has decided to stop breathing on his own. He is currently intubated but I am hoping to wing him off of it by the end of the day. I am planning on taking him down to have an MRI later in the day to make sure that the seizures are only from him withdrawing but I need to know if there is anything else I can do to help him."

Going over to the monitor Martha input all the information that she had received from her examination as well as the little bit of data that she had from his test results on his blood and urine work. The drug had wreaked havoc on his body throwing all of his results off. The TARDIS hummed softly as she analyzed the information then a drawer below the monitor opened with three vials inside of it. All of them were labeled in Gallifreyan but had dosing instructions in English. Looking back at the monitor, Martha saw that the first one was a medication that would assist the Doctor's energy production while the second one would help his body with the withdrawal symptoms. It wouldn't take them away completely but make them a little easier for his body to handle. The last one, though, surprised her. She read the information on it twice not sure why the TARDIS would provide a medication that blocked the telepathic centers in the Doctor's brain. 

"Are you sure you want him to take this?" Martha questioned. The TARDIS hummed sadly at her as the information on the screen changed. The drug that the Doctor had been taking inhibited his ability to communicate with the TARDIS. While he thought that she had been ignoring him, she had in fact been desperately trying to reach him. Now that the drug was coming out of his system, his mind was reaching out to her again. Only he wasn't ready to connect and the last time she felt his mind it had caused the seizure. By giving him the drug to stop him from connecting to her, it would give him more time to recover. She couldn't guarantee that it would stop the seizures completely, though, as the one that he had prior wasn't due to trying to connect with her, nor was the one he had on the day that she finally brought him to UNIT.Gathering the medications, Martha took them with her off the TARDIS. On the way back to the Doctor's room she stopped by the receptionist desk and set up for him to receive an MRI as well as a CT scan later in the day. She then went into the Doctor's room, administering the medications that the TARDIS had prescribed while explaining their uses to Jack. Taking another blood and urine sample, she then left them alone in the room again. 

The Doctor remained reliant on the machine to breathe for him the rest of the day as he was run through several test. The MRI and CT scan both came back clear, letting Martha breathe a small sigh of relief. She wasn't sure if the seizures would become a life long problem due to his drug use, but at least, she didn't have to worry about having to try to operate on his head. Once he was back in his room, Martha gave him another head to toe examination looking for anything that she might have missed during the first couple. She found a small insignificant cut between his thumb and ring finger on his left hand. Other than that he was the same as before the seizure. It was almost ten at night before she finally decided to wing him off the machine first thing in the morning. 

"Okay, Doctor enough being lazy. It's time to breathe on your own again," Martha commented the next morning as she stood by the machine. She turned the machine off waiting for the Doctor to realize that he was going to have to breathe again on his own. She didn't have to wait long as he took a small breath followed by another. He quickly fell into a steady breathing pattern that was a little shallower than normal. Not wanting to disrupt his breathing, Martha left the tube in place, putting an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose to assist with his breathing. She planned on removing the tube in about an hour as long as he planned on breathing normally. The Doctor had other plans, though.

"You're alright," Jack cooed reassuringly as not even a half an hour later a strangled gasp came from the Doctor's throat. His eyes were wide and terrified as he reached towards the tube that was down his throat. Jack grabbed his hands stopping him from pulling the tube out and injuring himself. "You stopped breathing and Martha had to intubate you. I know it is a scary thing to wake up with the tube still in your throat, but I can assure you, Doctor, you are safe." The Doctor stared up at him, his eyes pleading with Jack. "I will remove the tube but you need to keep your hands away from your throat. Can you do that?" Jack questioned the Doctor blinked at him. Taking that as a yes, he released the Doctor's hands. When the Doctor didn't immediately reach for his throat again, Jack removed the oxygen mask, then carefully eased the intubation tube out of the Doctor's throat. The Doctor gagged then coughed several times as the tube was finally removed. He glared at Jack as he put the oxygen mask back in place but he felt too weak to argue him. 

"Thank you," The Doctor croaked his throat dry. 

"You had us really worried Doc. I am sure that as soon as Martha gets back she is going to give you another examination," Jack informed him. He picked up the glass of water by the side of the bed. Moving the oxygen mask a little, he placed the straw to the Doctor's lips allowing him to take a drink. The Doctor drank a few sips before releasing the straw and turning his head away. Jack replaced the mask over his mouth anyways much to the Doctor's dismay.

"Don't call me Doc," He told him finally. 

"Sorry Doctor," Jack responded immediately. 

"Don't call me Doctor either," The Doctor replied. Jack raised an eyebrow at him. 

"What should I call you then?" Jack inquired slightly confused. 

"Nothing, I have no name."


	16. Chapter 16

"What do you mean you have no name?" Jack wondered. 

"I don't deserve a name," The Doctor answered. Jack breathed a sigh of relief leaning back in his chair. 

"Oh good you're just pouting then," Jack replied receiving a glare from the Time Lord. He had been worried for a moment that the seizures were affecting the Doctor's memories or worse. He didn't think he could handle any more surprises at the moment so the fact that the Doctor was just feeling sorry for himself was actually a relief. The Doctor didn't answer him as he rolled on his side to face away from Jack. The movement made him feel nauseous and he swallowed several times trying to will himself not to be sick. His stomach, though, burned with pain. He tried to curl up into himself as shudders wracked his body. 

"Jack, bucket," He barely managed to whimper before it was too late. Jack thankfully was still paying attention to him. He hurried around the bed with a bucket in his hand getting there just in time to move the oxygen mask and help him to lean over the bucket before the Doctor was sick. Being that he hadn't eaten anything since being sick the last time, he threw up stomach acid that burned his throat and mouth. He coughed, gagging on the vile liquid. Jack helped hold the bucket for him while he used his other hand to help the Doctor stay up on his side. He wanted desperately to collapse backward again, but Jack wasn't going to let him yet. Once he was finished getting sick, Jack handed him a cup of water. He took some in his mouth, swishing it around. He then spit the water out before taking another drink. It felt heavy going doing his throat to his stomach and he feared that he was going to be sick again. He groaned loudly burying his face in the pillow as his breath quickened. 

"Hey, don't do that," Jack told him softly as he worried that the Doctor was trying to suffocate himself. He moved the pillow causing the Time Lord to glare at him again. He stood up taking the bucket to the garbage, then returned to the Doctor's side. Picking up the oxygen mask again, he went to place it over the Doctor's mouth. The Doctor didn't fight him, but the look on his face made Jack feel as if he had slapped him. He checked that the oxygen was running cleanly before sitting down on the edge of the bed. The Doctor had once more curled into himself trying in vain to warm himself. Even though the room wasn't that cold, Jack pulled the blankets up for him tucking them around his shoulders. He then sat rubbing his arm as the Doctor shivered pitifully beneath the blankets. "Do you want me to lay with you?"

"No," The Doctor responded still feeling sorry for himself. He closed his eyes trying desperately to slip into the oblivion that sleep would bring him. He had just about achieved it when the door to his room opened. He didn't have to open his eyes to know that Martha had entered his room and he was about to get poked and prodded again. He felt a tear slip down his cheek. He desperately wanted to sleep and not be examined by Martha. 

"Did you take the intubation tube out?" Martha questioned seeing laying on the bedside table. Jack nodded. 

"He woke up about twenty minutes after you left. I removed the tube before he tried to himself. He was then sick," Jack informed her softly. Martha came over to the side of the bed, putting the stethoscope around her neck. Jack stood giving her room to examine the Doctor.

"Doctor?" She whispered trying to see if he was awake. He didn't answer her but rubbed his face against the pillow unhappily. 

"He won't answer you. He has informed me that his name is no longer the Doctor," Jack told her trying not to show his amusement. Martha shook her head. 

"What am I suppose to call him then?" Martha questioned in confusion. She wasn't sure why Jack found it amusing. She wasn't even sure she wanted to know why he refused to be called the Doctor anymore. .

"It doesn't matter," The Doctor sighed. He opened his eyes to look up at her. "It doesn't matter what I want. You are going to ignore me anyways so just bloody examine me and get it over with so that I can sleep." He didn't miss the fact that Martha and Jack exchanged looks. Jack carefully moved his blankets down taking away the little bit of heat that he had managed to collect. He groaned as the cold air hit his body, then whimpered when the cool metal of the stethoscope was placed against his chest. Martha was quick in her initial examination as her main concern was that he woke cleanly. Satisfied that he was fine for the moment, she then made sure that his heating pad was turned on and placed it against his stomach. Tucking the blankets around him, he snuggled into the warmth the best he could.

"Is that a little better?" Martha wondered. 

"Yes, thank you," he informed her happy for the warmth. Smacking his lips he closed his eyes ready to settle back down to sleep. 

"Good. Then there is one more thing we need to talk about before you go back to sleep," Martha told him softly. 

"Martha," he moaned unhappily. He forced his eyes open again to glare at her. 

"I know, I'm mean, but while you were sleeping I placed you on several new medications and as you already realized we removed the restraints. The restraints will stay gone unless you give me a reason to replace them," Martha warned him. She didn't tell him about the seizures yet. That was a conversation that could wait until he was able to stay awake long enough to have a proper discussion. Even now, she could tell that he was struggling to keep his eyes open after only being awake a little over an hour. Still, with the new medications he would start to feel better soon. Then she could look at getting him out of the hospital wing and to her flat where he would have more freedom to move around. 

"Fine," He sighed. He looked at Jack. Even if he didn't want Jack to lay with him, he had appreciated the gentle touch of Jack rubbing his arm. "Will you sit with me again?"

"Of course," Jack smiled. He sat down on the edge of the bed. Rather than stroking the Doctor's arm again, he reached up and ran his fingers along the hair on the side of the Doctor's head. The Doctor sighed in content, just happy for the contact as he finally managed to drift off to sleep once more.


	17. Chapter 17

The Doctor woke up curled beneath a weird smelling blanket. He groaned pulling the blanket down from over his face. He sat up quickly in the bed, the blanket falling to reveal his bare chest. He looked around the strange room, terror filling him as he realized he didn't know where he was. He threw back the blankets finding that he was naked beneath them. He looked around quickly for his suit and found it laying on a chair nearby. He stood up intending to head over to it. An unfamiliar pain ached in his backside and he paused trying desperately to remember how he came to be in the room. The last thing he remembered was being aboard the TARDIS. He had opened the drawer in the kitchen to find that he was low on his drug. He remembered making himself a cup of tea, lacing it with the familiar bitterness than nothing. 

Turning to look at the bedside table, he noticed two small bags of the white powder with blue crystals. His mind raced as he tried to figure out how he acquired them. Taking a deep breath, he ran his hand down to his bottom gagging when he found it was sticky and wet. He wiped his hand quickly on the bed not looking at it. He didn't want to think of the reason why. He was a Time Lord, he wouldn't do something like let someone use his body in exchange for drugs. He was better than that. Grabbing his clothes he dressed quickly, just wanting to get out of where ever the hell he was. He didn't think about it as he picked up the two small bags off of the bedside table then rushed out of the room. Once in the hall, he was surprised to find that he was in a small hotel. He hurried as quickly as he dared down the hallway past the front desk clerk. He didn't dare stop to ask if he had come to the hotel alone. He didn't want to hear the answer. He ignored the strange ache as he pulled out his sonic scanning for the TARDIS. Relief filled him that she was nearby and he took off running down the street. He ran and ran, not caring who was watching or who he bumped into desperate to get into the safety of her walls. He found her tucked inside a small alley at the end of the long street. He pulled out his key, barely breaking his stride as he placed it into the lock. 

"Why in the hell did you let me leave?" He yelled at her as he entered the console room. She hummed at him but didn't answer his question. He couldn't remember the last time she spoke to him. He threw his coat over the coral closest to the door before storming up the ramp. He threw the switch that locked the door to the TARDIS then smacked the console as hard as he could. "Answer me," he screamed. She blew cold air on him as he hit her again yet she still refused to talk to him. He kicked for good measure, but she continued to ignore him. Frustrated and in pain he retreated to the safety of his room. Once again he locked the door behind himself. Stripping his clothes off he left them on the floor of his room making his way to the shower. He turned on the water as hot as possible then stood beneath it. His skin was soon red from the water, but he didn't move. He just stared at the bottom of the tub wondering what his life had become. He couldn't remember the last time he traveled or set foot in a new city or cared about anything but getting ahold of more of the drug. The other Time Lords were right, he was a disgrace. Picking up the soap, he rubbed his red skin until it felt raw before he finally got out of the shower. 

He crossed the room going back to where he had abandoned his clothes on the ground. Kneeling down, he dug the two small bags out of the pocket of his jacket. The drugs removed the pain he had felt his entire adult life except now he was terrified of how far he was willing to go to feel that relief. He still refused to believe that he had sold his body for the drugs even if the evidence was clear. If he could do that what was to stop him from hurting or even killing someone to get ahold of even a single bag. He hadn't thought of the consequences when he first sought it out, but now it was becoming clear. He couldn't let it continue to ruin his life. Holding them in his hand, he walked back into the bathroom lifting the lid to the loo. He opened the bags holding them over the water. All he had to do was let go. The TARDIS would dispose of the drug and then he would be free of it. That was until the craving became so bad that he went in search of it again. He closed the bags bringing them with him out of the bathroom and setting them on his bedside table. He needed help if he was ever going to be free of the drug. He couldn't ask for it, though. His friends and companions would never understand if he went to them needing help because he had been taking drugs.

"I'm a Time Lord," He reminded himself out loud. He was above such things as addictions to drugs. He could stop taking it whenever he wanted to. He dressed slowly in a clean suit, putting a tie on for the first time in awhile. He took the time to style his hair in the messy way that he favored. Feeling more confident in himself he decided to have a cup of tea to soothe a headache that was beginning to form. Picking up the bags off the bedside table he placed them in his pocket before heading to the kitchen. 

-DW-

The Doctor did little more than sleep the next few days as his body recovered from the seizures that had wracked it. The new medications that he was on allowed him to slip into a deep sleep, but with them they also brought the return of his nightmares. For the most part, they had no idea what the nightmares were about, except for every once in awhile when the Doctor would scream a name or beg someone to listen to him. They tried not to wake him because even with the nightmares it was best to just let him sleep. Jack on more than one occasion, had to get into bed with him to soothe him as he screamed and writhed on the bed. Despite him feeling that he didn't deserve comfort, he never once complained when he opened his eyes to find himself curled in Jack's arms. Nor did he ask Jack to get out of the bed as he drifted off to sleep once more.

It was as he woke up on the fourth day that he found himself alone in the room. For a brief moment, he considered trying to run. Except he realized he didn't want to anymore. For the first time since he had been admitted to the hospital, he actually felt as if he could overcome the need to take the drug. The craving was still there, but it was no longer the overwhelming sensation that he had felt before. He looked up as the door to his room opened and Jack came in carrying two cups with him.

"I thought you might be waking up," Jack told him with a smile. The Doctor turned over to sit against the headboard making sure to sit on his cushion as he accepted one of the cups from Jack. He took a sip of the overly sweet tea holding it in his mouth as his friend took a seat beside him. Even if he never said it, he was grateful that Jack was there for him when he needed him the most. He knew he would hate Jack again when the drug craving became overwhelming once more, but for now, it was tolerable due to the medications Martha had given him. 

"Jack. When does it stop hurting?" He asked softly as he lowered his tea cup. 

"What do you mean?" Jack wondered. The Doctor motioned towards his bottom, too embarrassed to say the words. Jack closed his eyes briefly in understanding. "You are healing Doctor. Martha expects to be able to take out the stitches to come out in the next few days. If it hurts, though, I am sure she can put more of the topical on it to help soothe the pain."

"I don't know," The Doctor responded hesitantly. 

"You shouldn't have to suffer for something that was done to your body without your permission," Jack told him.

"I don't know if it was," The Doctor replied so softly that Jack barely heard him. 

"What do you mean?" Jack asked surprised that the Doctor was actually talking about what happened to him. 

"I can't remember what happened. I don't know if I gave him permission to," The Doctor whispered staring down at his teacup. Jack opened then closed his mouth at a loss for words. 

"Despite whether or not you gave him permission he had no right to hurt you the way he did," Jack told him after a moment. "Was that the first time you let someone use your body as payment?" The Doctor visibly flinched at the question then shook his head no. Taking a deep breath he swallowed, not sure if he wanted the answer to his next question. "How many times?" 

"At least one other time," The Doctor informed him as he remembered waking up in the hotel room. 

"At least?" Jack pushed for more information since the Doctor was actually talking. 

"I can't remember," The Doctor admitted a tear slipping from the corner of his eye followed by another. Jack sat down his coffee, then climbed up on the bed wrapping his arms around the Doctor. The Doctor leaned into his touch, resting his head against Jack's chest.

"I know you probably don't want to think about it, but we should make sure that Martha has tested your blood for any possible STI's that you may have picked up," Jack advised him.

"Do we have to tell her?" The Doctor wondered. It had been hard enough to admit what he did to Jack without having to explain it to Martha as well. 

"No, but if it is even remotely possible for you to contract an STI, then it is better that she does know. That way we can get you started on the proper medications if you need them," Jack told him. The Doctor nodded against his chest, his face once more flushed with embarrassment. Jack called for Martha as he continued to sit in bed with the Doctor holding him close. When Martha arrived the Doctor buried his face against Jack's chest refusing to look at her. "We need to know if you tested the Doctor's blood for any STIs," Jack inquired on the Doctor's behalf. 

"I did. The test that have come back so far have been negative. We are still waiting on one or two from the labs, though. We will test him again over the next six months to make sure that nothing develops during that time," Martha told him wondering what brought up the subject. The Doctor breathed a visible sigh of relief as Jack kissed him on the top of the head. The Doctor made a face but didn't yell at Jack for kissing him. Since Martha was in the room, she checked the Doctor's vitals before sitting down in the chair that Jack abandoned. They still had other things that they needed to discuss that she had put off for too long now. She no longer had an excuse to avoid the conversation, though. He was awake and seemed more aware of what was going on around him. Knowing it was a step in the right direction she cleared her throat to get his attention. He turned his head still leaving it resting against Jack's chest as he looked at her. 

"There are a few things I need to discuss with you. I am going to give you an option, though, of having Jack step out of the room while we talk," Martha told him. Jack was already aware of everything she was going to say, but she felt the Doctor had the right to have the conversation in private if he wanted to. 

"Jack can stay," He answered immediately not wanting to be alone as he had the feeling he wasn't going to like what Martha had to tell him. 

"Let's get started then."


	18. Chapter 18

"First of all, I want to discuss why you have been so tired the last few days," Martha told the Doctor seriously. 

"It is because of the medications you placed me on, isn't it?" The Doctor wondered. Martha tipped her head slightly. 

"That is part of it. You have been having seizures, Doctor. So far there have been three that we know of for sure, but it is possible that you have had more prior due to the drugs that you have been taking. The last seizure you had was severe enough that you stopped breathing and we had to intubate you," Martha explained to him. The Doctor furrowed his brow in concern but didn't say anything as he allowed her to continue. "I ran a CT scan, as well as an MRI on you and both of them, showed no damage that would be causing the seizures."

"So why did I seize?" The Doctor questioned her. 

"That is where the medication comes in. Apparently the drug you were taking inhibited the telepathic centers of your brain. Now that it is leaving your system you automatically tried to connect with the TARDIS again. By talking to her, I discovered that you aren't ready to connect with her yet and by doing so it caused you to seize. The medication I placed you on stops you from being able to communicate with her telepathically and you will need to remain on it until the drugs have completely cleared your system. That being said, it doesn't explain the earlier two seizures," Martha told him.

"So basically you don't know," The Doctor snapped at her crankily. 

"Be nice," Jack scolded him softly. The Doctor sighed. There was no way that either of them could have known that taking away his telepathic abilities was considered a punishment on Gallifrey. It was reserved for criminals who used their abilities to harm others. In fact, the only reason he even had the drug was he had taken from Koschei after having it used on him while on the Valiant. So, even if they had given him the medication in order to help him, he would have told them not to had he been given the option. 

"Fine," He growled. He forced a smile on his face. "Please continue," He told her through gritted teeth. 

"No, I am sorry to say that I don't know what is causing the seizures. We are going to keep an eye on you, but it is possible that you have another seizure, today, tomorrow or even next week. It is just as possible you that you could never have another during this regeneration. Unfortunately, there is no way to predict them." She wondered if there was a way to predict seizures better in the future, but the look on the Doctor's face told her that now was not the time to ask. "The second new medication you are on is designed to help with your withdrawal symptoms. With it and the antibiotics I have you on, you should be feeling a lot better here soon."

"Then can I go?" The Doctor asked her. Martha wasn't sure why as they both already knew her answer. 

"You are going to be in the hospital for at least another two weeks before I look into bringing you home to my flat," Martha told him sidestepping his question. "In order to get out of here, though, you need to start eating and gaining weight. You were already too skinny, but now your almost skeletal and I can't allow you to continue not eating. I have tried to be nice since you were sick, but if you don't start eating soon we will be looking at supplementing your diet with a feeding tube." Martha paused as the Doctor made a rude noise with his mouth at her. She heard him mumble several swears following it and then turn to glare at Jack as he was tapped on the arm. She ignored the interruption continuing on as if she hadn't heard him. "I have set up with the kitchen to have you three meals brought daily. If you are hungry between meals, you are welcome to ask and additional food will be provided for you. There is also a small kitchen nearby that has been stocked with food for you and Jack to share." She had special ordered his meals and stocked the kitchen herself with foods she knew that the Doctor would like.

"Last but not least, starting tomorrow, I am going to have you talking with a psychologist at least once a day while you are still in the hospital. The sessions will be private and anything you say during them confidential. The therapist I have chosen has been on the base for several yeas now and counselled our soldiers after the Dalek and Sontaran attacks. He has been also given access to the records that UNIT has on you, so you will be able to talk freely to him," Martha explained to him. She had made sure to choose someone that the Doctor could talk to that knew he was an alien prior to their first meeting. That way the Doctor could tell them anything he needed to and not be ruled insane for saying that he traveled in space and time or that he had William Shakespear. 

"How can they be confidential if he never leaves?" The Doctor wondered motioning to Jack. Martha suppressed her snicker as Jack rolled his eyes. It was hard to take his complaint seriously when he was still currently leaning into Jack's arms with his head rested on Jack's chest by his own choice. In fact, if it wasn't for the scowl on his face, Martha thought that it would be a cute picture of the two of them together. 

"Jack will be required to leave the room during your sessions. If he chooses to go further than the hallway outside of your room than one of my nurses will be posted at your door instead, " Martha answered. 

"Fine. Are we done?" The Doctor asked her unhappily. He didn't plan on talking to the psychologist anyways so it didn't matter if Jack stayed in the room or not. 

"For now, I am going to have your lunch brought in soon. I have other patients I need to tend to and a meeting this afternoon so it will be a few hours before I can return. I would like you to use that time to think about how you are going to help Jack and I get you back on your feet and traveling in the TARDIS," Martha advised him. He nodded slightly but she had the feeling that he would spend the next hour or so pouting and refusing to eat his meal. She really didn't want to put a tube into his stomach to feed him, but she had the feeling she would have to follow through with her threat by the end of the night. She just hoped that it only took one or two feedings with the tube before he started to eat on his own.


	19. Chapter 19

Just as Martha predicted, as soon as she left the Doctor's room he demonstrated for Jack what a Time Lord pouting looked like. He leaned away from Jack crossing his arms unhappily while looking down at his bed. When the food a few minutes later Jack got out of the bed placing a table across the Doctor's lap. He took the food from the nurse placing it on the table in front of the Doctor. Without even looking at the plate, the Doctor's hand swiped towards it. Jack caught his wrist before the Doctor was able to knock his food to the floor. The Doctor didn't look up at him as a glare crossed his face. 

"I don't know what you think knocking your food to the floor will accomplish. That is unless you want Martha to restrain you again to the bed. She will then place a tube up through your nose and down into your stomach to feed you with until you decide that you can eat on your own. So you have a choice, you can either eat this delicious meal that Martha ordered for you or have formula pushed into your stomach. I know which option I would take," Jack informed him. The Doctor didn't respond as he lifted his head slightly to finally look at the food in front of him. Martha had been kind ordering him a plate of chips and a bacon sammie. To the side, there was a banana sitting in a small bowl of mixed fruit. The cup of tea was still steaming, but the Doctor made no move to drink it. He felt the bed sink again as Jack sat down next to him. Jack picked up the fork using it to gather a few pieces of fruit. He placed it to the Doctor's tightly closed lips. 

The Doctor considered Jack's words. He wanted more than anything to be out of this hospital and traveling in his TARDIS again. In order to accomplish that he was either going to have to find a way to sneak out or he was going to have to convince Jack and Martha that he was willing to comply with them. The second option seemed as unlikely as the first at the moment. Without thinking about it, he opened his mouth accepting the small bite of food that Jack was offering him. He chewed the food slowly as he surveyed the room. The only way into the room was from the main door that he knew led out into the UNIT hospital. He didn't think that they would keep a guard posted on the door while Jack was in the room with him but he couldn't be sure. He also couldn't go to the door and check without Jack stopping him. Then there was the problem of what would happen when he actually got to the TARDIS. The TARDIS had brought him to UNIT without his permission. There was no telling what she would do if he tried to leave before she thought he was ready. Sighing, he tried to figure out another way to escape.

Jack continued to feed the Doctor as the Doctor looked around the room. He could tell the Doctor wasn't paying attention to what he was eating as he made his way slowly through half of the chips and a few bites of the fruit along with two bites of the sammie. Finally, he turned his head away leaning back against the pillows on his bed. A hand drifted down to rest on his abdomen with a groan. 

"Are you full?" Jack wondered. The Doctor nodded. Jack stood moving the table away from the bed. He helped the Doctor to snuggle down beneath the blankets, tucking them in around him. The Doctor realized that he had been sitting for too long when he had to adjust several times to try to get comfortable, He pulled his leg higher but the stretch just seemed to make it worse. He just wanted to sleep, but he had several hours before Martha would be back.

"Jack?" The Doctor asked sleepily.

"Yes, Doc?" 

"Can you apply my medicine for me?" He questioned him. 

"You want me to apply the topical?" Jack reiterated in surprise, making sure that he had heard him correctly. The Doctor nodded. "Alright," Jack agreed going to the cupboard. He returned a moment later with the cream to find the Doctor rolled up on his side waiting. Jack pulled on a glove before moving the blankets back. He could see the Doctor's skin was red around the stitches and made a mental note to mention it to Martha. His hand was shaking as he carefully applied the ointment for the Doctor. The Doctor had to notice, but he didn't say anything. Jack finished as quickly as he could then tucked the blankets back around him. 

"Thank you," The Doctor sighed in relief as the pain faded. He curled himself around the pillow, letting his eyes drift closed. He was asleep before Jack finished cleaning up. Jack took a seat in the chair, staring at the sleeping Time Lord. He couldn't help but wonder what had made the Doctor change his mind about him that he trusted him enough to apply his ointment without thinking Jack was going to take advantage of him. Then again he could just be over thinking things and the Doctor was only looking for relief from the pain and knew that Jack could provide it. Still he could have requested a nurse, but instead had asked Jack directly. Jack pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose rubbing it. He was over two thousand years old and the man laying in the bed near him made him feel like a confused teenager. One thing was for sure and that was the fact that he wasn't going to try anything with the Doctor until he was completely healed from his injuries and clean. Leaning over, he picked his book up off of the ground and tried not to think about the Time Lord.


	20. Chapter 20

When Martha's meetings were over, she went to the Doctor's room expecting to find an angry Doctor and a frustrated Captain. Instead, she was pleasantly surprised that the Doctor was asleep after eating part of his meal. Jack didn't tell her that he had only gotten the Doctor to eat by feeding him while the Doctor's mind wandered. He mentioned the redness around the stitches, but Martha wasn't too concerned with it. She had noticed the redness back when he first arrived and his body was riddled with infections. Then his skin had been a bright red, but the redness had faded. She still moved the blankets slightly to see that he had irritated the skin again by sitting too long. The Doctor moaned, not waking up as he tried to recover himself from the draft. Martha chuckled, tucking the blanket back around him as he sighed. The rest of the night was uneventful as the Doctor woke long enough to eat his dinner. Once again he ignored the food on his plate allowing Jack to feed him while he thought about running. This time, he pictured himself on a distant plant running through the blue grass in a three-legged race. He had come in last but of course, he had he only had two legs the others had an unfair advantage.

However, all illusions of complying with them were gone the next morning. He had eaten his breakfast once more without complaint with Jack feeding him. He had then tolerated his examination from Martha with little more than a grumble. The cravings were growing worse again, though, and he grew cranky quickly as he tried to figure out how to get ahold of his drugs. By mid-morning his body ached causing him to be nauseous. He swore at Jack when Jack asked him how he was feeling then threw his cup of tea across the room. The cup crashed into the wall breaking into several pieces. Tea dripped down the wall puddling onto the floor. Jack didn't comment on his fit as he went to clean up the mess. While he was cleaning the door to the room opened. They both looked up expecting to see Martha, but instead, a middle-aged man stood in the doorway. He was wearing a pair of black trousers with a light blue dress shirt. 

"Hello Doctor. My name is doctor Daniel Barnett. Martha asked that I come speak with you today," Daniel informed him with a smile. He had a friendly voice that sounded as if he were more use to talking to children than stubborn patients like the Doctor. The Doctor narrowed his eye at the man. 

"I'm just going to finish cleaning this glass up then I will be out of your way," Jack told him. Daniel nodded going over to take Jack's chair beside the bed. 

"Jack sits there, Danny boy," The Doctor informed him immediately trying to put the psychiatrist on the defense. 

"I'm sure Jack won't mind if I sit here while we talk," Daniel replied patiently. "Do you Jack?"

"Not at all." He finished cleaning the tea then stood up. Stretching his back, he headed towards the door." I will be right out in the hall if you need me," he informed them stepping out. The Doctor narrowed his eyes at Daniel as Jack left the two of them alone in the room.

"So Doctor how are you feeling today," Dr. Barnett asked. The Doctor threw back his blankets swinging his feet over the side of the bed opposite of where Daniel was sitting. He hadn't stood up since being brought into the hospital but he didn't think about that. "Perhaps you should lay back down?" He ignored the statement as he reached over clipping off his catheter. He took a deep breath pushing himself up to his feet. The room swayed around him causing him to place one hand back on the bed. "Where are you going, Doctor?"

"Away from you," The Doctor answered finally. He moved his left foot forward first, then shuffled forward with his right. Daniel was speaking to him again but he didn't listen as he focused on continuing to move forward. He kept his hand on his bed for as long as possible to steady himself, but soon enough he had reached the end. He released his hold on the bed standing up straight a wave of dizziness overtook him. He stumbled forward several steps before falling had on the floor. He bit back a cry of pain when his bottom hit. Daniel stood up coming over to him. The Doctor held his hand up blocking Daniel from helping him. Daniel knelt down in front of the Doctor. 

"Now what did that accomplish?" Daniel wondered. 

"Leave me alone," The Doctor growled turning his legs to the side to relieve the pressure on his bottom. 

"I'm afraid I can't do that," Daniel responded. "Why don't you let me help you back onto the bed and then we can talk about whatever you want to?" He placed his hand on the Doctor's arm in an attempt to help him. 

"Don't you dare touch me," The Doctor yelled immediately pulling away from him. Daniel stood going to the door. 

"Can you come in here a moment Jack. The Doctor has decided that he wanted to try to get out of bed and has now found himself stuck on the floor," Daniel explained. Jack chuckled coming back into the room. He didn't give the Doctor a chance to complain at him as he scooped him up off the floor carrying him to the bed. He deposited the Doctor into the middle of it. Daniel turned away while Jack reattached the Doctor's catheter line and placed his pillow beneath him. He tucked the Doctor in kissing him softly on the head. 

"Please talk to Daniel, Doctor," Jack begged him softly. 

"Fine, I will talk to Danny boy," the Doctor agreed unhappily. They waited until Jack was out of the room once more before Daniel spoke up. 

"What would you like to talk about today?" He questioned. He soon came to regret the question as the Doctor started to list all the species that were smarter than Daniel in alphabetical order. Glancing at the clock, he realized it was going to be a long hour.


	21. Chapter 21

"You were supposed to talk to him about your problems, not spend an hour making him question why he ever got into psychology," Jack chastised the Doctor as he came back into the room. 

"I thought that our conversations were supposed to be confidential?" The Doctor questioned crossing his arms at Jack. 

"They are, but I don't need to know what was said to recognize the look of frustration on his face," Jack answered him. He sat down on the edge of the bed so that he could look the Doctor in the eyes. "Why couldn't you just talk to him?"

"Because I don't need a fucking psychologist," The Doctor snapped angrily. He wanted Jack to yell back at him but much to his frustration Jack just nodded slowly. 

"You were having a good morning what happened?" Jack questioned. The Doctor didn't answer him as he lifted his hands to his forehead pressing his palms against his eyes. He muttered under his breath in another language pressing harder. Jack grabbed his wrist trying to move his hands away from his eyes. The Doctor struggled swearing at Jack in the process. "You have to talk to somebody Doctor. You can't keep holding it all in. That is what led you to take the drugs in the first place"

"Or somebody slipped them into my tea when I just wanted to have a nice meal," The Doctor snipped at him. 

"I'm sorry Doc, I didn't know," Jack apologized. The Doctor glared at him as he fought to get his hands back to his head. "Do yo have a headache?"

"What gave you that idea you stupid ape," The Doctor wondered. Jack sighed. The Doctor was obviously miserable again. He worried that the headache would lead to another seizure. At least, if he seized, though, he would sleep afterward and he wouldn't have to deal with his anger. Jack chastised himself for the thought. They were supposed to be helping the Doctor, not hoping that he would sleep. Jack looked into the Doctor's eyes. Despite the Doctor glaring at him, the Doctor's eyes were slightly dilated. The Doctor was miserable because the cravings were strong again, Jack concluded and laying in bed wasn't going to help him get past it. Standing up he made his way over to the cabinet pulling out a pair of trousers for the Doctor. 

"Come on," Jack told the Doctor moving the blankets back. He reached for the catheter line clipping it off for the Doctor. The Doctor's eyes went wide as he took a shaky breath. 

"What are you doing?" He stuttered staring at the Captain as Jack helped him to put the trousers on being careful not to snag his catheter line. 

"Were going for a walk," Jack answered not giving the Doctor a chance to tell him no. The Doctor tried anyways as he was pulled to his feet. He swayed unsteadily thankful that Jack was holding his arms or he would have collapsed right back to the floor. 

"I don't know about this Jack," The Doctor informed him suddenly unsure about leaving the safety on the hospital room. He had been wanting to leave it since forced into the horrible bed. Now that he was unrestrained and receiving the proper medications, though, it didn't seem as bad. Having Jack with him also was better than the loneliness that he felt aboard the TARDIS. Maybe if he had just given in and brought a companion aboard the TARDIS he wouldn't have sought the drugs as a way to feel something besides pain. He shook he couldn't change the past and what ifs never made things better. They only made things worse as he relived the moments over and over again trying to figure out what he could have done differently. If one

"Do you trust me?" Jack questioned. 

"Yes," The Doctor answered without hesitation. 

"Then come on," Jack told him.He wrapped his arm around the Doctor's to support him while holding the IV stand with the other hand. The Doctor took a shaky step forward followed by another. He couldn't move that fast but Jack was patient with him as they slowly made their way to the door and out into the hall. Exiting the room, the Doctor looked around. There were no guards but the nurse's station was just down the hall. In the other direction, his TARDIS sat within walking distance. If he managed to make it out of his room without Jack noticing, it would be easy for him to get to her. Then he could be out of this place and traveling the universe once more. Jack didn't let him go to her, though, as he guided him towards the exit. 

"Making your escape?" Martha asked as they passed the nurse's station. She was standing at the counter filling out release paperwork for one of her other patients. The man had been admitted for a broken leg and she was releasing him to recover at his parents home until he was able to serve in UNIT again. 

"I'm trying," The Doctor told her cheekily the anger still clear in his voice. 

"We are going outside to get him some fresh air," Jack explained pausing at the counter on the pretense of talking to Martha but really trying to give the Doctor a moment to rest. 

"You should take a wheelchair with you just in case." 

"I don't need a fucking wheelchair," The Doctor hissed at her. 

"We'll be outside," Jack told her, pulling on the Doctor's arm to get him to follow him. It took over ten minutes for them to walk to the front door from the Doctor's room with how slowly he was moving. Together they made it to just outside of the door. The day was sunny out with a warm breeze blowing. There was an empty bench a short way from the door and they headed over to it. The Doctor was relieved to finally reach it and flopped heavily down on to the metal. He cried out in pain upon his bottom hitting the bench. "Easy," Jack helped the Doctor to lean to the side to relieve the pressure. The Doctor leaned into him and with Jack's help put his legs up on the bench. 

Across the way soliders marched up and down the square while a little ways from them a group of cadets were running the obstacle course. The base was a hub of activity and no one paid attention to the two men sitting on the bench watching them. Nor did they notice when the Doctor went tense in Jack's arms. Jack quickly got him to the the ground before the second stange of the seizure hit. It was over before Jack had the chance to call for help He rolled the Doctor into the recovery position as the Doctor took a small breath in. 

"Wake up sweetheart," Jack cooed as Martha joined them. The Doctor moaned not waking fully as he curled into himself. Martha checked the Doctor over before allowing Jack to carry him back into his room. He laid the Doctor carefully on his bed. They removed his trousers to reconnect his catheter. As she did, she noticed a small amount of blood on his trousers. She cleaned him up finding that he had pulled one of the stiches when he flopped down. She quickly fixed it for him then tucked him back into his bed to sleep. Feeling guilty that the Doctor had ended up hurt, Jack tried to figure out a way to make it up to him.


	22. Chapter 22

The Doctor woke up terrified. In his dreams, he had been being chased by Daleks as his people ran from them. Opening his eyes didn't relieve any of his fear, though, because once again he didn't know where he was. The last thing he remembered clearly was being in his TARDIS. Now, he was laying in a soft bed with a thick downy comforter over him. The room was pitch dark and he couldn't even see any light coming in from the windows. He tried to sit up. His body felt weak and his mind was cloudy. Something wasn't right except he didn't know what. He just knew that he had to get out of here. He had to get to safety before they came back and continued whatever experiments they were running on him. He got his legs out of underneath the blankets but as he tried to stand his body gave out on him and he collapsed to the floor. He cried out more from being startled then from the fact it actually hurt. 

Crawling across the floor, he made his way towards one of the walls. He found it as his head smashed into it causing him to curse under his breath. Reaching out, he used the wall to pull himself up. He felt unsteady on his feet as he slowly felt his way along the wall looking for the door out of the room. He bumped into several things on his journey and had to make his way around what he figured out was a desk. Finally, he found a light switch on the wall. He didn't think twice before flicking it on. Light filled the room, causing him to close his eyes against the blinding glare. Opening them slowly he couldn't believe his eyes. He rubbed them to clear the sleep before open them again. Relief filled him momentarily as he found that he was safe in his room on the TARDIS. Relief was quickly replaced by anger, though. 

"Why the hell didn't you tell me I was safe," he snapped at the TARDIS. She hummed at him in reply blowing warm air on him. It was supposed to be a comforting gesture, but it only served to make him angrier. "Talk to me," he screamed at her kicking the wall. He kicked it over and over again with his barefoot, not noticing as his toys bent back and he started to believe. No matter how much he kicked her, though, she still refused to talk to him. She blew cold air on him trying to get him to stop before finally she sent a short jolt of electricity through him. He pulled away from her, stumbling backward from the shock. He tripped over his own feet, hitting his head against the desk. Crying out in pain he grabbed his head. He made his way to the bathroom, looking at his head in the mirror. Thankfully he wasn't bleeding, but a bump was already starting to appear. 

"Fine, I don't need you anyways," he snipped a tear running down his cheek. He ignored it making his way out of his room towards the kitchen. Reaching the kettle he turned it on. He took down his favorite mug adding sugar and the entire contents of one of the bags to it. He had never taken that amount before and he didn't know how his body would react, but he didn't care. He had been lying when he said that he didn't need the TARDIS. She had been his friend, home and constant companion for so long now that he felt lost without her. How long did he have before she abandoned him like everyone else? He didn't want to think about it. In fact, he didn't want to think at all. Not waiting for the kettle to heat, he poured the lukewarm water into the cup, stirring it to dissolve the powder. Taking a deep breath, he drained the cup. He sat it down on the counter then stumbled his way back to his room. Laying on the bed, he closed his eyes. As the darkness washed over his mind, he silently hoped that he wouldn't wake in the morning. 

-DW-

Over the next week the days ran together as the Doctor's life became the routines that he hated. In the morning he would be fed his breakfast then Daniel would come into try to talk to him. He had given up on explaining to Daniel how many species were more intelligent than him after the second day. Instead, he took to making a list of things that he liked more than Danny boy or just ignoring him altogether. Daniel wasn't giving up on him, though. He had dealt with stubborn patients befoe and while the Doctor took it to a new level, he was convinced that he could get him to open up. He just needed more time. 

In the afternoons, he would walk around the UNIT hospital with Jack. He wasn't allowed to go near the TARDIS so instead, they discovered new locations together. On one occasion they found the employee breakroom and Jack made him a cup of tea while he sat at the table waiting for him. During their time in the breakroom, no other employee showed up to interrupt them while they talked and had lunch. The Doctor didn't question it, but when Jack did after he had fallen asleep that night, he found they had been given strict orders to use the other one for the afternoon. Martha was still weary of the Doctor's mood swings and wasn't about to risk setting him off by accident. Especially not in a group of people that he could end up unintentionally hurting during one of his fits. Jack understood even if it broke his heart to know how much of a danger Martha had come to consider their friend. 

Night, though, were Jack's favorite time with the Doctor. They would eat dinner together before curling up on the Doctor's bed in each other's arms. Some nights Jack would read to him while the Doctor rested or they would watch a movie. The Doctor opened up to him on more than one occasion but never about anything important. He would talk to him instead about traveling in the TARDIS or an alien that he had encountered. He occasionally would slip and tell Jack about things that were actually important. Through his ramblings, Jack learned that he felt abandoned by the TARDIS. He also learned that the Doctor kept more drugs hidden in the kitchen drawer of his TARDIS. While the Doctor slept, Jack cleaned the kitchen finding several bags that were almost empty stashed in various drawers. He pocketed it, planning on disposing of it later before having a fit. He screamed throwing coffee mugs to the ground and tipping over the kitchen table. The TARDIS blew cold air on him and he stopped. 

"Sorry," he apologized to her straightening the table. He cleaned up the broken glass, but he didn't stop there. He continued cleaning making the kitchen shine in a way she hadn't for years. He moved room to room burning off his anger before stumbling his way out of the TARDIS. He threw the drugs away in a waste disposal bag. He then showered before climbing into bed with the Doctor. It was almost morning, but he didn't care as he snuggled the Doctor close. They could sleep in today.


	23. Chapter 23

The Doctor laid in Jack's arms until he was sure that Jack was asleep. He listened to Jack snoring softly before easing himself out of Jack's arms with slow careful movements. Once out of bed, he moved quickly to the door of his room. He opened it peeking out into the hall. Just as he suspected there was no one guarding his room since Jack was with him. He looked down the hall to see one nurse one duty at the nurse's station. She wasn't looking towards his room as she worked diligently on the computer trying to catch up on her work. Keeping an eye on her, he left his room closing the door softly behind him. As quietly as he could he hurried towards his TARDIS eager to be back inside the comfort of her walls. As he approached the TARDIS, though, he realized he didn't have a key. He snapped his fingers, disappointed when the door stayed closed. 

"Please let me on," He whispered. Receiving no answer, he reached up to the roof looking for the compartment with the spare. He found it with ease. He retrieved the key placing it in the lock, but try as he might, the door refused to open. "I'm sorry. Just let me on and I can prove it," He begged her growing more and more frustrated. He grabbed the small gap between the doors trying desperately to force them open. When it became clear she wasn't going to let him on, he sat down against the doors. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he came to the realization that he had lost the trust of his oldest and dearest friend. Whether or not she would ever let him back on was unclear but for now, he was trapped among the humans. Wiping his eyes, he stood up making his way slowly back to his room. He let himself in, biting back a sob as he crawled into Jack's arms. 

"Where did you go?" Jack questioned as he opened an eye to the Doctor adjusting in his arms.

"The loo," The Doctor lied. Regardless of whether or not Jack believed him was unclear, nor did it matter as he drifted back to sleep. The Doctor lay awake for awhile trying to calm himself down before he managed to drift off as well. Come morning, though, he was still upset and was content with Jack's plan to stay in bed late, snuggling against him for warmth and comfort as they laid in bed. Jack would not have minded staying in bed all day with the Doctor but Martha had other plans for them. She came into the Doctor's room bright and early with his breakfast in hand. The Doctor groaned burying his face against Jack's chest as Jack pulled the blankets up over their heads. Martha chuckled. 

"Nice try, but it is time to get up," Martha informed them.

"Five more minutes," The Doctor mumbled against Jack's chest. 

"Sorry Doctor you can sleep in tomorrow. Today you need to and get moving. After breakfast I am going to remove your stitches, then we are going to discuss the fact that you are still refusing to talk to Daniel," Martha explained to him. The Doctor swallowed hard unconsciously trying to move closer to Jack. He felt Jack's arms wrap tighter around him and he was grateful that Jack was there. 

"I'm not hungry," he whispered. 

"You need to eat," Martha told him. 

"I can't," the Doctor responded feeling queazy. He didn't like the thought that Martha was going to be removing his stitches and wanted to ask her to sedate him. "Can we just get it over with?" 

"Alright. Jack, can you please step out into the hall for a moment?" Martha questioned. Jack started to get out of the bed, but the Doctor grabbed onto him feeling panicked. 

"No, Jack can stay. I need Jack to stay," He told her, his voice rising in pitch. 

"Doctor, calm down. Jack can stay," Martha cooed to him. She was happy that the Doctor had come to rely on Jack the last two weeks. She hoped that he continued to use Jack as his support when they left the hospital until he was well enough to travel again. Going to the cupboard, she pulled out a pair of gloves putting them on. Turning back, she saw that Jack was laying still with the Doctor facing him, the two of them wrapped in an embrace. Martha took her time moving the chair next to the bed while she let Jack calm him down. Sitting down next to the bed, she moved the blankets back. 

"Easy," Jack whispered soothingly as a shudder went through the Doctor. He pushed his face against Jack's chest trying not to show his distress. It was clear how unhappy he was though as he wrapped is arms around Jack holding his shirt tightly as Martha removed the stitches from his bottom. Quicker than he expected Martha was done. She checked his wounds on his legs happy to see that the infections had cleared. Giving him a moment to calm down, she tucked the blanket back around him, leaving the room. She returned with a hot cup of tea as well as a slice of banana banoffee pie. The Doctor sat up to accept the tea, but once more refused to touch the food. 

"I know that was unpleasant Doctor and I'm sorry. On the plus side, you are healing well. I am happy with the progress that you have made over the last few weeks towards your recovery except for the fact that you continue to refuse to talk to Daniel," Martha told him. 

"I don't need to talk to Danny boy," The Doctor scoffed. Martha tutted at him. 

"Daniel is a professionally trained psychiatrist who specializes in helping people who have trouble coping after returning from war or have been through traumatic events. He is willing to take time out of his day to come talk with you and all you have done is insult him," Martha scolded the Doctor. He sighed. 

"I have lived nine-hundred years without having to talk to a psychiatrist," The Doctor snipped at her. 

"And look at how well that turned out," Martha responded. 

"Fuck you," The Doctor growled at her. Jack slapped him gently on the arm, even if he did take note of the return of the Doctor's anger. It could mean that he was just having an especially bad craving or he could be heading towards a seizure again. He had only had one minor seizure in the last few days that didn't even last half a minute but knocked the Doctor down for the rest of the day. 

"Calm down," Jack chastised him once again finding himself in the middle. The Doctor glared at him before getting out of bed. Going to the loo, he closed the door behind him. They had removed the lock from the door and he didn't have his sonic so he couldn't keep them out, but thankfully no one tried to follow him. Leaning on the sink, he stared into the sunken brown eyes of the pale thin man in front of him. He took a deep breath followed by another as he stared at the man trying to recognize anything familiar about him. Frustrated he turned on the water sticking his head beneath it. Wetting his hair, he messed it up so that it stood on end. It didn't help anything but to make him cold. 

"Go away," he called out as he heard a knock on the door. 

"Martha said it is alright if you want to take a shower, but she would perfer that you had someone in their with you. I could help you if you would like," Jack offered not listening to him. 

"I said go away," He enunciated slowly. 

"I'm not going anywhere," Jack responded. It was meant to be a threat but for some reason, the Doctor found himself taking comfort in Jack's words. Turning he opened the door.

"Promise to keep your hands to yourself," The Doctor wondered. 

"You know me better than that," Jack teased him. To his relief the Doctor laughed. 

"I do Jack. But I trust you anyways, so let's take a shower," The Doctor agreed. 


	24. Chapter 24

Though, the Doctor had agreed to the shower he was trembling as he watched Jack strip off his own clothes. Seeing how uncomfortable the Doctor was, Jack left his pants on deciding that he could get a dry pair later or go without them for awhile. He turned on the water, letting it warm while the Doctor removed the flimsy hospital gown that covered his body. He was still shaking as he stepped into the shower letting the warm water wash over him. Jack stepped in after him causing the Doctor to look at him. He stared at Jack's hands for a moment waiting for Jack to take advantage of the situation. When all Jack did was stand there, however, he turned his back to him deciding to ignore him. Standing directly under the spray, he hung his head watching the water disappear down the drain. It had been awhile since he had last showered and the water felt like bliss running down his lithe body. He was so distracted that he jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

"Easy," Jack cooed. "I'm not going to hurt you. I know you are enjoying the water, but you need to think about washing your hair and body. As much as you want to we can't stay under the water all day."

"Why not?" The Doctor questioned him. 

"Well for one, this isn't the TARDIS so the water will get cold here soon. Also, we eventually need to eat and you have an appointment with Daniel where you actually are going to talk to him about your problems," Jack answered him. The Doctor rolled his eyes at him. 

"I thought you wanted me out of the shower," The Doctor responded. Jack glared at him and he sighed. Keeping one eye on Jack he reached down picking up the shampoo. The rest of the shower was quiet as he washed his hair and with Jack's help washed his back and the rest of his body. Stepping out of the shower he wrapped a towel around his waist as he looked at himself in the mirror again. "I need to shave."

"You also need a haircut. If you would like I could help you," Jack told him. The Doctor glanced over at him as Jack pulled a towel around his own waist.

"Can you cut hair?" The Doctor questioned. 

"I have cut my own hair for years now. I am sure I can cut yours," Jack responded. 

"Alright," The Doctor agreed. Jack left the Doctor in the bathroom for a moment in order to find scissors and a razor. Taking his clothes with him, he quickly changed in the Doctor's room, placing his wet pants in the sink. He went to the nurses station, requesting the items from Adam. It took a minute for the request to be approved, then he had to wait for the items to be retrieved. While he waited Jack kept one eye on the Doctor's room waiting for the door to open. The Doctor, though, didn't make any attempt to escape. Jack actually found himself worried about why the Doctor remained in the room and practically ran back to it as he finally was given the scissors and razor. Entering the room he found the Doctor was still waiting for him in the bathroom. He had put the toilet seat down and was sitting on it to make it easier for Jack to cut his hair. 

"There you are," Jack sighed in relief. The Doctor looked at him confused. 

"I haven't moved," He informed him. He adjusted as the hard toilet seat hurt his bottom still. Jack didn't say anything about his squirming as he retrieved the Doctor's pillow from his bed talking loud enough the Doctor could still hear him. 

"I know. I expected you to try to run as soon as you were left alone. That is why I am so surprised to find you still here," Jack explained handing him the pillow. The Doctor took it, he was grateful to have the pressure relieved off of his healing body and could sit more comfortably with it. 

"The TARDIS won't let me on," The Doctor pouted as he stood up to place the pillow and then sat down again.

"When did you go to the TARDIS?" Jack questioned as he picked up the shaving cream.

"Last night when you were asleep," The Doctor admitted. 

"While I am happy that you are feeling well enough to start wandering off, I won't hesitate to start restraining you again at night if necessary," Jack threatened. With gentle movements, he applied the cream to the Doctor's face avoiding his sideburns. 

"I can't go anywhere. I am stuck in this bloody hospital until Martha releases me and even then the TARDIS may not agree to move," The Doctor hissed angrily at the threat. 

"I'm sure she is just doing what she thinks is best for you. If you want I can have a talk with her," Jack offered. The Doctor shook his head no, his eyes filling with tears at the thought that the TARDIS would let others on but not him. She was his home and his friend and he had lost her in a moment of weakness. He couldn't imagine never being able to set foot inside her walls again. He decided that he would rather die than be stuck on Earth without her for the rest of his life. 

"It's going to be alright," Jack reassured him. There was no way Jack could know that for sure, but the statement helped. Still, he continued to sulk as Jack shaved his beard then trimmed his sideburns and hair. By the time Jack finished, he looked like his old self, but he still didn't feel like it. Jack then helped him to finish drying off then dress in a new hospital gown. Picking up his pillow, he moved back to his bed unhappy to find that Daniel was in the room waiting in his seat by the bed. 

"I'll be in the hall," Jack promised him. The Doctor nodded looking at Daniel. 

"So, I believe when we left off in our last session we were up to the star Betelgeuse and the entire Orion star system, that you liked better than me," Daniel stated as soon as Jack was out of the room. The Doctor sat down on the bed looking Daniel over for a moment. 

"Why did you become a psychiatrist?" The Doctor asked him finally. 

"Because I wanted to be able to help people," Daniel answered him. 

"So why not become a doctor or a teacher?" He wondered.

"Because as a child, I watched my mother struggle with depression. I wanted to be able to help people heal their minds and not just their bodies. Can I ask why you chose to become a Doctor?" Daniel questioned surprised that the Doctor was actually having a conversation with him and not just insulting him for a change. 

"I'm not a doctor. Not in the sense that you know at least. While I do have a little bit of medical training I have more just learned how to treat people during my travels," The Doctor explained. 

"So why do you call yourself the Doctor?" Daniel wondered. 

"Back on Gallifrey, it was tradition to chose a new name once you left the academy. That name would follow you for the rest of your life. I chose the Doctor," He informed him. "It was meant to be a promise, but I broke that promise. I should be nameless and on Gallifrey, I would have been. Jack, though, refuses to let me abandon my name."

"What promise did you break?" Daniel leaned back in his chair. Picking up his notebook from where he had tucked it beside himself in the faint hope that the Doctor would actually talk to him for a change. He opened it to a fresh page. 

"It doesn't matter," The Doctor told him eying the notebook. 

"Alright, if you don't want to talk about the promise and how you broke it, why don't you tell me about your childhood," Daniel suggested. 

"That doesn't matter either, Danny boy. My childhood was traditional for my planet. I went to the academy at the age of eight like any other good Time Lord and stayed there through my childhood," The Doctor responded. He didn't bother to mention that he was considered a child longer on Gallifrey than on Earth due to their lifespans. 

"So why don't you tell me what matters. What brought you to this point?" Daniel questioned. The Doctor sighed. He leaned back on his bed staring up at the ceiling. He knew exactly how many dots were on the tile above his bed as he had counted them several times over the long hours he had been forced to remain laying on his back. Still, he stared up at it letting his eyes wander between the dots. Daniel didn't say anything to him as he waited for him to continue. He remained quiet, though, until he heard Daniel get up. "Our hour is over. I want you to think about my question and hopefully, tomorrow we can discuss it further," Daniel told him. 

"I doubt it," The Doctor mumbled at him. He heard the door open and then close a minute late as Jack came over to his bed. Jack sat a tray of food on the bedside table, then placed his table over his lap. He moved the food to the second table. The Doctor glanced at the chicken with potatoes and gravy. For dessert, there was a large piece of banana cream pie with fresh bananas cut up on top. The food looked good and he reached for the fork as Jack sat down with his own meal. Rather than eating, though, he began to speak softly as he finally answered Daniel's question.

He told Jack about being drugged for the first time and then returning to the cafe under the pretense of confiscating the drug but instead taking it for himself. He explained about trying to convince himself that he couldn't get addicted, even as the addiction took hold. He didn't look at Jack as he recounted the times he remembered waking up not knowing where he was and the time he woke up in the hotel room with his body slick with lube. Once he started talking he couldn't stop as he finally felt the relief of talking about the pain he held inside. Out of everybody who was involved in his care at UNIT, Jack was the only one he needed to make understand his decisions. When he finally stopped talking he looked up at Jack waiting anxiously for him to leave. 

"You asked me when you first got here if I had ever done drugs. I didn't answer you at the time because I knew you were only asking to try to gain sympathy from me so I would get yours for you. The answer, though, is yes I have done drugs in the past. I did them to forget the pain I was going through due to losing everyone I love time and time again. So nothing you have just told me changes how I see you or how I feel about you. We all have pain that we carry and you have been so strong for so long all on your own. Wishing that you had let me help you before now does nothing, but I promise that I am going to be here and help carry you until you are ready to run on your own again," Jack told him seeing the worry in his eyes tears were flowing slowly down his cheeks. Still, he gave a weak smile as Jack thumbed a tear off his cheek. Jack moved their forgotten food aside, then took the Doctor into his arms. The feel of Jack holding him tightly as the dam finally broke. The Doctor clung to him sobbing like a lost child. Jack rubbed his back slowly in soothing circles letting the Doctor cry. He finally, went quiet as he had not more tears to shed, but Jack made no move to let him go. Just needing to comfort him, he continued to hold him long after the Doctor's breathing evened out.


	25. Chapter 25

When Martha came into the room a short time later she was unhappy to see that the Doctor hadn't touched his lunch. She had spoken to Daniel not too long beforehand and was excited about his progress. He seemed to finally accept that he needed to talk in order to get well and she hoped that he would open up soon. Jack, though, didn't seem worried about the fact he hadn't eaten. 

"He actually talked to me, Martha," Jack whispered as she tried to run through the Doctor's vitals. It was a little difficult with his body sprawled across Jack's as he slept soundly.

"Oh, about what?" Martha wondered curiously.

"His drug usage and why he took them," Jack told her. Martha raised her eyebrows at him in surprise. He didn't plan on telling Martha any more about their conversation, though. Even if it wasn't confidential between them, he wanted the Doctor to be able to trust him enough to talk to him again in the future.

"Daniel said that he was making progress and seemed ready to talk. He was hoping that the Doctor would talk to him within the next few days," Martha explained to him. 

"I don't know if he will ever actually talk to Daniel. He doesn't seem to like him much," Jack responded. 

"I know," Martha sighed. "I also know that you are trying to help him and you being here has been one of the best things for him in terms of his recovery. You're not a trained psycatrist, though."

"I don't have to be. Of everybody currently treating him, I am the only one who understands what it is like to be out of your own place and time. Who knows what it is to take drugs to deal with the pain of losing everyone you love. I also was by his side on the valiant and the TARDIS. I know what he has gone, through and I can help him come back to us," Jack snipped at her. His voice rose slightly in his anger and the Doctor moaned turning his head. Not wanting to wake him, Jack went quiet as he adjusted the blankets. He kissed him softly on the top of the head as the Doctor relaxed into him again.

"I want him to still try to talk to Daniel while he is here in the UNIT hospital. Once he is ready to leave, we will reassess his treatment," Martha informed Jack. Jack nodded. 

"And if he says more than two words to Daniel tomorrow about how he is feeling, I will pay you five quid," Jack told her. 

"Deal." Martha held her hand out to Jack and he took it shaking it. She still had faith that the Doctor would open up to Daniel if he continued to be patient. She finished running the Doctor's vitals then took his untouched lunch with him as she left the room. She decided not to worry about his not eating one meal due to the fact that he had spoken with Jack. Leaving the room, she headed to her office to update Daniel on his progress. 

-DW-

The Doctor came back into awareness slowly. The first thing he noticed was that Jack was still in his bed holding him close as he laid across his chest. He could hear Jack's heartbeat and feel the movement of his chest rising and falling steadily with each breath. He didn't need to open his eyes to sense time bouncing off of Jack in a way that should have offended his Time Lord senses. Instead, he took comfort in the fact that as much as he wanted Jack to go away sometimes, he would never actually leave him. He had changed Jack's life forever by bringing him with him on the TARDIS. It was his even his fault that Jack was immortal even if Rose had been the one to bring him back. 

"Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you hadn't met me?" The Doctor asked after awhile alerting Jack to the fact that he was awake. 

"Sometimes, I don't know how much good that does as one thing I know for sure is that I would be dead," Jack admitted looking down to see the Doctor still had his eyes closed. He adjusted his grip to hold him a little closer as he heard the Doctor groan. "It's true Doc. I am over two-thousand years old now. Even with scientific advancement in medicine during the 50th century, I couldn't hope to live longer than a few hundred years."

"Jack," The Doctor drew out his name in annoyance. Jack sighed. 

"I was a coward before I met you, though. You made me into a better man and I have often based my decisions on what you would do," Jack informed him. The Doctor opened his eyes finally to look up at Jack. 

"I'm not a good man Jack," he told him seriously.

"You're still a better man than I am. If I hadn't met you I probably would have been dead in a few years anyways due to trying to con the wrong person," Jack responded. The Doctor nodded resting his head once more on Jack's chest. "What about you Doctor, where would you be?"

"Alone, in the TARDIS with my tea," The Doctor answered him. 

"Am I correct in assuming that your tea would be laced with drugs?" Jack questioned. 

"Yes," The Doctor replied not denying it. 

"Then, I hate to break it to you Doc, but we both know that you would probably be dead as well. Your body not only malnourished it was also riddled with infection and you were bleeding from a tear that required stitches to close," Jack informed him.

"I would have been fine," The Doctor huffed loudly. Jack rolled his eyes. 

"For how long?" He wondered. The Doctor didn't have an answer for him. He knew deep down that Jack was right. He couldn't have survived much longer with the way he had been treating his body. He had been weak to the point that he could barely walk and it would have been only another matter of days before the infections killed him if he didn't bleed out first. He would have been extremely lucky if he was then able to regenerate properly. More than likely the regeneration would have failed, causing him to reach his final death. The last of the Time Lord's would be gone not in a fight but because he was too weak to fight against a drug addiction.

"That's what I thought," Jack told him after a long moment of silence. The Doctor tried to pull away from him, but Jack held on tightly not letting him. The Doctor swore under his breath fighting harder as Jack continued to hold on. The Doctor eventually gave up going limp once more against Jack's chest. Jack stared down at him to see defeated brown eyes looking back up at him. Jack hated that look. He would take the Doctor's anger over him giving up any day. Even if that anger was directed at him.


	26. Chapter 26

The Doctor continued to pout long into the evening. Though he ate his dinner and dessert without question, he didn't try to talk to Jack the rest of the night. Instead, when he wasn't eating, he laid staring at the wall. Eventually, he fell asleep waking up even grumpier the next day. Even if Jack now understood his crankiness, it didn't make dealing with him any easier. For breakfast, the Doctor ate two bites of his oatmeal before flushing the rest of it down the loo. He stared at Jack the entire time daring him to say something. Jack just continued to watch him as he made his way to the door of the room. He kept one eye on Jack as he opened the door taking a step out into the hall. Jack watched as he continued out of the room closing the door behind him. Sighing Jack stood up to go after him. 

"You know you're not allowed to leave the room without Jack," Martha scolded the Doctor as the door opened again before Jack could reach it. She had the Doctor's arm in her hand and was practically dragging him back into the room. He glared at her planting his feet to stop himself, but he was too weak still to stop her. "Now behave and finish your breakfast before Daniel arrives." 

"Go fuck yourself," The Doctor told her moving towards the bathroom. 

"Oy language," Jack snapped at him. 

"You can fuck off too," the Doctor replied slamming the door to the bathroom. The door had barely closed when a loud thump sounded behind it. Jack didn't hesitate as he hurried to the loo. He opened the door carefully to find the Doctor thrashing about in the midst of a seizure. 

"You pick your places Doc," Jack sighed as the Doctor's head thumped against the tile. Jack carefully tried to get around the Doctor to protect his head. He moved sideways quickly along the wall getting kicked for his trouble. He managed to make it to the Doctor's head, stepping into the bathtub.

"Here," Martha said. Jack looked up as Martha tossed a pillow to him. He caught it and then knelt down easing it under the Doctor's head. 

"There now doesn't that feel better. It would help your head even more if you knock off this nonsense so that I can take you back to bed," Jack cooed. The Doctor continued to seize for another minute before finally going still. He laid limply against the tile. Jack carefully felt along the Doctor's neck making sure he hadn't hurt himself before tilting his head back to open up his airway. The Doctor took a gasping breath in followed by another as Martha came in. She checked the Doctor the best she could in the small space. 

"Stop," The Doctor moaned coming around. He batted half-heartedly at Martha's hand as she ran it along his side. "Tickles."

"I'll stop if you can tell me anything that hurts," Martha informed him. The Doctor scrunched his face. 

"Head," he whimpered thinking about it. "Martha?"

"It's not her fault you decided to go into the bathroom to have a seizure," Jack informed him. The Doctor opened his eyes finally to look up at Jack. He seemed surprised to see that he was in fact in the bathroom but he didn't care enough to make an effort to move. 

"Do you think you can lift him, Jack, or should we try to get him to walk?" Martha questioned him. 

"I can carry him. I think," Jack amended as he stepped out of the bathtub. With gentle movements, he helped the Doctor sit up before lifting him up. 

"No, no, put me down," The Doctor cried out as the room swayed. He flung his arms wildly almost causing Jack to drop him as he gagged. Jack quickly lowered him back to the ground hoping to get him to the toilet before he was sick. He was too late, though, as the Doctor was sick on the floor. He moaned leaning back against Jack and closing his eyes. 

"Ready to try again?" Jack asked him after a moment. 

"No," The Doctor whimpered.

"You can't stay on the floor all night. I know your head hurts and it made you dizzy when I lifted you off the floor but I also know that you trust me enough to know that I would never hurt you. Just keep your eyes closed and hold on to me," Jack whispered. The Doctor wrapped his arms around Jack's neck holding on tightly. He pressed his face against Jack's chest whimpering as Jack walked slowly out of the bathroom taking him to the bed. He laid him down on it, waiting a moment for the Doctor to feel secure enough to release him. He turned over on his side curling into himself. He opened his eyes to glare at Martha as rather than being covered with a blanket he instead had a cold stethoscope pressed against his chest. 

"Jack make her stop," He whined. Jack chuckled laying down behind him and wrapping an arm over his stomach. 

"Just rest, sweethearts," Jack told him softly. The Doctor rolled over so that Martha could no longer examine pressing his face once more to Jack's chest. Jack laughed softly. Shaking her head, Martha pulled his blankets up and allowed him to rest.

He slept most of the day waking the next day in a better mood even if his head was sore. He wasn't hungry but he still ate a little of the soup that Martha brought for his breakfast. He laid against Jack, content to rest for the day. That was until Daniel arrived for their therapy session. The Doctor had missed the one the day before due to his seizure and Daniel was eager to talk to him to continue with their progress. The session didn't start out well as Jack had to get out of the bed causing the Doctor to lose the comfort he was receiving. He closed his eyes and kept them closed as he felt Jack kiss him softly on the head, then leave the room. The creaking of a chair indicated that Daniel was sitting near him, but he refused to look at him. 

"I understand that you have been talking to Jack recently," Daniel told him after the Doctor continued to pretend to sleep. "I would be interested in hearing what you have told him so that you and I can discuss it further."

"I talk to Jack about a lot of things," The Doctor replied opening his eyes finally. He pushed himself up so that he was sitting slumped against the headboard of the bed. "Jack listens to me and actually cares about what I tell him."

"I care," Daniel informed him. The Doctor made a rude noise with his mouth at him. 

"You get paid to care, there is a difference," The Doctor scoffed. "If Martha hadn't asked you to talk to me and UNIT wasn't paying you, you wouldn't be here. You could have refused of course, as there are a lot of other psychiatrists who work in and around UNIT that Martha could have gone to instead. In fact, you could have chosen anyone of them, but she picked you. Do you know why that is?" The Doctor continued without giving Daniel a chance to answer. "She chose you because she thought that you would be able to help me."

"But you don't think I can?" Daniel questioned. The Doctor shook his head no. "I wonder why that is Doctor when you haven't even given me a chance to help you." The Doctor narrowed his eyes. 

"I don't need to speak to you to know that I don't trust you. I have been around over 900 years and traveled to more places than you can imagine. I had to learn quickly how to judge people in order to survive. I can tell you that if I had met you under different circumstances and had the choice between you and the Slitheen as a companion. I would take the Slitheen," The Doctor told him. 

"And we're back to the insulting," Daniel mumbled as the Doctor proceeded to name several species of aliens that he would rather take on a trip through time and space rather than Daniel. Ending the session early, Daniel stood up leaving the room. Jack came in shaking his head as he chuckled.

"What?" The Doctor asked slightly confused by Jack's laughter. 

"I'm pretty sure that I owe Martha a fiver," Jack informed him confusing the Doctor even more. "Don't worry about it," Jack told him wrapping the Doctor in a tight embrace. The Doctor hugged him back, thankful to have him back even if he was confused.


	27. Chapter 27

"So can I ask what you told Daniel to make him end the session early?" Jack wondered as he released the Doctor. The Doctor didn't have time to complain about the loss of warmth before Jack flopped onto the bed next to him. He lifted his arm up inviting the Doctor to cuddle with him. The Doctor rolled over pressing himself against Jack as Jack held him.

"I told him that I didn't trust him and that he doesn't really care about what I have to say. Then I told him that I would rather have a Slitheen as a companion," The Doctor admitted. 

"Why do you think that he doesn't care?" Jack questioned him. 

"Because he doesn't care. He wouldn't be here trying to talk to me if Martha hadn't asked him to," The Doctor sighed. 

"And the fact that she thinks he can help you, doesn't matter to you?" Jack asked. The Doctor shook his head no. "Why not?"

"Do you remember the Valiant?" The Doctor wondered. 

"I try not to," Jack informed him. Before he could ask what being on the Valiant had to do with Daniel, the door to the room swung open hitting the wall. Martha stormed into the room the anger on her face clear. The Doctor quickly squirmed out of Jack's arms rushing towards the bathroom. 

"Get back here," Martha demanded angrily. The Doctor ignored her as he shut the bathroom door tightly behind him. Martha went after him trying to open the door only to find that he was leaning against it in order to keep her out. 

"I take it you spoke to Daniel?" Jack crossed his arms watching as Martha tried to force the door open. 

"I did," Martha snapped at Jack. She turned her attention back to the bathroom raising her voice. "Doctor get out here and talk to me."

"No," The Doctor called back.

"Now," Martha yelled. 

"Maybe he would if you stopped yelling at him," Jack told her calmly before the Doctor could reply. Martha glared at him. "I know normally he would be happy to yell back at you but at the moment, he is recovering from the seizure he had yesterday and doesn't feel well. He didn't want me to leave him alone with Daniel, but I followed your instructions and left them to talk. I knew the moment I saw Daniel that it hadn't gone well. I asked him about it as soon as I saw him and we were having a nice discussion about how he doesn't trust Daniel and doesn't want to talk to him before our conversation was rudely interrupted."

"He told you he doesn't trust Daniel? Did he also tell you why Daniel asked me what a Slitheen was and then asked to be replaced with another therapist?" Martha questioned Jack angrily. 

"Yes he did," Jack answered her. He looked towards the bathroom as the water turned on. Martha tried the door again to find that once more the Doctor was blocking her from entering. Jack shook his head standing up. He went over to the bathroom and leaned against the wall next to it. 

"Did he also tell you who I should get to replace Daniel?" Martha seethed. Jack shook his head. 

"I told you the other day when we talked that he doesn't need a therapist. He just needs someone that he trust to listen to him," Jack reminded her.

"Like you?" Martha sighed looking towards the door.

"Yes. He might even talk to you if you would stop treating him like he was just another patient and remember that at one time he was your friend," Jack growled. 

"He still is my friend," Martha argued. 

"You don't act like it. You come in, treat him, complain about his progress then leave. Then you expect him to trust someone he barely knows when both his mind and body are still healing. He is trying to comply with us. He is eating on his own, taking his medication and talking to me. Yet you are angry that he doesn't trust a man he just met enough to talk to him?" Jack snapped at her. Jack took a deep breath rubbing the bridge of his nose between his fingers. 

"He never even gave Daniel a chance," Martha argued, though, she wasn't sure why anymore.She knew Jack was right and while she had convinced Daniel to think about it, she doubted that the Doctor would ever talk to him like they both hoped.

"I wonder why? I'm done arguing you. You can stand here angry at the closed bathroom door or you can go for a walk and calm down while I go in there and talk to him. It's your choice," Jack told her firmly 

"Fine." Martha threw her hands up in the air storming towards the door. Jack waited until she was outside of the room before knocking on the bathroom door. 

"She is gone now," Jack told him. Trying the door, he found it opened easily. Going in he found the Doctor standing just inside the bathroom watching the tub fill with water. "Do you want to take a shower or were you just waiting for Martha to leave?" 

"I want a bath," The Doctor informed him still staring at the water. Walking over to the tub, he turned the water off. He gave Jack a look as he took his hospital gown off then climbed into the water. Jack took a seat on the counter pulling out his phone as he did. "Do you have to sit there?"

"Normally I would make a comment about wanting to watch you bathe. I'm not going to this time, though, since I can't actually leave you in the tub alone while you are still having seizures. If you had one while no one was watching you could slip under the water and drown before anyone noticed," Jack explained to him. The Doctor rolled his eyes leaning back. He closed his eyes relaxing in the water. Jack tried not to stare at his naked body but it was difficult as he could still see every rib and numerous cuts on the Doctor's body that had scarred into red lines due to the infections he had. 

"You're staring," The Doctor commented opening one eye to look at Jack. 

"Sorry," Jack swallowed hard turning away. He tried to concentrate on the wall in front of him as he spoke again. "Before Martha came into the room you mentioned the Valiant."

"I did," The Doctor agreed. Jack heard the water splash as the Doctor sat up. "When we were aboard the Valiant, he tried to trick me into talking to people. He would send them into act like they were my friends and just wanted to help me find the gun before he did. I never spoke to them either and just like with Martha he became angry at me."

"Martha would never hurt you the way he did. She only wants you to talk to Daniel because she really does care about you and wants to help you," Jack replied even if he did understand the Doctor's reluctance. He had taken care of the Doctor on more than one occasion after the Master punished him for disobedience. He even remembered one time watching the Doctor lay limply at his feet wondering if he was going to succumb to his injuries. 

"Please don't make me talk to Danny-boy," The Doctor begged softly. Jack got off the counter going to kneel next to the bath. He gently placed the back of his fingers against the Doctor's cheek. The Doctor leaned against his hand, pleading with his eyes. 

"Would it make it easier to talk to Daniel if I was allowed to stay in the room with you?" Jack questioned. The Doctor shrugged. "Would you be willing to try?"

"Maybe," The Doctor responded. Jack smiled moving his hand to grab a clean cloth. The Doctor didn't stop him as Jack slowly began to wash his legs, massaging them as he went. He skipped over the Doctor's groin, to massage his chest and down his arms. He helped the Doctor out of the bath, drying him off. They went to the Doctor's bed, where Jack had him lay down on his stomach. He started to massage the Doctor's back but by the time he got to his bottom the Doctor was sound asleep. Jack chuckled as he covered him with the blanket letting him sleep for a little while before lunch.


	28. Chapter 28

Jack was surprised when Martha didn't show up again that afternoon. He was positive that she would show up while the Doctor was still in the bath or at the very least bring his lunch. One of the daytime nurses, though, brought the Doctor his medication as well as his lunch of lasagna with bread slathered thickly with butter. For dessert, there was a slice of strawberry shortcake with slices of banana on top. Jack tenderly woke the Doctor helping him to dress in one of the hospital gowns. Once the Doctor was decent the nurse ran through the Doctor's vitals and took a vial of blood for testing. The nurse then made sure the Doctor took his pills before leaving him to his lunch. Jack situated the table on the bed as he took his place beside the Doctor. The Doctor yawned leaning against Jack ignoring his food. 

"You have to eat," Jack told him. He used his own fork to cut a piece of the lasagna for the Doctor putting it to his mouth. The Doctor ate it without question. Jack looked down at him wondering if the Doctor was back to his old game of making Jack feed him. He quickly decided the Doctor was just tired, though, as the Doctor reached for the bread bringing it to his mouth. He nibbled on it, not caring when Jack put another fork full of lunch in his mouth. The Doctor chewed slowly, falling asleep before his lunch was finished. Jack chuckled quickly checking to make sure the Doctor had no more food in his mouth before allowing him to rest. He finished off the rest of his meal then put the remainder of the Doctor's lasagna as well as his dessert in the fridge for later. He then settled down beside the Doctor to read while keeping an eye on the resting Time Lord. 

When the door opened again about an hour later, Jack looked up expecting to see Martha finally returning. Instead, he saw an older woman with shoulder length brown hair and lightly tanned skin entering the room. She paid him no attention as her eyes settled on her friend sleeping peacefully in his bed. 

"Sarah Jane Smith. I didn't expect to see you here today," Jack flirted with his tone as he stood up. He opened his arms wrapping her in a hug. 

"Martha called me and asked if I could come down for a visit," Sarah Jane explained. She didn't bother to ask how the Doctor was doing as she had already been briefed by Martha upon her arrival. She was happy that he was finally well enough for visitors but upset that he was still having seizures and refusing to talk to the psychiatrist. She broke the hug with Jack turning back to the Doctor. Gently she ran a hand down his arm, trying not to let the shock of how skinny he was show on her face. She hated to imagine what he looked like upon his arrival with how skeletal he still was. "Is he eating?"

"Three meals a day. In fact, he just finished a half a plate of lasagna and a thick piece of bread about an hour before your arrival.

"That's not a lot of food," Sarah Jane commented softly. 

"I know but we are working on it," Jack replied moving to the other side of the bed. He gently ran his hand down the side of the Doctor's face caressing his cheek with his thumb. "Sweethearts it is time to wake up."

"Jack," The Doctor whined turning his head towards his hand. 

"I know you are tired, but Sarah Jane came here to see you. The least you can do is open your eyes and say hello to her," Jack chastised him softly. The Doctor's eyes opened a crack as he looked up at Jack. Turning his eye away, they settled on Sarah Jane as a small scowl crossed his face. 

"Hello Sarah Jane," he told her his voice showing no hint of emotion. He sat up in the bed crossing his arms across his chest as he stared at her. 

"Hello, Doctor. How are you feeling?" Sarah Jane wondered taking a seat beside the bed. 

"Fine," The Doctor answered. His eyes narrowed further as he analyzed her. "Why have you come here?"

"I was worried about you," She answered sounding confused. 

"Be nice," Jack gently scolded the Doctor. 

"Why should I? She is the reason that I am stuck in this hospital in the first place," The Doctor snipped not looking at him.

"She didn't make you take the drugs," Jack argued him. 

"No, but she is listed as my next of kin in the UNIT database. She is the one who told Martha that she could keep me here against my will until Martha decides I am healthy again," The Doctor informed Jack. He glanced at Jack out of the corner of his eyes. "Tell me I am wrong."

"You're right. I gave Martha permission to help you," Sarah Jane answered. The Doctor looked at her.

"You can leave now," He told her. 

"Doctor," Sarah Jane started. 

"Get out of my fucking room," The Doctor yelled at her pointing to the door. Jack tapped the Doctor's arm and the Doctor turned his anger towards him. "Stop hitting me. You're always fucking hitting me and you have no right to If I want to swear at someone I can. I'm not a damn child."

"I'll go," Sarah Jane informed them as she stood up. Jack didn't hear her as his attention was focused on the Doctor. He didn't take his eyes off the Time Lord as he put the bar up on the side of the bed. She was almost to the door when the Doctor went rigged on the bed. Jack rushed around to the other side throwing the second bar up.

"Get Martha," Jack snapped at her looking at the clock. Sarah Jane didn't move right away as she stared at the Doctor. She had seen seizures before but never from him. "Now, Sarah Jane," Jack practically yelled at her startling her from her thoughts. He watched as Sarah Jane rushed out to find Martha. Once the door closed, he hit the call button as the Doctor began to writhe on the bed, his arms and legs jerking. A nurse came in a minute later followed by Martha with Sarah Jane in tow. 

"Not again" Martha sighed wondering what was causing the Doctor to seize again. There was no reason that she could find that would cause him to have to seizures in as many days. The Doctor went still and Martha started to roll him up into the recovery position when he started to seize again. 

"What is happening Martha?" Jack asked her as Martha drew up a syringe. 

"I don't know," Martha responded. The nurse grabbed the Doctor's arm holding it for Martha to give him the injection. The Doctor twitched again then laid limp on the bed as the medicine took effect. He drew a small breath in followed by another. Martha placed an oxygen mask over his face as he continued to take short shallow breaths. Martha grabbed a clean syringe filling it with the Doctor's blood. "Jack, I need you to take this to the TARDIS. See if she can tell us why he is seizing. Nurse Hunter, I need you to go see if the MRI is open. I want him in there as soon as possible for another scan," Martha ordered. She used her pen light to check the Doctor's pupil response as the two of them ran out of the room following her orders. Slowly Sarah Jane stepped forward taking the Doctor's hand into hers. 

"Is there anything I can do?" Sarah Jane asked. Martha was about to tell her no, but as she looked up she could tell that Sarah Jane needed to help. 

"Talk to him. When he starts to come back around he is going to be confused and want a friendly face," Martha told her. 

"He wasn't happy that I was here. He swore at me and told me to leave," Sarah Jane explained to her. 

"I wouldn't take it personally. He was about to seize and they cause him to become angry and swear," Martha informed her. She was just finishing taking his vitals when Jack came back into the room. In his hand he had a vial of medication along with a syringe. Martha took the vial from him looking at it. 

"Somehow he hasn't been taking his pills. The TARDIS says that his blood is almost completely devoid of the medication to stop him from communicating with her," Jack explained. "She says that if he won't take the pill that we can safely give him the injection for as long as he needs it."

"Did she say how long it is going to be until he can connect with her properly again?" Martha asked drawing up the correct dose. She then cleaned a spot on his thigh using an alcohol wipe. 

"No," Jack told her. He had asked the TARDIS but she wasn't sure. She could only tell him that the Doctor's mind needed to heal first. Jack watched on as Martha gave the Doctor the injection causing him to groan his breathing speeding up slightly. He swatted half-heartedly at her due to the pain in his leg. "You're alright, sweetheart."

"No," The Doctor whimpered as Jack caught his hand. 

"I'm almost done," Martha reassured him. "How about you open those eyes of yours so that we can talk for a moment." The Doctor ignored her and once she removed the needle, though, he went limp his breathing returning to the shallow slow breathing. "He is probably going to sleep most of the evening now and then be groggy tomorrow, Sarah. If you want to head home, I will call you as soon as I have an update."

"That would probably be for the best," Sarah Jack responded going towards the door. Despite what Martha said she still didn't think the Doctor would want her in his room once he woke. She just hoped that one day he would forgive her.


	29. Chapter 29

Jack expected the Doctor to continue to sleep the rest of the day due to his seizure. He thought briefly of leaving the Doctor's side for a short time to get coffee and stretch his legs. The Doctor would be fine with Martha for a few hours as she stayed in his room monitoring him out of concern due to his shallow breathing. Jack couldn't bring himself to leave the Time Lord's side, though, and instead he took his place beside the Doctor's bed. He was glad he stayed when not even a half an hour later the Doctor began to stir. 

"Jack," He whined upon waking and finding that he was alone in his bed. Cold air was blowing against his face making it hard to breathe. He didn't like it and reached up to remove the mask from his face. Someone caught his hand stopping him. He forced his eyes open to see Jack sitting in the chair beside the bed holding his hand. 

"I'm right here," Jack reassured him running his thumb along his knuckles. He moaned feeling a tear run down his cheek. He felt sick, miserable and cold. He just wanted to be held while he drifted off to sleep again. 

"Jack," He whimpered louder when rather than getting into bed with him, Jack reached out and took his hand. He felt someone move his blankets and a the cold metal of the stethoscope pressed against his chest. He shuddered trying to roll away from Martha as another tear ran down his cheek. 

"You're alright. I would ask how your feeling but I am guessing your pretty miserable, huh. So how about you have a nice drink of water then try to go back to sleep," Martha suggested softly as she placed the stethoscope aside and picked up his water. She moved the oxygen mask away from his mouth enough that she could offer him the straw. He looked at her with such sad eyes that she felt as if she were hurting him rather than trying to help him take a drink. He wrapped his lips around the straw taking a small sip before releasing it. She replaced the mask for him then fixed his blanket. 

"Please Jack," The Doctor whispered turning his attention back to the man sitting in the chair. Jack climbed up on the bed wrapping his arms around the Doctor. The Doctor moved closer to him pressing himself against Jack's chest as he sought out the warmth that Jack provided. 

"Is this what you wanted?" Jack questioned him softly. The Doctor nodded against him, his eyes already closing. He was quickly asleep again and Jack resigned himself to being the Doctor's heater for the next hour. He was then gentle when he woke the Time Lord so that they could take him down for the MRI and CT scan. It didn't matter as the Doctor quickly became whiney again, not liking that Jack had to get out of the bed or that he had to lay on a cold table as lights flashed around his head. Jack was allowed to sit in the room near him and Jack rested a hand on his leg talking calmly to him while the scans were run. Much to everyone's relief, the scans showed no new damage to his brain and Martha put the seizures down to him refusing to take his pills. He was taken back up to his room, where Jack was once again given the task of trying to soothe him back to sleep. 

"Did I have another seizure?" The Doctor asked curling against Jack. He looked down to see the Doctor's eyes were already drifting shut. Sleep was the best thing for him at the moment so Jack gently caressed his back as he spoke. 

"You had two seizures within a short time of each other," Jack replied not wanting to lie to him. The Doctor didn't seem that worried, though, as his breathing evened out. Over the next few hours, he woke several times, never staying awake that long as his body recovered. Jack stayed in bed with him the entire time holding him close and providing the Doctor with the warmth that his body craved. He was almost asleep himself when the Doctor woke again and was more aware of his surroundings than the previous times. 

"You took her away from me," He whimpered as he realized the faint connection he was developing to the TARDIS was gone. He had been working to strengthen the connection, but now his mind was empty leaving a void where she should be. 

"Took who away?" Jack asked in confusion. He tried to hold the Doctor closer aware that he was distraught, but the Doctor pulled away from him. 

"The TARDIS. You took the TARDIS," The Doctor cried frustrated as he sat up. 

"Your mind isn't ready to connect to the TARDIS yet, sweethearts," Jack started to explain to him. 

"Stop calling me sweethearts. You made me keep my name so you should use it," The Doctor snipped, interrupting him. 

"As I was saying, trying to connect to her is what caused you to have seizures the last two days," Jack continued letting his annoyance come through in his tone. 

"I don't care if I am having seizures. I would rather have the seizures then continue to be punished," The Doctor informed him stubbornly. 

"No one is punishing you," Jack told him. The Doctor nodded not elaborating as he glared at Jack. Jack gave him a moment before asking him. "How are we punishing you."

"By making me take that bloody pill," The Doctor enunciated slowly and clearly. Jack sighed. 

"I know you don't like the pill, but it isn't a punishment," Jack informed him. 

"On Gallifrey, it was. They used the pill to take away the telepathic abilities of criminals. The Master made me take the pill aboard the Valiant and you're no better than he is making me take the pill now when I don't want it," The Doctor yelled.

"Calm down, Doctor, we didn't know," Jack responded keeping his voice even. 

"You didn't care. Even if I would have told you, you still would have made me take it as Martha has made it perfectly clear I have no say in what happens to my body," The Doctor screamed louder. The door to his room opened and Martha started to enter but Jack held up is hand to stop her. 

"We did that so we could help you," Jack replied struggling to continue to remain calm. 

"A lot of good that's done," The Doctor hissed. 

"Based on the fact that you are still alive, I think it has done a lot of good. You seem to keep forgetting that you would be dead right now if we hadn't helped you. So you can throw this little pity party of yours and continue to yell at me or we can have a rational conversation about why you are taking the pills," Jack growled back. 

"Bugger off," The Doctor snapped. 

"I told you next time you tell me that you better mean it," Jack told him getting out of the bed. 

"I do." The Doctor crossed his arms glaring at him. 

"Fine. He's all yours Martha," Jack snipped crossing the room. He pushed past Martha as he headed down the hallway going towards the entrance of the building. Martha watched him go outside before looking at the Doctor. He had tears running freely down his cheeks and was staring at the wall. She didn't say anything as she closed the door and went after Jack.


	30. Chapter 30

"Jack, slow down a moment," Martha called out as she rushed out the doors after him. Jack was already halfway across the hospital grounds but he stopped turning to look at her. "I know that he upset you by causing himself to have seizures by refusing to take his pill. Running away is not the answer."

"I just can't deal with him anymore at the moment, Martha. I'm tired of being worried about him constantly and fighting to help him while he continues to resent us for trying," Jack told her as she caught up to him. 

"I know these last few weeks have been difficult for all of us. What I don't know is how you have managed to stay by his side for so long without running away before now," Martha informed him. Jack smiled weakly at her. "Regardless of whether or not he wants to admit it, he needs you here by his side, Jack."

"I know. Don't worry Martha I am going to be back later tonight. I am upset with him, but he isn't going to drive me away permanently," Jack informed her. "God knows that I have tried to be mad at him enough times over the years. I have wished for his death, yet when he calls or even appears in Cardiff, I always come running. Right now, though, I badly need a drink and a few hours to myself. He will be fine without me for a few hours even if he will probably just wallow in self-pity until I return."

"But you are coming back?" Martha questioned and Jack nodded. 

"Yes, just do me a favor and don't tell him that," Jack told her wrapping her in a side hug. 

"I won't," Martha agreed. She watched Jack continue across the compound before going back inside. Taking her time, she asked the nurses to watch the Doctor's door for any escape attempt. She thought about temporarily stationing a nurse inside his room with him, but decided against it as she didn't have one to spare. She also wasn't going to waste time and ask the Brigadier for a soldier since Jack would be back later. Making the Doctor a cup of tea she returned to his room, taking a deep breath before going inside. 

"Jack has gone off site, so you are going to have to use your call button if you need anything," Martha informed the Doctor as she entered the room. She set his tea down on the bedside table noting that the Doctor didn't seem to care. Nor did he look at her as he sniffled softly. 

"Did he say when he is coming back?" The Doctor wondered softly after a moment. 

"No. He has stayed by your side for weeks now when he has other things he could be doing. He cares about you and is only trying to help you, yet, you continue to repay him for his kindness to you by telling him to bugger off and swearing at him," Martha scolded him. Pulling out her stethoscope she placed it to his chest. The Doctor groaned at the coolness of it but otherwise didn't complain. 

"I didn't mean it," The Doctor whined realizing that he missed Jack. Jack had made him feel safe inside the walls of UNIT and giving him the comfort that he didn't feel that he deserved but desperately wanted. He didn't think that he could continue to go through this without Jack by his side providing him the strength that he needed to overcome his drug addiction. 

"Then you shouldn't have told him it in the first place," Martha responded. She finished checking his vitals then handed him his cup of tea. "I know you were angry, but Jack wasn't here for you to take your anger out on."

"I know," The Doctor sighed. "If you see him tell him I am sorry."

"I will," Martha agreed. She left the Doctor by himself after that, checking on him periodically throughout the day. Just like Jack predicted he stayed in his bed pouting not really caring about what was going on around him. Even though she had other patients to tend to, she still made time to join him for his dinner so that he didn't have to eat alone. While they ate she tried to talk to him, but on only received several grunts and sighs in response. He barely touched his meal, though it took him the same amount of time to eat a quarter of it as it took her to finish her own. She didn't scold him for not eating but instead placed the remainder of his meal in the fridge for later. 

When seven o'clock rolled around, she was slightly worried that Jack still wasn't back even if she knew he needed time. She had planned on going home for awhile, but instead made the decision to stay on site for the night in case she was needed. Around nine, she went to the Doctor's room. She was surprised to find that he was still awake and staring at the wall. 

"Can't sleep?" She asked him softly. He shook his head no.

"I miss, Jack," He whispered. 

"I know," Martha sat down in the chair beside his bed and reached out to take his hand. He gripped her's back tightly just seeking the comfort her touch provided. Eventually, he fell into an uneasy sleep and she let herself out of his room making sure not to wake him. She went back to her office, settling down with a book to wait for Jack. It wasn't until almost eleven, though, that she received a call from the front informing her he was coming back onto the base. Martha thanked them, going out to meet him as he entered the hospital. It was obvious just by looking at him that he was more relaxed than when he left. "Did you have fun?"

"I did. How is he?" Jack wondered as he worried about the Doctor. He hadn't meant to stay out for so long even if he had needed it. 

"He is sleeping at the moment. Just like you predicted he spent most of the day pouting and refusing to talk to me. He wanted me to tell you, though, that he is sorry and that he misses you," Martha responded. 

"I missed him," Jack replied. He went to the Doctor's room opening the door to look in. The Doctor was still sleeping, but the soft whimpers that came from him indicated that the sleep was no longer peaceful. 

"Go to him," Martha whispered as Jack stood in the doorway. He gave her a quick hug, then went to the Doctor's side. He hesitated for only a second before he kicked off his shoes to climb up on the bed. Laying down beside the Doctor he took the Time Lord into his arms snuggling him close. The Doctor wrapped his own arms around Jack as he opened his eyes a crack. 

"I didn't think you were coming back," The Doctor informed him as he held onto Jack tightly. Jack could feel him trembling in his arms and he ran his hand along the Doctor's back trying to soothe him. "Please don't leave me again."

"I won't," Jack promised. To his surprise, the Doctor leaned up kissing him softly on the cheek. He looked down at the Time Lord as the Doctor pressed their lips together. Jack pulled away from him, carefully but firmly moving himself away from the Doctor shocked that he was kissing him. The hurt on the Doctor's face was immediate. He moved further away from Jack, turning over so that he was facing the wall. 

"It's because I'm tainted," The Doctor whispered so quietly that Jack almost didn't hear him.

"You're not tainted. I love you despite the fact that you always push me away and if I thought this is what you really wanted, Doc, I wouldn't hesitate to be with you. It isn't, though, and we both know it," Jack told him softly. He heard the Doctor sniffle softly. 

"What if it is what I want?" The Doctor questioned. Jack smiled sadly as he reached out, pulling the Doctor so that the Doctor's back was pressed against his chest. He kissed him on the back of the head as he held him. 

"Give yourself time to heal and think about what you are saying, Doctor. If you still want this once you are healed, nothing will stop me from returning that love. But, if you want to forget about tonight and go our separate ways again I'll understand that too," Jack informed him. The Doctor tried to roll over so that he was facing Jack, but the Captian held him in place. Rather then feel restricting, the Doctor found it comforting to be held so tightly but someone who cared for him. 

"I won't change my mind," The Doctor informed him with a yawn. *Yes you will,* Jack thought to himself. 

"Just sleep now," Jack told him out loud. The Doctor yawned again and soon after his breathing evened out. Jack just lay awake, though, wondering if he had made the right decision by pushing away the only man he had ever waited for.


	31. Chapter 31

The Doctor slept uneasily in Jack's arms as nightmares plagued him once more. Over and over in his dreams, Jack had walked away from him after agreeing that he was tainted. He had called out for Jack to stop, trying to go after him but he couldn't as he was forced onto his hands and knees as an unknown man used his body. He didn't fight the man but just let it happen, knowing in the end, he would be paid with the drugs that would allow him to forget. He finally woke with a start crying out and trying to sit up before he was able to stop himself. He felt Jack's arms tighten around him for just a moment before a soft snore escaped from Jack. He laid back down unable to sleep again, but not wanting to be awake. 

His craving for the drug was strong once more and he was desperate for just a small taste of it. He licked his lips tasting imaging the bitter taste upon his tongue. A thought crossed his mind that with Jack asleep, he could take his vortex manipulator and leave. Jack wouldn't be able to find him and he could finally be free of the humans who held him hostage claiming they were trying to help him. Rather than reaching for the manipulator, though, he turned over in Jack's arms pressing his face into his chest breathing in Jack's scent. If he left he would be even lonelier as he had pushed away everyone who had ever cared for him except for Jack. He didn't deserve Jack's love even if he desperately wanted it. 

*How could he ever love a whore?* A small voice taunted him. The voice was right even if he didn't want it to be. Reaching up he wiped the tears from his eyes. Though he was still safe in Jack's arms he felt lonely. He was probably the only man to have ever been rejected by the famous Captain, but who could blame him. Jack didn't deserve someone that was weak enough to sell his body for a small bag of drugs. The tears were forming faster now and he pressed his face harder against Jack's chest as a sob escaped his throat. In the dark quiet of his hospital room, he wondered if he ever deserved to be loved again. 

-DW-

Jack didn't think he would sleep that night but he was awoken early in the morning by Martha bringing their breakfast. The Doctor was already awake, still curled against him seeking the warmth Jack provided. Though Jack had fallen asleep with the Doctor's back against his chest, he had somehow managed to turn over in the night to press himself against him. Jack could feel the Doctor's cool breath on his neck and see that the Doctor's eyes were red from crying. He pulled the Doctor closer, shaking his head as Martha went to check his vitals. Martha thankfully understood. *Is he alright?* She mouthed. Jack shrugged. Martha checked the monitors and then turned to leave. Jack waited until she was out of the room before speaking to the Doctor. 

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Jack questioned softly. 

"N-n-nothing," The Doctor stuttered in reply. Jack sighed. 

"Is this about what you said last night?" Jack wondered. The Doctor didn't answer him which was answer enough. "Why do you think you are tainted?" 

"Because I am," The Doctor whispered trying to bury his face further into Jack's chest. Jack wasn't about to let him hide again, though. He didn't want to push the Doctor back again and ruin his trust, but he needed to talk to him. He very carefully untangled himself from the Doctor's arms rolling onto his back. He saw the rejection in the Doctor's eyes as he pulled the Doctor to him again settling him so that he was pressed against his side. The Doctor lay stiffly against obviously upset about being moved. 

"I know you are hurting still due to the decisions that you made. Not remembering has to be the worst part of it all. I have been there myself and woken up in a strange bed not remember who I slept with or if we bothered to use protection. It is a horrible feeling but I can assure you, sweetheart, I don't think nor will I ever believe you are tainted due to the fact you slept with a few men," Jack informed the Doctor causing him to wince. 

"I sold my body for payment," The Doctor argued. Neither one of them noticed that the door opened a crack as Daniel arrived to discuss the possibility of continuing to treat the Doctor. He stopped with the door barely open as he heard the Doctor talking with Jack. 

"The men who took advantage of you in a moment of weakness are the ones who are tainted, not you," Jack responded. 

"Is that why you don't love me anymore?" The Doctor questioned. Daniel closed the door before he heard Jack's answer. He didn't need to hear any more in order to know that he would never be able to treat the Doctor. The Doctor needed someone who could argue him back, not just listen and discuss what he was saying. Daniel didn't know the Doctor well enough to be that person. 

"I do love you," Jack replied. 

"Then kiss me," The Doctor told him. He leaned up to kiss Jack on the lips but Jack once more pulled away. "See," the Doctor pouted hiding his head. 

"I love you enough that I am not going to be like those men and take advantage of you while you are healing," Jack told him. The Doctor started to speak again, but Jack silenced him with a finger to his lips. "Now enough of this nonsense. Martha brought us a nice breakfast of eggs and toast. Then if you haven't scared Daniel away permanently you have a session with him. After I was thinking that we could go for a walk around the grounds if it isn't raining." The Doctor smiled up at him weakly as Jack kissed him on the top of the head. 

"I'd like that," The Doctor agreed. He sat up leaning against Jack as Jack pulled over their tray of food. Together they ate in silence both lost in their thoughts. The Doctor wondering how he could make Jack realize that he did love him, while Jack wondered how long he could resist the Doctor for.


	32. Chapter 32

They were halfway through their breakfast when Martha came into the room. The Doctor looked up at her as he took a bite of the egg with sausage off of Jack's fork. She didn't comment on the fact that his own fork looked untouched, indicating that Jack had been feeding him the entire meal. That was a problem for another day as she was just relieved to see that he was eating well again and that his own plate was as empty as Jack's.

"I just got done speaking with Daniel," Martha informed him as she approached the bed. 

"Oh?" The Doctor questioned reaching for his tea. 

"You'll be pleased to know that he hasn't changed his mind and I am going to have to find you another psychiatrist," Martha told him. She saw a small smile cross the Doctor's face.

"I was just beginning to like Danny-boy too," The Doctor commented. 

"Don't lie. You're glad he is gone and we both know it" Jack tutted. He picked up the piece of toast offering a bite to the Doctor before taking one himself. "Did he recommend anyone who could take his place?"

"No. I am going to ask around and see if I can find someone who is willing to take his place. In the meantime, though, he recommended that you continue to talk to Jack as needed," Martha informed him. 

"Alright," The Doctor agreed. 

"Next, thing we need to discuss is the fact that you are refusing to take your pill. Until which time you decide that you can take it or until the TARDIS says you no longer need the pill, I am going to be giving you a daily injection instead," Martha advised him. The Doctor narrowed his eyes at her as he pushed away from Jack sitting up straight. 

"I refuse," The Doctor seethed. 

"You have no choice," Martha responded pulling the capped syringe out of her pocket. 

"No, you can't make me take it," The Doctor screamed. Jack grabbed onto him holding the Doctor tightly as he continued to fight. "Jack, don't let her punish me."

"Shhh, sweetheart, it's alright," Jack cooed feeling horrible for holding him still. He screamed louder, cursing as Martha stuck the needle into his arm. Martha gave him the injection as quickly and carefully as possible before motioning that Jack could release him. The Doctor slumped against the bed feeling defeated. "Doctor, are you alright?" He turned his head, looking at Jack with such hatred and confusion in his eyes that it was hard to believe that he had confessed he cared for him mere hours ago. 

"Fine, can we go outside now?" the Doctor questioned, the anger in his voice betraying him. 

"In a minute," Martha answered for Jack. "There is one last thing we need to discuss first."

"I don't care what you have to say," The Doctor interrupted her. He pushed the tray of food roughly causing it to spill on the bed. Tea soaked into the mattress along with the rest of Jack's coffee. He didn't care as he swung his legs over the side and standing up. Getting out of bed he looked for his trousers to dress. He saw them laying on the chair behind Martha and pushed past her to retrieve them. Martha sighed. 

"I am planning on taking you to my flat this weekend as long as you continue to show progress," Martha told him anyways. Even with his seizures, she didn't see a reason to keep him in the hospital much longer. The scans showed that the seizures weren't caused by anything they could stop. He just needed to take his medication, heal and gain weight at the moment. He could do that as easily in her flat as he could here in the hospital.

"I said, I didn't care," The Doctor snipped at her. He headed to the door pausing with his hand on the handle. "Are you coming Jack because I will leave without you."

"I'm coming, Doctor. Let me just clean up this mess you made first," Jack sighed, straightening the tray. The Doctor shrugged opening the door to go outside without him. "Doctor, get back here."

"I'll clean it. Go ahead and go with him," Martha told him. Jack quickly slipped on his shoes going after the Doctor. The Doctor hadn't gone far as he stood just down the hall where the TARDIS was sitting. Jack watched on as the Doctor tried the door, disappointment crossing his face when he found that he was still locked out. He stepped closer to the TARDIS, resting his head against her. 

"I'm sorry," The Doctor whispered running his hand along the side of the blue box. He wished more than anything that he could feel her hum through him in a way that was familiar to him as breathing, but she remained silent in his head. Jack came up behind him wrapping his arms around him, resting his head on the Doctor's shoulder. The Doctor leaned back against him. "I miss her."

"I know," Jack told him. He gently pulled the Doctor away from the TARDIS, taking him to the doors heading outside. Outside the day was overcast with a light rain. The Doctor paused looking as if he were going to cry because they both knew with his weakened body he shouldn't go outside in the cold. He needed the fresh air, though, so with a tug of his hand, Jack led him out. Together they walked along the paths around the base. Solider's ran past them going about their duties ignoring the two of them as they walked. 

"Are we going to share a bed at Martha's flat?" The Doctor questioned Jack as he leaned down to examine a plant. 

"I don't know. Martha spoke about getting a second bed for the room, but I don't know if she has had time," Jack answered kneeling down next to him. 

"I don't mind sharing with you," The Doctor informed him, glancing at Jack out of the corner of his eyes. Jack placed his hand against the side of the Doctor's head and kissed his forehead. 

"Come on we need to get you out of the cold," Jack told him standing and pulling the Doctor to his feet. The Doctor kept a tight grip on Jack's hand as they continued around the base. The wind picked up and soon the rain was coming down heavily drenching them. Jack pulled on the Doctor's hand hurrying him back to the hospital. They left a trail of water on the floor as they returned to the Doctor's room. "Strip. I am going to draw a warm bath for you."

"Will you join me?" The Doctor questioned softly. 

"I have to stay with you while you are in the bath, remember," Jack told him on purposely misunderstanding the question. He undressed, getting out of his wet clothes. He waited for the bath to fill as he dried off, preparing to put on clean clothes. The tub filled, he turned off the water calling out to the Doctor. He tried not to watch the Doctor's naked body as he entered the room and climbed into the tub, sitting straight up in the water.

"Join me," He requested of Jack again. 

"Doctor," Jack began.

"Join me," The Doctor told him more firmly. Jack took a deep breath as all the consequences of listening to the Doctor went through his head. Taking a step forward, he took another placing his feet in the warm water. Sinking down into the water he sat stiffly. The Doctor didn't seem to care as he leaned back against Jack's chest. He took Jack's arms in his wrapping them around him as he shifted to snuggle back against him. Giving in Jack relaxed back. He knew in his heart that he couldn't keep resisting the Doctor even if he tried.


	33. Chapter 33

Jack ran his hand soothingly along the Doctor's chest as they continued to relax in the warm water. It was a little cramped in the tub, but the Doctor didn't seem to mind. He also didn't seem to mind that despite Jack's best efforts, he couldn't keep his body from responding to the fact that he was holding the naked Doctor in his arms. He looked over the Doctor's shoulder, disappointed to see that the Doctor's own member remained flaccid. He leaned back further again wondering why he was surprised that the Doctor wasn't reacting when he had always seemed asexual to Jack. Jack desperately needed to think of something besides the cool bony body in his arms or he was going to end up embarrassing himself. 

"Doctor?" Jack questioned not sure if he was lost in his own thoughts.

"Hmmm," The reply was slow and sleepy sounding. 

"What made you change your mind about me?" Jack wondered. He had always cared about the Doctor, ever since he laid eyes on the short-haired northerner during WWII. He never thought that those feelings would ever be reciprocated, though. Now he couldn't help but wonder why the Doctor suddenly had feelings for him when he was just as bad as Martha when it came to restraining him for his own good. He had also held the Doctor still so that Martha could give him the injection he needed knowing the Doctor considered it a punishment. He was too worried that the Doctor was going to leave him once he was healed to be happy that the Doctor finally cared about him. 

"I've always cared for you Jack," The Doctor answered him softly.

"Then why did you leave me behind?" Jack asked him. Even if it had been over two thousand years, he still remembered the last time he saw the northern Doctor aboard the Gamestation. He had woken up knee deep in Dalek dust to hear the TARDIS leaving without him. He thought that it had been some kind of mistake. That if he just waited there the Doctor would eventually return to him. As the days passed, though, his anger grew as he came to the conclusion that the Doctor had abandoned him. He wandered around the empty station looking for parts to repair his vortex manipulator while wondering what he had did that was so horrible that the Doctor felt the need to leave him behind. 

"I always meant to go back for you," The Doctor admitted. Jack made a scoffing noise with his mouth and the Doctor turned his head to look at Jack through half-lidded eyes. "When I left I was in the process of regenerating and even when I make the choice to change it is a scary process. Some Time Lords can control their regenerations while I have to concentrate just to remain male. After I had regeneration sickness and Rose woke me before I was ready making it worse. By the time I was healed, I realized that I couldn't go back for you as I had always known where you were."

"What do you mean?" Jack wondered in confusion. 

"Do you remember that day we spent in Cardiff before the Sleethen," The Doctor questioned. Jack nodded. "While we were there I had felt a strange anomaly in time. It was only after you changed that I realized it was you. Don't you see Jack, if I had gone back to you on the Gamestation, I would have changed your history. All the good that you did for the Earth would have been ruined."

"What about all the pain that I suffered? I have lost so many due this curse of immortality. I have nightmares about standing alone at the end of time, screaming into the darkness as everyone dies but me," Jack admitted before he could stop himself. The Doctor ran his hand gently down Jack's cheek. 

"I promise, Jack, that you won't ever be alone in the darkness," The Doctor reassured him with a soft kiss on his cheek. 

"How do you know?" Jack questioned. 

"I just do," The Doctor answered vaguely turning to face forward again. It wasn't the reassurance that Jack was looking for but still it made him feel better. He held the Doctor continuing to relax in the tub for a bit longer as he heard the Doctor's breathing evening out. Jack knew that he had pushed the Doctor too hard today by letting him go for the walk in the rain while his body was still recovering from the three seizures. Still, it worried him when he was able to get out of the tub, lift the Doctor out and carry him to his bed without the Doctor waking. As quickly but carefully as he could, he dried the Doctor off and dressed him in one of the hospital gowns. He pulled the Doctor's blankets up over him, tucking them around him in an effort to keep him warm before leaving the room a moment. 

He returned quickly with Martha following behind him. She wasn't as worried about the Doctor, but she still ran through his vitals in an effort to appease Jack. The Doctor's vitals were a little off, though, nothing that she was overly worried about. He had over exerted himself after having the seizures and his weak body was having trouble handling it. She advised Jack to take him on shorter walks or skip them all together the next few days to give him a chance to recover before going on her way. Jack knew she was right and took his seat next to the Doctor's bed reaching out to take his hand. The Doctor gripped his back briefly before a soft snore escaped. Still worried about him, Jack continued to sit by the bed waiting for any sign that the Doctor may need him.


	34. Chapter 34

The Doctor walked slowly down the street, he was feeling slightly jittery as he looked for the man that could sell him the drugs that he needed. He had tried to ignore the craving as it overtook his body, filling his mind with the need to take the drug until it was all that he could think about it. He tried desperately to resist, not wanting to let the drug ruin his life anymore, but he couldn't. In the end, he was weak and had gone in search of the bag of white powder with little blue crystals in it. Not finding any aboard the TARDIS, he headed to the door with the intention of leaving to find it. The TARDIS tried to stop him, shocking him as he placed his hand on the railing. 

"Ow, you bitch," The Doctor swore pulling his hand back from the rail. He hurried quickly over to the coral kicking it as hard as he could. "If you are going to try to stop me, the least you can do is fucking talking to me." He kicked the coral again as the TARDIS remained silent in his head. Angry he stormed to the door throwing it open. He slammed the door behind him as he set off down the road. Finally reaching his destination, he knocked softly on the door. The door opened a crack and a man poked his head out.

"What do you want?" The man snapped at him. 

"I am here to see Micha," The Doctor told him trying to sound more confident than he felt. The man looked the Doctor over, analyzing him before opening the door and allowing the Doctor to enter. The room just inside the door was sparsely decorated with two couches. The Doctor followed the man further inside to a second room. This room was large and filled with books. In the middle of the room sat a man at a desk. He was young with dark hair and a goatee. His suit his body making it impossible to tell if he was muscular or just slightly overweight. The Doctor approached the desk slowly. 

"I haven't got all day. State your business or get out," Micha informed him firmly. 

"Veronica sent me for more of the powder," The Doctor lied. The man stared at him before reaching into his desk. He pulled out several bags and laid the down on the desk. The Doctor felt his mouth water as he imagined the bitter taste reaching for the bags. The man pulled them back. 

"First we need to discuss your payment," Micha told him standing up. 

"Right. How much do you want?" The Doctor asked trying not to step back as Micha came up to him. He felt Micha's eyes running along his body as he stared forward. 

"You don't look like you have much money. So I will make you a deal, you suck me and I will give you one of the bags," Micha whispered. A shudder went through the Doctor's body. He didn't think about it as he turned and ran from the office. "You'll be back. They always are," Micha called after him. The Doctor kept running as he hurried back to the safety of his TARDIS. Aboard the TARDIS things made sense and he didn't have to worry about this over sexualized planet. He put the key into the door pulling it open. As he hurried aboard his beloved ship, a sharp pain went through his head causing him to stumble. He caught himself on the railing as his head pounded. He cried out grabbing his head with his other hand, his eyes filled with tears. He made his way slowly to the medi-bay pulling a pain reliever out of the cupboard. He swallowed it dry as he laid down on the medi-bay floor. 

Hours passed and the pill didn't help, if anything it made his head worse. He couldn't stand the headache anymore, but he knew how to alleviate it. Pulling himself up off of the floor. He made his way once more off of the TARDIS. Stepping out into the fresh air he walked once more towards the building. The further he got from the TARDIS, the better his head was feeling which confused him. As he approached the building, the door opened and the man once more ushered him inside. He didn't wait for the man as he hurried through the room back to Micha's office. Micha was standing in front of his desk with a small glass in his hand 

"I told you would be back," Micha smiled as he held out the glass. The Doctor took it from him taking a sip. He could taste the bitterness of the drug in it. 

"Thank you," He told Micha as he finished off the glass. 

"You're welcome, but you know what you have to do to get the rest." The Doctor nodded. Hating himself he got slowly to his knees as Micha unbuckled his trousers. He pulled down them down, letting drop to the floor. The Doctor had never done anything like this before, but it couldn't be too hard he decided. He took Micha in his hand. "Use your mouth or you get nothing," Micha snipped. The Doctor took a deep breath, then opening his mouth took Micha inside it. He tried not to concentrate on what he was doing as he just hoped that Micha finished quickly. Micha had other ideas, though. He pulled back from the Doctor, going around his desk. He got into the top drawer and pulled out three more bags of the powder as well as a condom. He didn't say anything as he returned to the Doctor. The Doctor stared at the three bags as Micha reached out unbuckling his belt. Cool air hit his body as he was exposed to the air. He didn't fight Micha as he was turned and a firm hand pushed his chest against the desk. He closed his eyes as Micha reached for the condom. 

-DW-

The Doctor slept peacefully throughout the afternoon into the early evening. Though Jack stayed be his side, he had given up his vigilant watch instead taking to reading one of the several books in the room. He could still hear the Doctor breathing steadily and he took comfort in the noise as he read. When a nurse came with two bowls of soup, Jack realized that he couldn't let the Doctor sleep anymore. He waited until the soup was cool enough to eat before gently waking the Doctor.

"Did I have another seizure," The Doctor asked as he forced his eyes open to look up at Jack sadly. His eyes were bloodshot and the brightness of the lights in the room made them ache. He closed his eyes again quickly.

"No, we just over did it by running in the rain today. Tomorrow we will take it easy and if you want to go out, we will just take a slow walk around the hospital rather than exploring the UNIT grounds," Jack explained to him. He dimmed the lights above the Doctor's bed before returning to his side "Open your eyes and have some dinner."

"I'm not hungry," The Doctor argued as he forced his eyes open once more. Jack didn't listen to him as he picked up the bowl of soup. He then sat down on the edge of the Doctor's bed, carefully putting a spoon full of the broth in his mouth. The Doctor swallowed it without lifting his head. The broth was tasty and felt good on his dry throat. He opened his mouth for another bite, letting Jack feed him almost the entire bowl. Deciding he was full he turned his head smacking his lips. Jack drank the rest of the broth from the bowl and then started on his own meal. He thought the Doctor had gone back to sleep until he spoke, startling him. 

"I have to go to the loo," The Doctor told Jack softly. 

"Do you need help getting to the toilet?" Jack wondered. The Doctor nodded the embarrassment he was feeling clearly showing on his face. Jack sat down his soup on the table before pulling the blankets back. He started to help the Doctor up but he just slumped against him. Jack laid him back down, confusing the Doctor as he went to the cupboard. The Doctor watched Jack unhappily as he pulled out a bottle. 

"I can make it to the loo," The Doctor insisted. 

"I know, but since you aren't feeling well I figured this would be easier," Jack answered holding the bottle out to him. 

"Don't you dare look," The Doctor told Jack as he took the bottle. Jack chuckled as he had seen the Doctor naked many times and held him in the bath earlier that day. Jack obliged him turning his back to the Doctor. He whistled softly to himself while he waited. "Done." Jack turned back around taking the bottle from him which was now filled. He carefully took it to the loo, emptying it then rinsed it out in the sink. Setting on the back of the toilet he returned to the Doctor's side. The Doctor was already sound asleep again with the blankets down at his feet. Jack shook his head. He climbed up on the bed, taking the Doctor in his arms. Reaching down he tucked them both in as he settled down to rest.


	35. Chapter 35

The Doctor gripped the front of the desk tightly as he felt Micha spreading a sticky substance on his bottom. He tried to keep his breath even reminding himself over and over that he would forget what was going to happen to his body once he had more of the drug in his system. It wasn't any comfort, though, as Micha pushed himself roughly into his body. He bit down on his arm to muffle the scream of pain as he allowed it to happen. Micha quickly started a brutal pace as he took his pleasure from the act, not knowing nor caring if the Doctor received pleasure as well. The Doctor's grip on the desk became so tight that his fingers hurt. He desperately tried to think of anything else, but all he could focus on was the pain. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the movement stopped and Micha collapsed forward pressing him onto the desk. He continued to lay there even after Micha's weight lifted.

"Take the drugs and leave," Micha told him firmly. His body sore, but his mind numb, he followed Micha's orders as he pushed himself up off the desk. He bent down to pull up his trousers, not bothering to latch his belt before reaching for the drugs. Disgust filled him as the used condom landed on the desk next to his hand. "You can take that as well to remember me by."

"No, thank you," The Doctor whispered. He gathered the bags, keeping them in his hand as he headed towards the door. His body was trembling and it took everything in him to keep putting one foot in front of the other. 

"Seems like Micha has found himself a new whore," the man who guarded the door commented as the Doctor passed by him. The Doctor glared at him with all the rage of the oncoming storm. The man glared back at him finding it hard to be afraid of a man he just watched let himself be used for a small bag of powder. The Doctor stumbled out the door. He somehow made it back to his TARDIS, letting himself inside. Once inside, though, he collapsed to the ground. He curled into him sobbing in pain and regret over what he just let happen to his body. He was a Time Lord who had once made armies turn at just the sound of his name, now he was nothing more than a whore who sold himself for drugs. His father and all his teachers were right, he was a disgrace. 

Still crying, he once more forced himself to his feet going to the kitchen. Once there he grabbed a large glass off of the counter. His hands shaking he poured all four of the bags into the glass. All he had to do was add water and then drink it. Just the simple act and it would all be over. He wouldn't have to live on as the last of the Time Lords but would finally be able to join them in their eternal rest. The TARDIS blew warm air on him humming softly to him. He leaned his head against her wall for a moment wishing he could hear her as she continued to comfort him. He continued to stand there until his tears turned to sobs and he was unable to cry anymore. Reaching into the drawer, he pulled out a spoon. He got a smaller cup down from the cupboard than measured himself out a small dose of the drug. He drank it will a full glass of water, followed by another. He took the rest of the drugs and poured them back into the bags for later. 

The powder was starting to take effect and he could feel his mind clouding over by the time the last bag was sealed. He stored them in the drawer near the stove before making his way to his room. He was feeling a little better, now he just wanted to feel clean. 

-DW-

The Doctor awoke in the dark hospital room. He could feel Jack's warm body pressed against him, but the touch was unwelcome as his dreams faded. He knew they weren't really dreams. He was finally remembering the pain he allowed his body to endure while in search of a release. He could still clearly remember holding onto the desk as Micha moved inside him. Though he could only dreamed of the one time, a small voice told him that he had allowed Micha to take him more than once. That he had willing bent over that desk for a small taste of the bitterness. He felt his stomach. So as not to wake Jack, he carefully got out of the bed hurrying to the toilet. He flicked the light on and shut the door wanting to be alone, just managing to get to his knees in front of it as his body rejected everything he had eaten that day.

When his stomach was empty, he sat back on the cold floor, not daring to move far. He was uncomfortable, but he knew that he deserved it for what he allowed to happen to his body. He had let it be used and for what? So that he could suffer now as he was forced to withdrawal from the drug that had brought him comfort. The bitterness had hidden the memories, now without it, they were beginning to resurface. At that moment, he would have given anything to not remember. 

"Sweetheart?" Jack called out as he awoke to find the bed empty beside him. The Doctor didn't answer him continuing to stare forward. He heard footsteps approaching the door and then a soft knock on the door. "Are you in there?"

"I want to be alone. I deserve to be alone," he answered, his voice barely above a whisper. Whether or not Jack heard him the Doctor didn't know. Regardless, Jack didn't listen to him as he opened.

"Are you alright?" Jack asked the pity in his voice clear as he looked down on the Doctor. The Doctor want his pity because despite what Jack said, the Doctor knew that he would leave him if he knew the truth. If he knew just how many times he had let his body be used in order to obtain the drugs that he wanted. 

"Please Jack, just leave me alone," The Doctor begged him softly. 

"I can't do that Doctor," Jack replied not able to walk away while the Doctor was in so much pain. Moving he closer, he slid down the wall sitting next to him on the floor. The Doctor winced, pulling his leg away as Jack went to lay his hand on it. Respecting that he obviously didn't want to be touched, Jack folded his hands in his lap. "You don't deserve to be alone, sweetheart. What you deserve is to be healthy, happy and loved. You aren't going to accomplish that, though, if you don't open up since keeping the pain inside is what brought you here to begin with. Remember nothing that you ever tell me will make me hate you or think any differently of you. So why don't you tell me what is bothering you."

"I remember," The Doctor whispered. 

"Remember what?" Jack questioned even if he had a good idea he knew what the Doctor was talking about. The fact that the Doctor swallowed hard before continuing just made him even more sure about what he was going to hear.

"I let him use my body for three small bags," The Doctor stuttered, his voice barely audible. "Worse, I don't think it was the only time."

"Do you know his name?" Jack wondered softly. Anger filled him, but he wasn't angry at the Doctor. No, he was angry at the man who had brought the Time Lord so much pain. 

"Micha," The Doctor replied. The name did him no good. He was never going to be able to find the man as even with a first name, he didn't know the planet nor the century the Doctor had been in. 

"I am going to make Micha pay for hurting you," Jack informed the Doctor. The Doctor nodded still not looking at. The fact that the Doctor was willing to let Jack hurt someone worried him slightly. Still the Doctor had suffered at the hands of this man and who knows how many others. Hearing the Doctor sniffle, Jack unfolded his arms inviting the Doctor to snuggle against him. The Doctor shook his head no, though, as he continued to stare forward. Jack sighed as he leaned back against the wall, keeping the Doctor company. Despite the ground being uncomfortable, he would stay with him however long it took until he was ready to move.


	36. Chapter 36

Over the next hour, the Doctor was sick to his stomach several times as he continued to sit in the bathroom. Jack was desperate to help him, but any attempt to comfort the Doctor by touching him resulted in the Doctor shaking him off or pulling away. He leaned against the wall miserably, just wanting to crawl into his bed to sleep but not daring to move away from the toilet yet. He felt hot, his stomach burning from being sick and his bottom was sore from sitting on the hard floor. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore he pulled his legs up, wrapping his arms around them as he rested his head on his knees. He looked at Jack with sad miserable eyes. 

"I don't feel good," he whimpered softly. 

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Jack wondered wanting to reach out and stroke the Doctor's hair from his head but respecting his wishes not to be touched. The Doctor shook his head no. 

"I just want to go to bed," The Doctor informed him. He pulled himself up off the floor, stumbling a little as he stood. He caught himself on the edge of the sink and kept one hand on it as he made his way towards the door. Jack didn't miss the fact that he was keeping his legs slightly bowed as he walked. 

"Let me help you," Jack told him as the Doctor moved slowly. 

"I can do it," The Doctor replied. Jack sighed loudly. He let the Doctor continue towards the bed on his own, staying one step behind him just in case. The Doctor made it without falling and climbed unsteadily onto the bed laying down flat on his stomach with a sigh. The pressure on his stomach, though, made his nausea worse and he turned onto his side curling into himself. He barely looked up as Jack pulled his blankets up to his neck tucking him in while touching him as little as possible. 

"Do you need your ointment?" Jack questioned him. The Doctor thought about it a moment. While he didn't want to be touched, he was in pain and the ointment would make him feel better. He also trusted Jack not to do anything but apply the ointment. Still the thought of someone touching him there made him feel sick. 

"Yes," the Doctor whispered at last. Jack went to the cupboard and pulled the Doctor's ointment out. The Doctor shook as Jack moved his blanket back. He grabbed onto his pillow squeezing it tightly closing his eyes. He cried out as he felt Jack's gloved hand apply the ointment for him. His stomach flipped and he barely managed to hang his head over the side of the bed before he was sick once more. Jack came around the bed, the glove still on as he knelt down to clean up the mess. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Jack told him firmly. He handed the Doctor a small bucket to use in case as he cleaned up the floor. He let the Doctor calm down while he did, but that was all the time that he gave him. The Doctor needed to talk and soon. He threw the mess away, then came back to the Doctor's bed sitting on the edge of it. He closed his eyes briefly when the Doctor shifted away from him, making sure that no part of their bodies touched. "This can't go on much longer Doc. These memories are hurting you and it is killing me not being able to comfort you while I am forced to watch you getting sick over something you couldn't control. You blame yourself for what Micha did to your body."

"I let him," The Doctor whispered not looking at Jack. 

"I don't believe for an instant that you just walked up to Micha and let him take advantage of you, nor do I think that you are the first person that Micha tricked into using their body for payment," Jack informed him. He saw a shudder go through the Doctor's body and he gagged at Jack's words. Jack moved the bucket closer to him before continuing. "I know normally you are too clever to be tricked by a mere human so why don't you tell me what happened."

"You'll hate me," The Doctor whimpered burying his face further into the pillow. 

"I told you that I will never hate you and I meant it. So please just tell me what happened before this destroys you any more than it already has," Jack begged him softly. 

"I can't," The Doctor responded. He hid his head again, but he couldn't sleep and everytime he did manage to drift off for a moment, he was back in the office getting bent over the desk. Jack stayed by his side, moving to the chair as he lay in bed shaking and miserable. He wanted more than anything to be able to have a drink of water laced with the bitterness so that he could just forget. Jack would never give it to him, though. "Please sedate me," he begged as morning approached. 

"Sedation won't stop the dreams Doctor. I can help you deal with them, but you need to tell me what happened," Jack told him. The Doctor looked up at him with bloodshot eyes that showed just how tired he was. 

"Please, Jack don't make me tell you," The Doctor whispered his voice scratchy. 

"I'm not going to make you tell me anything," Jack informed him. "I love you and I thought that you trusted me enough to let me help you. But it is obvious that I was wrong."

"I do trust you," The Doctor argued not liking that Jack was trying to trick him into talking. Jack knew though about him waking up in strange places with a sore body after having slept with someone the night before and Jack still stayed with him. 

"Then prove it. You don't have to go into anymore detail than your comfortable with, but tell me what happened so that I can help you deal with the pain," Jack responded. The Doctor looked towards the wall, not answering Jack right away. He could see the Doctor was contemplating his words and sat there quietly waiting. Eventually, his patients paid off. 

"It started at the cafe. I went back there to find out who there supplier was. Veronica wouldn't tell me at first, but I managed to get a name and location," The Doctor admitted starting with the easy part of his story. He skipped the part where he forced himself into Veronica's mind in order to get the location, though. He wasn't ready to admit to Jack that he did in fact deserve to take the punishment medication. "I waited as long as I could before going to see Micha. Eventually the cravings became overwhelming and I couldn't wait any longer. I lied to get through the door telling them Veronica sent me. I was led into Micha's office and he told me that I could have one of the bags if I sucked him. I turned and ran from his office in response."

"I would expect nothing less," Jack teased him softly as the Doctor paused to gag. He didn't want to tell Jack the next part. Pulling the blankets up over his face he continued. He told the TARDIS about returning to the TARDIS with a headache that steadily got worse. He knew now it was because he couldn't communicate with her anymore, but at the time he thought it was due to the drugs leaving his body. He admitted going back the office where Micha was waiting with a small glass of water laced with the powder, before he went quiet again. 

"So he waited until you were at your most desperate before taking advantage of you. While you are partially to blame because you went back to him, knowing what the payment was going to be, he is also to blame. He could have just accepted money from you or had you give him a trinket but instead he insisted that you pay with your body knowing you would give in when your craving was at it's peak. Does that sound fair to you," Jack summerized for the Doctor. 

"No," The Doctor answered him softly. He had to admit that while he still felt horrible, it did feel as if a weight had been lifted just by being able to tell someone what happened to him. He dared to look at Jack, seeing that Jack wasn't looking at him with pity as he expected. Instead, Jack was just sitting there trying to understand what happened. 

"Then stop letting Micha win by blaming yourself for everything that happened," Jack told him. The Doctor nodded. Moving his hand out of the blanket he laid it on the edge of the bed. Jack gently took it in his own hand waiting for the Doctor to pull away. When he didn't Jack gripped his hand tightly leaning down to kiss his knuckles. While they still had a lot to talk about, the Doctor had made progress tonight by admitting some of what happened with Micha. Now, he just had to help him piece together the rest.


	37. Chapter 37

Despite the Doctor accepting Jack's hand to hold, that was as far as he was willing to go towards being comforted. He lay in his bed staring at the wall not wanting to talk, not wanting to think, or really do anything that would admit that he was still alive. He just wanted to drift off to sleep and forget that he had, in fact, allowed a man to take his body as payment for drugs. He cursed the TARDIS silently for not allowing him to die on the floor of her kitchen like the disgraced Time Lord he was. Too many times she had made him carry on when he should have died and he hated her for it. When morning finally came, he continued to ignore his surrounds as Martha entered with his medication. 

"Bad night?" She questioned as she saw Jack sitting on the chair holding the Doctor's hand. He had given up long ago trying to talk to the Doctor, now he just sat silently waiting for the Doctor to acknowledge him again. 

"You could say that. He started to remember what happened last night and has been up most of the night getting sick to his stomach," Jack explained to her. Worried Martha went over to the Doctor to check his vitals. She was immediately concerned when they were more off than normal. 

"How are you feeling?" Martha questioned him. 

"Good luck getting him to talk, he hasn't said one word to me in almost four hours now," Jack informed her. He released the Doctor's hand, leaning back to allow Martha to examine him more closely. Pulling out her thermometer she stuck it in the Doctor's ear to measure his temperature. He didn't fight her as a small groan escaped in displeasure.

"Your temperature is 16 degrees which is a little higher than normal," Martha informed him. She pulled the blankets back to listen to the Doctor's chest. His hearts were still beating normally but his lungs had a little bit of a wheeze to them. As she listened he coughed softly and the wheeze went quieter. She made a mental note to schedule a chest x-ray for him as she continued her examination. He was definitely getting sick and with how weakened his body already was, she wanted to get ahead of the illness quickly. Showing how little he cared about what was happening around him, he didn't complain as Martha drew blood before giving him his daily injection. 

"I'll be back in a little while to take you down for an x-ray. In the meantime you need to take your medication and try to eat a little," Martha explained to him. He closed his eyes as he turned over to face the other wall. The Doctor lay there, refusing to take his pills or eat his breakfast as he kept his eyes closed trying to force himself to sleep. When Martha returned she threatened to place a feeding tube unless he ate his lunch. He opened his eyes just enough to glare at her before closing them again. With Jack still by his side he was wheeled down to the x-ray room where his chest was x-rayed several times. He was then taken back to his room as they waited for the x-rays to be examined. His lunch was brought to him and once more he refused to touch it as he pretended to be asleep. 

"Please try to eat something sweetheart," Jack begged placing the spoonful of soup against the Doctor's lips. He kept his mouth closed ignoring the food that he was presented. 

"I think it may be about time that we consider adding anti-depressants to his daily medication," Martha spoke up as she watched the interaction. The Doctor had kept his eyes closed as the food was delivered, so he hadn't realized that Martha was sitting near the door just observing him as Jack tried desperately to get him to eat. 

"I think you may be right," Jack agreed as he put the spoon back in the bowl and set it down. He reached out to stroke the Doctor's cheek, but the Time Lord pulled away from him, scooting back further on the bed. Frustrated Jack stood up going to the TARDIS. There was no way they were going to be able to get him to swallow a pill, so Jack hoped that she had another option. The TARDIS provided him a liquid antidepressant along with a needleless syringe. Jack took it back to Martha who read the instructions on the bottle. Using the syringe, she measured out a small dose and then tried to place it in the Doctor's mouth. He turned his head away causing Jack to intervene. Jack held his head still while Martha emptied the liquid into his cheek. He let some leak back out of him mouth but he had no choice but to swallow most of it. 

"You'll start feeling better soon," Martha promised him. 

"What if I don't want to?" He asked, speaking up for the first time in hours. He opened his eyes to stare at her with eyes that showed how much emotional pain he was still in.

"I know it is hard Doctor, but it isn't time to give up yet. You still have a lot of fighting to do before the end and I still have a long ways that I can carry you. We can make it through this together, you just need to take your medication and allow yourself to heal," Jack spoke up. The Doctor looked at him not saying anything as Martha's beeper went off. She stepped out of the room, returning a moment later with a smile on her face. 

"That was the lab, they said that your chest x-ray is clear, so now we just need to wait for your blood test to come back," Martha told him. "So while we wait, why don't you eat your lunch and then have a nice nap because honestly Doctor you look exhausted."

"Will you sedate me?" The Doctor asked.

"I will allow you to take a sedative on two conditions. One, you take your pills that have been sitting on the table all morning, and two, you allow me to place an IV while you sleep in order to provide you the nutrition your body needs," Martha informed him. She could see the surprise in his eyes at her answer and knew that he expected her to just tell him no. 

"Alright," he agreed. Jack picked up his pills and water handing them to the Doctor. The Doctor made a face at the fact that he wasn't given tea to wash the pills down with but accepted the drink without further complaint. Martha left the room and returned a few minutes later with the IV and sedative. The Doctor held out his arm for her and she placed the cannula into the back of his hand. She hung his IV bag then injected the sedative into the cannula.

"Do you want me to hold you while you fall asleep?" Jack asked as he helped to tuck the Time Lord back in. The Doctor shook his head no, turning onto his side as the darkness washed over him. Closing his eyes, he quickly slipped off into a dreamless sleep.


	38. Chapter 38

The Doctor pulled up his trousers as he straightened up from Micha's desk. He wasn't sure how many times he had gone to visit Micha now, in the few weeks or months, or however long it had been that he was parked on this dreadful planet. All he knew, that Micha no longer laid out the payment beforehand and also skipped any illusion that he would get away with just taking the Doctor's mouth as payment for the drugs. He motioned for the Doctor to take a seat while he went to the other side of the desk and opened the drawer that held the items the Doctor wanted. The Doctor sat down gingerly on his sore bottom, just eager to get back to the TARDIS and put this event behind him once again. 

"You could earn more if you agreed to sell them for me as well," Micha informed him as he passed the Doctor three bags. The Doctor picked them up off the desk pocketing them in the same movement.

"No," The Doctor told him. His addiction was his own. He wasn't going to take advantage of others for a measly extra bag here and there. He liked to think he was better than that. That somewhere deep inside he was still the Time Lord that was once respected and feared. He started to stand up, but Micha held up a hand to stop him. The Doctor glanced over his shoulder to see that Micha's guards were standing in the doorway blocking his exit from the office. He fought back a sigh as he sat back down. 

"I spoke with Veronica recently. She told me a very interesting story about a man who looked just like you telling her that he was a Police Inspector with the Shadow Proclamation. She claimed that he confiscated all the drugs from her that she was supposed to be selling for me. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that now would you?" Micha asked him staring him straight in the eyes. 

"I'm not a Police Inspector, nor do I work for the Shadow Proclamation if that is what you are implying," The Doctor told him truthfully. 

"Then why would Veronica suggest that you were?" Micha asked him. 

"I don't know," The Doctor informed him, keeping his voice as even as possible. Micha continued to eye him for a moment before leaning back in his chair and folding his hands across his stomach. 

"You're free to go," Micha told him. He stood up moving towards the door. He was almost there when Micha called out to him again. "Oh, and John, I really hope that you reconsider my offer." The Doctor paused turning to look at Micha. 

"My name is James and I will think about it," He smiled before heading on his way. He didn't have to turn around to know that Micha's men were following him as he walked casually down the street. He couldn't return to the TARDIS with them behind him, so instead he turned to the nearest hotel. He would spend the night there he decided, then in the morning return to the safety of his TARDIS. Going inside he rented a room for one. He was given the keys to a small room near the back of the hotel. Going to the room, he looked around. It was a simple room with a single bed and a small bathroom. He dug around the room looking for anything he could use as a glass for water. Finding nothing, he went back to the bed. Pulling the drugs out of his pocket, he laid them on the bedside table as he settled in for the night. 

-DW

The afternoon passed slowly with the Doctor sleeping. Martha had only given him a strong enough sedative to knock him out for a few hours, so when he remained asleep well into the evening, it showed how exhausted he really was. Jack had briefly discussed with Martha sedating the Doctor until morning, but the idea was quickly dismissed as neither one of them wanted the Doctor to be able to hide. Regardless of how badly the memories were hurting him, he needed to remember and talk about it. Hiding wouldn't help him deal with the pain he was feeling, nor would it keep him from relapsing into his drug use once he was released from their care. 

His tests were rushed through the labs and Martha started to get the first results back around supper. She was relieved to see that there was nothing new showing, indicating he just had a common cold. While that was unusual for him, nothing about his current situation was normal. Thankfully the test also indicated that he was still on track to be released on Friday night from the hospital. What he really needed now was soup and cuddles from Jack, if only he would allow Jack into his bed again. 

Around ten at night, Jack gave up on waiting for the Doctor to wake. He was tired and just wanted to lay down to sleep. Normally, he didn't sleep so much, but the constant worry he felt for the Doctor was exhausting him mentally. He kicked off his shoes before climbing up onto the Doctor's bed. He made sure to lay down as close to the edge as possible in order to keep their bodies from touching while they slept. As he settled down, though, the Doctor opened his eyes a crack to look at him. Jack expected to be told off for lying on his bed, but instead the Doctor squirmed closer to him. Jack reached out laying his hand on the Doctor's arm as the Doctor lay almost against his chest. He closed his eyes again and Jack followed suit, thinking the Doctor was going back to sleep. 

"It was Micha," The Doctor whispered after a moment. Jack forced his eyes open to look down at the Time Lord. 

"What was Micha?" He wondered softly. While he was happy the Doctor was speaking again, he wished silently that the conversation could have waited a few hours. Not that he was going to tell the Doctor to wait. He needed to encourage the Doctor to speak when he was ready regardless of the time of day. 

"Who used me. It was only ever him," The Doctor admitted. While he still couldn't remember everything, he was positive that he had only ever let Micha use his body as payment. 

"So Micha was the one who made you bleed as well?" Jack seethed softly. The Doctor shook his head no. 

"That was his guard," The Doctor whispered. He wasn't sure how he ended up on the street with the guard and feared that one day that memory would return as well. Jack moved his hand to the Doctor's back to pull him closer and the Doctor let him. Jack snuggled the Doctor close. The touch still repulsed the Doctor, but he kept reminding himself that it was Jack that was holding him. Not Micha, nor his guard, nor anyone else that had ever hurt him. Jack loved him and had proved time and again that he would never hurt him, not like those men did. 

"When you are feeling better, I want you to take me to go see Micha," Jack told him. The Doctor moved closer to him, burying his head against Jack's chest. 

"I can't," he whimpered. 

"Now you can't, but one day I will help you face those that hurt you and make them pay," Jack seethed softly. The Doctor looked up at him. Then leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. Jack smiled. He kissed the Doctor's forehead as the Doctor snuggled as close to his body as possible. He held the Doctor tight as he finally drifted off.


	39. Chapter 39

Jack was sleeping peacefully when he was awoken rudely by the Doctor elbowing him in the stomach. Groaning he forced his eyes open as the Doctor continued to squirm in his arms. It took him a moment to realize that the Time Lord wasn't thrashing about in a nightmare but was in the midst of another seizure. By the time he managed to let go of the Doctor and move away, the Doctor was still once more. He immediately took a short breath in letting it out with a sigh. Jack reached out to him. Placing his hand on the Doctor's cheek he gently rubbed it with his thumb. 

"Wake up, sweetheart," He cooed softly. 

"Jack," the Doctor moaned. Without opening his eyes, he rolled closer to Jack trying to reclaim the warmth he had lost. When Jack didn't immediately wrap his arms around him to hold him the Doctor whimpered.

"I know and I promise I will hold you in just a moment, but first you should open those brown eyes for me and have a drink of water," Jack suggested to him. The Doctor tried to go directly back to sleep, but Jack didn't let him as he continued to thumb the Doctor's cheek in an effort to get him to open his eyes. 

"Stop," The Doctor whined trying to pull his head away. 

"Just look at me for a moment, then I promise I will let you go back to sleep," Jack informed him. He forced his eyes open a crack keeping his head resting against the pillow. Tears slid freely from his eyes and he sniffled softly. Jack grabbed the Doctor's water off of the bedside table offering it to him. The Doctor made no attempt to take a drink as he waited for Jack to let him go back to sleep. Though he made no effort to conform to Earth's time, he was positive it was still the middle of the night and most humans liked to sleep at night. 

"Alright, come here," Jack told him giving up. He returned the water to the bedside table before pulling the Doctor close to his chest. He ran his hand along the Doctor's spine, trying in vain to comfort him. The Doctor grabbed Jack's shirt in his fist as he buried his face against his neck. He continued to sob unhappily holding tightly to Jack's shirt until he was overcome with exhaustion. With one last sob, his hands loosened and he hiccuped. Gradually his breathing slowed until a soft snore escaped. Jack could feel the Doctor's cool breath against his neck still and he took comfort in the feeling as he drifted back to sleep. 

He didn't sleep long as he woke up often to make sure that the Doctor was still breathing. He didn't like the fact that he Doctor was also having seizures in his sleep and he couldn't help but wonder if the Doctor had been having them since his arrival. Finally, he gave up sleeping altogether. He just lay there holding the Doctor keeping him warm while he slept. Around morning, the Doctor began to thrash in his arms again. Whimpers filled the room as nightmares invaded the Doctor's peaceful sleep. Jack tried to calm him down, but the Doctor pulled away from Jack, a scream on his lips as he sat up. 

"It was just a dream," Jack promised him while the Doctor's eyes darted around the room. "You're safe at UNIT with me. Take a moment to get your bearings while I make you a cup of tea. Then you and I are going to discuss your dream." The Doctor nodded still breathing heavily. He didn't want Jack to leave him, but a cup of tea was just what he needed to clear his head. He carefully got out of bed, going to the loo while Jack was gone. Splashing water on his face, he tried to clear his head of the dream. He didn't want to talk about it, but he knew that Jack wasn't going to give him a choice. He took the towel off the rack, drying his face before staring himself in the mirror. His cheeks were beginning to fill out again and his eyes no longer looked as sunken. While he still didn't recognize the man in the mirror, the shadow of the man he used to be stared out at him. 

"Are you alright in there?" Jack called out after awhile. 

"Fine," The Doctor answered back. Opening the door, he found Jack waiting on the bed with two cups in his hands. The Doctor sat down next to him, taking the cup of tea from him. He took a sip of it, savoring the sweet taste. 

"Do you want to discuss your dream?" Jack questioned him. The Doctor shook his head no as he sighed, knowing that he didn't actually have a choice. Even if he knew that Jack would never judge him or use what he learned against him, he still felt exposed by having to talk to tell them what happened that led to his drug use. Except, if he ever wanted to be released to travel again, he was going to have to learn to talk about himself and if there was one thing he hated to talk about, it was himself. He could babble all day long about the various planets in the universe or what restaurant made the best banana milkshake. He could even tell you where to see the best sunset or view the most stars at one time. But when it came to talking about himself, he always managed to change the subject or avoid it all together. 

"I was back on the Valiant," The Doctor admitted, at last, his voice soft. He could still picture the dream clearly and he shuddered at the memory. 

"In the conference room?" Jack guessed. It was an easy assumption to make for while he had spent most of his time down in the boiler room, the Doctor had called the conference room home during that long year. 

"No, in his office, the Master was standing at the window speaking to me as he stared out of it at the ground below. I don't remember what he was saying but he was angry about something. He, he, turned starting towards me forcing me over his desk," He stuttered. Going quiet, he took a deep breath before continuing. "I fought him managing to break free. As I turned around I looked right into Micha's eyes."

"The Master is dead right?" Jack questioned. The Doctor nodded. 

"I burned his body Jack," The Doctor answered his voice free of any emotion. Draining his tea he handed Jack back the cup, before standing up.

"Where are you going?" Jack wondered as the Doctor headed across the room. 

"I want to be alone," The Doctor replied. Going to the bathroom, he went in it, closing the door behind him. Sliding down the wall, he felt the pain of losing his people rising to the point he wanted to scream with grief he felt. At that moment, he would have given anything to taste the bitterness once more on his tongue. To feel the numbing relief that the drug brought him. Wishing he could feel it just one more time, he curled into himself and tried to forget.


	40. Chapter 40

"Deciding not to travel with you again was one of the hardest decisions that I ever had to make," Jack admitted to the Doctor as he sat down against the door. He thought about going into the bathroom to be with the Time Lord, but this conversation was one that they were never going to be able to have face to face. There was still too much heartache and pain tied to the memories of that year. "I wasn't lying when I said that I wanted to go back to working at Torchwood with my team. Back to a life that I considered somewhat normal while I tried to convince myself that I didn't understand why you wanted to save him. Yet, when my own brother returned and tried to kill me, I too tried to save him as well."

"What happened?" The Doctor questioned him softly as he moved to sit on the other side of the door. He leaned his back against it so that they could speak to each other easier while he stared at the smooth shower wall, pretending he was alone once more. Jack took a deep breath. 

"When we were children our village was attacked by the Sitarikira," Jack told him and he heard the Doctor growl. The Sitarikira were well known across the universe for their barbaric ways. They invaded villages just for the thrill of the hunt killing the men and woman before kidnapping their children. The children were then tortured until they either succumbed to their injuries or joined the Sitarikira. "My father told me to take my brother and run while he went back for our mother. It wasn't until I reached the safety of the trees that I realized I had let go of Gray's hand. I looked for him for years, but he found me first."

"You couldn't have saved him, you were just a child. The Sitarikira would have captured you as well," The Doctor told Jack. Jack nodded slowly despite the Doctor not being able to see him. 

"It didn't matter. I had to make it right. I lost both my father and brother that day and my mother died a few years later from grief. I kept thinking that if I could find my brother I would be able to help him and make amends for destroying my family. In the end, I couldn't kill him either, despite the pain he caused me," Jack admitted to his friend. 

"Where is he?" The Doctor questioned. 

"Currently, he is cryogenically frozen in Torchwood's autopsy room, until I can figure out how to save him." Jack leaned his head back against the door, letting it hit the wood softly. It was the first time he had ever admitted what happened to his brother and he felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest. 

"I'll help you," The Doctor promised Jack. Jack smiled. 

"I won't hold you to that, but thank you," Jack informed him. He still expected the Doctor to take off in the TARDIS and leave them all behind once he was released.

"The Master was once my friend," The Doctor told him opening up to Jack to show Jack he understood. "When we were children, he treated me like a brother, protecting me when my own brother's wouldn't. He never saw me as different because I wasn't loomed like the rest of them. Instead, he took care of me. As the years passed we grew apart, but I will always remember him as the little boy who ran with me across our parent's land."

"You loved him," Jack whispered softly. 

"At one time I did," The Doctor agreed just as quietly.

"Now?" Jack wondered the Doctor was quiet as he thought about the question. 

"I don't know," He answered truthfully after a moment. He tried not to think about the Master and the pain he suffered during that year at the hands of his friend. At night, though, he was forced to relive the memories along with the loss of his people and everything else horrible that had ever happened to him. The drugs had allowed him to sleep peacefully and that made it easier to convince himself that he had made the right decision to keep taking them. 

"I wouldn't blame you if you did. Even if I can't forgive the horrible things he did to you during that year. One night above all the rest of them stands out in my mind. His guards had brought you in, laying you down at my feet hours beforehand in a vain attempt to let me care for you. The Master had been furious that day and you had several broken ribs on top of the various other injuries to your body," Jack informed him. He would later find out that the beating had occurred as a result of the Master finding out that Martha had somehow lived through the bombing of Japan. I remember kneeling down beside you and you opened your eyes to look at me as your mouth moved. Your throat was so dry and you could barely breathe so it was almost impossible for you to speak. It took me several minutes to realize that you were repeating yourself over and over again. 

"What was I saying?" The Doctor questioned. 

"Save them. Just those two words. I promised you that I would and begged you to go back to sleep. To let your body rest and heal. I took your hand in mine and you gripped it tightly until you passed out once more from the pain. I sat there waiting for hours for you to wake up again, to return to me as your breathing became more and more labored. Finally, I realized I was being selfish as much as I wanted you to stay with me, begging you to live when you were in so much pain constantly was cruel. So I laid down, gently taking you into my arms and gave you permission to let go. I promised you again that I would save them for you as I told you that you didn't have to suffer anymore. You somehow managed to hang on through the night surprising everyone on the vessel and in the morning you were taken away from me," Jack recounted his voice soft.

"I'm sorry I don't remember that night," The Doctor informed him.

"I didn't think you would. I was told later that you had been moved back to the conference room and the Master had aged you again while healing your injuries. He threw you into the tent and life returned to normal aboard the Valiant," Jack explained.

"I always wondered what changed after that day. He stopped beating me so badly and I thought it was because he was starting to listen to me," The Doctor sighed. Jack heard movement inside the bathroom and a second later the door opened. He didn't look up as the Doctor stepped around him. The Doctor offered Jack his hand to help him up. Jack reached out taking it as he came to the conclusion that their conversation was over for now. He allowed the Doctor to help him to his feet, putting as little weight as possible on him. 

"Did you want to go for a walk before breakfast?" Jack wondered as he stood. The Doctor shook his head no as he turned to go back to bed. Despite sleeping all evening, he was still exhausted. He sat down on the edge of it as he looked at Jack. 

"I just want to eat and then go back to sleep for a few hours," The Doctor admitted. Jack walked over to him, helping him to move further on to the bed. He pulled the blankets up to the Doctor's waist before leaving the room. He returned shortly after with a nurse bringing the Doctor's morning pills as well as injection. Jack followed with their simple breakfast of bacon butties and a banana for the Doctor. The Doctor didn't fight the injection, the pills or the liquid anti-depressant. Slightly grumpy, he ate his breakfast finishing it before Jack even ate half of his own food. Flopping down, he pulled the blankets over his head turning his back to Jack. 

Jack sat his own breakfast aside. Laying down he wrapped his arms around the Time Lord and pulled him close. He kissed him softly on the side of the head and the Doctor turned over leaning into him. Jack felt the Doctor's hand on his back while his other hand inched lower between them. Jack caught his wrist pulling it back up as the Doctor's other hand rested on his bottom. Jack's hips jolted forward brushing their groins together. The Doctor gasped as Jack fought the urge to pull away, not wanting to encourage the Doctor nor let the Doctor believe he thought he was tainted. He used his hand to push the blankets back and saw the fear that Jack was going to reject him clearly written on his face. Jack kissed him on the forehead, not pulling back. 

"This is more comfortable," Jack told him with a small smile as his mind screamed at him. He pushed his own hand against the Doctor's lower back, keeping their bodies as close as possible but not giving him room to move. Throwing his leg over the Doctor's helped pinned him into place as they lay together. He saw hope in the Doctor's eyes and wondered silently if he had made the right choice.


	41. Chapter 41

As Jack lay there holding the Doctor close to him, he could feel the Doctor's body responding between them. He was steadily getting harder and Jack's own member was growing in response. He tried to think of anything else except for the fact that the Doctor's cool breath was coming in shorter rapid burst against his skin or the fact that he could feel the outline of the Doctor's member pressing against his own. He knew that the Doctor wanted to have sex with him and he knew why. He flirted with everyone including the Doctor even before the Doctor had changed and, therefore, was safe. He had promised the Doctor that he would never find him tainted, and now the Doctor was testing him. 

He would have liked nothing better than to roll the Doctor onto his back, push himself up into the Doctor's body and show him how much he loved him. Except for the Doctor was still healing. If he followed through on his thoughts he would end up hurting the Doctor more, proving to him that sex always had to hurt both physically and emotionally. If he pulled away to explain why they shouldn't have sex, the Doctor wouldn't listen as Jack's rejection would prove that he was tainted. Despite him holding the Doctor tightly to his body, the Doctor was still able to move his hips and they both moaned at the pleasant friction that was created. The Doctor gave another experimental thrust and it was over for Jack. He moved his hand up to give the Doctor more room to move as he responded with his own thrust. 

His mind screamed at him, that he was making the wrong choice and that he needed to stop. He needed to get out of the bed, rejecting the Doctor and deal with the consequences later. His body didn't listen as the Doctor pressed his lips to Jack's neck kissing it softly. He tried to quiet the voices as he concentrated on his movements instead. He kept them soft and slow only responding to the Doctor's own and never taking charge. 

"Jack," The Doctor whimpered as he drew closer to the edge. Jack wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly to his chest as the Doctor responded holding him just as tightly. The Doctor's movements became sporadic as he found his release first. His moans sent Jack over the edge and he spilled himself in his pants. Their bodies going still, they continued to hold each other. Jack moved his head enough to see that there was no fear on the Doctor's face, just the soft eyes of a sated Time Lord. He looked away quickly, hoping that the Doctor didn't see the turmoil in his own eyes. 

He held the Doctor for a few minutes before carefully extracting himself from his arms. Going to the bathroom, he took off his pants and trousers cleaning himself up. He put his pants in a small medical bag planning on just throwing away the evidence of his decision. He dressed once more and then wet a cloth to allow the Doctor to clean. He gave it to the Doctor, but didn't help him as he found a fresh hospital gown for him to wear. He was careful not to touch any of the fluid on the gown as he added it to the bag with his pants, before placing them in the bin. He wanted more than anything to have a seat next to the bed so that he could think about what just happened, but the Doctor was watching him expectantly leaving him no choice but to climb back in the bed. He took the Doctor in his arms, holding him close as the Time Lord drifted back to sleep. 

Once the Doctor began to snore, Jack was able to extract himself easily from his arms. The Doctor didn't stir as Jack tucked a pillow against his chest to help him sleep. Though he doubted anything would wake the Time Lord at the moment. The Doctor's face was relaxed in a way that Jack didn't know was possible. He no longer showed the stress he carried but slept peacefully for the first time in a long time. Jack reached out to brush a piece of hair off the Doctor's face causing him to sigh and turn his face more into the pillow. Pulling the blankets up he tucked the Time Lord in letting him sleep. Moving to the chair beside the bed, he kicked himself silently for letting things go so far with the Doctor so soon. Now that he had given into the Doctor once, it was only a matter of time before the Doctor expected him to give in again. Sex with the Time Lord was something he had waited over two-thousand years for and thought that he would never get to have with him. The thin line he had been dancing on since that first kiss had been shattered and the Doctor's heart was in his hands. He just didn't know if he was ready. 

-DW-

It was only a few hours later when the Doctor began to wake. He lifted his head confused that Jack was no longer in the bed with him. Turning over he looked at Jack sitting in his chair staring towards the door. 

"Jack?" The Doctor questioned. He repeated Jack's name twice more when he failed to answer. Finally, Jack jumped in his seat as he realized the Doctor was speaking to him. 

"Yes, Doc," Jack asked looking towards him. He didn't look at the Doctor himself but stared at a point just past him. 

"Are you alright?" The Doctor wondered in concern. 

"Fine," Jack answered quickly. The Doctor's eyes focused on him and he could practically feel the Doctor's eyes as they analyzed him. 

"Did I do something wrong?" The Doctor asked at last. Jack turned his eyes to see that the scared Time Lords was back. He was worried again that Jack was rejecting him due to the choices he had made. Jack wanted to scream, but he bit it back as he stood. 

"No, I was just thinking and didn't hear you. I promise you did nothing wrong but we do need to talk about what happened this morning," Jack told him. The Doctor hung his head staring down at the floor as he waited to be told off. Jack sat down on the bed taking the Doctor in his arms. "It's not bad. I just need to make sure what happened is what really want. I have never known you to be a sexual man so the fact you are initiating sex with me is confusing. I love you Doc, and I don't want to hurt you by giving in when it isn't the best decision for you."

"I'm a Time Lord. I was raised that I am supposed to put my mind above everything else, especially the pleasures of the body. So, just because I don't have sex as much as you doesn't mean I don't enjoy it," The Doctor snipped at him. Jack sighed. "My body is my own and I will do with it as I choose." 

"Doc," Jack began. The Doctor pulled away from Jack glaring at him.

"Don't Doc, me," The Doctor interrupted. "While I am grateful that you saved my life, I am tired of everyone acting like I am a child and not smart enough to make my own decisons or to know what my body needs." Jack didn't know how to respond without angering him more. Thankfully, he didn't have to as the conversation was interrupted by the door to the room opening. The Doctor moved away from Jack quickly as he rolled to face away from him. Jack happily let him as he tried not to show how happy he was for the distraction. He took the opportunity to get off of the bed as Martha came in with a man wearing a blue button-up shirt underneath a short brown tweed jacket and brown trousers. A pair of brown glasses were perched on his nose and he had a pencil tucked behind his ear. 

"Doctor I would like to introduce you to Ian, he has agreed talk to you this morning in place of Daniel," Martha explained to him. The Doctor lifted his head to look at the man. He took one look at the clipboard in the man's hand and rolled his eyes. He then gave her a look of pure disgust as he pulled the blanket up over his head.

"Good luck," Jack told Ian as he headed to the hall. Martha followed him out closing the door behind her. "Can I talk to you for minute?" Jack asked once they were alone. 

"Sure, let's go to my office," Martha suggested. Jack didn't know how she was going to react, but he needed to tell someone what happened in the Doctor's room today. He just hoped she could look at it rationally as he was having trouble stepping back any further then to see the consequences of his his actions. 

"So Dannyboy," Jack heard the Doctor say as they started down the hall and he couldn't help but smile.


	42. Chapter 42

Once alone in Martha's office, Jack broke down and told her everything as he paced her office. He kept the details to a minimum, trying to respect the Doctor's privacy while still telling Martha enough that she would understand his dilemma. He explained to her about how the Doctor had frightened him by waking him with a seizure. He told her how the Doctor didn't want him to touch him due to the memories returning and how the Doctor worried that he was tainted. He told her about the multiple times the Doctor tried to kiss him. He then admitted to having frottage with the Doctor that morning. Finally, he went over the argument they were having when Martha interrupted it with Ian. Martha didn't say anything as she let him rant. She didn't seem surprised by anything that Jack told her, nor did she seem angry about the fact that he admitted to having sex with the Doctor. Once he went quiet, she gestured to the chair in front of her desk. Jack flopped in it. 

"So have I have made a mistake?" Jack questioned her desperate to hear her opinion.

"First off in regards to the seizure he had last night. The medication that he is taking will only stop seizures that are caused by his inability to communicate with the TARDIS at the moment. The seizures that are caused by any other underlying cause brought on by the damage he did to his body can still occur. As I have stated before the one you witnessed last night may be the last one that he has or he may continue to have them the rest of the time he is in this body. While they are hard to witness he can still live a somewhat normal life even with them," Martha explained to Jack. 

"He can't run for his life while he is continuing to have seizures. He could end up dead or worse if he is fighting a cyberman and then seizes before he is able to get to safety. If we don't figure out how to stop them he may choose to regenerate in order to get his life back," Jack argued her. 

"If the seizures continue once he is clean and his body is healed we can look into helping him control his seizures through medication as well as diet. He can still run for his life even with the seizures, he will just need to make sure that he has a companion who can protect him while he does," Martha answered not sounding as worried as Jack.

"I will protect him," Jack promised her. 

"I know you will, which brings me to the next part of your worries. While I know you want me to tell you that you having sex with the Doctor was a bad decision and chastise you for it, I'm not going to. While I am unhappy to hear that you had sex with him in my hospital, as long as the sex is consensual there is no reason why it can't continue," Martha told Jack. Jack looked at her in surprise.

"Of course, it was consensual," Jack informed. 

"It takes two people to give their consent Jack. While it sounds like the Doctor was willing, from what you have told me I'm not as sure that you were," Martha answered. Jack sighed as he leaned back in the chair folding his hands in his lap. 

"It's not that I am unwilling to have sex with him. I am just worried that by giving into him I am going to end up hurting him even more. Except if I reject him then in his mind I am proving that he is tainted and that may hurt him even more," Jack replied.

"Then you need to discuss that with the Doctor. As conflicted as you are about what he is feeling, I can guarantee you he is even more worried. I took away his right to make decisions about his body in order to save his life, but I did so when he felt as though his body was already out of his control. He is trying desperately to reestablish the control that he lost and while I am granting that freedom in certain aspects, I still can't let him make decisions regarding his medical care. Mentally, though, he knows what he needs in order to get better, so I'm not going to say that he can't have sex with him due to the fact I am worried that you will hurt him because we both know that isn't true. As long as you are patient and careful, there is no reason why the two of you can't have a sexual relationship," Martha explained to Jack. Jack nodded. 

"So I have your blessing?" Jack wondered.

"Of course, you have my blessing," Martha laughed. "On the bright side, the two of you having a relationship will save me from having to buy a second bed while you stay at my place."

"Oh I don't know, his feet tend to be really cold especially at night," Jack teased her back feeling more relaxed than when he went into her office. Martha stood going to the coffee pot she kept in her office. She made them each a cup, then handed Jack his before taking a seat again. They still had a little while before the Doctor would be done with his session with Ian so there was no reason for Jack to hurry back to the room. He took a drink of the hot liquid feeling it burn all the way to his stomach. While the cup of coffee was delicious, he missed Ianto's coffee. In fact, he missed his entire Torchwood team. 

"Once the Doctor is released from the hospital, do you think it would be alright if I took him down to Cardiff for a day?" Jack wondered. 

"I don't see why not if he wants to go. If not, I can keep an eye on him for the day any time that you want to go down there. While we both appreciate your company and I can't thank you enough for your help the last few weeks with him, you don't have to stay by his side all the time. Not taking time for yourself is what caused you to reach the point where you had to take off for the afternoon," Martha reminded him. 

"I remember. I won't let that happen again," Jack promised her. Martha didn't comment as she took a sip of her coffee. While she had never seen Jack show the type of patients he had with the Doctor with anyone else, even he had his limits. The Doctor also had a way of on purposely irritating people to drive them away. Still, if anyone could put up with the Doctor for a long period of time it was Jack. Rather than discuss her thoughts, she instead changed the subject telling Jack about her plan to bring the Doctor to her flat. Jack had been there before so he knew the layout and that the queen sized bed in the guest room would be more comfortable for the two of them to share than the hospital bed. He had already established that the front door would be the easiest way for the Doctor to escape as she lived several stories up. As long as they kept the TARDIS at UNIT the Doctor would have nowhere to go if he did manage to make it out of the flat on his own. That wouldn't keep him out of trouble, but it would make it easier for them to find him once he left. 

The hour up and their coffee finished, Martha accompanied Jack as he returned to the Doctor's room. He was surprised to see that the door was still closed and that he could hear arguing coming from behind the door.

"We are going to get nowhere with your sessions if the two of us can't have a civil conversation," Jack heard Ian tell the Doctor. "Now your hour is almost up, do you have anything else that you want to discuss before I leave for the day?"

"I'm not telling you anything Danny," The Doctor seethed. 

"And I told you my name is Ian," Ian argued him. 

"I don't care what your name is, as long as you are in this room I am going to call you Dannyboy," The Doctor stated stubbornly, the anger clear in his voice. Jack raised his hand to open the door but the door opened first. Ian came storming out of the room his clipboard still in hand. Jack got a brief glance of the Doctor sitting on the bed with his arms crossed, the oncoming storm clear in his eyes before the door closed. 

"Martha, that man is the most stubborn patient I have ever had to speak with," Ian told her. Rather than sounded exasperated like Jack expected, he was surprised to hear that Ian sounded pleased with the revelation. 

"The session went well I take it?" Martha asked and Ian smiled at her. 

"I look forward to speaking with him tomorrow. Now I'm sorry but I really must be on my way or I am going to be late for next appointment," Ian excused himself hurrying off down the hall. Jack looked at Martha confused by the strange exchange between the two colleagues. 

"Ian was suspended from UNIT last year due to his unconventional way of dealing with patients. After the way, he treated Daniel, no psychiatrist here at UNIT will talk to him. I made a few phone calls and that was when I found out about Ian. He agreed to speak with the Doctor and personally I think he is a perfect fit," Martha told Jack. 

"I hope the Doctor feels the same way," Jack replied not as sure. Going into the room. He saw that the Doctor had moved so that he was sitting in the empty chair. He had somehow acquired a cup of tea and he was drinking it happily. "So what did you think of Ian?"

"I like him," The Doctor replied with a smile. 

"Of course, you did," Jack replied shaking his head. Sitting on the Doctor's bed he allowed himself to fall back and stared at the ceiling. Life was never normal when the Doctor was around but this was just ridiculas.


	43. Chapter 43

-Earlier that morning-

As soon as Martha and Jack left them alone, Ian took the seat next to the bed. He didn't speak to the Doctor as he pulled the pencil out of behind his ear and started to write on the clipboard. The Doctor remained hidden under the blanket as he listened to the scratching of the pencil on paper. Eventually, his curiosity got the best of him and he poked his head out to stare at Ian. Ian continued to ignore him as he flipped the page over. 

"Aren't you going to try to ask my questions?" The Doctor wondered. 

"Nope," Ian answered continuing to stare at his paper. "Daniel informed me how you liked to sleep during his sessions so I figured I would use this hour to get work for other patients done." 

"Don't you dare try to play games with me Dannyboy. A toddler could see through your reverse psychology attempt," The Doctor informed him angrily. 

"While I realize Daniel has the same letters in it as my name, my name is Ian not Dannyboy. Also, I'm not trying to play games with you. Regardless of whether or not you talk to me, I get paid to be here. So it would actually help me if you chose to sleep during the hour I am here so that I can get caught up on my work," Ian replied still not looking up. The Doctor glared at Ian, as he threw the blankets back he stood up grabbing his trousers and pulling them on. He headed towards the door, placing his hand on the handle he stared at Ian.

"Aren't you going to try to stop me?" The Doctor wondered why Ian didn't seem to care that he was trying to leave the room unaccompanied. 

"I wasn't aware you needed someone to hold your hand to leave your room. Don't worry the nurses are out there and they can keep an eye on you," Ian told him on purposely trying to provoke him. It worked as the Doctor bristled with anger. 

"I don't need a babysitter, nor do I need someone to hold my hand to get a cup of tea," he seethed. Ian looked up at him with a small smile. 

"Why didn't you say you were just going for tea? I take mine with two sugar and no cream," Ian responded. The Doctor didn't respond as he went out the door to his room. Almost immediately Megan was near his side watching him. He recognized Adam from the night time shift still sitting at the front desk. 

"Do you need anything Doctor?" Megan asked him softly. 

"No," he replied going to the small kitchen that he and Jack used. With Megan watching, he took his time to make himself a proper cup of tea. Taking down a second cup, he added just enough water to get the tea wet. He then let it soak for less than a minute before filling the cup to the brim with milk. Picking up the two cups, he returned to his room handing Ian the cup filled with milk. Ian took one look at it and sat it aside. 

"I think I will drink that later," Ian smiled.

"Suit yourself." Sitting down on his bed, the Doctor took a drink of his own tea enjoying the feel of the hot liquid. He glanced towards the clock wondering how soon it was until Jack returned and was happy to realize he only had a short time left that he was going to be stuck with Ian. Ian glanced at the clock as well, then turned to the Doctor. 

"Well, I guess if you aren't going to sleep than we might as well talk. Why don't you tell me something about yourself," Ian suggested. The Doctor sucked in his lips, making them as narrow as possible while he continued to stare at Ian. "Alright, I will go first then."

"I don't care," The Doctor interrupted him before he could say anything about himself. 

"Well then what do you want to talk about?" Ian questioned him pleasantly.

"I don't want to talk to you," The Doctor hissed angrily.

"Be that as it may, we are going to get nowhere with your sessions if the two of us can't have a civil conversation,"Ian told him. "Now your hour is almost up, do you have anything else that you want to discuss before I leave for the day?"

"I'm not telling you anything Danny," The Doctor seethed not liking that he was unable to provoke Ian. If he was honest with himself, though, he liked Ian. Ian didn't pretend that he actually cared what the Doctor thought. Nor did he seem in awe about who he was. He wondered if Ian had been forced to read his files like Daniel. Martha didn't mention it and he didn't care enough to ask her.

"And I told you my name is Ian," Ian argued him.

"I don't care what your name is, as long as you are in this room I am going to call you Dannyboy," The Doctor stated stubbornly, the anger clear in his voice. He glared at Ian as he finally got up heading out of the room. He didn't listen to what was being said in the hall but was happy to see that when the door opened again, it was Jack who came in. He moved to the chair, picking up his tea as he moved. He watched Jack flop back on his bed staring up at the ceiling in surprise that he liked Ian, though he didn't question why. 

"I spoke with Martha and told her what happened this morning between us," Jack advised the Doctor. He didn't need to look at the Doctor to know that the happiness he was feeling as he drank his tea had vanished. 

"Let me guess, she told you not to have sex with me," the Doctor responded. He didn't add because he was tainted but the tone implied it. Jack sighed wondering how long the Doctor would believe he was tainted for. He hoped silently every day that the test would continue to be clear that Martha ran on his blood. If even one came back positive, it would prove to the Doctor that he was tainted and he would never forgive himself.

"Actually, she told me the opposite. She advised me that you are able to have a healthy sexual relationship with me if we both consent to the relationship," Jack advised him. 

"Do you consent?" The Doctor questioned him hesitantly worried about what Jack's answer would be. 

"I'm not sure at the moment Doc. I would love more than anything to have a relationship with you, but this morning I felt coerced into having sex," Jack admitted. He looked up as the Doctor huffed. 

"I didn't coerce you," The Doctor scoffed. Jack sat up glaring at him. 

"No, you don't get to make that decision. If I tell you I felt coerced, you don't get to just dismiss me in order to make youself feel better. Do you understand?" Jack snapped angrily. The Doctor nodded before hanging his head to stare at the ground. "Now I am willing to forget about this morning, but first I need to understand why you are suddenly interested in having sex with me when you never seemed interested before."

"I was interested before but I couldn't," The Doctor admitted. Jack sat there waiting for the Doctor to go on. 

"Why not?" Jack wondered when the Doctor didn't speak again. 

"Because if there is one thing I have learned in my 900 years about sex is that it isn't supposed to be pleasurable. As children, we are taught that sex is used for procreation among lesser species who haven't learned how to loom. Since then sex has only been used as a goodbye, a show of force, humiliation or payment," the Doctor admitted. It broke Jack's heart to hear the words and he could hear in the Doctor's tone that he really believed what he was saying. "Then I met you. You seemed to really enjoy sex and I tried to dismiss you because your just a human after all but even after the year on the valiant you still enjoyed it."

"I do," Jack agreed. While what happened on the Valiant had tainted his enjoyment for awhile, it didn't ruin it completely. He was able to move past the year with Ianto's help. Ianto never judged him or questioned why he was no longer allowed to be on top. The Doctor wouldn't have sought that same comfort and knowing Donna he would have been castrated for trying. 

"I wanted to know what that was like," The Doctor whispered. After everything he put his body through, he wanted to know what it would feel like to have sex with someone who wasn't trying to hurt him, use his body as a payment or leave him. He thought Jack wanted the same but now he wasn't sure. 

"Come here," Jack told him holding his arms open. The Doctor stood up, moving to sit on the bed with Jack. Jack wrapped his arms around the Time Lord holding him close. He kissed him on the side of the head then leaned their heads together. "I love you and I will make love to you if that is what you really want."

"It is," The Doctor admitted his face red. Jack kissed him again. Turning the Doctor's chin with his hand he ran his hand down the Doctor's stomach towards his groin. He paused with his hand on the Doctor's abdomen as he realized he should have asked Martha for condoms. Kicking himself mentally, he instead set himself to kissing the Time Lord breathless.


	44. Chapter 44

Though the Doctor wanted more from Jack, Jack didn't allow him to take their escapades any further while in the hospital. It frustrated the Doctor to no end as he wasn't confident enough to ask Jack for what he wanted, but tried to guide him. On several occasions, he squirmed so that Jack's groin was rested against his bottom his breath coming in short burst as he waited with anticipation. Except even though he could feel that Jack wanted him, Jack never gave in. The Doctor didn't understand why Jack wouldn't make love to him like he wanted. The rubbing was nice and once Jack used his hand to bring the Doctor to completion, but it wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to feel Jack moving inside him while he stared into Jack's eyes. He had felt a shudder go through himself at the thought as he laid in Jack's arms. He wasn't sure where his new sex drive was coming from all he knew was that it was unfit for a proper Time Lord. 

On Friday morning, he actually found himself speaking with Ian about his drug use. Ian never pressured him to talk, in fact, they had spent the last two sessions just playing chess. His cravings were peaking again that morning, though, and he couldn't concentrate on the game. He sat there trying to think while he told Ian about how he started taking the drug by mixing it with his tea. 

"I still miss the bitterness," The Doctor admitted as he finally moved his pawn. 

"Have you considered giving up tea for awhile?" Ian questioned. The Doctor looked at him like he had suddenly grown two heads and Ian chuckled. "There are other hot drinks you can choose from like hot chocolate or coffee in the meantime."

"My former self liked coffee, but this regeneration never developed a taste for it," The Doctor answered. Whether or not Ian found his statement strange he didn't say as he took the Doctor's pawn with his bishop. The Doctor moved his rook regretting the move immediately when Ian used his own rook to take the piece. He should have seen the move and immediately beaten Ian, but all he could think about were the small bags of powder. Standing up he went to the door opening it. Jack looked up from where he was sitting against the wall talking to someone on the phone. 

"You still have about thirty minutes Doc," Jack informed him after a quick glance at his watch. 

"I want coffee," The Doctor told him. Jack looked at him confused as he stood up. 

"Are you sure?" He wondered before he wasted his time going to the kitchen to make the Doctor a cup of coffee just to have him complain that he wanted tea. The Doctor nodded. "I'll be right back." The Doctor went back into the room to see Ian still waiting for him by the chess board. Walking over to it, he used his hand to swipe all the pieces to the ground before sitting down grumpily on the bed. 

"I guess the game is over," Ian responded beginning to pick up the pieces off the ground and placing them back into the box. The Doctor huffed irritated kicking one of the pieces under the table. "You should pick that up."

"No," The Doctor replied clearly trying to start a fight as he kicked a second piece. Ian stared him in the eye as he swung his foot kicking a third piece. Now angry the Doctor picked up the board throwing it, it slammed into the wall behind Ian with a thunk. Unphased, Ian handed him a couple of the chess pieces watching as the Doctor threw them as well. His hand empty he leaned down scooping up more of the pieces to throw at the wall. He threw them then grabbed the pillows off the bed chucking them at the wall as well. 

"Hey," Jack sighed coming into the room to see the mess gathering by the wall. "What is this?"

"Therapy," Ian answered. Jack didn't hand the coffee to the Doctor not wanting to clean it up as he watched the Doctor throw his shoes at the wall. The Doctor was breathing heavily with a cold anger in his eyes as Ian handed him his clipboard, Jack's book and then his own shoes to throw. Jack didn't understand it, but he gave Ian the coffee the Doctor requested before going back into the hall. The Doctor looked around for anything else to throw. Seeing the coffee cup in Ian's hand, he reached for it but Ian moved it just out of his reach. 

"I won't throw it," The Doctor promised as he continued to reach for it. Ian passed it to him and he took a drink. The coffee was diluted with plenty of milk and sugar. It didn't provide him the comfort that tea did, nor did it remind him of the drugs that he took. He took another sip feeling the familiar hotness in his chest.

"So how is it?" Ian wondered. 

"A little sweet, but otherwise it is nice," The Doctor answered. He took another sip, making a face before setting the cup on the bedside table. "Will I still be able to play chess against you once I am out of here?"

"Of course, we can still play chess. Though I imagine I am going to have to buy several new chess boards before then," Ian replied with a smile.

"Sorry," The Doctor replied. 

"Don't be, it was about time I replaced that board anyways," Ian informed him. He went over to the wall, picking up the items that were beside it. The Doctor sat there watching him for a moment before a loud sigh escaped his lips. He got down on the floor to retrieve the chess board pieces from underneath the bed and table where he had kicked them. He made sure that Ian had all the pieces then handed the box to him. Ian took tucking it under his arm. The Doctor held out his hand.

"Thank you," The Doctor told him as they shook hands.

"Anytime," Ian responded heading to the door. The Doctor followed him looking out into the hall. Jack was still on the phone but now he was pacing in the hall. He looked at the Doctor apologetically holding up five fingers. The Doctor nodded closing the door behind himself. While he waited for Jack, he collected the few items that he had in the hospital. This afternoon, he would be going to Martha's flat to continue his recovery and while it wasn't his TARDIS, it also wasn't this hospital. By the time he finished cleaning and dressing Jack came into the room with Martha. 

"I am going to exam you, then you are free to leave with Jack to my flat," Martha informed him. 

"You're not coming?" The Doctor questioned the happiness clear in his voice. 

"I got asked to assist with a surgery this afternoon, so no I am not going with you," Martha replied ignoring his tone. She ran through his vitals and checked his lungs, relieved to hear that the wheeze was gone. Once finished she signed off on his exit papers. Leaving the room for what he hoped was the last time, the Doctor practically ran to the front gate in his eagerness to leave. The guard at the desk slowed them down as he informed the Doctor how much he looked up to him. Though the Doctor smiled back and was nice to the guard, he was hurried out as Jack could see the Oncoming Storm in his eyes. 

They arrived at Martha's flat without incident and Jack let them inside. The place was large with two bedrooms, a kitchen, dining room, bathroom with a separate loo and a large patio. The place was clean and showed how little it had been used since Martha moved into it. Everything in the living area was functional and showed none of Martha's personality. Jack showed the Doctor the room that they would be sharing. The bed was large and would be comfortable for the two of them to sleep on together while the desk had obviously been set up for his use. 

"I went to the TARDIS and got out clothes for you. Martha has already put them in the wardrobe. She also bought bathroom supplies for us to use. Speaking of which, I will be right back," Jack informed the Doctor. The Doctor nodded as he looked around the room. Opening one of the drawers he found his socks and pants. He closed it again. Going to his bed, he laid down upon it. He looked at the door as he unbuckled his trousers sliding his hand down to his groin resting it just above his member. It had been hundreds of years since the last time he touched himself and his stomach fluttered in anticipation as he thought that he could get caught by Jack any moment. Grasping it in his hand he couldn't contain the gasp that escaped. It felt wrong, but he closed his eyes imagining it was Jack's hand. 

"Mind if I join in?" Jack wondered. The Doctor jumped. He hadn't heard Jack come into the room and he kicked himself mentally for letting his guard down, even if he had wanted to be caught.

"Please," He still begged. Jack placed his hand over the Doctor's and guided him in his movements. He whimpered begging Jack to go faster, but Jack didn't listen. He stood up, pulling the Doctor's trousers down to his ankles. The Doctor kicked off his shoes eagerly allowing Jack to remove them the rest of the way. Taking it as a good sign, Jack got into the drawer beside the bed. The Doctor watched him pull out a small bottle of lube and a condom laying them on the table before settling on the bed again. 

They kissed slowly, Jack distracting the Doctor as he placed lube on his fingers then pushed one up inside the Time Lord's body as slowly as possible. The Doctor gasped into Jack's mouth as Jack opened him as carefully as he could. He needed this to feel good for the both of them and he could tell by the Doctor's reactions to his attention that no one had ever taken the time to make sure the Doctor would receive pleasure as well. He thought about bringing the Doctor to completion with just his hands again but they both wanted this too badly.

"Jack, please," The Doctor whimpered his fingers tightening on the blanket. His skin was flush and he was breathing heavily as Jack teased him. 

"Alright," Jack agreed. Standing up, he heard the Doctor groan in frustration as he removed his hands. He took off his own trousers then put the condom on. He added extra lube to both himself and the Doctor's bottom before crawling between his legs. He lifted one placing it on his shoulder then slowly pressed forward. The Doctor whined his hands tightening on the blankets again as he body was finally breached. "How does that feel?"

"Good," The Doctor moaned. Jack moved as slowly as he could giving the Doctor time to relax. When their bodies were joined as closely as Jack could get them he leaned down to kiss the Doctor's sweaty head. The Doctor wrapped his arms around Jack holding him as tightly as he could as he whimpered with every thrust. 

"Do you need me to stop?" Jack wondered as the whimpers sound almost pained.

"Don't you dare," The Doctor growled. Jack pressed his lips to the Doctor's neck sucking and nipping as he brought the Doctor to completion first. His own release followed soon after. Reaching out he brushed the hair off the Doctor's forehead as he looked into his eyes.

"I love you," Jack whispered. The Doctor pushed himself up on his elbows to press their mouths together in a deep kiss. Jack felt his body responding and just hoped that Martha had bought enough condoms as he looked forward to a long night in the Doctor's arms.


	45. Chapter 45

Their second round of making love was slow and tender as Jack showed the Doctor how good sex could actually feel. There was no hurry to completion as he held the Doctor close to his body. The Doctor stared up at him with a softness in his eyes that Jack rarely saw. There was no stress on his face as he panted and moaned with each thrust. Jack was surprised how quiet he was as the Time Lord usually never went quiet so he had to judge what the Doctor liked based on his soft vocalizations instead. He fell over the edge first and then reached down between them to bring the Doctor quickly to release as well. 

Turning them on to the side, he held the Doctor close as he bent his legs to keep himself inside the Doctor's body. He was willing to go for a third round but the Doctor had other ideas as he nuzzled his head against Jack's neck sighing softly. He held onto Jack closing his eyes to rest in his lover's arms. Jack bit his lip to keep from commenting and ruining the moment as the Doctor squirmed pushing himself down to take Jack deeper in his body as he tried to rest. Jack ran his hand along the Doctor's spine until his breathing evened out and a soft snore escaped. Being as careful as he could, Jack extracted himself from the Doctor's body and arms. The Doctor barely noticed sprawling out happily on the bed. His leg bent upwards showing his bottom. 

"Damn it," Jack hissed seeing that the Doctor's bottom was red. He knew the Doctor would have been feeling sore and it angered him that the Doctor didn't tell him that he was hurting. Going to the bathroom he retrieved a wet towel as well as the Doctor's ointment. He returned to the bedroom taking the time to tenderly clean the Doctor up and apply the ointment without waking the sleeping Time Lord. He covered him with a blanket tucking it up around his bare shoulders. Going back to the bathroom he showered quickly, it did nothing to relieve his anger, though. He wasn't even sure who he was more mad at. Himself for hurting the Doctor or the Doctor for letting him.

He dressed in his normal trousers with a button up shirt before sitting down on the couch. He turned on the telly, but he wasn't able to pay attention to it. He was feeling too restless. He paced the living room, going into the Doctor's room several times just to watch him sleep. He moved the blanket back the first time to check his bottom, causing the Doctor to moan from the draft. He tried to cover himself back as he whimpered showing that he was waking up. Not wanting to disturb him anymore he tucked the blankets back. He returned to the kitchen digging through the cabinets until he found the bottle of wine he knew Martha would have. He poured himself a glass taking it to the couch along with the rest of the bottle. His body burned off alcohol too quickly for it to be of any use but he drank it anyway. 

"Rough day?" Martha asked as she came into the house to find Jack laying back on the couch nursing the bottle of wine. The surgery had been rough and longer than expected as they ran into complications. All she wanted to do was eat supper and then curl into bed to rest before she had to be back at UNIT in the morning. 

"He let me hurt him," Jack answered her softly. He didn't look at her as he took another drink. 

"What do you mean?" Martha wondered taking a seat on the edge of the couch. Jack recounted his afternoon with the Doctor, keeping the details to a minimum for Martha's benefit. She sat there listening to him not interrupting as he seethed. 

"I asked him if he needed me to stop and he told me no. I don't understand why he lied to me when I was hurting him," Jack questioned her. 

"You said that he associates sex with pain. Have you considered the fact that he didn't even think about the pain he was in except that it would have hurt more if you would have stopped?" Martha asked. Jack looked at her confused before she continued. "The way I see it, he wanted to feel loved and to know that somebody wanted him. He is one of the loneliest people I have ever met despite the fact that he constantly travels with companions, but in the end they never stay. You can, though, Jack. You can be there for him long after everyone else leaves."

"I want to be Martha, but I still can't get the thought out of my mind that he is going to leave me as soon as he is able to travel again," Jack admitted to her. Martha reached out to squeeze his hand. 

"I know, I don't think he will, though. He never fares well when he travels alone and he knows it. He knows that he needs someone with him who can keep him in line and that he trust. As evidenced by what happened with Daniel, he isn't going to accept a new companion readily and from what I have seen, he doesn't want a new companion," Martha answered. Jack smiled sitting up. He offered Martha the bottle of wine and she took it from him taking a drink. 

"I hope you're right," Jack told her sitting up. Martha looked at her watch then sighed standing up. 

"I am going to start dinner, if you want to wake him for me," Martha commented going towards the kitchen. 

"Can't he eat when he wakes later?" Jack questioned on the Time Lord's behalf. 

"I would prefer that he eats dinner with us. It is about the time that he was eating dinner in the hospital and as much as he hates routines, he needs that consistency in his life right now," Martha explained. Jack nodded knowing that she was right. The Time Lord would fight them saying that routines were for humans but with his immune system shot he would easily become sick if his energy levels dropped. And by eating consistently it would help him to keep his energy levels up. Sighing, Jack made his way to the room to wake the Doctor.


	46. Chapter 46

Going into the room to wake the Time Lord, Jack had to fight back the urge to shake him awake as he was still irritated with him. He couldn't do that to the sleeping Doctor, though, as he stared down at him. The Doctor had turned onto his side wrapping himself so tightly around the pillow in his arms that he was almost in the fetal position. His face was lax as he snored softly and he would be mortified to find out that he had drooled in his sleep. He didn't even stir when Jack sat down on the edge of the bed, showing how much he trusted the Captain. He was deep in a peaceful sleep for the first time in a long time without the drugs to aid his dreams. Jack stretched out in front of him. Placing his hand on the side of the Doctor's head he gently stroked the hair back behind his ear. 

"Wake up sweetheart," Jack cooed softly. The Doctor opened his eyes a crack, a smile crossing his face upon seeing Jack laying in bed with him still. He let go of the pillow, pushing it aside in favor of wrapping his arms around Jack's warm body instead. He let out a sigh, his eyes closing again as he snuggled against his lover. Jack chuckled kissing him on the forehead. "We can snuggle all you want later, right now, though, we need to get up and eat supper."

"I'm comfy," The Doctor replied his voice slightly muffled from pressing his face into Jack's neck. 

"I know, but we can sleep later," Jack responded. He sat up bringing the Doctor up with him. Not deterred the Doctor kept his body limp relaxing against Jack's chest and making it as difficult as possible for Jack to get him out of bed. Jack won in the end as he pulled the sleepy naked Time Lord to his feet. He held him upright as he struggled to take him into the loo. He could hear the Doctor chuckling softly as his body remained limp. 

"Is he alright?" Martha asked as she tried not to watch Jack carrying the naked Doctor across the living room. 

"He's fine, he is just being childish," Jack answered her. He took the Doctor into the bathroom and placed him into the shower. He turned on the water causing the Doctor to yelp as cold water hit his body. 

"Jack," He whined unhappily. He scrambled to the back of the tub glaring at Jack. Jack reached in, adjusting the nozzles to heat the water. The Doctor watched him, shivering while he waited for the water to warm up. Feeling sorry for him, Jack stripped down out of his clothes then climbed into the shower with the Doctor. 

"Let me warm you up," Jack whispered wrapping his arms around the Doctor and kissing him softly on his neck. He kissed up the side of his neck, then caught the Doctor's lips as he turned his head. The Doctor kissed him back softly for a moment. Jack broke the kiss when the Doctor tried to deepen it, still upset that the Doctor had allowed himself to be hurt. Grabbing the shampoo, he helped the Doctor to bathe then cleaned himself off. Together they shaved, then Jack applied more of the ointment for the Doctor before dressing. 

By the time they were done showering supper was almost ready. Jack sat the table while the Doctor made three cups of coffee, much to everyone's surprise. Martha had kept the meal simple making Toad in the hole with potatoes and gravy. The Doctor only picked at the food, not really hungry but knowing that he had no choice except to eat at least half of it. His bottom was sore and he could tell that Jack was trying not to comment on the fact that he had to keep adjusting himself on the chair. Tired of having everyone watch him, he decided that he had eaten enough of their supper. Retrieving a banana from the kitchen he retreated back to his room.

"That went well," Jack commented reaching for the Doctor's plate. He pushed the remaineder on to his own before setting the empty plate aside. 

"Would you like me to talk to him about what happened this afternoon?" Martha questioned Jack. Jack looked at her horrified. 

"And have him take off during the middle of the night because he is mortified that you know. No. I can deal with it. We can still have sex but I will have to keep a better eye on his reactions and not try to take it too far before his body is ready. I can hold myself back but I honestly don't know if he will let me," Jack answered her with a sigh. 

"This relationship can't just be about him if the two of you are going to make it work. You need to take into account how you are feeling as well or you are just going to continue to feel guilty while you watch him squirm on the chair," Martha responded. Jack didn't answer her right away. If the circumstances had been different he would have enjoyed watching the Doctor knowing that the Doctor could still feel the way Jack had owned his body. Except with the Doctor already being hurt, all he could think about is how he had made it worse. How he never should have given in until Martha had confirmed that the Doctor was ready both mentally and physically. 

"As strange as this sounds, especially that it is coming from me. I would have waited until he was ready if I had been given the choice. Physically he isn't ready for sex. But you should have seen him Martha. I have never seen him as relaxed as he was when I went to wake him for supper," Jack answered her. Martha smiled.

"We have to find a balance between his mental and physical health. Like I told you before I am not going to tell you not to have sex with him, but maybe you could try to keep the penetrative sex to a minimum," Martha suggested. 

"I'll try. I just can't promise that he will agree," Jack told her. 

"That is why you need to talk to him to set boundaries and discuss how he is feeling." Jack took in a deep breath blowing it out quickly.

"Fine," Jack huffed causing Martha to smile. Jack smiled back before turning his attention back to the meal.

"Oh and Jack. Just remember if you ever need to talk or need me to talk to him, my door is always open," Martha informed him. Jack rolled his eyes. Picking up his coffee cup he stood. 

"Do you want another cup?" He asked her.

"No, but could I please have a glass of water instead," Martha answered. Jack nodded going to the kitchen and effectively ending their conversation for good. 

-DW-

Laying down on the bed, the Doctor listened to their conversation. No longer hungry for the banana, he sat it down on the bedside table. He ran his hand along the sheets tracing out the familiar pattern of his house's seal. As a child, he had traced his hand over the family crest until he was sure that his hand had indented the wood. Now he just absentmindedly ran his hand as he wondered if his body would ever be his own again. Even now sex was supposedly his decision but Martha and Jack were openly discussing what he was ready for. Why did it matter if he was a little sore? Jack had been gentle not causing him any unnecessary pain like the other men he had been with. Jack had also taken the time to make sure he found a release and he had been looking forward to making love with him again. Now he wasn't sure he wanted to. 

Rolling onto his back, he folded his hands across his stomach staring up at the ceiling. He had been happy when he woke up safe in Jack's arms. Now all he wanted to do was slip back into the oblivion that sleep brought him. A small dose of his drug would allow him to forget about tonight, but even that comfort had been taken away from him. He wondered if he was ever going to be allowed to be happy or if that had been taken from him as well.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief non-con in this chapter between the -DW-'s.

The Doctor was still laying on the bed staring up at the ceiling as he heard the bedroom door open. He didn't lift his head, only turning his eyes to look at Jack as he came into the room. 

"Did you want something?" He asked Jack coldly as he turned his attention back to the ceiling. 

"I was just coming into check on you since you left without finishing your dinner," Jack informed him wondering why the Doctor was angry. He wanted to lay with his lover but the Doctor was making it clear that he didn't want company as, despite his hands being folded on his chest, he seemed to be taking up most of the bed. 

"I wasn't hungry," The Doctor answered simply. Jack nodded noticing the banana on the bedside table still hadn't been touched. 

"Are you feeling alright?" Jack wondered in concern. The Doctor glared at him. 

"Why don't you just ask Martha?" The Doctor asked him the sarcasm coming clearly. Jack visibly winced at his words. 

"You heard that?" Jack wondered softly as he mentally kicked himself. 

"Of course, I fucking heard that. The whole complex fucking heard you two talking," The Doctor snapped angrily. His eyes narrowed further when Jack took a step forward. He was the oncoming storm and people ran when he was angry, they didn't get closer to him. "Just go back to Torchwood and leave me alone." 

"Doc," Jack started. He didn't want to leave the room. Not only was he worried that the Doctor was going to seize because of his swearing but he wanted to talk to the Doctor and explain why he had chosen to talk to Martha rather than coming to the Time Lord himself. He wasn't going to apologize for seeking Martha's help, though. He wanted to make the Doctor understand his concern over the fact that he was going to hurt him. The Doctor physically wasn't ready for sex and despite his happiness of finally being in the Doctor's arms, he couldn't help but think he was pushing him too much too soon. 

"Just go," The Doctor spat interrupting him, not wanting to hear what he had to say.

"Doctor," Jack tried again. 

"I said go," The Doctor yelled. He picked up the pillow off the bed throwing it at Jack. Jack caught it, letting it drop to the floor before turning towards the door. He slammed it angrily not looking at Martha as he stormed across the flat going out the front door. He slammed it behind him as well making sure that the Doctor heard it in his room. He wasn't the least bit surprised, though, when the door opened a moment later. 

"The door to the roof is open if you need air," Martha informed Jack not really wanting him to leave her alone with the Doctor on his first night at the flat. She was worried that with only the two of them there, he would try to make a run for it and she knew physically she wasn't strong enough to stop him. Jack nodded turning towards the stairs. Martha watched him before going back into the flat. Going over to the Doctor's door, she knocked softly on the door. "Can I come in?" She asked. Her answer was a loud thump as something heavy hit the door. Taking that as a no, she went to the couch deciding to give the Doctor a while to cool down before she tried to talk to him again. 

-DW-

Perhaps it was his anger as he finally drifted off to sleep. Or it could have been the fact that his bottom was slightly sore from laying on it. Regardless of the reason, he found himself once more outside of Micha's office in his dreams. He was standing at the door, barely able to support himself as his body ached from the lack of drugs in his system. Normally, he didn't go so long between doses, but with how weak he was from not eating, it had taken all of his strength just to stumble the short walk to Micha's office. 

"He isn't here. You need to come back tomorrow," The guard snapped at him.

"I can't wait that long," The Doctor whined, running his fingernails on his arms. 

"That's not my problem," The guard responded.

"Please," The Doctor begged. The guard swung, catching him off guard as he slapped him across the face the Doctor stumbled backwards. The guard raised his hand again. Taking the hint and feeling defeated, the Doctor stumbled backwards. He was so focused on not falling over and just getting back to the TARDIS, he didn't realize that someone was behind him until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jerked around falling to the ground. He wasn't able to stop himself and he felt his body slam painfully against the cement. He looked up as the guard laughed at him. 

"You're pathetic, whore" The Guard laughed at him. The Doctor glared up at him.

"I'm not a whore," The Doctor spat indignantly. 

"Don't give me that. I have watched you for months bending over the desk for Micha just for a few bags of powder. In fact, I am positive that you will bend over for me for just a bag," The guard taunted him. The Doctor shook his head no. The Guard reached into his pocket pulling out a small bag of the drug that the Doctor desperately wanted. 

"No," the Doctor told him again. The Guard didn't listen to him as he reached down taking the Doctor's belt in his hands. The Doctor tried to fight him kicking and hitting at the Guard trying desperately to push him away as his trousers were removed and he was forced to roll over onto his knees. "I said no."

"Shut up and take it like the whore you are," The Guard hissed at him. The Doctor heard the sound of a zipper being pulled down before warm hands grabbed his hips. The guard didn't bother to prepare his body any before pushing himself inside. The Doctor screamed in pain, trying to fight against the man using his body but he was no match for the man. Giving up, he laid his head down on his hands closing his eyes as he fought back the tears while the man continued to move. He couldn't keep them back long, though, and soon he was sobbing softly. It seemed like hours had passed before the Guard spilled himself in his body. As soon as the man released his hips, he fell to his side curling into himself. His mind fought to remember how he had gotten himself into this position. The Doctor felt something small hit his bare legs and he opened his eyes to see a small bag of powder laying on the ground in front of him. 

"Take it you whore," The guard hissed at him. Feeling disgusted with himself he reached down taking the bag into his hand. The guard spat at him then turned his back on the Doctor heading out of the alley while the Doctor looked for his trousers. 

-DW-

The Doctor woke with a start. He coughed barely managing to turn onto his side before he was sick all over the bed. He coughed again, fighting back the tears in his eyes as he realized he was still alone. He hated himself for sending Jack back to Torchwood. At the moment, he would have given anything for Jack to come into the room and hold him. He knew that despite their argument if he needed Jack he would have been their instantly. In the morning, he would have Martha drive him to Cardiff so he could ask Jack to come back.

The tears were starting to come quicker now. He brushed them off of his cheeks with the back of his hand as he rolled to the edge of the bed. Wishing Jack was there didn't help him now and he wasn't exactly alone in the flat. He didn't want to bug Martha but he couldn't just lay here alone. Wiping the tears from his eyes again, he got out of the bed heading towards the door. The Doctor stumbled out of the room, trying hard to bite back the tears that were flowing down his face. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" Jack asked softly from where he was stretched out on the couch. The Doctor had never been so relieved that someone didn't listen to him as he was when he saw Jack. Jack stood up coming over to him. He quickened his step, throwing himself into Jack's arms holding him as tightly as he could. He laid his head on Jack's shoulder pressing against his neck as he sobbed. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," He stuttered over and over again his voice muffled. 

"You have nothing to apologize for," Jack cooed softly. He picked up the Doctor in his arms starting to carry him back to the room for a cuddle while he tried to soothe the Doctor. Turning on the light, he immediately saw that wouldn't be possible. Sighing he headed towards the couch instead. He sat down on it, helping the Doctor to curl up next to him as he continued to hold him. The Doctor hiccuped, his whole body jolting with it as he sobbed harder. "Shh, you're alright. Whatever you dreamed about, it's over now and can't hurt you anymore. Do you want to tell me what you dreamed?"

"No," The Doctor whimpered between sobs. 

"I think you should anyways. It will make you feel better," Jack informed him, dropping a kiss on the top of his head. The Doctor didn't agree. Talking about it would only reinforce the memories. He shook his head no trying to curl himself further into Jack. "Please Doctor, I don't know how to help you, unless you talk to me." The Doctor opened his mouth, only planning on telling Jack the least amount possible about his dream. Except once he began to talk, he couldn't stop himself from explaining everything that he remembered. Jack listened, struggling to keep his breathing even while the Doctor talked. When the Doctor finally went quiet Jack knew one thing for sure. While he was going to make Micha pay for causing the Doctor pain, he was going to kill his guard.


	48. Chapter 48

Despite the nightmare, the Doctor eventually fell asleep again in Jack's arms. Jack carefully eased himself out of the Doctor's arms and laid him down on the couch. Going into the Doctor's room he retrieved a clean blanket for him covering up the sleeping Doctor who had stretched out on the couch in Jack's absence. Jack then went back into the room to clean the bed. He hated cleaning up sick, but someone had to do it and he wasn't about to leave it for Martha. Once the bed was clean, he went back into the living room settling down in one of the chairs to watch the telly. He was still seething quietly over Micha's guard when Martha awoke to get ready for work. Not making the same mistake as last night, Jack only told her the Doctor had a nightmare. When the Doctor awoke a few hours later he seemed confused that he was sleeping on the couch at first. As he came back into awareness, Jack offered him a cup of coffee to help him wake up. 

"It's strange to see you drinking coffee," Jack informed him as the Doctor took a sip. He took a seat on the couch next to the Doctor, letting him lean against him. 

"It was Ian's suggestion since tea reminds me of the drugs," The Doctor answered. Jack looked at him in surprise. 

"I can't believe you actually are listening to Ian," Jack told him. 

"I like Ian. He doesn't try to make me talk. Also, he knows how to play chess," The Doctor replied with a smile. 

"Then you will be happy to know that you have an appointment with him later this morning," Jack responded. He sighed then ran his hand through his hair. "Listen Doc. I am sorry that I embarrassed you last night by talking to Martha. I was worried about hurting you and I was hoping to get her advice."

"It's my body Jack and my choice. I have already had every other choice taken away from me. Please don't take this one to," The Doctor practically begged.

"It has to be a mutual decision between us and I don't feel right about continuing to have sex with you if it is going to hurt you," Jack explained. 

"It didn't hurt," The Doctor told him. Jack narrowed his eyes at him. "Maybe it hurt a little, but it won't always hurt." The last part sounded more like a plea than a statement and Jack remembered that he was the only one who had ever treated the Doctor kindly during sex. "Please don't make me beg, Jack."

"Just promise me if it ever is too painful, you will tell me rather than trying to hide it again," Jack requested of him. The Doctor nodded. Jack kissed the Doctor on the side of the head before standing up. The Doctor was overdue for his pills and needed to take them soon. Going to Martha's room, he retrieved the Doctor's daily medicine from her bathroom. The Doctor made a face at him, but took the pills placing them in his mouth. He swallowed them down with a drink of the coffee. He pouted as Jack gave him his daily injection. Then willingly took the anti-depressant medication without objection. 

"Can we go out for a run before we have to leave to speak with Ian?" The Doctor wondered. Jack didn't answer him right away as he took a seat next to the Doctor. 

"You're still recovering so we will need to take it easy," Jack responded. The Doctor's face fell. He was feeling restless and needed to burn off energy. 

"Then can we have sex instead?" The Doctor wondered. Jack's mouth fell open in surprise at the Doctor's words. The Doctor seemed to realize what he just asked and he sucked his lips in as his face burned with embarrassment. "I'm sorry Jack." Jack thought about it for a moment. He didn't want to hurt the Doctor again, but denying him would break the Doctor's hearts. 

"Go get ready to go," Jack told him. The Doctor scrambled off the couch hurrying into the bedroom. Jack got his shoes on, waiting for the Doctor to finish dressing. When time passed and the Doctor still hadn't returned, he went to investigate. Opening the Doctor's bedroom door, he found the Time Lord stretched out naked on his back. His erection was prominent and he looked up at Jack with anticipation. Jack took in his naked body realizing that he hadn't specified as to what the Doctor should get ready for. Toeing his boots off, he climbed up onto the bed next to the Doctor kissing him softly. He ran his hand down the Doctor's body taking him in his hand. The Doctor groaned thrusting his hips but as Jack continued to try to just use his hand he became frustrated. 

"Jack," he whined reaching down to unbutton his trousers. Jack let him happy to finally have his own member freed of the constricting trousers. The Doctor rolled on top of him, straddling him as he lined Jack up with his body. 

"Oi, you're going to hurt yourself," Jack informed him, grabbing his hips. "I know you are still sore, so why don't you take me this time?" The Doctor shook his head no. Leaning down he nipped Jack's neck. 

"I want you," he questioned him. "Don't you want me?"

"Of course, I do," Jack replied immediately. The Doctor nuzzled Jack's neck with his head. 

"Please, Jack," The Doctor whispered. Using his strength he rolled the Doctor onto his back again positioning himself between his legs. He reached into the drawer beside the bed pulling out a condom and the lube. He saw the Doctor give the condom a nasty look, but Jack wasn't going to be swayed. He had already allowed the Doctor to convince him to have sex with him again, he wasn't going to risk either of them by not using the condom. Thankfully, the look was the only objection the Doctor raised as Jack prepared his body before pushing himself up into it. 

"Better?" Jack questioned and the Doctor nodded. He raised his legs wrapping them around Jack's waist to pull him closer. Jack kept his movements slow but deep as he brought the Doctor over the edge. He wasn't nearly as close and he didn't want to over-stimulate the Doctor. "Done or do you want more?"

"More," The Doctor responded on a whimper. Jack decided to change positions rolling the Doctor onto his side. The Doctor grabbed Jack's hand holding it tightly as Jack continued to move in his body. Finally, Jack found his release deep in the Doctor's body.

"Still want to go for a run?" Jack wondered. He moved away from the Doctor for a moment to dispose of the condom, then lay there cuddling him close. 

"Yeah," The Doctor answered sounding sleepy. 

"Then we should get dressed or we are going to have to wait until after your therapy session," Jack told him. 

"We can wait," The Doctor responded. Turning over he cuddled Jack as they rested before the Doctor's appointment.


	49. Chapter 49

Rather than resting, Jack kissed the Doctor slowly as he held him close. The Doctor kissed him back thrusting his hips softly. Jack tried to let the Doctor take charge, but every time he backed down, the Doctor followed his lead remaining submissive. Jack couldn't help but wonder where it came from, though, as one thing he would never call the Doctor was submissive. It was one of the many things that they were going to have to discuss. Not wanting to ruin the mood Jack gave up on trying to make him take charge. Instead, he reached down between them taking them both in his hand. The Doctor moaned continuing to move as Jack guided his movements. Together they fell over the edge, crying out their releases into each other's mouths. 

"We need a shower," Jack informed the Doctor as he kissed him on the forehead. 

"I'm comfy," The Doctor responded with a sigh. Jack smiled. 

"I know but we need to leave soon to get to your appointment with Ian on time and I don't think you want to go to him with cum on your stomach," Jack told the Doctor. 

"No," The Doctor agreed. Reluctantly he got up out of the bed, pulling Jack with him to the shower. Together they washed, the Doctor happily allowing Jack to shampoo his hair and wash his back. The shower rejuvenated him and with renewed energy he dressed in his suit before heading out to the SUV. Jack climbed into the driver's side pulling out onto the road while the Doctor stared out the window. 

"I thought we were going to see Ian," The Doctor commented in confusion when Jack turned left when he should have turned right to head to UNIT. 

"We are," Jack responded. He glanced over quickly at the Doctor seeing the confusion on his face. "Ian doesn't work for UNIT anymore, his office is actually located in London." Jack expected the Doctor to ask why so he was surprised when the Doctor didn't seem to care. He just nodded before turning his attention to the world passing by the window. Rather than drive in silence, Jack reached over turning on the radio in the car to the local news. The Doctor made a face at him as he didn't care what was happening in the human world. He quickly changed the station to music and an upbeat pop song filled the car. 

Sooner than Jack expected, though, they reached their destination. He pulled up in front of the small office building that belonged to Ian's office. Parking the two of them got out of the SUV heading inside. Just inside the main entrance was a sign with the names of the psychiatrist listed as well as the room number. Jack knew that Ian was in room five from the information that Martha had received. He headed down the hallway but turned back when he realized that the Doctor wasn't following him. 

"Come on," Jack told him taking his hand. He gave his hand a gentle squeeze taking him down the hall. Reaching the correct door, the two of them went into a small room with several chairs and a secretary sitting behind a desk near a second wooden door.

"How can I help you?" She asked as they entered. 

"He is here to see Dr. McCellan," Jack explained to the secretary as the Doctor just stared at her.

"Name," The secretary asked. 

"Doctor John Smith," Jack answered. The secretary nodded. 

"He is still with another patient. If you would like to have a seat he will be with you shortly," She explained. Jack took a seat near the desk, but the Doctor chose to pace the office while he waited instead. It was only a few minutes later when the second door opened and Ian stepped out with an older man. 

"I'll see you next week James," Ian told the man. He then turned his attention to the Doctor. "I've already got the chess board set up for our game if you would like to follow me, Doctor." The Doctor's pace didn't change as he followed Ian into his office. The two of them spent the first half playing chess while the Doctor informed Ian who he rather be talking to than the therapist and Ian explained what he would rather be doing than talking to the Doctor. After he beat Ian three times in a row at the game, they switched to the Doctor throwing items at the wall while he finally began to talk about something that was bothering him.

"I feel like I'm not in control of my body except when I am here," The Doctor told Ian as he threw another small bean bag. "With Jack and Martha I am told when to eat, and sleep, what medicine I have to take and they even discuss whether or not I should be having sex with Jack." His face turned red as his brain caught up to his mouth. He opened and closed his mouth several times before continuing in a softer voice. "I should be able to control myself, but I can't. I don't know what is happening to me Dannyboy."

"What do you mean by you can't control yourself," Ian asked. 

"I'm a Time Lord. I should be able to control my emotions and my body. I should be able to easily beat you at chess. I should also be able to concentrate on several things at once. I also should be able to control myself around Jack. I shouldn't be sleeping as much as I am nor should I be as lethargic. Instead, my brain feels clouded making it so I can't think. I can't control myself and it terrifies me," The Doctor explained. 

"From what I know about drug abuse, it affects the brain. Have you considered that your inability to control yourself is from that?" Ian asked. The Doctor glared at him. 

"Is that all you have Dannyboy. I thought you were smarter than that," The Doctor hissed. In reality, he hadn't thought about it and he should have. He wasn't about to tell that to Ian though. He knew the consequences of drug abuse, but it was hard to remember or even consider when it came to himself. 

"You could have also hit your head and this is all an illusion," Ian answered. The Doctor smiled and threw one of the bean bags at Ian. Ian caught it chucking it at the wall with a loud thump. 

"I think I would make up someone smarter to talk to than you Danny," The Doctor replied with a chuckle.

"I don't know. I like to think I am pretty intelligent," Ian responded. 

"For a human," The Doctor clarified. 

"For a human," Ian agreed.


	50. Chapter 50

The Doctor went back over to Ian's couch, flopping down on it. He put his hand over his eyes as he stretched out. He heard Ian sit down in the chair nearby scooting it over. The Doctor was well aware that it was close to the end of his session but Ian didn't mention it. Nor did he pick up a notepad to write down what the Doctor was saying.

"Have you considered telling Jack and Martha how you are feeling?" Ian questioned him. The Doctor shrugged. 

"I am sure Martha already knows, but she is the one who took away all my rights to make decisions regarding my body so I also think she doesn't care," The Doctor replied. He didn't sound bitter over it, just defeated which worried Ian. He had been informed the Doctor was taking anti-depressants but Ian wasn't sure they were enough. 

"What about Jack?" Ian questioned. 

"Jack loves me," The Doctor replied.

"And you feel that he will stop loving you if you tell him?" Ian questioned. The Doctor shook his head no. 

"Jack has every right to hate me. I left him abandoned and alone and then ran from him when all he wanted was answers," The Doctor admitted, his mouth once more getting ahead of his brain. It was too late to take it back now, though, so he just continued. "He loves me, though, and stayed by my side in the hospital even when I told him to leave. He tries to let me made decisions but he is afraid of hurting me."

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Ian questioned. The Doctor moved his hand away from his face to look at Ian with disgust on his face. He was sick of people talking about him. "I will take that as a no."

"No," The Doctor agreed. He glanced at the clock as he sat up. There was still five minutes before their hour was up but he didn't care. Picking up the last bean bag off the table he chucked it at the door as hard as he could. It thumped against the door causing the door to rattle on its hinges. He didn't care as he made his way over to the door swinging it open and letting it hit the wall. Jack looked up from where he was reading a magazine that the secretary had provided him. 

"Done already?" Jack questioned trying to hide the magazine before the Doctor saw it, not realizing it was already too late. The Doctor wasn't sure why he needed 621 fashion tips, but he wasn't one to judge. 

"Yes," The Doctor answered simply as he headed towards the door. Jack got up to follow him. Rather than make his way to the SUV, though, he instead started down the street. 

"Where are we going?" Jack questioned catching up to him. 

"To the park that I saw on the way here," The Doctor answered. It wasn't too far of a walk, so rather than suggest taking the SUV, Jack instead tried to take the Doctor's hand. The Doctor prevented him from doing so by slipping his hands into his pockets while he continued to walk. Sighing, Jack fell into step beside him as they continued on their way. They made it to the park within a short time and the Doctor looked around it. Choosing a direction he set off at a slow pace to begin with then pushed himself to go faster. He was quickly breathing harder than normal, but that didn't stop him as he ran quicker. When they started to run, Jack was beside him, but soon he was running faster than the immortal and Jack just had to concentrate on keeping up with him. Martha was going to kill him when he brought the Time Lord back to the flat exhausted, but at the moment that didn't matter. He could see the tension leaving the Doctor as he ran and he wasn't going to stop him. Eventually, though, the Doctor slowed on his own. He stopped staring at a man standing near a tree. It was obvious that the man was up to no good and Jack reached out again to take the Time Lord's hand. This time, the Doctor squeezed Jack's hand as he licked his lips. 

"Come on," Jack told him, giving the Doctor's hand a gentle tug. 

"Just a little taste Jack?" The Doctor questioned not moving. 

"You don't need them, sweetheart. I know your body is telling you at the moment that you can't survive without the white powder, but your body is wrong. You are stronger than whatever is in that bag and you can beat this addiction," Jack reassured him softly.

"What if I can't?" The Doctor wondered his eyes finally turning to look at Jack.

"Then I will carry you until your ready," Jack reminded him with a gentle kiss on his check. He tugged on the Doctor's hand once more and the Doctor allowed him to lead him away from the man. Jack wrapped his arm around the Doctor's waist and the Doctor leaned his head briefly against Jack's shoulder while they continued to walk. Together they made it back to the SUV. The Doctor climbed into the passenger seat while Jack went around to the driver's side. He started the vehicle intending to stop off for lunch before going back to Martha's flat. When he glanced over to ask the Doctor what he wanted to eat, though, he found the Time Lord sleeping soundly with his head rested against the door. Jack chuckled, driving back to the flat. He parked the SUV out front then leaned over to wake the sleeping Time Lord. 

"Wake up Doc," He cooed softly rubbing his shoulder. "You can sleep more once we are in Martha's flat."

"I'm not tired," The Doctor yawned forcing his eyes open. 

"I can see that," Jack laughed. He got out of the SUV then helped the Doctor out taking him up to the flat. Once there he guided him to their bed, allowing him to stretch out. He removed the Doctor's converse before heading to the door, intending to allow the Doctor to sleep for awhile. The Doctor had different ideas, though, and he propped himself up on his elbows as he stared at Jack. 

"Aren't you going to lay with me," he pouted his lower lip sticking out slightly. 

"Of course, I am. I was just shutting the door," Jack lied. He closed the bedroom door before returning to the Doctor. Climbing up on the bed, he took the Doctor in his arms to hold him until he drifted off to sleep. The Doctor had no intention of sleeping, though. He snuggled against Jack leaning up to kiss him while his hands drifted down to unbuckle Jack's trousers. Jack followed his lead, unhooking the Doctor's belt, then slipping his hand inside. The Doctor groaned into Jack's mouth thrusting his hips softly. They broke the kiss long enough for them to strip off the rest of their clothes then lay naked in each other's arms. Jack pulled the Doctor so he was laying on his chest, opening his legs wide for the Time Lord to fall in between them. The hesitation on the Doctor's face was immediate as he tried to roll them so Jack was on top.

"Jack," he whined when Jack refused to move. 

"I know this is probably different for you sweetheart, but I want to feel you move inside me," Jack informed him. The reaction was immediate as the Doctor's face turned red with embarassement and he shook his head no frantically. 

"I can't," He told Jack. Jack hugged him tightly, running his fingers along the Doctor's spine trying to soothe him. 

"Have you ever tried?" Jack wondered softly. 

"I've never been allowed to choose," The Doctor answered breaking Jack's heart. He kissed the Doctor softly on the top of the head. 

"I promise I'm not going to hurt you Doc, and if you don't like it we can switch positions, but will you please try. For me?" Jack wondered. The Doctor went quiet for a moment then he nodded. Jack smiled reaching into the drawer for the lube and condoms. The Doctor continued to lay there while Jack rolled the condom onto his member and added lube. He then took the Doctor's member into his hand and lined it up with his body. The Doctor's eyes closed tightly and his breathing quickened as Jack guided him in. "Do you want to stop?"

"No," The Doctor answered. He held on to Jack tightly, still making him being in charge as Jack guided his hips until they were flush with his body. He then held the Doctor's hips, helping him to thrust. While it felt good, and the Doctor was moaning softly, it was clear he wasn't enjoying it as much as Jack hoped that he would. He even looked relieved when Jack guided his hips so that he left Jack's body. Jack removed the condom, throwing it away before he rolled them over, grabbing a new condom out of the drawer. 

"My turn," Jack told him. He took the Doctor with soft thrust that made the Doctor squirm as he held onto Jack. Eventually, Jack felt the Doctor tense as he whimpered and a cool fluid spilled between their bodies. Jack followed him finding his release a moment later. Spent, he collapsed down, kissing the Doctor softly. The sex hadn't been what he imagined, but he still had the soreness as a reminder that he had felt the Doctor move in his body for a brief time and hoped soon that he would feel it again.


	51. Chapter 51

The rest of the evening went by normally enough for Martha and Jack, yet made the Doctor feel trapped in routine. He was once again woken from his sated slumber to eat, then spent time with Jack and Martha on the couch watching the telly. He didn't care what was on, though. Even as he relaxed against Jack, all he could think about was the urge to run and how easy it would be to slip out of the front door when no one was looking. Finally, he was allowed to crawl into the comfort of his bed. He lay there curled on his side around a pillow pretending to sleep while he listened to the others move around the flat. He eventually heard the bedroom door open and Jack slipped inside coming over to the bed. He climbed in behind the Doctor cuddling him close as he drifted off to sleep. The Doctor waited until the flat was quiet before carefully getting out of bed. 

He dressed as quickly and quietly as he could, taking care not to wake Jack. He wanted to be alone for awhile and now was his chance. With everyone asleep he left the flat heading down the stairs. He didn't hurry as he walked down the street. He tried to pretend that he didn't know where he was going as he took the path that would lead him to the park. He wondered if the man was still there leaning against the tree. It was silly to think he would be this late at night, but the Doctor hoped silently he was there. As he walked, he saw several others out late some of them were laughing and another man was laying on the sidewalk, obviously drunk. The Doctor stepped around him, determined to make it to his destination. He had to walk quite awhile but soon he was on the road that would lead him directly to the park. Once there, though, he hesitated. He paused looking down the road then turned to look behind him. He was slightly surprised when he saw Jack standing there watching him a short distance away. He had his hands in his pockets as he too wondered what the Doctor was going to do. 

"We both know where this path leads, Doctor," Jack said breaking the silence as he started forward. The Doctor nodded, looking once more towards the park. "I know this has been hard for you, but trust me the answers to your problems aren't in that park."

"My life is out of my control, Jack and I am sick of it. I am tired of being told when I have to eat, what medications I have to take, whether or not I get an injection when I don't want it. I just want my life back," The Doctor answered. 

"And you think you will get your life back if you go to that park?" Jack questioned. "The only thing that park will lead you to is your death Doctor. Those drugs didn't give you control of your life but took it away. You may not remember clearly how much pain you were in when you first arrive here, but I do and I will not let you go through that again."

"It's not your choice what I do to my body," The Doctor snapped at him.

"Fine, then let me remind you how much of a choice you had over your body when you were on the drugs," Jack seethed. Grabbing the Doctor's arm he drug him towards the nearby alley as the Doctor fought against him. He squirmed, trying desperately to break free but Jack was stronger than him. He cried out as Jack forced him to bend over a trash bin, Jack's groin pressing into his bottom. 

"Jack, no," he whimpered desperately over and over as Jack's hands went around his waist grabbing his belt. He held onto the bin sobbing pitifully as he squirmed. He waited to feel the cool air of the night against his skin followed by pain, but Jack's hands didn't move. Instead, Jack released him pulling him to stand properly. He hung his head keeping his eyes towards the ground as he stood in front of Jack. 

"Here," Jack told him pushing a handkerchief into his hands. The Doctor took it from him but didn't move. He was trembling so badly Jack was slightly surprised that he remained on his feet. He hated himself for being the one to cause the Doctor such pain and he would understand if the Doctor never wanted to have sex with him again. He deserved it after all. He could live with the Doctor hating him, though, as long as the Doctor remained safe and healthy. Reaching out he hesitantly took the Doctor's hand in his. "Come on," he whispered giving it a gentle tug to lead him out of the alley and back towards the flat. The Doctor had other ideas as he turned leaning into Jack's arms. He held onto him tightly as he continued to cry. Jack wrapped his arms around him running his hand soothingly along the Doctor's spine as he made gentle shushing noises. 

"I'm sorry," The Doctor whimpered hiccuping. 

"I'm sorry, too," Jack responded kissing him softly on the head. He stood there holding the Doctor close to him, thankful that he hadn't ruined everything between them in his moment of anger. They stood there just holding each other until the Doctor's trembling slowed. Jack kissed him softly on the cheek and the Doctor turned his head to kiss Jack on the lips. They kissed soft and slow for a moment, neither one trying to take charge. It was with reluctance that Jack broke the kiss tugging once more on the Doctor's hand to lead him out of the alley. The Doctor let him this time and together they headed down the street away from the park. 

Rather than taking the Doctor to the flat, Jack instead led him to a small diner. They got a seat in the corner booth in the back of the diner. The Doctor was weary of eating there due to his last experience in a diner, but despite what happened between them, he still trusted Jack not to let them hurt him. Jack had succeeded in scaring him enough not to go to the park, yet he didn't feel the urge to run away from him back to the safety of the flat. Instead, he sat there while Jack ordered a steak and a cup of coffee. The Doctor only order a cup of coffee so Jack ordered a large side of chips to go with his steak. Neither one of them spoke while they waited for Jack's meal. They both thought about what happened that night as they sipped their coffee. The Doctor regretted his decision to leave the flat on his own while Jack wondered how he could help his lover. At least he hoped the Doctor was still his lover. After tonight, he couldn't be sure. 

When the food arrived, Jack started in on the steak pushing the chips to where the Doctor could easily reach them. The Doctor grabbed one, eating it happily while he stared out the window. Jack cut off a piece of steak, offering it to the Doctor. He took it from the fork with his teeth causing Jack to smile. Jack lifted his arm and the Doctor leaned against him as together they finished the meal. The meal completed Jack paid then took the Doctor home to the flat. Neither one of them bothered to undress as they laid down on top of the blankets holding each other close. Soon exhaustion overtook them and they feel asleep snuggled safe in each other's arms.


	52. Chapter 52

Over the next week, little changed around the small flat and in the Doctor's life. Just like Jack predicted the Doctor seemed closed off when it came to sex. He no longer asked for it or implied he wanted it by laying on the bed naked. Instead, he remained dressed at all times when possible with Jack. Though they still shared a bed as well as a shower, hands no longer wandered and Jack hoped that one day the Doctor would forgive him for his actions. In the meantime, though, he relished the soft kisses he received as well as the long hugs even if they were becoming fewer and fewer. He was silently preparing to let the Doctor go while at the same time wishing he could take back that night. 

The Doctor's sessions with Ian became more productive than just throwing things and Jack more than once had to pretend that he hadn't heard them arguing loudly about something. The Doctor desperately needed to talk and if yelling at Ian for an hour made him feel better, than as long as Ian was willing to take the abuse, Jack saw no problem with it. Their arguments reached a head on the following Friday afternoon, though, and the Doctor stormed angrily out of the office only a half an hour into the session. Jack didn't even try to persuade him to go back in as the Oncoming Storm glared at him before rushing out of the building. Jack followed him to the SUV where the Doctor got into the passenger side. He crossed his arms staring out the window breathing heavily in his anger while Jack drove. 

"Do you want to talk about what you two were discussing that upset you so much?" Jack questioned the Doctor softly. The Doctor had an appointment with Martha that afternoon and Jack really didn't want to spend any length of time in the car with a grumpy Time Lord. The Doctor seemed to have other ideas as he glared at Jack again. 

"Just drive," The Doctor hissed reaching over to turn on the radio. He turned the volume up high as pop music once more filled the SUV. The singer on the radio sounded strangely like Rose and Jack was about to comment on it when the Doctor changed the station. Another song came on about being broken hearted and the Doctor turned the radio off. The rest of the drive was quiet except for the sounds of the road and the Doctor's huffing. 

Jack hoped that Martha would be able to calm down the Doctor when they got to UNIT, but if anything she only made him madder. Not only did she take several vials of blood, she also gave him a head to toe examination. The Doctor was humiliated as Martha had him drop his trousers and lay on his side on the table so she could check where his stitches had been to make sure he was still healing well. Jack had offered to leave the room, but the grip the Doctor had on his hand made it impossible as the Time Lord hid his face with his other arm. He wouldn't look at Jack as he quickly dressed himself. 

"You're healing well Doctor," Martha informed him once he was dressed. "I am going to run some test on your blood and then once I know more we will discuss when your next appointment will be."

"Fine," The Doctor replied not caring. 

"Do you have any questions for me before you go?" Martha wondered. 

"Yeah, are you going to shut up and let me leave or do I have to stand here and pretend to listen?" The Doctor asked her crankily. 

"Oi, be nice to Martha. Just because you are in a bad mood doesn't mean you can take it out on others," Jack snapped at him. The Doctor looked at Jack.

"You can shut up too," He offered. Jack sighed. He tried to take the Doctor's hand to lead him back to the SUV, but the Doctor didn't let him. He stormed back to the SUV climbing into the back seat. He didn't buckle as he turned to the side with his back to the window crossing his arms 

"Will you let the Brigadier know he is in a foul mood and we can have tea together the next time he has an appointment?" Jack questioned as he stood next to the door, not really wanting to go back to the flat alone with the angry Doctor. 

"Of course," Martha responded. She gave Jack a hug and Jack stood there holding her for just a moment. "I know days like today are hard, but I promise you that he is getting better Jack."

"I know," Jack agreed softly. He looked up as the horn from the SUV blared as the Doctor grew tired of waiting. "I better go before he wakes up the whole hospital." Jack released Martha going around the SUV and climbing in. The Doctor was still holding the horn down and Jack had to resist the urge to smack his hand away. "Sit back and buckle up so we can go."

"Finally," the Doctor sighed, flopping back but otherwise not listening to Jack.

"I don't know what has got you in such a bad mood, but I suggest you figure it out. I am not going to deal with you being cranky the rest of the night. Now put your bloody seatbelt on so we can go," Jack hissed at him. The Doctor didn't turn from the way he was sitting as he maneuvered the seatbelt so it was buckled. Deciding he had enough of the Time Lord, Jack sped all the way back to the flat. Upon arriving, he made sure the Doctor went into the flat first slamming the door behind him. Jack, though remained in the hall counting to ten to calm himself down. When ten didn't work, he counted to fifty and finally to one-hundred. Feeling a little better he went into see the Doctor sitting on the bed with the door open. In his hand, he had a pair of scissors as well as the box of condoms. 

"What are you doing?" Jack asked even though he could see perfectly well the Doctor was using the scissors to shred the condoms. 

"I'm not tainted," The Doctor screamed as he picked up a hand full of the shredded condoms and threw them on the floor. 

"I know you're not," Jack offered quietly. He jerked back slightly as he received condom hitting him square in the forehead in reply to his reassurances. While it hadn't hurt, it had taken him off guard and he was able to bat the next one away without it actually hitting him in the face again. "Is that what you and Ian were talking about that made you so angry?"

"It's not just Dannyboy," The Doctor hissed picking up another condom to shred. 

"Martha drew blood today to test to make sure the drugs are coming out of your system. We didn't want to tell you, in case she is wrong, but we might be able to reduce the medication you are on that restricts you from communicating with the TARDIS," Jack explained. He saw hope flash briefly across the Doctor's eyes as he glanced up at Jack. He quickly looked down again as he selected another condom to destroy. 

"What is the point? I still won't be allowed to leave and you will still think I am tainted," The Doctor hissed. 

"I don't think you're tainted," Jack told him loudly. The Doctor paused what he was doing to looking up at Jack. Jack saw, much to his surprise, that the Doctor wasn't angry. His eyes were filled with pain as he stared at his once lover. 

"Than why won't you be with me?" The Doctor questioned him. 

"I didn't think you wanted me to after what happened last week," Jack apologized daring to step closer. The Doctor watched him closely as Jack sat down on the edge of the bed. He reached out carefully taking the scissors from the Doctor and laying them on the bedside table. The Doctor watched him as he held open his arms before leaning into them. Jack held onto him tightly. "I never met to hurt you. I was only giving you space because I thought that is what you wanted."

"It isn't," The Doctor whispered. He had missed the feeling of Jack's body moving with his and the safeness he had felt just laying in his arms. In his nine-hundred years he had never enjoyed sex and just when he was starting to, that pleasure had been taken away from him. He had tried to control himself, even if it was still hard, but if anything Jack had just become more distant making him wonder what he had did wrong. "I.. I love you."

"I love you, too," Jack responded softly as the Doctor said the three little words he had longed to hear. Jack kissed him deeply as the Doctor let him take dominance over his body. He guided the Doctor onto his back as their trousers were quickly discarded. Jack knew that he should have taken the time to find another condom, but he also knew it would set in the Doctor's mind once and for all that he was tainted if he took the time to put one on. Trying not to think about the consequences of his decision, he gently used his fingers to open the Doctor before guiding himself inside. 

"Oh, Jack," The Doctor whimpered, gripping the blankets tightly as Jack moved in his body. Jack kept each thrust as long and as slow as possible, trying desperately to control himself. He relished in each whimper the Doctor made as well as each groan as he looked into the soft brown eyes of the man he loved. Finally, he could hold back no longer and he brought them both over the edge, spilling himself deep inside the Doctor. Collapsing forward he kept himself buried in his lover as he rested his head on his shoulder. The Doctor's legs wrapped around him, holding him close while the Doctor's hand ran along his spine. Jack turned his head to kiss his lover as he began to slowly thrust his hips once more.


	53. Chapter 53

They made love twice before laying and holding each other close. Jack kissed the Doctor softly repeated on the lips with the Doctor responding sleepily with his own kisses. Finally, he sighed nestling his head against Jack's neck as his eyes closed. Jack held him tightly against his chest rubbing the Doctor's back in gentle circles until he his breathing evened out. Once Jack was sure he was asleep, he carefully eased himself out of the Doctor's arms. The Doctor moaned reaching out for him, but settled down quickly as soon as Jack placed a pillow in his arms. He curled himself around it letting out a little huff over the disturbance. Jack laughed kissing him on the top of the head. Going to the bathroom, he got a cloth wet then went back into the room to the Doctor. The Doctor whimpered trying to pull away from Jack as he tenderly cleaned his bottom and his thighs. Jack made gentle shushing sounds trying to soothe him. The Doctor thankfully immediately calmed when Jack pulled the blankets back up tucking him in. He buried his head underneath the blankets, a soft snore escaping. 

Jack left him to sleep as he gathered clean clothes to take with him to the shower. He tried not to think of the Doctor's glistening thighs and the fact that a part of him was still buried deep within the Time Lord. It would be unfair to wake him just for sex when he was exhausted. He had finally admitted his feelings for Jack and making him sore wouldn't help anything. No, Jack had to be careful not to hurt him when he was just beginning to learn the pleasure his body could bring. Maybe one day The Doctor would enjoy rougher sex but for now, he made sure to have eye to eye contact at all time. If he could he would have made the Doctor forget everyone who had ever abused his body. He knew it wasn't possible so instead he focused on making sure that the Doctor was focused at all times on the man who loved him. The Doctor was opening up to him in ways Jack never thought possible and it amazed him that the Doctor trust him enough to guide him.

Jack got into the shower, turning the water to warm. He ran his hand down his body taking his member into his hand. He groaned at the feeling as he imagined himself once more buried in the cool body. He ran his hand slowly picturing the Doctor's face as he found his release. The Doctor never screamed or made any noises louder than the soft grunts and whimpers or whispering Jack's name, while their bodies moved together. Yet when he would cum, his body would tense. He would close his eyes opening his mouth just a crack as he groaned deeply. Jack found his release in the shower as he heard that groan in his mind. He quickly cleaned himself up as he wondered if sex with the Doctor would bring about his death. He could think of worse ways to die, he decided. Finishing showering, he made his way to the living room finding Martha's laptop. Opening it he logged in accessing his Torchwood account. 

There was a lot of recent rift activity, and Jack was surprised that his small team hadn't called him back to Cardiff to assist. He was even more surprised, though, to figure out that it had already been over a month since the Doctor came to UNIT. He had been depressed, injured and close to death as he let his drug addiction overtake every aspect of his life. Jack had barely recognized that man as he took care of him bringing him back to the healthy Doctor they knew and loved. While the Time Lord sleeping in the bedroom wasn't there quite yet, he was nowhere near the shadow of a man that he had been. It was that reason, among others that Jack decided tonight would be one of celebration. Pulling out his cell phone, he checked on the Doctor again before stepping out into the hall. He didn't want the Doctor to overhear his conversation with Martha if he happened to wake, but he also wanted to be close in case he was needed. He dialed the familiar number to her cell. 

"Jack? Is everything alright?" Martha wondered upon answering the phone. As far as she knew the Doctor was still in a bad mood and she hoped that Jack wasn't calling her asking her to come home to deal with the Time Lord. 

"Everything's fine. We talked and he is currently sleeping," Jack reassure her. "I was just calling because I wanted to know if you have been able to test the Doctor's blood yet?"

"I ran it through the TARDIS soon after you left. I am going to talk to him tonight about the results but the TARDIS has informed me that we can start reducing the medication he is on that blocks his telepathy. She doesn't want him to stop cold turkey and we will have to monitor him closely to make sure that he doesn't seize. If everything goes well, though, he could be able to communicate with her again in as little as a week," Martha explained to Jack. Jack couldn't help but smile. 

"He is going to be ecstatic when he hears that he will be able to feel her again. He hasn't complained to me recently about taking the medication, but I know that he misses her," Jack responded. 

"It is his own fault that he lost communication with her and we can't forget that," Martha reminded Jack cooly. Jack sighed. 

"I know, but he is trying Martha. In fact, I want to celebrate how far he has come tonight. I was hoping to convince you to pick up a couple of steaks on the way home to cook for dinner," Jack told her. 

"I will pick them up. I just need to make sure that you understand that regardless of how far he has come, he still has requirements that he needs to meet before I declare him healthy enough to travel again. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of the accomplishments that he has already reached, we just need to make sure that we don't become lax with him. He has already shown that he can't be trusted to take his medications on his own and I keep waiting for the day he tries to leave the flat without us knowing," Martha replied. 

"I understand, but Martha you need to realize he is trying. He no longer thinks he is tainted and he doesn't fight me anymore when taking medication or eating," Jack told her. He didn't comment on the Doctor leaving the flat because he had no plans to tell her the Doctor had already snuck out once. Doing so would mean also admitting how he got the Doctor to go back to the flat and he didn't think she would agree with him threating to rape the Doctor, even if it had worked. That was a secret the two of them would share and Jack would regret. He wished he had handled things differently that night even if his threat had worked.

"He is also talking to Ian and Ian has informed me they are actually making progress, but again we will discuss that more when I get home," Martha informed Jack. 

"I will see you then," Jack told her. They disconnected the call and Jack went back into the flat. He checked on his lover one last time before going to the kitchen to start their meal. Tonight was a celebration for the Doctor so Jack planned on making a meal he knew the Doctor would enjoy. He just hoped that he had enough bananas.


	54. Chapter 54

The Doctor woke up stretched out in the bed alone and pleasantly sore. He would have been completely relaxed except for the fact that his head was hurting. For the first time ever his body had moved with Jack's without pain. Instead, he was able to stare into the eyes of his lover as Jack showed him how much he loved him. He had missed Jack the last week when they had shared a bed but not communicated. Now he had him back, he wasn't going to ruin it. As much as he still wanted to find the man in the park again, every day it was getting easier. He no longer had the cravings that made his body weak, even if there were still times he wanted just a small taste of it. Soon he would be clean and he could ask Martha to release the medical injunction that she had placed on him. Even if he thought that she should release him now, there was no point asking until the TARDIS allowed him back on.

 

He didn't know what would happen once he was released. What he wanted was to travel the universe with Jack by his side. Jack had told him before that he wouldn't travel with him and normally he didn't ask anyone twice. The problem was that needed Jack. He didn't know if he could rely on a new companion to stop him the way he could rely on him. Jack was also his lover and he didn't want his hearts to break again. He had suffered more losses in his life then anybody should have to bear. He felt he had the right to be selfish and hold onto the little bit of happiness that he had found in the universe. 

 

Feeling slightly queasy, he unburied his head, looking out into the sunlit room. He could smell that someone was cooking and his stomach growled. A quick calculation on time told him that it was Jack who was cooking as Martha would still be at work. He wanted to go out to see Jack, except the light, was bothering him so he hid his head again beneath the blankets. His head was steadily getting worse and he moaned in discomfort. He was no longer comfortable. He just wanted a cup of tea and then to go back to sleep.

 

"Jack," he whimpered scared by how bad the headache was getting. He tried to call out again except a moan escaped instead. He grabbed his head curling into himself as his world went dark. 

 

-DW-

 

Jack spent a few hours prepping their dinner to make sure everything was perfect for the Doctor's celebratory dinner. He was going to make steak with mushrooms, onions, garlic, and pan sauce. They were having chips on the side along with mixed vegetables for everyone but the Doctor. Then dessert was going to be banana pudding made with fresh bananas. He had also made a chocolate pudding for those who didn't want the banana pudding or for people like the Doctor who he suspected would be having both. He made sure that the puddings were in the fridge and that the vegetables were cut before he even considered waking up the Doctor. He wanted to give the Doctor a chance to shower and dress in his suit before the others arrived. Making a cup of coffee, he went into the bedroom with it as a peace offering. 

 

"Oh, sweetheart not again," Jack sighed. The Doctor was still sleeping peacefully. It was only the fact that the blankets were twisted and he was laying sideways that gave away that something wasn't right. Jack suspected it was another seizure over a nightmare but only by waking him would he be sure. Setting down the coffee on the bedside table, he sat near the Doctor's head. He hoped silently that he was wrong as he gently stroked the Doctor's head. 

 

"Jack," The Doctor whined after a moment, trying to pull away from Jack's hand. Jack tried to keep from swearing as his fear was confirmed by the Doctor's reaction to being woken. The Doctor squirmed so that his head was rested on Jack's thigh as his eyes closed again. 

 

"I take it you're feeling pretty lousy, huh," Jack commented. He really didn't want to cancel the small celebration that he had planned for the Doctor, though. It would be nice to see everyone and have a moment to relax without having to worry about his lover. He had hoped the Doctor would be excited now he was worried about him again. 

 

"Yeah," The Doctor agreed, rubbing his head against Jack's leg. His breathing was starting to even out, but Jack didn't want him to go to sleep. He ran his hand down to the Doctor's shoulder, giving him a gentle shake. The Doctor opened his eyes to glare at him as he moved his hand back up to run his fingers in the hair behind the Doctor's ear.

 

"I know your still tired Doctor, but I think you should consider getting up so that you can shower before our guests arrive," Jack suggested. He stopped himself from going so far as to suggest the Doctor wore a suit because at this point he knew he would be lucky just to get the Time Lord out of bed. 

 

"Who's coming?" The Doctor questioned sleepily. Jack was tempted to make an inappropriate comment but bit it back due to the Doctor not feeling well. 

 

"Martha is coming home and with her, she is bringing Mickey and the Brigadier. Her little sister Tish is also coming over to help us celebrate," The Doctor looked up at him confused. 

 

"What are we celebrating?" He questioned.

 

"You," Jack informed him. The Doctor groaned. Smiling Jack kissed him on the side of his head as he continued to run his fingers through the hair behind his ears. "Don't give me that. We both know that you love being the center of attention, even if you don't like being thanked. This party is to celebrate how far you have come this last month. We are going to have a nice meal with a dessert I know that you will like."

 

"Is Sarah joining us?" The Doctor whispered.

 

"We thought about inviting Sarah Jane, but we didn't think you would want her here quite yet," Jack told him. The Doctor shook his head no. While he had forgiven all of them for holding him against his will to help get his body clean, he still hadn't forgiven Sarah for allowing Martha to take away his rights. Jack glanced at the time. As much as he wanted to stay here in the bed with the Doctor, he needed to finish cooking dinner. The others would be arriving soon and with the Doctor feeling sick he was probably going to have to help him to shower if he wanted one. He stopped stroking the Doctor's head causing the Doctor to turn it slightly to look up at him. "I know you're comfortable, but I need to finish cooking dinner. So I need to know if you want to get up and shower or do you want to lay here until the others arrive?"

 

"Yeah," the Doctor replied not really answering Jack's question. Jack sighed. 

 

"Shower or sleep?" He questioned simplifying it for the Doctor. 

 

"Shower," The Doctor responded even if he still made no attempt to move. 

 

"Good choice," Jack chuckled. He helped the Doctor up. The Doctor stumbled towards the shower and Jack helped him. Jack undressed the Doctor, before undressing himself. He then supported him as together they climbed into the tub. He wondered briefly if a shower was a bad idea as the Doctor leaned sleepily against him letting Jack wash his body. Once the Doctor was clean, he dressed him again in his pajamas. The Doctor didn't complain as Jack steered him towards the couch. He was asleep almost immediately upon sitting down. Jack helped him to turn on his side, resting his head on the arm as he watched him. The Doctor's breathing was even and the best thing for him was to sleep if he needed it. Leaving him to rest, Jack went back into the kitchen to finish cooking.


	55. Chapter 55

Jack kept close track of the time as he cooked dinner for the small group. About ten minutes before everyone was supposed to arrive, Jack took a fresh cup of coffee out into the living room to wake the sleeping Time Lord. The last thing he wanted was him to be startled awake by the others arriving when he wasn't feeling well. The Doctor had turned over on the couch so that he was laying facing the back with his knees curled up to his chest. Jack sat down on the edge, gently stroking the Doctor's head to wake him. 

"It's time to wake up sweetheart. Everyone will be here soon for dinner and I have a nice cup of coffee to help you wake up," Jack cooed softly.

"I want tea," The Doctor whimpered without opening his eyes. Jack took a deep breath. He really hoped that the Doctor only wanted a cup of tea because he wasn't feeling well and not because he was craving the drugs again. 

"Two sugars with milk?" Jack questioned softly trying to get an idea how the Doctor was feeling. 

"Three," The Doctor responded showing how poorly he was. Jack kissed him on the side of the head before going into the kitchen to make the tea. The Doctor was sitting up on the couch when he returned. Jack handed him the cup of tea and he took it in both hands holding it close to himself. His hands were slightly shaking as he brought it to his mouth to take a drink. 

"I can call everyone to cancel the party if you want to go back to bed," Jack offered, trying not to make the Doctor feel as if he was obligated to stay awake. The Doctor shook his head no. He took another drink of tea before setting it down on the table. He forced himself to his feet stumbling towards the bedroom. "Where are you going?"

"To dress," The Doctor answered. He felt horrible and he wanted more than anything to crawl back into bed to sleep. He wasn't stupid, though, and he knew what time it was. Martha would be home in a few minutes. It was too late to cancel the party despite Jack's offer. The least he could do was dress in his suit. Pulling out his trousers, he laid them on the bed then pulled out an undershirt, shirt, tie and jacket laying them on the bed next to the trousers. Staring at the suit, he then went for a pair of sock and a cream colored converse. Sitting down on the end of the bed, he started to unbutton his pajamas slowly to dress. 

While he was dressing, Jack had everything ready for dinner, except for the steaks. He was heading to check on the Doctor when he heard a key in the door. Martha came in laughing as she was speaking to the Brigadier and Tish. Mickey was following behind them carrying the groceries that they had purchased. Not only had they purchased the steaks that Jack requested they had also got several other items including alcohol, and ice cream.

"If you will take the steaks into the kitchen, I will cook them in just a moment," Jack told Mickey. Mickey nodded heading towards the kitchen with the food. 

"Where is the Doctor?" Martha wondered noticing that he wasn't in the room. 

"He went to get dressed a few minutes ago. I was just about to go offer him help if he needed it," Jack informed her. 

"Is he alright?" The Brigadier wondered. Jack shook his head no. 

"I didn't witness it, but I am positive that he had another seizure this afternoon. He took a nap on the couch but he is still acting very lethargic," Jack explained to them. 

"I'll come with you," Martha told him. Together the two of them went to the room to find the Doctor still sitting shirtless on the end of the bed. He had managed to get his trousers on but that was as far as he bothered to dress. He looked up at them as they entered not caring. Martha sat down on the bed next to him, taking his wrist in her hand to check his pulse. "Jack tells me that you might have had a seizure this afternoon."

"Did I?" He questioned. He didn't remember having a seizure but it would explain a lot towards how he was feeling.

"We don't know for sure," Jack informed him sitting down next to him. "I came into the room to find you tangled in the blankets. That and the way you are acting makes me believe that you had a seizure over a nightmare," Jack explained to him. The Doctor shrugged. He pulled his hand away from Martha reaching for his shirt. 

"I'm fine," He snipped at her. It would have been more impressive if he hadn't followed it with a yawn. 

"Alright," Martha agreed as she visually checked him. He was slightly pale and slumping half naked on the bed rather than holding himself straight. She could tell that he was tired but he was focusing on her and trying to make an effort to get ready. She didn't believe for a moment that he was fine, though. She expected that he would end up going to bed halfway through the meal but for now she was going to believe him. "Then we have a few things to discuss and then I will leave you to finish dressing with Jack." He reached out for Jack for support causing Martha to smile.

"I promise you that it is good news. As you know I took blood today and after you left I had the TARDIS run test on it. You will be happy to know that the drugs that you were taken have completely cleared your system. We are going to stop you taking the medicine to help with the side effects at the end of the week. We are also going to start winging you off of the medicine that blocks your telepathy so that your last dosage will be at the same time as the side effects medicine ends. If your seizures become worse, however, we may have to reaccess taking you off the medications."

"I want to feel her again," The Doctor replied softly. 

"I know, but we can't put your health at risk just so you can communicate with her again," Martha told him. He glared at her but nodded. She turned to Jack. "I am going to get Mickey to start the steaks for you."

"Thank you. I will be out there in a moment," Jack responded. He waited for Martha to leave before reaching for the Doctor's shirt. The Doctor didn't stop him.

"You know it is okay to be not alright. Everyone out there knows that you are healing and no one would mind if you wanted to wear your pajamas or go back to bed," Jack told him. 

"I know," The Doctor responded reaching for his shirt. With Jack's help, he finished getting dressed then made his way out to the living room. He put a smile on his face, but it did nothing to hide how tired he was feeling. "Alistair."

"Hello Old Chap, it is good to see you on your feet and in a better mood," The Brigadier informed him. The last time he saw the Doctor he had proceeded on scaring everyone out of the room. He shook Alistair's hand as the two of them headed to the kitchen table. While he had dressed, Mickey had cooked the steaks and the table was set ready for the meal. The Doctor took his seat next to Jack picking up his knife and fork. He started on his meal listening to the conversations more than participating as he ate. He only ate just over half his steak and majority of his chips with tea. Mickey, Jack, and Tish were making their way through the beers and by the time dessert was served Mickey and Tish were both pleasantly tipsy. The Doctor stuck with banana pudding, his head drooping as he ate. 

"And he is out," Jack chuckled as the Doctor's spoon dropped. Jack moved the food out of the way to keep him from sticking his face in it as his head fell forward. 

"He lasted longer than I expected. Why don't you take him into bed, Jack," Martha suggested. She hoped that he wouldn't sleep the entire night, but even if he did, with the way that Mickey and Tish were drinking they would still be there in the morning. No one commented as Jack scooped the Doctor up carrying him into the room. Jack removed his converse before tucking him into the bed. 

"Love you," The Doctor slurred wrapping himself around a pillow.

"I love you too, sweetheart," Jack responded, kissing him softly on the cheek. He crept out of the room, closing the door softly behind himself. Taking a beer for himself he settled down at the table. The atmosphere was more subdue as it didn't seem fair that they were celebrating the Time Lord's recovery as he slept off a seizure in the next room.


	56. Chapter 56

As the night progressed and the Time Lord continued to sleep peacefully, the small group moved away from the dining table to the living room. The Brigadier helped himself to one of the beers, but Martha continued to refuse to drink in case the Doctor needed her. She would never forgive herself if her patient suffered because needed medical care but she had been too drunk to care for him properly. Jack, on the other hand, was matching Mickey and Tish bottle for bottle. The only problem was that he had the unfair advantage of being immortal and the same energy that kept him alive prevented him from becoming drunk easily. So while Mickey and Tish had long since passed the tipsy threshold into drunkenness, Jack was still pleasantly buzzed. 

"How is he doing?" Martha asked when for the fifth time in less than an hour Jack went to check on the sleeping Time Lord. 

"Still resting," Jack told her. The Doctor was no longer wrapped around the pillow but spread out on the bed. His breathing was still even and he wasn't tangled in the blankets which Jack took as a good sign that he had just moved to a more comfortable position. Jack flopped into the chair across from where she was sitting on the couch with the Brigadier. He placed his feet up on the table trying to enjoy himself despite his worry. 

"He is going to be fine, old chap. Before you know it, he will be running around getting into trouble again, just like old times," the Brigadier tried to reassure Jack. 

"He is already getting into trouble," Jack laughed. Martha looked at him but Jack didn't elaborate. 

"I'm actually surprised that he hasn't asked for me to release the medical injunction on him again. I thought for sure that it would be the first thing he requested upon being released from the hospital," Martha commented. She had planned on telling him no then hopefully having a rational conversation about the injuction and how long it would remain in place. The Doctor was surpassing all of her expectations on getting himself clean and health. He was even talking to Ian which amazed her more than the fact that he was eating without complaint. She had high hopes for his continuing recovery and the six months that she had originally planned to keep him on earth were reduced to four. He would still have to meet all of his hurdles before being release. That and she would insist that he have a companion constantly for at least the first month he traveled on his own again. 

"Maybe he doesn't care. You know the Doctor, when he wants to run nothing will stop him," Mickey spoke up from where he was sitting on the floor with Tish. They were sitting cross-legged facing each other with their hands inbetween them. Mickey had his facing Tish's as she tried to slap his hands before he could pull away. In their drunkiness, Tish was less coordinated than Mickey and losing the game badly. Not that it stopped her from taking advantage of Mickey being momentarily distracted. Mickey yelped more in surprise than pain as Tish's hands connected with his own. Tish whooped in victory causing the others to shush her. 

"Sorry," She whispered. The fact that she was giggling made no one believe that she was actually sorry, though. 

"I don't think that is the case. He seems content here regardless of the fact that earlier today he still seemed upset at Sarah for allowing the injuction in the first place," Jack explained to them. 

"Or maybe even if he does run, he has nowhere to go," The Doctor commented from the doorway. He had been awake for awhile but laying there comfortably until the conversation turned from idle chatter to being directly about him. "The TARDIS won't let me on and anyone I go to here on Earth will contact you. I could always hide, but UNIT and Torchwood have means of tracking me, so what is the point. I am stuck here until everyone else decides otherwise."

"We are only trying to help you, Doctor," Martha commented. 

"So you keep saying," The Doctor sighed. He had heard it all before and quite frankly he was sick of hearing it. "Yet, when I listen to you, I am depressed, but if I run then I am acting out. You expect me to listen then wonder why I haven't tried to leave when I do. I might as well be back on the floor of my kitchen for all the good getting clean has done for me."

"Don't say that," Jack told him. The Doctor turned on Jack glaring. 

"Why not, because it is true. I was told that we were celebrating the fact I was getting better, but it sounds to me that what we are really celebrating is the fact that you managed to keep me here against my will. You are all guilty of celebrating the fact that you have taken away my rights and forced me to recieve care that I refused. Yes you save my life and for that I am actually grateful even if I don't agree with the way you went about saving me," The Doctor hissed, his voice rising. 

"Doctor," Martha started, but the Doctor wasn't done. 

"Despite everything, though, I am trying though. I feel better than I have in awhile, despite the seizures but you people can't just accept that I am trying," The Doctor snipped angrily at them. "Jack, didn't tell you, but I have ran away and I should have kept running. He convince me to come back, though. But I can guarentee you that once the TARDIS lets me back on and I am finally allowed to leave, I am never looking back on this miserable planet." With that he stormed out of the flat slamming the door behind him.


	57. Chapter 57

Jack was only a few steps behind the Doctor leaving the flat. The Brigadier had offered to go in Jack's place, but Jack had refused the offer. The Doctor had come to trust and confide in him over the last few weeks. He couldn't back away now, just because the Doctor was angry. He had to continue to show the Doctor that he would love him and stand by his side regardless. Going out of the door, he wasn't surprised by the fact that the Doctor wasn't waiting just outside of the flat, Jack hurried over to the stairwell. Looking down he quickly determined that the Doctor had headed up rather than towards the street. He took the stairs two at a time as he rushed to the roof. While he was irritated with the Doctor for the way that he had reacted to their conversation, he wasn't going to let him take off on his own. The Doctor still wasn't feeling good and Jack was worried that he was going to have a second seizure or do something stupid in his anger. As he made it to the top of the stairs, his heart sank. Not because he found the Doctor seizing on the roof, but because the Time Lord was standing on the edge of the building with his arms spread wide.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing?" Jack asked trying to keep his voice calm as he inched slowly closer to the Doctor. He didn't want to startle him and cause him to fall, but he was desperate to get the Doctor away from the edge of the building.

"Taking control of my life back while you celebrate what you have taken from me," The Doctor answered. His voice was now still full of all the anger that it held as he rushed out of the flat. Jack also knew that if he could see the Doctor's face that he would have tears streaming down his face. They had caused him this anger and despite his own anger at the Doctor's outburst, he wasn't going to let the Doctor regenerate.

"Doctor, listen to me. I know you are angry at us for talking about you again. The party, though, really is a celebration of your accomplishments and was never meant to embarrass you. I am sorry that it has, but regenerating isn't the answer," Jack told him moving even closer. He was almost close enough that he could grab the Doctor's coat and pull him away from the edge.

"I never said anything about regenerating," The Doctor answered. They had taken everything away from him except the choice to die. He could make that choice right now with just a single step off of the rooftop. While it normally wouldn't necessarily kill him, with his body weak he would be able to choose to end it rather than regenerate. He didn't actually want to die, though. He just wanted to feel the coolness of the air against his skin as he stared up at the stars. For one moment, he could pretend that he was back in his TARDIS staring out into the everlasting night rather than stuck here in London.

"Shit," Jack swore under his breath as he realized the Doctor was right. The Doctor turned so that he was looking at Jack. Despite his obvious anger, there was a calmness in his eyes even as he stood at the edge of the building. Jack paused in his movements frustrated that the Doctor was still just out of his reach. He worried that any attempt to get closer would send the Doctor off the edge. "Come back from the edge sweetheart and talk to me. I know that you want your life back, but this isn't the answer. Killing yourself won't solve anything."

"I know and that is why I am not going to kill myself. Even if it will give you your life back at Torchwood and Martha can return to working for UNIT. No one will have to worry about me or wonder about the next time I am going to have a seizure. I won't have people sticking me with needles constantly even as they claim to worry about my drug usage," The Doctor answered.

"Then please step away from the edge," Jack told him. The Doctor stared at him for a moment and then much to Jack's relief, he stepped away from the edge on his own. Jack let out the breath he didn't know he was holding as the two of them moved towards the stairs. Jack wrapped his arms around the Doctor holding onto him tightly for just a moment. He then grabbed the Doctor's shoulders so that he could look him in the eyes. "Don't scare me like that again. I don't want my life back at Torchwood if it means your death."

"What about once I am healed?" The Doctor questioned.

"Then you and I are going to travel the stars together if that is what you still want. I will have to return to Torchwood to check on my team and help out, but I won't be staying there permanently again. I know you don't want to look back on this miserable planet, but I can't just abandon it quite yet," Jack explained to him. The Doctor smiled at him. Despite what he said in his moment of anger, he wasn't ready to give up on the planet quite yet. Earth had been a second home to him since losing Gallifrey and he wasn't ready to give up on all the humans just yet.

"I do want to travel with you. I'm just tired of all this," The Doctor responded wrapping his arms around Jack.

"I know and in the morning, we will talk to Martha about letting you have some control over your life again. I can promise you this, though. You are lucky that I am the one who came after you. Because if Martha catches you up on the edge of the roof, she won't hesitate to restrain you again," Jack informed him. The Doctor sighed.

"Just another way she is in control of my body," The Doctor growled.

"She doesn't have control over everything," Jack reminded him. "You still get to choose, what you eat, where we go in the afternoons, and when we make love." Jack kissed him on the top of his head. He knew he was pushing it, but in the same movement, he gently pressed his groin against the Doctors. The Doctor didn't bother to answer Jack as he carefully pulled away. Despite Jack being his lover and therefore having to get use to Jack turning everything sexual, he wasn't in the mood. Jack was right on that aspect, though. He went back to the flat where the mood had turned somber because of his outburst. He didn't apologize for it as he picked up a beer off the table. He didn't particularly care for the taste, but that wasn't the point. He opened it taking a drink, as he dug the banana pudding out of the fridge.

"We didn't mean to upset you, old chap," The Brigadier told him as he straightened up with both the bowls of pudding balanced in his hand. "You have come remarkably far in your recovery and perhaps we can sit down and discuss your continuing treatment." The Doctor looked over at Martha. She was staring at the floor and the Doctor figured that she had been talked to while Jack went to get him from the roof.

"In the morning," He responded, pouring all of the chocolate pudding into the banana pudding's bowl. Picking it up, he took it with him to the living room and sat down on Jack's leg. Using his fingers he happily scooped up a glob of the pudding placing it in his mouth.

"You're disgusting," Jack whispered in his ear. The Doctor smiled at him as Jack took the beer from his hand. He offered Jack a bite of the pudding off his fingers and Jack took it.

"Get a room," Mickey called out from the floor causing them all to laugh.

"Later," Jack agreed, winking at Mickey. Mickey flushed bright red, but the Doctor just rolled his eyes. Leaning back against Jack, the Doctor continued to eat. By the time he was finished Tish was asleep on the floor and Martha was leading Mickey to her room. Jack showed the Brigadier out, thanking him for coming over and apologizing that it hadn't went as well as he planned. Thankfully the Brigadier was understanding. He bid them goodnight heading on his way. After locking up for the night, Jack carefully lifted Tish up off of the floor, placing her on the couch. "Coming to bed?" he asked the Doctor once Tish was settled.

"Yep," The Doctor agreed. He went into the room with Jack closing the door tightly behind them. Even with the door closed, they could both hear Martha and Mickey enjoying each other's bodies across the flat. Jack tried his luck kissing the Doctor and soon they were both naked in each other's arms. The Doctor let go of Jack rolling up onto his hands and knees. Jack hesitated as he stared at the Doctor's body. He knew that the last time the Doctor had been taken on his knees was when the guard had raped him and he didn't understand why the Doctor wanted sex that way.

"Are you sure?" Jack questioned, running his hand along the Doctor's naked bottom. The Doctor nodded. Trying to trust his lover, Jack positioned himself between the Doctor's legs then pushed slowly into his body. His heart broke as the Doctor tensed crying out. He paused in his movements.

"Please, Jack," The Doctor begged as he reminded himself that he wanted this from his lover. If he asked Jack too, though, Jack would have changed positions, but he needed this. He needed it to be his choice this time as he reclaimed a little control over his body. Jack made it easier as he reached out for the Doctor's hand gripping it tightly as he pressed in further. Laying himself across the Doctor's back, he nibbled on this shoulder, kissing across to the other and doing the same. He kept his movements slow as he continued to hold the Doctor's hand tightly. Pulling on the Doctor's shoulders, he guided him up off the bed so that he was supporting the Doctor's weight as he continued to thrust up into his body. The Doctor arched his back, turning his head to kiss Jack as they moved as one. He wrapped one arm around the Doctor's waist as the Doctor supported himself. The other hand moved to the Doctor's member. He brought the Doctor to completion, then followed him over the edge. The Doctor groaned as Jack filled his body with his release. Jack started to pull away, but the Doctor followed him, wanting to keep the feeling of his lover deep inside for just a little longer. Jack rolled them to the side keeping himself pressed against the Doctor. The Doctor held onto Jack's arms as he drifted off to sleep feeling safe as he was both filled by and held in his lover's embrace.


	58. Chapter 58

The Doctor woke up after only a few hours of sleep, still safe in Jack's arms. He rolled over snuggling close to Jack's chest and breathing in his familiar comforting scent. Jack always smelled of fifty-first-century hormones and soap. There was an underlying scent of alcohol, which usually was whiskey, but the beer didn't smell horrible. He stuck his tongue out giving a soft lick that made Jack moan in his sleep holding him a little closer. The Doctor lifted his eyes to look at Jack as the taste of salt, hormones and chemicals filled his mouth. He was thankful that Jack remained asleep except the distraction had made him unable to analyze the taste of Jack's skin. He watched Jack carefully as he pressed his tongue to Jack's chest once more. His brain quickly analyzed the chemicals it was presented telling him what he already knew but also surprising him. He licked again to be sure, but the taste was still there. Jack wasn't completely human. There was a faint taste that shouldn't be there, but the Doctor would need the TARDIS to figure out what species. 

"Are you tasting me?" Jack questioned sleepily. 

"Yes," The Doctor replied. Jack nodded not the least bit surprised by the Time Lord's oral fixation. The Doctor licked a short line to Jack's nipple without actually touching it. 

"Tease," Jack moaned. The Doctor kissed him on the side of the neck.

"Go back to sleep," He told him. Jack didn't listen as he rolled them over so the Doctor was underneath him. The kisses were lazy as Jack rubbed himself against the Doctor's body. His movements were slow and sleepy, not pushing either of them to completion. The Doctor lay there holding on tightly to Jack as he met Jack's body thrust for thrust. It was the Doctor who fell over the edge first, but Jack followed him directly after as the cool liquid spread between their bodies. The Doctor reached down between them taking a little of the liquid on his fingers and bringing them to his mouth. 

"Do you want to get off of your back tonight?" Jack wondered with a moan as he instantly began to harden again. 

"I was curious," The Doctor replied smacking his lips. 

"Of how many times I can cum in a row?" Jack asked leaning down to nip the Doctor's ear. "Because I can assure you it is more than once."

"No, you have non-human chemicals on your skin and I was trying to figure out what species it was," The Doctor answered. Jack laughed. 

"I am Beinahemen on my mother's side," Jack informed him. The Doctor furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he licked the side of Jack's neck. The information made sense but at the same time, the Beinamemen weren't known for mating with other species. They tended to stick to the small planet close to the Shining Sun of the Third Moon. Most other species didn't even know they existed before the seventy-second century which saw them spread to the moon itself. "My great-grandfather got lost during his travels and landed on their planet by accident. He fell in love with my great-grandmother and persuaded her to marry him," Jack explained seeing the confusion in the Doctor's eyes. 

"You're a strange wonderful man, Jack," The Doctor mumbled kissing Jack softly. 

"Yeah, but you love me," Jack replied kissing him back. 

"I do," The Doctor agreed. They kissed again before the Doctor reluctantly untangled himself from Jack's arms. The liquid on his stomach had cooled and now just felt uncomfortable. He stumbled his way to the shower, turning it on to a warm temperature. He showered slowly waiting for Jack to join him. Jack didn't, though, and upon finishing he found Jack sound asleep. He thought about joining him in bed again, but he could hear movement out in the living room. He dressed in his pajama trousers before going out to investigate. He made a face upon seeing Martha in the kitchen digging through the fridge. He forced his face to a blank look as he made his way over to her.

"Mickey is hungry and asking for leftover steak and chips. Do you want me to heat yours up as well?" Martha questioned upon seeing him. 

"Please," The Doctor answered. He leaned against the counter taking a deep breath. "How can I be released from the medical injunction?"

"I think we should have this discussion later when Jack is awake, don't you?" Martha questioned. The Doctor sighed running his hand through his hair irritably. 

"I don't need Jack's support to discuss the fact that you aren't going to release the injunction. I know you aren't going to release me yet, that is why I didn't ask if you would release me. I asked what I needed to do to be released," The Doctor informed her, letting his irritation show through. Martha placed the chips into the stove then turned to look at the Doctor. He could feel her analyzing him with her eyes even though she had just examined him earlier in the day. 

"While you are making a lot of progress, I still need to see more improvement before I will consider releasing you. I have spoken to Ian recently and we are both very pleased with the progress you have made. He says that you are talking more freely but he doesn't want to reduce the number of sessions you are having yet. While you may not always agree with him, his opinion is going to play a big part on when you are going to be released, so I am glad that you are willing to talk to him," Martha started to explain ignoring the Doctor rolling his eyes. "Besides your therapy, you need to get to the point where I don't fear that releasing you will result in you immediately relapsing into your drug use again. I know that you are still having cravings but everyday they are getting easier to handle."

"I may always have the cravings," The Doctor sighed. 

"I know, but it will get easier. Keeping you from going back to where you were supplied the drugs will help to keep you from relapsing at the moment. Then once you are released I want you to travel with someone full time for awhile," Martha told him. 

"I will travel with Jack," The Doctor replied. 

"Does he know that?" Martha questioned already knowing the answer and the Doctor nodded. 

"Finally, I need to be fully off of your medications that block your telepathic controls as well as assist with the withdrawal symptoms. You also need to get back to a healthier weight and eat on your own without having Jack feed you," Martha informed him. The Doctor made a face at her but nodded again. He reached down pinching the skin on his stomach as he assessed his own weight. Martha stopped herself from slapping his hand away knowing the Doctor thought that his lithe body was fat when he was at a healthy weight. They were working on it in his therapy and with him eating but just like with his drug use, his mindset on his weight wouldn't change over night. 

"What about my seizures?" The Doctor asked quietly. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't just ignore them. They affected his life and made running for it dangerous. They also drained him of his energy causing him to sleep like a human which was pathetic. 

"You can still travel even with the seizures. Once the TARDIS allows you on again, I will have her run scans to see if she can detect an underlying cause to the seizures. In the long run, we may just have to control them with medication, if they don't go away on their own," Martha answered him. 

"We both know the more I have them, the more likely it is I will keep having them," The Doctor groaned. Martha reached out rubbing his arm. 

"While that is true, we both know that your body heals differently than a human's. If we can figure out what is causing them, we may be able to help stop them altogether," Martha responded. "I know you don't like them and I don't blame you, but they don't mean that you can't have your life back. You may just need to be a little more careful for awhile and not go looking for trouble."

"I don't go looking for trouble," The Doctor lied with a smile.

"Yes, you do," Martha shook her head before turning back to the stove. She put two of the steaks on to heat and heated the onions and mushrooms in a separate pan. When the chips were ready, she plated the two steaks along with a handful of chips each. The Doctor declined the mushrooms and onions but did accept a cup of coffee. He took his food over to the armchair while Martha disappeared in her room again with Mickey. While the Doctor didn't like her answers on getting released from the injunction, he accepted that she was right. The only problem is it all depended on him behaving and he hated behaving. He looked longingly at the front door a moment, knowing how easy it would be to just run. No one would realize he was gone for a few hours if he left now. Except he would be stuck in this flat, living a human life for longer. Going to the bookshelf, he selected one at random before returning to his chair. Settling down he picked at his food as he began to read.


	59. Chapter 59

Jack woke slowly finding his arms empty of the Time Lord that he had fallen asleep cuddling close. He reached out finding the Doctor's side of the bed cold as he forced his eyes open. There was a swear on his lips while he jumped out of bed not bothering to put on any clothing. The only thing on his mind was finding the Doctor before he did something stupid like return to the roof or head to the park. He flung the door to the room open rushing out to find the Doctor was sitting in the armchair with a book in his hands. There was a cup of coffee on the table as well as a half eaten steak. A chip was poised at his mouth where he had been about to take a bite of it. He lifted an eyebrow at Jack the annoyance clear on his face even as a small grin appeared. 

"I'm just sitting here behaving like a good boy," The Doctor told Jack, the annoyance coming through clearly in his tone. "You're just lucky you didn't wake up Tish, or her screaming might wake the complex." 

"Are you actually suggesting that someone wouldn't want to see me naked?" Jack question even as he looked to where Martha's little sister was still sound asleep on the couch. Tish had seen him naked plenty of times over the years, but that was only due to their time together aboard the valiant. The Master had taken great pleasure in chaining up Jack in the boiler room then sending Tish to feed him. Tish didn't need to have those memories brought back, though and Jack really didn't feel like being slapped by Martha. Going back into the room he quickly pulled on a pair of trousers before heading out to the Doctor's side. He sat down on the side of the chair, wrapping his arm around his lover. 

"Couldn't sleep?" Jack wondered. The Doctor gave him another dirty look. 

"I slept enough today due to the seizure," The Doctor snipped. 

"Oi, I just asked a simple question. I know you are worried about your talk with Martha later this morning, but don't take your anger out on me," Jack hissed at him. The Doctor groaned.

"I already spoke to Martha," He informed his lover. 

"And you are unhappy with the terms that she set in order for you to be released from the injunction?" Jack wondered and the Doctor nodded. Jack was aware of a few of the terms, but not all of them. He had tried to talk to Martha in order to discuss what he could do to help the Doctor reach his goals in order to be released. She had basically just told him to keep supporting the Doctor, but to not let the Doctor hide anymore. Jack was trying. He had even already started to gently guide the Doctor in the right direction even if the Doctor hadn't realized it. The Doctor may have thought that Jack wanting him to take charge in the bedroom was just Jack showing a submissive side when in reality he was trying to help the Doctor learn to be dominate again. He had also tried to protect him by not telling Martha that the Doctor had run but the Doctor had happily told her in his anger. 

"They are fair," The Doctor sighed after a moment. He stood up going back into the bedroom, so not to wake Tish, before telling Jack about their conversation. Jack listened not surprised by the information. He knew it would be hard on the Doctor, though, because the only one who would be holding the Doctor back was the Time Lord himself. Jack agreed to help him the best he could, but it would still be on the Doctor to get himself to the milestones he needed to reach. When they were done talking, the Doctor went back out into the living room, to be left alone while Jack laid in bed contemplating how he could help his lover now that he had a clear understanding of his goals. He didn't know how long he laid there before the Doctor returned to the room in an effort to hide from Martha. 

"Do you want to shower before your appointment with Ian?" Jack questioned as he came into the room. 

"I can shower alone," The Doctor replied disappearing into the bathroom. Jack waited impatiently for him, disappointed when the Doctor came out fully dressed. He had been hoping for a quickie before the appointment. The Doctor obviously wasn't in the mood, though, or so Jack thought. When Jack came out of the shower, he found the Doctor laying on the bed with his trousers missing. Jack joined him on the bed, taking full advantage of the half-naked Time Lord and almost making them late to his appointment. 

"I was wondering if I would even see you today after your early departure yesterday from your session. I am happy to see, though, that you seem more relaxed than when I last saw you," Ian stated as the Doctor entered the room that morning. 

"I am sorry I was so angry. I tend to get irrationally angry before I have a seizure," the Doctor explained flopping down on the couch. Reaching above his head he grabbed one of the bean bags, throwing it hard at the wall.

"So you had a seizure yesterday afternoon?" Ian questioned and the Doctor nodded. Ian shrugged. "Not the way I usually choose to relax, but it seems to have worked wonders for you."

"I didn't have it by choice," The Doctor chuckled as he rolled his eyes. 

"No, of course, you didn't," Ian stated. The Doctor looked over at him and Ian winked causing him to smile. He picked up another bean bag throwing it at Ian who caught it. "Were you able to give any more thought to our discussion after you left before your seizure?"

"I cut up the condoms in our rooms," The Doctor told him. It was Ian's turn to smile. They had been discussing the last few days how Micha had used the Doctor's body. Ian had agreed with Jack that it wasn't completely the Doctor's fault even if he was partly responsible. Micha had taken advantage of the Doctor when he was at his lowest point. The Doctor hadn't meant to mention that he had then been raped by the guard, but it slipped out during the discussion yesterday. He had then informed Ian that he was tainted. Ian didn't believe him. It was Ian wondering why he felt that way that had caused him to storm out. 

"I prefer to use them for balloons because cutting them up just seems like a waste," Ian responded. "I one time used them to decorate my flatmate's room for a party."

"How did he take it?" The Doctor questioned slightly amused. 

"I had to find another flatmate," Ian laughed. 

"I threw one at Jack's head. He didn't seem amused either," The Doctor responded. He threw another bean bag at the wall hearing it thump against the side. 

"No, I can't imagine he did," He replied looking at where there were small dents in his wall from the strength of the Doctor's throws. No one else even came close to putting a hole in his wall the way the Doctor did. That was alright, though, holes could be patched and walls could be repaired. It got his patients to talk and gave them an outlet for their anger besides swinging at him. UNIT hadn't agreed with him, but Ian had more success with being snippy back at his patients than just listening to them and reaffirming how they feel. "How are things going with Jack?"

"Fine," The Doctor answered vaguely. He quickly changed the subject to Martha and complained about her the rest of the session. By the end of the hour, Ian knew everything that Martha and the Doctor had discussed the night before. He had already known that the information that he passed on to Martha would either help or hinder the Doctor being released. Now the Doctor knew and Ian was just thankful that it didn't seem to impede on his progress. He really didn't want to have to start over trying to earn the trust of the stubborn Time Lord as it had been hard enough to get him to actually talk rather than play chess. When the hour was over the Doctor went to the door with Ian following. He watched the Doctor take Jack's hand, kissing him softly before the two headed towards the door. Ian smiled, then proceeded to throw the beanbag at the back of the Doctor's head. The Doctor spun around as he felt the thump looking straight at Ian. 

"Michael," Ian called out for his next patient trying to look innocent. The Doctor picked up the bean bag taking it with him as he left with Jack. Ian let him as he ushered his next patient into his office.


	60. Chapter 60

The Doctor pocketed the beanbag as he went past the SUV heading towards the park. Jack sighed but took off after the Doctor. The Doctor kept up a steady pace until he got to the park. Once there he took off at a run, expecting Jack to keep up. He felt free running even if it wasn't for his life. He rounded the corner seeing the man standing by the tree. He didn't slow down as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the beanbag. 

 

"Doc," Jack warned him from behind seeing the movement. The Doctor pocketed the small bag again as he continued on his way. He didn't stop running until he reached the SUV again. He was breathing hard by the time he stopped and disappointed in himself. He should have been able to run faster and longer than a human without getting tired. He glared at Jack as he approached not nearly as tired as the Doctor appeared. The Doctor thought about just climbing into the backseat but he had to show that he was behaving in order to get released, so he reluctantly climbed into the passenger seat. He closed his eyes for just a moment, opening them to find that they were still on the road. 

 

"Where are we?" He asked confused, rubbing his eyes. 

 

"About twenty minutes outside of Cardiff," Jack answered. While the Doctor had slept Jack had made the decision that he couldn't put off going to Torchwood any longer. He had kept postponing the trip due to the fact that the Doctor was healing. He couldn't use it as an excuse anymore as the Doctor had been healthy enough to make the trip for several days now. The small team needed him to help with the overwhelming amount of work that was coming through the rift on a consistent basis. While he helped out over the phone or on the laptop the best he could, he needed to go down to help with the artifacts and make sure they were stored properly. His mind made up he made the short drive to Martha's flat to pick up the Doctor's medications and leave Martha a note before making his way to Cardiff. "Gwen, Ianto, and Mickey have been overwhelmed with artifacts coming through the rift so the two of us are going to help out for the night. I thought I could give you a tour than we could catalog the items and store them down in the vault. I also need to sign off on paperwork." 

 

"Are we staying the night?" The Doctor asked a little hesitantly as he sat up straighter in his seat. 

 

"That is up to you. While I understand that you would feel more comfortable going back to London, if we stay the night we will have the place to ourselves," Jack informed the Doctor with a grin. The Doctor rolled his eyes looking out the window. While he knew that the Torchwood they were going to was different than Torchwood One, he still couldn't help but remember that bleak day. Countless people had been killed because they were playing with tears in the universes that they didn't understand. They had allowed the cybermen through then unleashed the Daleks on the unsuspecting Earth. In the end, he had walked out of Torchwood alone once more. While it had allowed him to meet Martha and then Donna. His hearts had still broke when he lost Rose. It was strange how now he barely even thought of her. He had moved on, he had Jack to love. Jack would never leave him or make him feel as though he was betraying him by regenerating. Reaching out he gently squeezed Jack's leg. 

 

"I love you," he told him as he thought of all the times that Jack had been there for him over the years when he needed him the most. 

 

"I love you too, sweethearts," Jack replied. He reached down taking the Doctor's hand quickly in his own and squeezing it before returning both hands to the wheel. Normally he was wreckless as he drove the familiar roads between London and Cardiff. With the Doctor in the passenger seat, though, he wasn't about to take any chances. They arrived safely at Torchwood and Jack led the way to the elevator entrance of the building. It was the more impressive of the ways to enter allowing the person to see the rift manipulator and computers all at once. The Doctor, though, recognized it as the TARDIS's favorite parking spot and began to mope before they even made it inside. 

 

Still, he cheered up slightly as he was given a tour around the building. The manipulator was fascinating, even without his sonic to examine it properly. He made plans to hack the computer as soon as Jack's back was turned while they made their way through to the cells to see Janet. She wasn't happy with Jack for disappearing for so long but forgave him as he offered her a small treat. The morgue was even less interesting the autopsy bay and the Doctor took one look at the desk in Jack's office before hurrying back down to the open room of the rift manipulator. 

 

"Doctor, I would like you to meet Ianto and Gwen. They have been running the hub while Mickey and I have been in London," Jack explained to the Doctor. The Doctor glanced over at the two people that he had only seen on the monitor before when he returned the Earth to her proper place in the universe. Gwen was smiling warmly at him while, while Ianto's look was unreadable. 

 

"Hello," He smiled brightly before taking a seat at the computer.

 

"Would you like the password for that or were you just planning on hacking it?" Jack questioned. The Doctor tried to look guilty but failed as Jack stepped forward to input the password. 

 

"The network here is impenetrable," Ianto told the Doctor proudly. The Doctor rolled his eyes. 

 

"Twenty-first-century technology, I could hack it in, oh, five minutes. Two if I had my sonic," The Doctor informed Ianto smugly. 

 

"You're forgetting this is Torchwood, Doc. We have access to more technology than what is available in the twenty-first century. I helped Tosh to build the firewalls that protect the manipulator," Jack explained to his lover. 

 

"If you built the firewall, I could hack it in two minutes without my sonic," The Doctor replied cheekily. Jack laughed dropping a kiss on top of the Doctor's head. Ianto made a noise with his mouth, causing Jack to glare at him. He had already spoken to the young Welshman previously explaining to him the budding relationship he had with the Doctor. While he felt like a coward for having the conversation over the phone, he wasn't about to let Ianto think that their sexual relationship was going to continue upon his return to Cardiff. The Doctor was hesitant to open his hearts to Jack and Jack wasn't about to ruin their relationship because he followed his fifty-first-century upbringing. There it was perfectly normal to have two or three relationships at once. Even if the Doctor would claim to understand and make comments about Jack being Jack, he wasn't going to cause the Time Lord heartache because he could commit fully to him. 

 

"Are you going to be alright working here if I go up to my office?" Jack asked the Doctor. 

 

"Yep," The Doctor replied, popping the p at the end. 

 

"Just yell or ask Gwen if you need anything," Jack told him motioning for Ianto to head to his office as well. The Doctor nodded as he happily began to explore what Torchwood had to offer. Jack started to head up the stairs after Ianto, when something hit him squarely in the back. Turning around he saw a beanbag sitting at the bottom of the stairs and an innocent looking Doctor typing away on the computer. Picking up the beanbag, Jack took it with him to his office. Two could play at that game, he just had to choose his moment to get the Doctor back.


	61. Chapter 61

Jack went up to his office to find Ianto standing behind the chair at the desk. He had one hand rested on it, with his body turned so that he could watch Jack enter the room. Jack closed the door behind him going around his desk to sit in his chair. He laid the beanbag down on the desk before gesturing for Ianto to take a seat. Ianto shook his head no as he continued to stand gripping the chair. Jack leaned back in his chair staring at his once lover. He still loved Ianto, but never as much as he loved the Doctor. They had both known from the start of their relationship that it would end in heartache. Either by Ianto's death or Ianto realizing that Jack could never commit fully to him. Still he had let himself love the Welshman. They had made love often and it was nice. Jack couldn't hurt the Time Lord, though. As much as he loved Ianto, the Doctor had always held a large part of his heart and for the first time in almost two-thousand years, his heart finally felt whole again. 

"Sit," Jack told Ianto irritably. Ianto narrowed his eyes as he continued to stand behind the chair. "Fine, I am done wasting my time talking to you anyways. You have two choices at this point. Either get your act together or find another job. Once you step out of my office, I expect you to work or clean out your desk and leave."

"Wouldn't my time be better spent making sure that the drugs in the autopsy room are locked up?" Ianto sneered. Jack leaned forward quickly slamming his fist down on the desk. Ianto didn't even flinch as he continued to glare at him. 

"Get the hell out of my office before I retcon your ass and throw you out on the streets," Jack yelled at him. Ianto turned walking calmly out of the office going down the stairs. He didn't stop as he continued down past the cells going to where the paper archives were kept. Jack watched Ianto on the CCTV, accepting his decision even if at the moment he didn't like it. As long as Ianto stayed out of his way the rest of the afternoon he would keep his job. Jack picked up the bean bag as he leaned back once more in his chair. He threw it in the air, catching it before repeating the process. He had come to Torchwood to work but now he was too irritated to even consider looking at the paperwork. He silently wished that an item would come through the rift right in the middle of a weevil den. He would send Ianto in after it. He sighed, knowing that no matter how angry he was he wouldn't risk the Welshman's life. Catching the beanbag one last time, he set it on his desk while turning to his computer. There was a lot of work to be done and hopefully he would be able to finish the majority of it tonight as he didn't think the Doctor would want to stay in Cardiff too long. Not that he blamed him at the moment he would have gladly headed back to London as well. Sighing, he tried to focus on his work. 

-DW-

The Doctor was happily trying to hack further into Torchwood's archives when Ianto went hurrying past him. He looked up to see Ianto heading down towards the cells without saying anything to the Doctor. He was about to call out after him to find out what was wrong when Gwen sat down beside him offering him a cup of tea. He declined it with a raised hand as he looked at her. 

"Is Ianto alright?" He asked her in concern. She set the tea down on the desk as looked at the Doctor seeing that there was a genuine look of concern on his face. She smiled softly at him. 

"He is fine," Gwen reassured him. She could tell that the Doctor didn't believe her, though. He was staring at her and she almost felt as if he was actually looking through her. She reached out laying her hand on his arm just to have him move his arm quickly making her let go. "You don't need to worry about Ianto. He is just working in the archives where he spends most of his time. Part of his job is to file away the paperwork and type up the important documents." 

The Doctor nodded accepting her answer as he turned back to the computer. He continued to try to hack further into the network, trying to find what Jack was keeping hidden from him. He clicked on one particular file that opened a series of pictures. His face turned bright red as he saw his lover laying naked on a desk with his front towards the camera. In each picture, Jack's member was steadily getting harder. The Doctor quickly closed the file glancing over his shoulder to make sure that Gwen hadn't seen. Thankfully, she was working on her own computer oblivious to the Doctor's embarrassment. 

"I would ask if you learned your lesson, but we both know you will try again once no one is paying attention," Jack informed him from the top of the stairs. 

"You found the naked pictures of Jack, too?" Gwen questioned the Doctor. 

"Yes," The Doctor admitted softly. Gwen laughed. 

"Don't worry we have all seen them. Though, I have to say I'm impressed. The only other person who was ever able to hack far enough to discover the pictures is Tosh and it was her scream that allowed the rest of us to see them," Gwen explained. "He originally planted those pictures for UNIT to find when they hack our system, now I think he just leaves them there for his own amusement."

"You all enjoy seeing me naked," Jack laughed. He came over to the desk to kiss the Doctor. His laughter faded, though, upon seeing the cup of tea sitting on the desk. A quick touch with the back of his hand revealed that it was still hot enough to be edible even if the Doctor hadn't touched it yet. "Are you alright sweethearts?"

"Fine," The Doctor answered slightly confused. Yes, he hadn't really wanted to come to Torchwood, but now that he was here he was enjoying himself. He looked over to see that Jack was examing the tea cup. "Gwen made it for me. I didn't drink it."

"Is there a problem with the tea?" Gwen asked confused. 

"No, I like tea," The Doctor told her looking at the cup. "Lately, I just have been drinking coffee instead."

"I can make you a cup of coffee if that is what you would prefer," Gwen informed him. 

"Please," The Doctor answered. Gwen stood heading towards the kitchen. Jack picked up the cup of tea taking it with him as he followed her. He was relieved that the Doctor didn't want it. 

"I should have warned you that the Doctor only drinks coffee now. He only drinks tea when he is having a craving or feeling ill," Jack told her upon entering the kitchen. He walked over to the sink pouring the cup of tea down the drain in case the Doctor changed his mind about wanting it. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't know," Gwen replied. "He seems to be doing better than the last time we talked."

"He is doing a lot better," Jack agreed. While they waited for the water to heat for the coffee, he filled Gwen in on the Doctor's progress. He was proud of how far his lover had come. Still he couldn't hide his worries from Gwen and told her about how the Doctor was continuing to have seizures. He also explained his worry that once the Doctor was released from the medical injunction that he would leave him behind again. He tried to trust his lover but the pain of being left on the Gamestation was always in the back of his mind and heart. He walked to the door looking out at the Doctor. The Doctor was still happily working on the computer. Pulling the beanbag out of his pocket, he threw it at him. It hit the Doctor in the side of the head. He looked up at Jack, then leaned down scooping up the beanbag. He pocketed it before continuing his work.

"I'm sure the two of you will be fine," Gwen commented watching the interaction between the two of them. She hand Jack two coffee cups and he took them taking the coffee down to the Doctor. The Doctor accepted his cup with a grin. Jack didn't miss the fact that the Doctor was looking at the naked pictures again and closed the browser as he approached. 

"I can demonstrate those pictures if you want me too after everyone leaves tonight," Jack whispered in his ear. 

"What pictures?" The Doctor questioned his face turning red again. Jack nipped the Doctor's ear and the Doctor turned to kiss him on the lips. They kissed deeply forgetting about anyone else but each other. Jack pulled the Doctor to his feet, tugging his hand gently to lead him towards his room. The Doctor hesitated not wanting to go to Jack's office. The thought of making love over Jack's desk made him feel sick. "I can't."

"Don't worry, we aren't going to stay in my office. My room is underneath it and there is a nice warm bed that we can use," Jack promised him. The Doctor still wasn't sure, but he trusted his lover. He was hesitant as he followed Jack up to his office. Jack didn't stop as he headed over to the side of his office to where there was a hatch. He opened it going down first. The Doctor followed him down to find a small bedroom. Jack stepped on the bottom of the ladder to pull the hatch closed before taking the Doctor into his arms to kiss him deeply again. 

The Doctor returned the kiss as he fumbled with Jack's belt buckle. He helped Jack to pull down his trousers as Jack helped him to unbuckle his own. Together they fell back onto the small bed. Despite it being small, Jack was right, it was comfortable and perfect for the two of them to cuddle on. Jack reached into the drawer beside his bed, pulling out a small bottle of lube. He helped the Doctor to finish removing his trousers, then pushed his finger up into the Doctor's body. The Doctor gasped, turning his body while Jack continued to open him. He looked at Jack's member, taking it in his hand. He had only ever taken someone once in his mouth before and he hadn't liked it. Still, he had enjoyed the taste of Jack's chest and was curious. He could feel Jack watching him as he lowered his head carefully taking Jack into his mouth. 

"Oh, Doctor," Jack moaned. He reached out with his hand that wasn't busy to stroke the side of the Doctor's head. The fact that the Doctor was willing to take him in his mouth turned him on to the point where he had to struggle not to find his release early. The Doctor was slow as explored Jack with his tongue, enjoying the feeling of being filled by his lover. He let go of Jack as he laid his head on his thigh, enjoying the feeling of Jack's fingers. He even moaned his protest when the fingers were removed. "I want you to sit on me."

"Alright," The Doctor agreed. He moved so that he was straddling Jack's legs. Jack held himself steady as the Doctor sat back taking Jack up into his body. Jack let him take charge as he rode him slowly staring into Jack's eyes. Jack's hand helped him find his release first, but he continued to move until Jack followed him over the edge. He started to sit up and Jack pushed him back down. He tilted his head as he looked at Jack confused. Jack ran his hand down the Doctor's spine as he pulled him forward. Jack bent his leg to keep himself deep in the Doctor's body as he the Doctor relaxed on his chest with a sigh.   
"God, I love you," Jack told him as he hugged him close. 

"Hmmm," The Doctor replied sleepily. They could stay joined for a little longer before he would have to find the Doctor dinner and his nighttime medication.


	62. Chapter 62

Regardless of whether or not Jack actually wanted to look for an artifact that night, the choice was taken out of his hand as the rift alarm sounded throughout the hub. He was still relaxing with the Doctor on his chest when the lights began to flash red. The Doctor sat up quickly on Jack's chest, taking Jack deeper into his body again with an unhappy yelp. He jumped up rubbing his bottom as he got off of the bed. 

"What is that?" He asked Jack. He swatted Jack's hands away from his bottom as Jack tried to check to make sure that he hadn't hurt his lover. Despite being a little sore, the Doctor was fine, though, and more concerned about the alarm. 

"An item has come through the rift that needs to be retrieved," Jack informed him finally standing up. He handed the Doctor his trousers, before pulling on his own. He didn't wait to make sure that the Doctor had finished dressing before he made his way up to his office and out to the top of the stairs. Ianto and Gwen were already getting ready to leave to collect the item before someone else found it first. The last thing they needed was the artifact falling into the hands of an unsuspecting human. "Do we have an idea what came through the rift?"

"No, but it is on the move," Gwen answered. 

"Alright," Jack said acknowledging. He ran his hand through his hair as he tried to think. "Shut off that fucking alarm," He swore. Gwen gave him a look as she turned it off. The problem now was that if whatever came through the rift was on the move, it would take the three of them to capture it. Not that he really trusted Ianto at the moment. He didn't want to leave him behind with the Doctor nor did he want to take Ianto with him. He also didn't want to leave the Doctor alone in the hub. "Gwen take Ianto and go. I will guide you from here."

"I can guide all three of you," The Doctor told Jack softly coming up behind him. Jack turned to look at the Doctor. "I'm not an idiot and I don't need to be watched constantly. If you want to waste time arguing me while I still on my hands and behave like a good child, I will. Or you can trust me to help you find whatever has come through the rift." 

"I do trust you," Jack informed him. The Doctor made a face at him showing they both knew that Jack had his doubts. Jack hurried back into his office, grabbing his earpiece and a spare one from inside the desk. He tried to hand it to the Doctor who refused to take it. "You need the earpiece if you are going to direct us to the right location Doc."

"And become a cyberman in the process. No ta," The Doctor answered. Jack sighed going back into his office, he grabbed two walkie talkies. They didn't use them anymore due to upgrading to the earpieces, so Jack hoped they still worked. He flipped one on testing the battery before doing the same to the other. Both seemed to be working fine so he handed one to the Doctor. 

"We'll be back as quickly as possible," Jack reassured him with a kiss. The Doctor kissed him back before the two of them headed down the stairs. The Doctor turned towards the rift manipulator to study the map on the computer while Jack headed out the door. As soon as Jack was out of the hub, the Doctor turned towards the stairs to the kitchen. Taking the walkie with him he turned on the kettle. He got the tea down while waiting for the kettle to heat adding it to a cup. It had taken a lot of willpower earlier to turn down the cup of tea that Gwen had placed in front of him. Now there was no one to judge him or think that he was going to relapse from a simple cup of tea. The kettle whistled and he poured himself a cup, letting it seep for a moment. He drank it while it was still too hot for a human to consume before pouring a second and doing the same. Setting the kettle aside, he rinsed out the cup placing it in the sink. His stomach was hot and he was happy as he headed back down the stairs. 

"Doctor, are you there, over," Jack asked over the walkie. 

"I'm here, you're heading in the right direction. The creature is still heading north, over," The Doctor told him with a quick glance at the screen. He continued past the computer going towards the archives where Ianto had been. Jack hadn't shown him the vault during the tour but he was positive he could find it through the archives. 

"Are you doing alright? Over," Jack questioned him. The Doctor rolled his eyes making a face at the walkie. 

"I'm fine, Jack, over," The Doctor sighed in reply. He went through to the room he had found boring earlier heading to the back of it. Sure enough, there was a large door without a handle against the far wall. There was a panel to the side of the door and the Doctor flipped it open. He carefully removed the panel to find that it had several fake wires. If he tripped one of them they would set off an alarm and more than likely lock down the hub. It would be child's play to break into Jack's vault. His sonic would allow him in quickly, but his sonic had also allowed him to become lazy. He reached for the first wire as the walkie sounded again. 

"Are we getting close to the creature, over?" Jack wondered over the walkie. The Doctor sighed again. He replaced the panel, knowing that he didn't have time to break into the vault yet. He would have to wait until later. Still it helped to know that it had traps in it, he would have expected nothing less from his lover. "Doctor are you there?"

"Yes, sorry," The Doctor answered going back towards the rift computer. 

"Is everything alright?" Jack questioned sounding worried. 

"Fine, am I not allowed to use the loo without your permission now either?" The Doctor asked as he headed towards the loo. It wasn't a complete lie as he really did have to use the toilet. He glanced at the computer as he passed it again. 

"Sorry," Jack apologized. 

"Keep heading north until the next road and then turn west," The Doctor told him. 

"Are you sure?" Jack wondered. 

"Jack," The Doctor drew his name out in annoyance. He set the walkie down a moment while he used the loo and washed his hands. Picking the walkie back up he moved out to the computer again. He sipped his coffee while he directed Jack towards the creature. The creature was showing clearly on the map due the particles of the rift affecting it. It was fast and the Doctor couldn't help but wonder what the creature was. He watched as the SUVs cornered it in an alleyway. "What is it?" The Doctor asked anxiously. 

"Guns down," Jack's reply came over the walkie. "I mean it. Guns down now."

"Are you sure it looks dangerous," Gwen questioned. Her reply was still low, but the Doctor was still able to hear her. 

"It's not dangerous. Its just scared," Jack answered. The Doctor felt proud of his lover as he heard him speak. Jack hadn't relied on his training from the Time Agency or from Torchwood and resorted to guns. Instead, he had relied on his instincts to know the creature was just scared. "Doc, we have a black dog like creature. It is about the size of a wolf, with short hair a single head and four legs. It has two ears but they looked as though he has several stacked behind each other coming to a point. He also has two tails that are long and thick." 

"What does it's snout look like?" The Doctor asked as his mind narrowed down the species. 

"Long, just like a wolf. His nose is as black as the rest of his body making his teeth stand out," Jack informed the Doctor hoping that he was right and the creature was just scared. 

"It might be a Nemaskylos, they are kept as pets on the moon of Tigrada. I can't be sure without seeing it, though," The Doctor answered him. "Are you able to smell it?"

"Smell it?" Jack repeated in confusion. 

"Yes, smell it," The Doctor replied. Jack stepped forward causing the creature to cower back further. He held his hands out where the creature could see them, trying to show it that he meant no harm. The creature took a cautious step forward as Jack knelt down in front of it. As the creature grew closer, Jack could distinctly smell a sweet scent, that reminded him of honey.

"It smells like honey," He told the Doctor. 

"Then I'm right it is a Nemaskylos. They bathe the animals in white flowers that smell like honey in order to soften their fur otherwise it is really rough feeling. It should have a collar showing who it's owner is," The Doctor told him. Jack looked making sure to keep his movements slow. 

"I don't see a collar. If it isn't dangerous then I am going to bring it back to the hub," Jack informed the Doctor. "We will be back in about an hour."

"I will see you then," The Doctor told Jack. He glanced at the map again seeing Jack's location. Though Jack had said an hour, the Doctor estimated he really had about forty-five minutes. That gave him plenty of time to break into the vault and return to the desk before Jack got back. Smiling, he took the walkie with him as he headed once more down the stairs.


	63. Chapter 63

The Doctor stood staring at the wiring behind the panel. What he originally thought would be an easy hack was more difficult than it first appeared. Whoever had wired the alarm knew exactly what they were doing and as he traced the wires, he realized that they would trip a second alarm if removed incorrectly. As five minutes passed, he came to the conclusion that he wasn't going to have time to break into the vault, explore and rewire the alarm before Jack got back to the hub. Slightly disappointed, he continued to study the wires, memorizing their layout so that he could work out how to correctly dismantle the alarm while he rested. Finally, he replaced the panel trying to figure out what else he could do for the next thirty-five minutes until Jack returned. 

He wandered through the cells again back to the morgue, not finding anything interesting. Going up the stairs he went down to the autopsy room wandering through it. He opened and closed the cupboards, snooping before going into the small lab just off the room. Still bored, he left quickly going back to the rift computer. He flopped down with a sigh, using his finger to tilt his coffee cup. The cup was over half empty and cold. He barely liked coffee when it was hot. He considered going to make more as he glanced at the clock. He still had over twenty minutes to wait. Standing up again he picked up the cup carrying it to the kitchen.

He placed the water onto boil while he dug through the cupboard looking for something to nibble on. The cupboards were almost bare, reminding him of his TARDIS kitchen. The biggest difference being that he could always find at least a banana in his kitchen. When Jack got back he would have to ask him about dinner. In the meantime, he made himself a fresh cup of coffee, then another cup of tea drinking it as he stood in the kitchen. He finished it off with a happy slurp. Rinsing out his cup, he wondered if he would ever be allowed to drink tea again without Jack worrying he was going to relapse. That was a problem for another time, right now he was eager for the dog to arrive so that he could examine it properly. Bored once more, he went to Jack's office. Sitting down at the computer, he easily hacked it going directly to Jack's private files. No sooner had he opened the first folder when the phone on Jack's desk began to ring. Curious he picked it up. 

"Hello?" The Doctor questioned. 

"You couldn't behave for another twenty minutes?" Jack asked him. He wasn't surprised by the fact that the Doctor had hacked his computer. He was shocked it had taken the Doctor so long to trip one of the alarms in the hub that automatically alerted him on his cell phone that someone was hacking the system. He wondered what the Doctor had been up to the last few hours on his own and planned to check the CCTV after the Doctor went to bed that night. 

"I am behaving," The Doctor answered continuing to look through the files. They weren't any more interesting than the ones that he had found on the rift computer. "I'm just bored and tired of waiting. I hate waiting."

"I know. Gwen will be there in a few minutes and I have instructed her to order pizza for dinner. I shouldn't be too long after her and then you can confirm what this dog is," Jack told him. "If you are right and it is a Nemaskylos, we can see about taking it home once you are cleared to travel again."

"I wanted to take you to see the white coral beaches of Chron first," The Doctor informed him. 

"We can go both places. We can travel the entire universe together, just not tonight. Tonight we are going to identify this dog, eat pizza then go to bed," Jack replied. The Doctor rolled his eyes knowing that going to bed meant having a sore bottom again. He wasn't sure he wanted to make love to Jack tonight after the unpleasant awakening a couple hours ago. "I have to go now, I love you and I will see you soon."

"I love you too," The Doctor told him. He hung up the phone leaning back in the chair. Hearing the hub door open, he closed out of the files that he had opened and went out to greet Gwen. Ianto was with her but he ignored the Doctor as he grabbed the few items he left at the hub before going home for the day. Gwen, though, stayed with him not commenting on Ianto's behavior. They had spoken in the SUV but Ianto had become defensive. He didn't feel that Jack should have brought the Doctor to the hub, nor should he have left the Doctor alone. He was positive they would come back to find the Doctor had raided the medications in the autopsy room. The fact that the Doctor seemed fine when they entered didn't change his mind and he left before Jack had a chance to fire him. Gwen, on the other hand, didn't think that the Doctor was going to relapse. She knew how far he had come in his treatment and how close he was to being able to see the TARDIS. Jack told her about the man by the tree, but just like him, she saw it as a momentary lapse in judgement and not a major setback. 

"What kind of pizza would you like?" She questioned the Doctor once they were alone in the hub. He shrugged. While he liked pizza it wasn't normally his first choice when it came to food. "Jack likes meat pizza with extra meat while I prefer the vegetarian. They also make a really good pepperoni pizza if you would like that instead."

"Vegetarian is fine," The Doctor informed her. She ordered the pizzas for them and then started on the paperwork for the capture of the dog. She had barely begun to work on it, though, when Jack pulled up to the hub. The Doctor rushed out of the hub eager to see the dog. 

"Easy Doc. He may be tamed but he is still scared," Jack commented getting out of the SUV. The Doctor looked at him to see that his arm was drenched in blood around the obvious bite mark. It was only the thought that the Doctor would never forgive him for killing the creature that stopped him from putting a bullet in its head when it clamped down on his arm. 

"Are you alright?" The Doctor asked in concern even as he looked for the creature. 

"Fine, it has already started to heal and within a few hours will be gone," Jack told him going around to the back. He opened the trunk of the SUV to reveal the Doctor was right.

"Aren't you beautiful," The Doctor exclaimed to the Nemaskylos. His eyes followed the rope that was tied around it keeping it in the trunk. He glared briefly at Jack before stepping slowly forward. "What has the mean old Captain done to you. You don't need a rope to keep you in place do you?" He cooed stepping forward. Jack watched the Doctor come to life again as he interacted with the strange creature. He cooed at it, making it tilt its head until the Doctor was able to scratch it behind the ears. He removed the rope throwing it aside before giving the dog a command. It jumped out of the SUV sitting at the Doctor's feet. The Doctor stepped forward and the dog followed him wagging its tails. 

"We're not keeping him," Jack called after him as he followed them into the hub. The Doctor glanced over his shoulder at Jack, scratching the dog's head while he did. Jack sighed, whether or not he liked it they now had a pet. The dog stayed by the Doctor's side the rest of the evening while they ate dinner. The Doctor fed it table scraps for the night but in the morning they were going to have to pick up kibble. Jack wasn't sure if it actually ate kibble, but they would at least get it a more appropriate diet. After Gwen left, Jack tried to take advantage of them being alone except the Doctor wasn't in the mood. He avoided Jack's advances curling into himself to sleep on Jack's bed. Jack held him until he was sleeping soundly, then went back up the ladder to see the Nemaskylos waiting at the top. 

"Let's see what he was up to, shall we?" Jack questioned it. Its tail thumped on the floor several times before it laid its head on its paws and closed its eyes. Jack pulled up the CCTV footage watching the Doctor drink tea and wander the hub. He watched the Doctor take the panel apart for the vault but not enter it. That confused Jack even though he was thankful the Doctor had changed his mind. He just couldn't help but wonder why. He also wondered why the Doctor had acted like he didn't want the tea when he obviously was craving it. He would ask him in the morning if he wanted tea and coffee for awhile. As long as drinking tea didn't lead him to doing drugs again, he was fine with making the Doctor a cuppa. He watched the rest of the footage before going down to where his lover was still sleeping soundly. He was a handful but Jack was pleased to see the Doctor he knew and loved was back. Climbing into bed, he took the Doctor in his arms excited for what tomorrow would bring.


	64. Chapter 64

They ended up spending several days in Cardiff helping Torchwood get back on its feet. Mickey brought the Doctor's medications down with him when he returned to Cardiff, allowing them to stay as long as they needed. By his own suggestion, he also spoke to Ian over the phone for an hour each morning. Jack was more privy to those conversations as the Doctor would put Ian on speakerphone as he worked in Jack's office. He happily told Ian about his new dog, Osiris and Jack groaned knowing that they were keeping the dog after all. He really didn't want to keep the dog in the hub and didn't know if Martha could have dogs at her flat but that didn't matter to the Doctor. He came to care quickly for the large black dog and Jack didn't have the heart to tell him no. 

The next few days became routine and while Jack worked, Torchwood became the Doctor's playground. He was often seen fixing things for them or helping with the artifacts. After Ianto's attitude the first day, he returned to Torchwood trying to keep his temper with the Doctor and Jack under control. He still avoided the Doctor by staying in the archives but that was fine by Jack. He really didn't want to fire Ianto but he would if Ianto disrespected either him or the Doctor again. The Doctor, though, surprised Jack by not breaking into his vault but waiting for Jack to escort him downstairs to examine the artifacts. 

Once there the Doctor once again surprised Jack by organizing the vault for them so that the artifacts were not only correctly labeled but easier to find. Jack didn't know that the Doctor knew how to clean and organize as he had always assumed that the TARDIS took care of it for the Doctor. Then again if you asked the Doctor where a specific book was in his library, he always knew what section it would be in without having to refer to her. He wired a new alarm for Jack that was harder to hack and had a double passcode to it to keep people out of the vault. He then spent most of his night helping Ianto catch up on paperwork when he couldn't sleep. 

Jack could almost believe that life was back to normal with the Doctor. That was until Osiris came to him barking and wagging his tails frantically. It was unusual to see him away from the Doctor which was the first thing that concerned Jack. The second was how he kept turning in the doorway obviously trying to get Jack to follow him. Jack jumped out of his chair, rushing down the stairs after Osiris to find the Doctor in the midst of a seizure by the rift computer. 

"Good boy," Jack told Osiris as he moved the Doctor as carefully as he could away from the computer so that he would stop hitting the desk. The Doctor went still only a moment later and took in a short breath without any prompting. Jack knelt down next to him, thumbing the side of cheek trying to rouse him. The Doctor opened his eyes looking at his lover with tear filled eyes. 

"I'm not going to be able to see the TARDIS tomorrow, am I?" He sobbed softly. 

"Why do you say that?" Jack wondered. He gently eased the Doctor off of the ground letting him lean against his chest. He wrapped his arms around the Doctor holding him as he felt the Time Lord shiver against him. 

"Because I am still having seizures," The Doctor told him. Jack kissed him on top of the head as Osiris laid his head down on the Doctor's thigh. The Doctor reached out to scratch him behind his ears but he wasn't thinking normally and just ended up resting his hand on his head instead. 

"The TARDIS can scan your head tomorrow and hopefully, she will be able to tell us why you continue to have them," Jack informed him. The Doctor nodded miserably against him. "Come on let's get you to bed and I am sure that you will feel better once you wake up."

"K," The Doctor agreed making no move to sit up further. Jack lifted him in his arms carrying him to the ladder. He helped the Doctor down to his bed tucking him into the blankets. At the top of the ladder, he could hear Osiris growling and yelping as he scratched. "Jack."

"Alright, just calm down," Jack told the dog. He climbed to the top of the ladder lifting the squirming dog down. It immediately climbed up on the bed curling up next to the Doctor with its head on his chest. "Hey, that's my spot."

"Jack," The Doctor groaned. He just wanted to sleep and he didn't care if it was Jack or Osiris laying with him at the moment. 

"Sorry," he apologized laying down on the bed next to the Doctor. He took the Doctor the best he could in his arms curling around him. He would let him sleep for awhile, then wake him up for dinner. They needed to set off early to get back to London early in time for his appointment at UNIT with Martha. The Doctor sighed reaching down and scratching Jack behind his ear causing him to chuckle. 

-DW-

It was early in the morning when Jack took the Doctor out to the SUV. The Doctor climbed into the passenger seat immediately drifting back to sleep. He put Osiris into the back seat of the SUV, knowing the Doctor wouldn't forgive him for leaving his pet behind. The trip to London was uneventful as he drove to UNIT. He turned the radio on low, so as not to wake the Doctor. Osiris stuck his head between the seats and Jack had to stop him from climbing into the front seat with them. He wondered briefly if he should have warned Martha about the dog. It was too late now, though. 

Arriving at UNIT the Doctor jumped out of the SUV rushing ahead of Jack into the hospital. He practically ran to the TARDIS in his excitement to see her again and the possibility of reconnecting with her. He laid his hand against the door whispering to her softly in Gallifreyan. As Jack approached the doors to the TARDIS opened and the Doctor rushed on. He wrapped his arms around the first coral he came to resting his head against it. The TARDIS hummed through him in a way that was as familiar to him as breathing and he relished in the feeling of her in his head again. 

"I know and I'm sorry," The Doctor told her as she scolded him. She was pleased at the progress that her thief but he still had a lot of progress to make before she would let him travel again. He had fallen so far and the humans were helping him to heal both his mind and body. Jack followed the Doctor on board and he felt the TARDIS thank him for taking care of her driver. 

"You let him get a dog Jack," Martha commented as she came up behind him. 

"His name is Osiris and it's a long story," Jack replied with a wince. The Doctor looked opened his eyes looking at them with a small smile on his face. He was finally home. Jack let him reconnect with her before taking his hand and leading him to the medi-bay. With their connection reestablished it was time to find out what was causing the Doctor's seizures to continue.


	65. Chapter 65

Inside the medi-bay a bed had already been set up for the Doctor. The blankets had been turned down with an extra pillow. There was a clean medical gown folded on the bed. The Doctor didn't argue as he walked over to the bed, loosening his tie in the process. He was worried about the continuing seizures as well and hoped that all the test that Martha planned to run would provide him with an answer. He sat down on the edge of the bed taking his converse off and handing them to Jack. He stripped down to his pants putting the gown on before laying down. Osiris jumped up on the bed next to him and the Doctor stroked his back seeking comfort in his pet. Martha entered the medi-bay taking in the Doctor petting Osiris with Jack sitting on the bed beside him.

"First things first, I normally don't allow pets inside my hospital so Osiris will need to stay in the medi-bay with you or on the TARDIS at all times," Martha told him. He nodded, that one was easy as Osiris didn't tend to leave his side except when he went into Jack's room in Torchwood. Then he stayed at the top of the ladder waiting for the Doctor's return unless he was able to get Jack to take him down.

"Alright," The Doctor agreed.

"Next, I am going to be running a series of test including the MRI and CT scan to try to determine why you keep having seizures," Martha informed him. While Jack had failed to mention Osiris, he had let her know about the seizure the Doctor had the day before. "I am also going to keep you overnight in the medi-bay so that I can place electrodes on your head and monitor your brainwave activity while you sleep. Do you have any questions or concerns for me before we get started?"

"What kind of test?" The Doctor questioned

"The standard blood, urine and in your case energy levels. I am going to give you a top to bottom examination and if the MRI and CT scan come back clear I would also like to perform a lumbar puncture to check for infection," Martha explained. The Doctor winced but nodded as he did so. "Any other questions?"

"No," The Doctor replied.

"Then let's get started. Jack, I need you and Osiris off of the bed for awhile," Martha commented. Jack stood up and got Osiris down. The dog allowed Jack to lead him out of the room, where he placed him in one of the many gardens the Doctor had to allow him to stretch his legs. Returning to the Doctor's side, he offered him support while Martha ran through his vitals, drew blood, and then had him pee in a cup. She then wheeled him into a side room on the TARDIS where he received an MRI, CT scan, and she X-rayed his spine looking for any abnormalities. He was cranky from being isolated when he came out but a cuddle with Jack and a cup of tea made up for it. Though, it did nothing to alleviate his worry over the next procedure. He visibly paled when Martha came into the medi-bay about an hour later wheeling a cart with her. 

He held onto Jack's hand not letting him go very far as he turned onto his side exposing his back for her. With Martha's guidance, he curled slightly into himself. Finding the right spot, she then cleaned his back with iodine before then warned him before picking up the first needle. The Doctor gripped Jack's hand tightly in his while he held onto to the blankets with the other hand. Jack gently stroked the Doctor's head comforting him as his grip tightened even further and he sucked in his breath with a hiss.

"That was the worse part over, Doctor. Just keep breathing," Martha told him as she finished numbing the spot on his back. 

"I am breathing you stupid ape," The Doctor hissed crankily. 

"I wouldn't insult the person who is about to put a needle into your spine," Jack reminded him. He just rolled his eyes at Jack not apologizing. While he was happy to be back on his beloved TARDIS and feeling her also comfort him by humming softly to him, he was miserable in the medi-bay. He just wanted to go to the kitchen get a fresh cup of tea and then read in the library for a few hours. Yet, here he was laying on his side with a needle sticking out of his back. Yes, he agreed with Martha that he needed the test but that wasn't the point. He felt Jack's hand move to thumb away one of the tears that escaped and he offered him a weak smile. 

"After you have rested and had another cup of tea, we can go for a walk around your garden with Osiris before you have to lay down again for the night. How does that sound?" Jack questioned him. 

"If I'm allowed to move," The Doctor sighed. Martha tutted at him. Removing the needle she placed pressure on the spot for a moment before having him roll onto his back. He lay there obviously pouting while she cleaned up and Jack tried to comfort him. Leaving the room for a few minutes, she quickly returned with a cup of tea and a bouncy furry creature who was happy to see him. At least that got an actual smile as the Doctor accepted the tea from her. Returning to the lab, Martha once more began her test to try to determine what was causing his seizures. 

"I'm sorry, Jack," The Doctor apologized as soon as Martha was out of the room. 

"What for?" Jack questioned in confusion. 

"Putting you through this. You deserve better than a drug addict for a lover. You should be with me traveling the universe, not sitting by my side while Martha pokes and prods me," The Doctor pouted feeling sorry for himself. 

"I love you Doctor and want to be here by your side. Regardless of whether we are traveling together or not, it doesn't matter to me. I have spent over two-thousand years waiting for you and I am just as happy here with you as I would be among the stars as long as we are together," Jack reassured him kissing him softly on the head. While he would love to see the stars again and be out among them, he meant what he said. If he had to live the next million years on earth, as long as he was with his lover he would be happy. 

"And if she can't find a reason for my seizures?" The Doctor questioned him seriously. 

"Even if we can't travel as much, we can build a life here on Earth together. I know you always told Rose that you don't do domestic, but would living in a house in Cardiff with me really be that bad?" Jack wondered and the Doctor shrugged. Jack kissed him on the side of the head before continuing. "If you can't settle down, then we can still run together and I will be there to catch you when you fall."

"Promise?" The Doctor questioned. 

"Always," Jack answered cuddling him closer. The Doctor cuddled into Jack laying as close to him as possible while still remaining on his back. He chuckled as Osiris pushed in between them with his nose seeking the attention of his owner. The Doctor reached down scratching his ears, cooing at his pet.

"Should I come back later?" A voice asked from the doorway. The Doctor sat up quickly wincing in the process as pain shot through his back. That didn't matter, though, as he stared at the older man standing in his TARDIS.

"Wilfred," he said happily.


	66. Chapter 66

The Doctor stared at the elderly man standing in the doorway of the medi-bay. Wilfred looked exactly the same as the last time he had seen him, and he knew that he couldn't say the same thing about himself. He reached down trying to straighten the blankets to make himself look more presentable. It didn't work with Jack laying on one-half of the blanket and Osiris on the rest. Still, he held his hand up trying to impress the man. Wilfred didn't seem to care as he came over to the bed taking the Doctor's hand in his with a fatherly smile. 

"What are you doing here?" The Doctor questioned him. He was happy to see him but confused about what he was doing standing in his medi-bay. 

"Martha came by my newspaper stand yesterday to let me know that you would be here. She told me that you were going to have test ran, but wouldn't tell me why. I've looked up every night for you lad and here I find that you have been living in London. What happened to you, son?" Wilfred wondered in concern. The Doctor looked away briefly as he scratched behind Osiris's ears. Martha had given him the option to lie to Wilfred, but by doing so it would be a step back in his recovery. Except, he didn't want Wilfred to know how far he had fallen after taking Donna's memories. 

"How is Donna?" The Doctor asked trying to sidestep Wilfred's question. He heard Jack sigh. He didn't look at his lover not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes. Wilfred, though, let him by telling him about Donna. The Doctor listened proudly as Wilfred told him that even if Donna didn't have her memories of the Doctor anymore, she still had the strength the Doctor provided her. She was no longer a temp but had a full-time job as a receptionist for a good company. She was standing up to her mother not letting her put her down as much. She was also dating a good man while planning a trip to America with him in the fall. 

While he spoke, Jack got the Doctor a fresh cup of tea as well as lunch for the three of them. He let Wilfred distract the Doctor with the stories of Donna. The Doctor was listening intently commenting when necessary. With Wilfred there, he didn't pick at his lunch, eating it without complaint. Except for the pieces that he snuck to the always hungry dog laying on his legs. By the time they finished eating it was getting late in the afternoon. Wilfred needed to get back to his newspaper stand before Donna came to pick him up. Jack took their plates, letting Osiris lick them clean as he placed them on the floor he was surprised to hear the Doctor speak up.

"I have been having seizures," He finally admitted to Wilfred. Wilfred reached up trying to take his hand again. The Doctor didn't let him as he watched Jack.

"Does she know why?" Wilfred asked in concern. The Doctor shook his head no. 

"I'm here because she is running test to find out what is causing them to continue after I finished the initial withdrawal from drugs," The Doctor whispered. "I couldn't handle it after Donna left and they made me feel better so I kept taking them. If it hadn't been for Jack and Martha, I would be dead. I'm so sorry Wilfred." He turned his eyes to the bed, letting the tears flow down his cheeks. He expected Wilfred to walk out on him disgusted with the fact that he let himself become a drug addict. Wilfred, just like Jack before him, surprised him by wrapping him in a hug from the side. The Doctor turned hugging him back as he continued to cry.

"How long have you been clean lad?" Wilfred questioned sounding genuinely concerned. 

"It has been almost five weeks," The Doctor answered him with a sniffle. Jack handed him a handkerchief and he took it wiping his eyes. 

"I'm proud of you. The first few weeks are the hardest. My son always made it through rehab before relapsing into his drug use. I ended up burying him before his thirtieth birthday. Promise me, lad, that you won't make that same mistake," Wilfred begged him. The Doctor could hear the pain in Wilfred's voice as he spoke. He never knew that Donna had lost an uncle to drug use and it made him feel even worse that he had allowed himself to be overcome by the drugs. It was only once he was clean that he could see how much they actually ruined his life. He thought they had allowed him to forget his past. They had also allowed him to forget to live. He had become a shell of his former self who let his body be used as a payment for the drugs he thought he needed. 

"I promise," The Doctor answered continuing to hold Wilfred. Wilfred kissed him on the top of the head in a fatherly way that made the Doctor smile despite his tears. Pulling away from Wilfred, he dried his tears. 

"I have to go now or Donna is going to worry. I'll keep looking up for you and I expect to see you," Wilfred informed him. He nodded giving Wilfred a weak salute using two fingers. Wilfred squeezed his hand one more time before getting off the bed. He looked over at Jack who was now standing nearby. "You take care of him."

"I will," Jack promised moving to sit on the bed with the Doctor again. Wilfred left the medi-bay leaving the two of them alone. Jack curled up ont the bed with him holding him while he composed himself. It had been good to see Wilfred and hear that Donna was doing well. She had been like a sister to him and he missed her terribly. With his eyes dry, he got out of bed going to the library to relax for a while. It seemed as if he had just entered it when Martha came looking for him. The test that she had run so far had come back clear and she wanted to hook up the EEG in order to test his brainwave activity. The Doctor picked out several books to read while he relaxed on the bed. He was also allowed to use the loo before he would be required to stay in bed again for the next few hours. Handing the books to Jack, he went to the toilet even if he didn't really have to go. Instead, he stood leaning against the wall as he considered how mad they would be if he refused to move. Sighing, he opened the door going back to his bed. He groaned and made his unhappiness known that they still didn't know what was wrong with him as Martha hooked the electrodes to his head. 

"It is only going to be for a few hours and then you can go to your gardens with Jack or to your library," Martha reassured him. The Doctor looked at her. 

"Are those my only options?" He asked her slightly grumpy that she was limiting him even if he wanted to go no further then his library at the moment. 

"No, as long as you take it easy you are free to go anywhere in the TARDIS or the UNIT hospital," Martha answered not giving into his slight grumpiness. She understood that he was upset that they still didn't have answers to the cause of his seizures. "I just want you to remember that you had a lumbar puncture only a few hours ago so no running or anything extreme."

"Alright," The Doctor agreed with a sigh. Settling in, he called Osiris up onto the bed as he picked up his first book.


	67. Chapter 67

Despite the Doctor's unhappiness at the test that were run, once he was allowed out of the medi-bay he took complete advantage of it. He went to his kitchen for a cup of tea and then to his library to relax. When Jack went looking for him, though, he found him working beneath the console. He grumbled about all humans being stupid apes as he retreated back to the library. Jack eventually retrieved him from the library in order to settle down for the night. They curled up together on the medi-bay bed with blankets from the Doctor's bed covering him. He laid his head on Jack's chest and held him as he drifted off into a deep sleep with the help of the TARDIS. He was still sleeping the next morning when Martha came in to check on him. 

"Is he still asleep?" Martha questioned as she approached the bed. Jack lifted the blanket that was covering the Doctor's head to look at his eyes. The Doctor's eyes were closed and his breathing was still slow and even as he slept on peacefully. He nodded putting the blanket down, not ready to wake his sleeping lover. True, they hadn't made love since the night Osiris appeared, making it clear that he wasn't interested in sex by curling into himself each night while fully clothed or laying himself across Jack's chest keeping his body turned so Jack couldn't touch him easily. While Jack loved sex, he could give up sex with the Time Lord in order to stay by his side. He just hoped he didn't have to. "Would you mind waking him while I make a cup of tea? I would like to talk to him about his test results before Ian gets here."

"Alright," Jack agreed. He waited until she was out of the room before waking the Doctor. Moving the blanket down, he gently ran his fingers through the hair behind the Doctor's ear. "It's time to wake up, sweethearts."

"Jack," the Doctor moaned turning his head away from Jack's hand. 

"Yes, now come on. I know you don't mind sleeping when Ian is here, but you don't want your tea going cold do you?" Jack questioned. 

"No," The Doctor agreed. He forced himself to sit up looking around for his cup of tea. He was slightly irritated when he didn't see any. Martha made up for a moment later when she came in carrying a nice hot cuppa. He took it from her taking a long drink. He stared at her over the rim of his cup as he drank. He could tell that she was analyzing him again. He lowered the cup looking up at her. "Have you determined a reason for my seizures?"

"I have," Martha answered. Her expression was of a medic and not a friend causing him to worry even more. He set the tea cup down on the bedside table before taking Jack's hand tightly in his. His other hand he hung off the bed. Osiris pressed his nose into hand before moving so that he could scratch his head. The Doctor didn't oblige him, moving his hand. He patted the bed and Osiris immediately jumped up next to him. 

"And?" He questioned finally his voice low with how nervous he was. He placed one hand on Osiris's back as he leaned further into Jack. 

"As you know the drugs that you were taken interrupted the telepathic centers in your mind causing you unable to communicate with the TARDIS. We knew that it was the initial cause of your seizures and that is why we had you taking medication to block you linking with her. Unfortunately, it is also that part of your brain that is causing the seizures to continue. What the test have shown is that your energy is building up slowly in that part of your brain rather than dispersing through it as it should. When it hits it's peak point your body seizes in order to force the energy to the rest of your body. The good news is that there are several medications that you can take that will help the energy to disperse. While the medication may not alleviate the seizures completely, they should no longer happen on an almost weekly basis," Martha explained to him. 

"Will he have to take the medication the rest of his life?" Jack questioned as the Doctor sat there quietly absorbing the information. 

"At least until he regenerates," Martha answered. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a small bottle of pills. The Doctor recognized the bottle as the tablets known as teta. They helped Time Lords with high energy levels disperse the energy around their body. He wasn't sure if they would work the way Martha wanted them to, but he was willing to try. He released Jack's hand in order to take the small bottle of pills from her just looking at them. "If these don't work, there are other options we can try. The TARDIS informed me that this is the best option, though, based on her readings."

The Doctor didn't say anything as he opened the pill bottle taking one out. His hand was shaking as his picked up his cup of tea before placing the pill in his mouth. He spilled the tea on the front of his gown as he tried to take a drink. Jack reached out helping him to balance the cup. 

"Are you alright sweethearts?" Jack questioned him softly knowing he wasn't even close to being alright.

"Fine," The Doctor answered softly, resorting back to his usual answer. He had messed up this body permanently by taking the drugs. He felt a tear run down his cheek as Jack took the cup of tea from him. Jack set the tea down before wrapping his arms around the Doctor kissing him on the back of the neck. 

"Ian is going to be here within the next fifteen minutes to speak with you. I am going to give you a moment with Jack and I will be back with Ian as soon as he arrives," Martha told them. She wanted to give the Doctor a moment to collect himself if he needed to, but not long enough to hide from the information. 

"Do you want a quick shower before Ian get's here?" Jack asked. 

"Yeah," The Doctor answered his voice monotone. He leaned forward swinging his legs off of the bed. He didn't stand until Jack took his hand pulling him to his feet. Together they went to the bathroom, where Jack stripped down climbing into the shower with the Doctor. The Doctor didn't assist as Jack washed his hair and body. He then allowed Jack to dress him in trousers and an undershirt before taking him back into the medi-bay. Jack stood in the doorway as the Doctor went in further to find that Ian was already in there sitting in front of a small table. The table had been set up with a chessboard and Ian was finishing placing the pieces for the game. 

"Dannyboy," He said letting Ian know that he was in the room. Ian turned from the game, looking over at the Doctor. 

"You look like hell," Ian informed him motioning to the chair on the other side of the table. The Doctor smiled grimly at him as he took his seat. 

"At least I don't look like an Abzorbaloff," The Doctor told him as he considered his first move. Jack shook his head upon hearing the insults. He turned heading to the kitchen leaving them alone to talk.


	68. Chapter 68

The Doctor pushed the chess pieces around the board half-heartedly as he played against Ian. He really didn't feel like playing chess or talking to Ian. He just wanted to retreat to his library in order to be alone for a few hours. He knew, though, that even if he managed to get away from Ian, Jack or Martha would take his place. They wanted him to talk while he just wanted time to think. He took a deep breath letting it out slowly, then swiped his hand across the board knocking all the pieces to the floor. Osiris barked happily trying to catch the falling pieces as his tails knocked into Ian's chair. 

"That is a very unique looking dog you have there," Ian told the Doctor. "I mean clearly the tails are a mutation, but I have never seen a dog with triangular ears like he has. What breed is he?"

"He is a NemaSkylos from the planet Tigarada," The Doctor answered showing no emotion in his voice as he explained his pet. He didn't look at Ian as he instead stared down at his pet. 

"Planet. Isn't Tigarada located in New Zealand?" Ian asked on purposely trying to antagonize the Doctor. The Doctor shook his head no, showing he wasn't really paying attention. 

"No, Osiris isn't from Earth," The Doctor responded, his voice remaining hollow. 

"You mean you think he is an alien?" Ian questioned sounding unsure. The Doctor nodded.

"I don't think he is an alien to you. I know he is, just like I am," The Doctor answered defending his pet. His voice was still monotone causing Ian to sigh loudly. He reached down beside his chair pulling out his notebook. 

"We both know that aliens don't exist," Ian stated. The Doctor rolled his eyes up to look at Ian. It was obvious he was trying to analyze him but Ian kept his face blank giving nothing away. "Next, you will be telling me you think you're an alien too."

"I am," The Doctor stated finally showing emotion as he became indignant. They had discussed previously that he was a Time Lord, so he wasn't sure why Ian was acting like it was new information. He was also too concentrated on the information he received today to figure it out. Ian tutted shaking his head as he pretended to write something down in his notebook. "You're on my TARDIS," The Doctor advised him his voice raising in pitch.

"Really. I didn't know that is what they called this wing of the hospital. What does it stand for?" Ian questioned curiously. 

"Time and Relative Dimension in Space," The Doctor answered. Ian narrowed his eyes. 

"Patient is clearly showing signs of delusion," he pretended to write as he voiced it in a loud whisper. The Doctor leaned forward trying to look at the paper and see what else he had written. Ian held it closer to his chest causing the Doctor to get irritated. He leaned back in his chair huffing loudly.

"I am not delusional you stupid fucking ape," The Doctor hissed at him angrily. Ian nodded pretending to write again. The Doctor jumped to his feet. Reaching out grabbing the notebook out of his hand. He didn't even look at it as he tore out the pages. He ripped them into several pieces as he threw them. "I don't need a psychiatrist to get better. I just need my life back, but that isn't going to happen because I am going to have seizures the rest of the time I am in this body. I can't run if I am seizing and Jack shouldn't have to catch me every time I fall."

"Have you told him that?" Ian questioned. The Doctor nodded. He threw the rest of the notebook aside flopping down in the chair. "I am guessing from our previous conversations that he didn't agree with you."

"Of course not," The Doctor sighed. They had spoken previously about his abandoning Jack on the Gamestation and Jack's unwavering love for him despite the heartache that he had caused him. He had admitted to Ian that he loved Jack as well, but despite their conversation he still felt Jack deserved better than him. He couldn't even have sex with him after Jack accidentally hurt him. And instead of talking to Jack about it, he instead hid from him curling into himself. How long would Jack put up with him especially if he refused to sleep with him again? He missed the feel of Jack's body moving with his, though. He ran his hand through his hair to the back of his neck rubbing it. 

"Now, while you will have to make certain changes to your life due to your seizures, overall you can have a perfectly normal life. You can still travel and have your life back. You will just need to make sure that you follow Martha's instructions in order to manage your seizures," Ian stated. The Doctor glanced at the door hoping that Jack would come through it to end the session. Feeling a head on his leg, he reached down to scratch Osiris's ears taking comfort in the fact that at least his pet was there. Deep down he knew Dannyboy was right, but he didn't want to hear it.

He was done with Ian, Martha and anyone else who wanted to treat him like a patient. Standing up again, he left the medi-bay leaving him there as he went to his room. He closed the door behind him not locking it behind him. He stripped down out of his clothes before climbing into the bed underneath his blankets. The coolness felt nice on his bare skin as he stretched out on his side. He lay there resting until he heard a soft knock on the door. He didn't get a chance to answer before Jack came into the room. 

"There you are. Ian told me you were upset before going home for the day. Do you want to talk about what is bugging you?" Jack questioned sitting on the edge of the bed. The Doctor shook his head no. 

"I'm tired of talking Jack. I just want you to love me," The Doctor answered him softly. 

"I do love you, sweethearts," Jack responded slightly confused as he dropped a kiss on the side of the Doctor's head. "Since you don't feel like talking at the moment, how about lunch and then the two of us can watch a movie," He suggested. The Doctor's face fell making Jack realize that he had made a mistake except he wasn't sure what he had done wrong. He tried to run his finger's through the Doctor's hair and he turned his back to his lover as tears filled his eyes. 

Jack quickly kicked off his shoes then slipped under the blankets with the Doctor. As he took the Doctor's body in his arms his mind quickly caught up to what he was feeling. He ran his hand down the Doctor's stomach slowly until it rested on the fine hair on the Doctor's groin. The Doctor's words about loving him returned to Jack's mind as the Doctor' breathing came in shorter burst as Jack's hand explored. He ran his fingers along the Doctor's member feeling it respond. Jack wrapped his hand around him, moving his hand slowly. The moans his lover made quickly had him straining in his pants. Reaching down he unzipped his trousers quickly freeing himself from them. He retrieved the lube he always had in his pocket adding it to his fingers. 

"Yes," The Doctor moaned pressing back as Jack stopped with his fingers on his bottom. Jack needed no further encouragement. He opened the Doctor as quickly but gently as he could as he didn't know if he could wait any longer to be joined with his lover again. The Doctor groaned loudly as Jack entered his body. He turned his head back to kiss Jack as Jack thrust into his body. He fell over the edge with no other encouragement and moments later Jack followed him. Still joined together they curled up on the bed in each other's arms.

"We should get dressed soon before Martha comes looking for us," Jack commented as he felt himself slip out of the Doctor's body. 

"The TARDIS hides the door to my room when I want to be left alone," The Doctor informed him sleepily as he rolled over to bury his face against Jack's chest kissing him gently.

"I found your door easily," Jack told him. The Doctor sighed before continuing to kiss softly across Jack's skin. 

"Don't be an ape," He mumbled turning his eyes up to look at Jack. Jack smiled at the Doctor pressing their mouths together. The Doctor just wanted to be loved and know that he was still desirable to somebody after all the pain he put his body through. His body was healing and he was still too skinny with white scars marking his freckled skin. Jack had loved him, though, with the big ears and a northern accent. He had broken his heart but he would hold the Doctor's hearts in his hands for as long as the Time Lord would let him. Knowing that the TARDIS wouldn't let them be interrupted until they were ready, Jack rolled the Doctor on his back ready to prove it.


	69. Chapter 69

The Doctor lay on his back with his legs wrapped around Jack's body. Jack was still buried deep within him after making love for the second time kissing him softly. The Doctor returned each kiss just as gently as he ran his fingers up to Jack's temples. Jack felt the Doctor's mind nudging against his and he opened up to him. He let the love he was feeling for the Time Lord pour through the link. The Doctor looked up at him with love in his eyes running his other hand through Jack's hair pressing their mouths together more firmly causing Jack to moan. Jack ran his tongue across the Doctor's teeth tasting his mouth as the Doctor pushed further into his mind. 

He closed his eyes seeing the Doctor standing naked in front of him wrapped in a golden light. He was holding out his hands to Jack and he reached out taking them in his. As he did, the light spread from the Doctor wrapping around him. He could feel the Doctor's mind clearly in his holding him close even as their bodies remained joined. The light became brighter as he stared into the deep brown eyes of his lover. In an instant, he felt how much the Doctor loved him as he whispered a word that Jack had never heard before and knew that he would never hear again. He answered the Doctor with his own unspoken name as the light faded leaving them standing naked in front of each other. Opening his eyes again, he realized that the Doctor's hand was no longer against his temple, but he could still feel him clearly in his mind. 

"Did we just bond?" Jack wondered staring down at his lover. The Doctor nodded. 

"Now that I have control of my mind back, I will also have control of my body. I may not want sex as much as before, but I still want you to know that I love you, Jack," The Doctor replied softly. 

"Did it ever occur to you that you should have asked me before deciding we should bond?" Jack questioned. While Jack wasn't from a telepathic community he had learned about bonding at the Time Agency. Bonding was deeper then marriage joining the bond partners for the rest of their lives. While it was still possible for them to separate and have other lovers it would never be the same as with their bond partner. Having a love like that was something he wanted from the Doctor but it would have been nice to have some sort of a warning beforehand. 

"I'm sorry," The Doctor whispered trying to pull away from his lover. Jack tried not to sigh upon feeling the Doctor's heartache through the bond.

"Sweetheart, I'm not angry. I just wish that you would learn to talk to me before making decisions that affect both of us," Jack told him.

"I'll try. I make mistakes Jack. Donna always told me that I needed someone to stop me and she was right. I can't promise that I will always come to you before making a decision, but I will try," The Doctor answered him. 

"That's all I want. I make mistakes as well, but you make me want to be a better man," Jack told him. The Doctor smiled sadly.

"I'm not a good man," The Doctor informed him. "I hurt myself and I hurt others as well. I took peoples lives before I got clever and figured out how to make them take their own. That's not the type of man you want to look up to." 

"I was a con man who cared about no one but himself and my next lay. You made me realize that I didn't have to be that man," Jack argued him. "You made me fight to make you proud and I will continue to try to make you proud either as your friend or your lover." He paused still feeling the Doctor's love in his head. "Bond partner. Boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend?" The Doctor made a face at the word. 

"Husband?" Jack tried again. The Doctor shook his head no. It wasn't quite the right description even if on some planets they would be seen as married. 

"We'll think of the right word later. Right now, though, it's my turn," Jack told the Doctor confusing him. He kissed the Doctor again before rolling them so that the Doctor was on top. He carefully separated their bodies then spread his legs so that the Doctor fell between them. The Doctor hesitated when Jack pressed the lube into his hands but he could feel how much his lover wanted him. He reached down spreading it on his member and Jack's bottom. He thought about trying to push a finger into Jack's body, but he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure about anything when he was put into this positon. He was more confidant when he was being taken then trying to provide his lover pleasure. Thankfully, Jack understood. Once again he took charge taking the Doctor's member in his hand. This time, though, the Doctor thrust forward slowly making Jack moan. Jack moved his hands away from the Doctor's bottom, letting the Doctor take charge of his movements. The Doctor remained hesitant with his thrust minute. Jack watched his eyes seeing the pure concentration in them as the Doctor just focused on moving. 

"Let go," Jack told him. Reaching up, he pulled the Doctor's body down until their chest touched with the Doctor's head resting against his shoulder. He kissed his lover softly on the side of the head as he felt the Doctor's determination to make Jack feel good. Jack ran his hand to the Doctor's bottom, pushing a finger into finding his prostate. The Doctor groaned, his thrust becoming more erratic until, despite his concentration, he fell over the edge. Jack didn't mind as the feeling of the Doctor filling him pushed him over the edge as well. 

"Sorry," The Doctor apologized pulling out slowly. 

"Don't be. It was nice," Jack informed him kissing him again. Looking at the mess on his chest from both his and the Doctor's releases he decided that they needed a shower. He got to his feet, pulling the Doctor with him. Sated and sleepy they stumbled to the shower climbing under the warm water. Jack washed the Doctor's back and hair. He started on his own as the Doctor made a face at him. "What is it, sweethearts?"

"Martha is looking for me. She wants to test my blood and energy levels to make sure they haven't fallen," The Doctor replied relaying what the TARDIS had told him.

"I bet they have fallen but I doubt it is because of the medication," Jack teased him. The Doctor groaned resisting the urge to slap his ape lover. He didn't have to slap him, though, as a moment later he let out a yelp of surprise turning around. The Doctor laughed seeing a fluffy head sticking through the shower curtain. 

"Good boy," The Doctor commented reaching out to scratch Osiris's ears. Osiris took it as an invitation to join them climbing into the shower. He stood there slapping Jack with his twin tails as the water fell onto his back. Osiris didn't mind as the Nemaskylos were bathed often to keep their fur soft by the Tigarda. Picking up the shampoo, the Doctor sprayed it along his back leaning down to work it into a lather. Without the Doctor noticing, Jack slipped out of the shower drying off. He went to the room to find his clothes. He had just finished pulling on his trousers when the door to the Doctor's room opened.

"There you are. I have been looking for the Doctor for the last twenty minutes. Do you have any idea where he is?" Martha questioned. 

"He is in the shower," Jack answered. He reached out to the Doctor feeling his lover's amusement as he bathed his pet. "He will be a few minutes as he is bathing Osiris while he showers."

"Will you bring him to the medi-bay when he is done?" Martha questioned. Jack nodded. Leaving them Martha went down the hall while Jack sat down on the edge of the bed to wait. 

-DW-

For the next week, the Doctor was allowed to stay aboard the TARDIS while Martha monitored his medications and energy levels. She had to adjust the pills several times as his energy levels fell too fast or didn't stop the build up enough in his brain. He put up with it as he was just happy to be back aboard his TARDIS, even if she refused to move from her spot in the UNIT hospital. Not that he had tried, several times while Jack slept. He just wanted to see the stars again and run on a new planet but much to his dismay he was still stuck on Earth. 

"Again Doc?" Jack questioned sleepily as he entered the control room to find the Doctor absentmindedly flicking the handbrake on and off. Each time he released it, the TARDIS shook violently but refused to move.

"I'm bored," The Doctor whined. 

"I know but trying to force her to move isn't going to work. She is doing what she thinks is best by keeping you here. If you behave, I will talk to Martha about letting you go on a day trip here soon," Jack replied. He felt the Doctor's annoyance as he was glared at. The Doctor placed the handbrake back on as he turned to look at Jack. 

"I have been fucking behaving. I have talked to Dannyboy and put up with the repeative blood and energy test. I am sick of behaving, I want to run," The Doctor snipped angrily. Jack took a step forward and the Doctor took one back keeping the distance between them. Stopping Jack sighed running his hand through his hair. 

"Come back to bed and I will talk to Martha in the morning," Jack told him. Ignoring his lover, the Doctor headed towards the library. Watching him Jack reminded himself that he loved that Time Lord before going back to bed.


	70. Chapter 70

Upon reaching the library, the Doctor didn't sit down. He was too restless to read or relax. He just wanted more than anything at that moment to run. Run away from the hospital, the endless blood test, pills, and seizures that would plague him for the rest of this regeneration. The medication wasn't working as well as Martha had hoped at stopping the build up and in the morning they would be trying a new one. Martha wasn't overly concerned, but the Doctor hated the fact that he would have to take pills the rest of this regeneration. Stopping in the middle of the library he looked up at the top of the stairs. It was just high enough that if he fell head first he could cause himself to regenerate and end this once and for all. 

He stared up the steps as he considered the right angle. He didn't want Jack to find him laying half dead on the library floor. Jack would try to save this body again and he could end up paralyzed in a wheelchair. If that happened nothing would stop him from regenerating in order to be able to run again. Regardless of who tried to stop him. He just had to make sure he hit right so that didn't happen. He felt as well as heard the TARDIS as she hummed angrily at him blowing cold air. 

"I know, but I want my life back," He informed her. She hummed through him in a comforting way letting him know that she was there for him. While it made him feel better it still didn't give him what he wanted. He wanted to be traveling the stars not stuck on Earth. He started towards the stairs to the third floor and she hummed angrily. He placed his hand on the rail receiving a small shock that made him pull back. He understood she was trying to stop him, yet he ignored her, determined not to end this night the same man he started it as. Still calculating the angle, he placed his foot on the bottom step of the stairs right as a furry creature bounded into the library wagging his tails. 

Osiris had brought a small stick with him that he had found in the garden. He pushed it into the Doctor's hand lowering his head to the ground with his bottom in the air. Both tails were wagging so hard that they were hitting against each other as he excitedly waited for the Doctor to throw the stick. The Doctor lifted his hand to throw it as a glint of blue caught his eyes. He looked at the stick in his hand realizing that he was holding his sonic. He quickly flipped it to the torch setting testing it out. It glowed blue with the familiar buzz showing him that it was working. He smiled. 

"Thank you, old girl," He told the TARDIS knowing that she had given it back to him. He didn't think about it as he stuck it in his pocket where it belonged. Osiris barked at him going in a circle before nosing the Doctor's hand. The Doctor reached into his other pocket pulling out the beanbag. He threw it across the library watching Osiris skid on the floor as he took off after it. Turning back to the staircase, he placed his hand on the railing. It seemed as if he just decided to climb again when the beanbag was pressed to his hand. He turned throwing it immediately further as well as harder this time. Osiris barked happily as he took off after it his tails wagging furiously. 

"I know what you are doing," the Doctor told the TARDIS with a sigh. He couldn't help but smile as he watched his pet chasing carefree after the beanbag. Osiris scooped it up happily running back towards the Doctor. The Doctor took it from him ready to throw it again. As he did the side door just outside the library opened. He waited for Jack to come out to check on him but no one left the room. He felt her nudging him towards the door and letting his curiosity get the best of him he went to it. The entire way Osiris was nipping at his heels trying to get him to throw the ball again. He obliged him throwing it down the corridor. Looking inside the room he wasn't surprised to see one of his many gardens in front of him. It was one of the largest giving him plenty of room to run. Looking down he saw his converse were sitting just inside the door. He sat down pulling his shoes on, lacing them up. He patted his leg calling Osiris to his side as he took off at a slow run. 

Air blew stimulating the wind and he closed his eyes imaging that he was on a new planet running carefree with Osiris by his side. He picked up his pace pushing himself to run faster. Sooner than he would have liked, his thighs were burning and he was breathing hard. He kept pushing himself to run faster ignoring the pain. Hitting his limit, he fell to his knees breathing hard. His lungs burned as he struggled to catch his breath. He felt weak and pathetic as he forced himself to his feet again, pushing himself to run. It took all of his willpower to keep placing one foot in front of the other. His chest burned along with every muscle in his body. His head was aching from the lack of oxygen. He didn't remember falling, but he woke up with Osiris whimpering as his face was being licked. He was laying on his side with a thumb gently stroking his cheek.

"Sweetheart? Can you hear me sweethearts?" Jack questioned him softly. He moaned forcing his eyes open to find that he was still laying in the garden. He could have continued to sleep right there in the garden, only Osiris, and Jack wouldn't let him. Osiris kept nudging the Doctor with his nose until he tried to force himself up.

"What happened?" He asked, struggling to sit up. Jack wrapped his arms around him easing him up. 

"Easy. I'm not sure what happened, but I was awoken by the TARDIS to find you passed out here in the garden. I've called Martha and she is on her way to examine you," Jack explained to him. He groaned unhappily. He didn't want to be examined. He wanted to curl up on the bed in Jack's arms to sleep. 

"I just want to go to bed," The Doctor complained. 

"We will soon," Jack promised. He tried to pick the Doctor up, except he was stopped by a hand on his chest. The Doctor instead tried to force himself to his feet. Jack helped him to stand and with Jack's help, he stumbled a surprisingly short walk to the door. The door across from them led to the medi-bay and Jack helped him over to a bed. He collapsed upon it breathing hard once more from the short walk while he was exhausted. Jack grabbed the oxygen mask and the Doctor shook his head no, trying to move away from it. Not wanting to distress his lover, he held it above his mouth and nose letting him breathe in the oxygen.

"Did you miss me that much?" Martha asked coming into the medi-bay. 

"No," The Doctor answered honestly. 

"Be nice," Jack scolded him softly. Martha came over to the bed, checking the Doctor's pupil response before making her way down his body examining him. He was grumpy with her groaning the entire time. His vitals were off and his lungs had a wheeze to them once more. She hoped that it was just from over exerting himself, but she couldn't be sure. She planned on continuing to monitoring him due to his medical issues over the last few weeks. He didn't put up an argument as he was too tired to care that she was going to keep him in the medi-bay under observation until at least the morning. Martha took over holding the oxygen mask while Jack removed the Doctor's converse and got a blanket from his room before climbing up on the bed with him. The Doctor curled into him laying his head on his chest. Jack held the mask so the oxygen was still near his mouth and nose as the Doctor drifted off to sleep.

-DW-

Jack awoke slowly in the softly lit room of the medi-bay. He hadn't meant to fall asleep again and didn't know what time it was but he was relieved to still feel the cool breath on his chest as the Time Lord slept soundly with their bodies pressed together. The oxygen mask was laying on his chest close enough to the Doctor's mouth that he was still benefiting from it. He could also feel an unfamiliar weight on his legs. He didn't have to open his eyes to figure out that Osiris had also joined them in the middle of the night. That was alright, though. Osiris made his lover happy and therefore he could put up with the large dog that demanded most of his attention. Jack kept his eyes closed as he reached down finding the side of Osiris's head. He scratched it softly before pulling away. Osiris yawned laying his head further up on Jack's leg going back to sleep. 

"Would you like a cup of coffee?" Martha questioned softly noticing that Jack was awake. Jack opened his eyes to see her sitting in a chair near the bed. 

"Please. How long have I been asleep?" Jack wondered his voice barely above a whisper. 

"Not long. Maybe an hour most," Martha answered him. She picked up the cup of coffee that she had just poured for herself offering it to him. He took it gratefully taking a long drink. 

"How is he doing?" Jack asked. 

"The same. His energy levels are a little off as well as his vitals. He just needs to sleep at the moment and I will reassess him when he wakes. His lungs are sounding a lot better, though, which is the main thing I was worried about," Martha explained to Jack. He nodded gently brushing the hair back from his lover's forehead. 

"He was hoping that he would be able to take the TARDIS on a short trip soon," Jack told her. The look Martha gave him said it all. She didn't think it was a good idea for the Doctor to take a trip no matter how short. "Before you say no because of his physical health, you need to consider his mental health as well. Being trapped here is killing him just as slowly as the drugs were. And he isn't asking to be released from the injunction or travel full time again. All he is asking for is a short trip."

"I'll think about it," Martha responded knowing Jack was right. She ran through the Doctor's vitals the best she could before making herself another cup of coffee. Settling down by the bed, she continued to speak quietly with Jack as the Doctor slept on.


	71. Chapter 71

For the first few hours, the Doctor slept peacefully against Jack's side. It was several hours in, though, that he became restless in his sleep. During that time, he tossed and turned several times groaning and mumbling to himself while never fully waking up. Martha watched on as the Doctor threw a leg over Jack's body before pushing himself up on to his chest. He shifted until he was practically laying completely on Jack in an effort to get more comfortable. Jack didn't stop nor assist him as he squirmed. Instead, he just moved the oxygen mask so that the Doctor was still benefiting from it while continuing to hold his lover. 

"Do you have to put up with this every night?" Martha questioned at one point as the Doctor buried his head against Jack's neck trying to avoid the cool air blowing on his face. Martha clipped an oxygen reader to his finger as Jack laughed softly. 

"I told you I wanted my own bed," Jack complained half-heartedly as he pretended to pout. In reality, he loved the fact the Time Lord cuddled and laid on him while sleeping. It was when the Doctor had nightmares that it became a problem. Jack had already dealt with the Doctor lashing out more than once as he hit and kicked in his sleep. Jack forgave him for the bruises and scratches, though, as how could he be mad at the Doctor for trying to defend himself from what was scaring him. He just hoped that the Doctor would forgive him as well if he ever became violent in his sleep. 

With the Doctor calm again, Jack lay there trapped beneath him until he settled down. His oxygen levels were still lower than normal so Jack moved him so that he could be provided with the mask again. He complained half-heartedly as Jack eased him off his chest, cuddling him close. With Jack's arms holding him tightly, he drifted back off into a deeper sleep and remained that way for the rest of the night. It was over seven hours from the time of his collapse before the Doctor finally began to wake. Jack could feel the stirrings of the Time Lord's mind waking up within his own. It was a strange feeling to get used to and the first time he felt it, it had confused him. He wasn't sure how he could be waking up when he was already awake. It was until he heard the Doctor groan that he realized it was the Doctor's mind that he was feeling. He ran his hand through the Doctor's hair comfortingly. 

"Martha we are going to need a cup of tea here soon," Jack whispered to her. She nodded not questioning how he knew that the Doctor was waking up as she went to make the tea. A short time after she left the room, the Doctor sniffled several times scrunching his nose at the cool air. He rubbed his face against Jack's chest as he reached out to bat the oxygen mask away. Missing the first time, he tried again knocking it to the floor. With the dreaded thing gone, he pulled on Jack's arm to move it closer to his body, smacked his lips. "I guess you don't need that anymore?"

"No," The Doctor answered softly. "I don't like it."

"I know you don't sweethearts but it was helping you to breathe last night," Jack explained to him. The Doctor opened his eyes to look up at his lover. The first thing he realized was that he wasn't in his bedroom like he thought, but in the medi-bay. He furrowed his brow as he tried to figure out what happened. The last thing he remembered clearly was running in his garden with Osiris beside him. He vaguely could see Martha poking and prodding him, except that she had done that so many times in the past that he couldn't be sure it was from last night. 

"Did I have another seizure?" The Doctor asked his voice flat and defeated sounding. 

"No, I can assure you that you didn't have another seizure. You did however collapse because you thought that you were ready to run several miles while your body is still recovering," Jack chastised him gently. 

"I like running," the Doctor answered. 

"I know you do," Jack replied.

"And while you are allowed to run as much as you want, I would refrain from pushing yourself to keep running after you have already collapsed once," Martha informed him as she entered the medi-bay. The Doctor turned to glare at her, but she had a cup of tea as well as a banana in her hand. He still was grumpy with her as he excepted his morning cup. "I know you want your life to be back to normal Doctor, except you are still recovering from the damage that you caused it. While I can help you to manage the seizures and get your strength back, I can only help you if you listen to me."

"I'm trying to listen to you," The Doctor snipped irritably. He wanted to throw the cup of tea at her. The only thing that stopped him was the fact that as much as he wanted to throw it, he wanted to drink it more. 

"I know you are. And so to reward you for your effort, I am going to allow you to take Jack on a short trip in a few days." A smile spread across his face as hope filled his eyes as she spoke. "I will allow this trip to be in the TARIS on two conditions."

"Which is?" The Doctor questioned, the hope in his eyes gone as quickly as it appeared. 

"One, you stay in bed and rest today. And two, you are only gone for a couple of hours, both my time and yours. I also ask that you go somewhere that is relatively peaceful and try not to run for your life," Martha replied. The hope was back in the Doctor's eyes as he nodded.

"Alright," he agreed the conditions were easy enough. He really didn't feel like moving much today anyways and as long as Jack was allowed to lay with him, he could stay in bed today. He could use the time to plan where he wanted to take his lover as he had so many ideas. The white beaches of Chora would be a good place to relax. Or he could take him to Tigadra, not to return Osiris but to purchase food that was good for him. They could even go to the shining star of the Third Moon, so Jack could see his heritage. The possibilities were endless. He sipped his tea happily and snacked on his banana as he thought. He didn't even argue as he was given his new daily pill known as tri-teta. It was a more advanced version of the first pill, except this one focused specifically on the energy stored in the brain and not the entire body. The Doctor took it as he wondered how many more pills they would have to try before his body responded the way they wanted it to. 

He was completely lost in his thoughts when he felt Jack trying to slip out of the bed. He clung to him confused for a moment until he saw a familiar looking man standing in the door of the medi-bay. Letting go of Jack, he gave him a soft kiss on the lips before turning onto his side. He called Osiris up to him and Osiris flopped against him without complaint. Pulling the blankets up, he curled up underneath them using Osiris as a heater since Jack had to leave the room during their sessions. Osiris didn't mind as he was getting a chest scratching out of the deal as he laid sprawled on his side against the Doctor's chest and stomach.

"If I would have known that we were having a lazy day today, I would have worn my pajamas," Ian commented as he took his seat next to the bed. 

"Martha is making me relax today. If you would like, though, I am sure that the TARDIS can provide you a pair of pajamas that would fit you," The Doctor commented. Ian laughed.

"Maybe another time," Ian responded. They talked for a little while about the trip that the Doctor was planning on taking in the next few days, but what Ian really wanted to know was how the Doctor's relationship with Jack was going. They had already discussed the bond that the two of them shared and Ian had agreed with Jack that the Doctor should have gotten his permission first. It made Ian worried that Jack was going to push the Doctor away so he was trying to monitor how they were doing without forcing the Doctor to talk about it every session. 

"Now, this bond that you two share is sort of like a marriage," Ian stated. The Doctor shook his head no. 

"It is closer than a marriage. In my culture, you can be bonded to someone without being married and you can be married without being bonded. I have been married before but I never bonded with any of my wives," The Doctor admitted to Ian. His very first marriage had been an arranged marriage and he had never really loved his wife. He had only married her to make his father happy. It hadn't worked as his father still looked down on him as being a bad Time Lord. In the end, he had spent many unhappy years with her before finally running away. 

"I was married once too," Ian stated leaning back in his chair. He didn't wait for the Doctor to ask what happened as he knew the question would never come. "We were married for ten years before we got divorced after I found out that she was cheating on me with the pool boy," 

"I'm sorry," the Doctor told him sounding genuinely sorry that his marriage didn't work out.

"Don't be. I should have seen it coming years before we actually got divorced. I mean we didn't even have a pool," Ian exclaimed. Rather than laugh, the Doctor smiled tiredly at him. Rather than continue to focus on Jack, he continued discussing marriage asking if the Doctor had ever had children with any of his wives. The Doctor, though, didn't want to discuss children and his mood quickly went from tolerant to grumpy. Mumbling something in Gallifreyan, he pulled the blanket up over his head and proceeded to ignore Ian the rest of the hour. If there was one thing he didn't like talking about, it was the children he lost on Gallifrey that day. Without even thinking about it, he slowly began to count.


	72. Chapter 72

One, two, three. The faces filled his mind slowly starting with those of his own children followed by the ones of his grandchildren, nieces, and nephews. Twenty-one. As the faces moved away from his family they started to go by faster and faster. He couldn't even see their faces anymore as they blurred past him. Every face was surrounded by the flames that burned Gallifrey and he could hear the screams of the people that died. He already knew how many children he had lost during that terrible war. He had counted them before and he knew that over time he would count them again and again. 2.47 billion children had lost their lives that horrible day. Their faces made him weep and he felt physically ill knowing that these poor children would never get the chance to grow up. He pushed the blanket back, no longer seeing Ian. In his mind, he screamed for Jack to help him. To make the counting stop and the screams go away. 

"Doctor?" Ian questioned as his hands drifted up to his head. He pulled at his hair as he screamed.

"I can't. Not again," He whimpered. 

"What can't you do again?" Ian asked him trying to remain professional. As a psychiatrist, he had seen patients act out before. He had watched them rock, pull their hair, scratch their own arms leaving thick gashes, and lash out at him or anyone else who came close. But while he had seen it all before, he had never seen the behavior from the Time Lord laying in front of him. Besides his name calling, throwing of objects and tendency to ignore Ian when upset, he was normally calmer. "Doctor, you need to talk to me."

"I can't, I can't," The Doctor whispered over and over again ignoring Ian. Ian looked up as there was a knock on the door to the medi-bay. 

"Come in," he called out. Jack entered immediately heading to the Doctor's side as he completely disregarded Ian. He had heard and felt the Doctor's cry loudly inside his own head moments before. The fear the Doctor was feeling was enough for him to know that he wasn't just upset with Ian, but truly needed his help.

"I'm here sweetheart," Jack reassured him, putting his hand gently on the Doctor's arm. The Doctor continued to hold onto his head as he whimpered. 

"Jack, please help me," The Doctor cried out. Jack snapped his fingers for Osiris to get down off the bed. Osiris ignored him at first, but Jack snapped again and Osiris relucantly got down. Jack didn't care that Ian was still in the room as he climbed up onto the bed holding the Doctor close to him. He pressed their foreheads together as he closed his eyes. Before him he could see faces of children passing quicker than he could count. Fire blazed behind them and their screams filled his ears. Above the screams he could hear the Doctor counting. He didn't ask who the children were as they were all wearing orange. 

"Let me in," Jack whispered to the Doctor as he tried to push further into the Docotr's mind but the Doctor stopped him without meaning too. He nudged softly against the Doctor's mind with his own again and the Doctor let him in this time. In his own mind he pictured himself standing in front of the Doctor. The Doctor was kneeling in his mind and just like in real life, he was holding his head as he continued to count the children. Jack could see the red grass blazing with fire in front of him as the screams became louder than the counting. Jack tried not to look at what was going on around him as he focused on the man kneeling. He too had seen war but never on the scale the Doctor had. Still, reliving what happened was just going to send the Doctor into a deeper spiral of depression that could lead to him searching for relief through drugs again. While the Doctor was a stronger telepathic than him, he had learned a few things at the time agency that he hoped would help him to guide the Doctor away from his waking nightmare. 

The Doctor had spoke of taking him to the white sandy beaches of Chora on their first trip in the TARDIS. It sounded pleasant as it had been years since Jack had been there. Still, he tried to picture the white beaches glistening under the dark starry night. The moon had been shattered years before but it still hung in the sky in several large pieces that were amazing to see. Kneeling down in front of the Doctor he focused on the beach as he pried the Doctor's hands away from his head. The Doctor stared up at him with fear in his eyes as the fires threatened to burn the white sand as well. 

"Run with me," Jack told him. He pulled the Doctor to his feet, taking off at a slow run to begin with as he drug the Doctor along with him. The Doctor fought him at first as the children still overwhelmed his thoughts. Yet, as they ran the count slowed as Jack on purposely snuck distractions onto the beach. Osiris ran beside them barking, a banana tree grew out of an impossible rock and a naked Jack laid under the tree. As they ran the Doctor allowed the distractions to overtake the counting. Soon, he was pulling ahead of Jack feeling free as he ran. The beach ended at a small hotel that had a single bed set up in it. Jack led the Doctor over to the bed helping him to lay down upon it. He held the Doctor tightly pinning him to the bed with a leg over his as he did the same upon the hospital bed. Safe in Jack's arms the Doctor allowed Jack to lull his mind into a peaceful sleep. Opening his eyes back into the medi-bay, Jack turned his head to see that Ian was still their watching them. He wasn't saying anything as he observed their interaction. All of his worry about Jack leaving or resenting the Doctor for forcing him into the bond was gone as even without words Jack had made it clear how much he cared for his lover.

"What did you ask him?" Jack questioned Ian. There was no accusation in his voice just a general curiousity about what happened that caused the Doctor to call for him. 

"You know that are sessions are confeditnal Jack," Ian told him apologetically. Jack nodded. 

"While you can't tell me, I suggest in the future you avoid the subject of his children or any children that he might have lost on Gallifrey," Jack informed him. Ian nodded as he stood up. With the Doctor asleep there really wasn't a reason to stay any longer at UNIT. He bid Jack farewell, showing himself off of the impossible ship. Jack meanwhile snuggled further into the Doctor. As he held him closer he felt Osiris lick the back of his hand. He leaned up to see Osiris had climbed back on the bed to lay behind the Doctor now. He looked up at Jack as his tails thumped several times on the bed. When Jack didn't make him get down he laid his head back down on his paws closing his eyes. Jack followed his lead, comforting the Doctor's mind as he continued to sleep. 

When the Doctor woke up only a few hours later Jack led him out to the console room. They were currently alone on the TARDIS as Martha had gone out into UNIT to check on her other patients. Rather than leave the TARDIS to find her, Jack instead lead the Doctor over to the console. He placed the Doctor's hand on the handbrake, putting his own over it. The Doctor looked at him suspiciously and Jack put a finger to his lips. They had already ran on the white beaches of Chora together, but there was still so much out there to see. Asking the TARDIS to let the Doctor travel, Jack helped the Doctor to release the brake and the TARDIS demateralized from her spot inside UNIT's hospital. The Doctor turned wrapping his arms happily around his lover and pressing their lips together for just a moment before he danced around the console. The TARDIS was on her way again and Jack just hoped that Martha would one day forgive him.


	73. Chapter 73

The TARDIS seemed reluctant to land, despite her willingness to take off in the first place. Just like the Doctor she was eager to a chance to stretch her legs after being confined for the last few months. The Doctor hit her console with the mallet which caused her to shake violently sending both of her passengers to the floor. Jack pulled himself up before offering a hand to the Doctor. The Doctor took it, letting Jack help him up. He gripped the console tightly as he landed her. Once safely out of the vortex, he tried to figure out the reason for her behavior. Looking at the coordinates, he paled. 

"What's the matter, Sweethearts?" Jack questioned coming up behind him. He wrapped his arms around the Doctor from behind resting his chin on the Doctor's shoulder. 

"I didn't change the coordinates," The Doctor admitted to him. He reached out flipping the switch to change them to random. He put his hand back on the brake, but Jack gently pulled it away before the Doctor was able to send them on their way again. Jack's grip on the Doctor tightened slightly as he took in what the Doctor was saying. The guard that had raped his lover was within his grasp and he wanted more than anything to punish him for his actions. He felt the Doctor shudder in his arms as the anger he felt followed through the bond that they shared. 

"Show me," Jack told him, his voice deathly calm. The Doctor turned in Jack's arms looking at his lover in the eyes.

"I'm not ready to face him yet, Jack," he whispered feeling like a coward. The last time he had faced either Micha or his guard, he had ended up hurt. His body had become their property as they used it as they wished. All he got in exchange was a little bag of powder that allowed him to forget the pain they caused him allowing them to continue to abuse him. He still wasn't sure how many months that abuse continued for until the TARDIS finally took him to safety.

"You won't be alone this time Doc. I will never let them hurt you again. But we can't let them continue to hurt others either," Jack informed him. The Doctor sighed knowing that Jack was right. He could never ignore a cry for help. The victims, in this case, weren't able to speak for themselves. They were drugged by Micha and probably didn't even remember what was happening to them. He nodded trying to look braver than he felt as he pulled away from Jack. He quickly put his converse on lacing them up and then slipped his coat on with the help of Jack. Going to the door, he took another deep breath before finally opening it. 

Outside the door, snow was falling covering the street in a soft white powder. The air was nippy and the Doctor pulled his coat closer to his body. Osiris ran to his side, eager to follow him out into the fresh air. The Doctor reached down patting the side of his neck before taking Jack's hand. Together they walked down the street that the Doctor barely remembered. While his mind scrambled to familiarize himself with the location, his feet followed the street. Around him Osiris ran around them happily exploring, his nose following along the ground as he stopped to sniff occasionally at different objects. The Doctor kept walking whistling to get Osiris to his side again. 

"We need to get a lead for him," Jack commented as Osiris chased after a small cat-like creature. The Doctor shook his head no. Whistling again, Osiris was immediately by his side again. 

"Nemaskylos are trained to stay by their owner's side on command," The Doctor informed Jack. No one had a lead on Tigarda and by having one you were admitting to everyone else that you were unable to train your pet. Whoever had Osiris before him had trained him well, but the Doctor didn't see a point in making his pet listen at all times. He understood the need to run without constantly being controlled and planned to let Osiris have as much freedom as he possibly could. He let Osiris explore again as he turned a corner. It was then that he saw the building that housed Micha's office. Outside the building, a man was pacing the doorway and Jack squeezed the Doctor's hand comfortingly feeling the Doctor's need to run away from the building as quickly as he could. The Doctor squeezed his hand back forcing himself to take a step forward. 

"Is that him?" Jack questioned softly as they approached the guard. The Doctor swallowed hard as he nodded. 

"So the whore returns," the guard taunted as the two of them approached the building. Jack felt his anger surge and dropping the Doctor's hand, he stormed over to the man. Raising his fist he punched the man squarely in the nose causing him to stumble backward. Before the man had any time to react, Jack raised his foot kicking him as hard as he could in the groin. The man cried out in pain bending into himself. Jack punched him in the jaw and the man fell to the steps. 

"Jack stop," the Doctor told him. Jack ignored him as he kicked the man in the stomach. 

"He is not a whore," Jack seethed raising his foot to kick again. The Doctor stepped forward placing a hand on Jack's arm. Jack jerked it away turning quickly with his fist still raised. The Doctor didn't step back as he narrowed his eyes at his lover. He trusted Jack not to hit him regardless of the situation. Sure enough, as Jack realized it was just the Doctor he lowered his fist. "He needs to pay for what he did to you."

"I agree, but killing him is not the answer. I can take him to a place where he will never be able to hurt anyone ever again," the Doctor pleaded not wanting to see the Captain kill the man regardless of how much he deserved it. Jack punched the man again for good measure then reached into his pocket pulling out his handcuffs. He slapped one one the guard's wrist making it tighter than necessary before roughly pulling his other hand behind his back. With both hands behind his back, the guard's face was pressed in the snow. Jack didn't seem to mind but the Doctor leaned down. He reluctantly put his hand to the man's head, turning his face so that he wouldn't suffocate. 

"He deserves to die," Jack hissed as he watched his lover. 

"That isn't our choice to make," The Doctor informed him. Pulling back he picked up a hand full of snow using it to wash his hands. Looking at Osiris, he snapped pointing to his side. Osiris was there immediately sitting beside him. "Cesik," The Doctor ordered. Jack wasn't sure what he said, but Osiris responded by sitting up straight and perking his ears up. His eyes were focused in front of him and as the Doctor moved towards the door, Osiris made no move to follow. He allowed his owners to enter the building while he stood watch on the front stoop. Inside the building, it was warm against the cool chill outside. Despite how warm the building was, he still felt cold and he pulled his coat tighter around him. 

"Ready?" Jack questioned him softly getting to his side again. The Doctor shook his head. 

"No," he answered him honestly. He looked at the closed door that separated himself from Micha's library. It would be so easy to turn around and leave this place without Micha ever knowing they were there. They could take the guard and be done with this place. Except, the guard only defend Micha. Micha was the one who was causing everyone such pain. He held his head higher as he walked to the door to Micha's office. Turning the handle he entered to find Micha standing behind his desk. In front of him, a man was bent over holding on as Micha's hips moved roughly. He didn't notice the door was open as he focused on his own pleasure and not the pain he was causing the man. 

Jack reached into his pocket pulling his gun out and releasing the safety in the same movement. He could see Micha's total disregard for the man as the man was just an object that he could use. Knowing that he had treated the Doctor's body that way made Jack see black. He stepped forward placing the gun against Micha's temple as the Doctor remained frozen in the doorway. Micha turned to look at Jack, letting the man go. Jack's eyes were the last thing he saw as Jack pulled the trigger and Micha's body collapsed into a heap onto the floor. The sound of the gunshot seemed to snap the Doctor out of whatever was holding him in place and he moved forward. Trying not to look at Micha's body he walked over to the man bent over the desk helping him to pull up his trousers. 

"Please, he promised me he would help me," the man begged the Doctor as he straightened up on wobbly legs. The Doctor smiled sadly at the man seeing himself in that man. He had bent over the same desk in order to receive the temporarily relief the drugs provided. Going around the desk, he opened the top drawer pulling out the entire drawer filled with the packets. 

"Doctor?" Jack whispered softly. The Doctor didn't look at him as he reached into his pocket retrieving his sonic. Aiming it at the drawer, the powder burst into flames causing the man to scream. 

"No, no, no, I need it," he screamed. Jack grabbed the man holding him back as the desk caught fire spreading to the papers on it. The Doctor went around going towards the door. He stepped over Micha's body as Jack drug the man kicking and screaming away from the spreading flames. Smoke filled the air and it was making breathing hard. They made their way to the porch where the guard was still laying. He didn't dare move as Osiris was growling softly with his teeth bared. He had his back arched and all the hair along his spine was standing up straight. The Doctor moved away from him with ease. Jack, though, struggled to follow as the man continued to fight him. He was desperate to get back into the building despite the flames. 

"I can't save them both," Jack told the Doctor. The Doctor whistled and Osiris immediately stood down his guard. He took ahold of the man that Jack was holding, struggling to restrain him while Jack went back for the guard. He watched as Jack reached out grabbing the guard's leg dragging him down the steps and away from the burning building. There was nothing nice about his movements and the guards cried out as he bumped down the steps. Still holding the guard by one leg, he took the man's arm in his other hand as the four of them started back towards the TARDIS.


	74. Chapter 74

It was slow trying to get back to the TARDIS with the two struggling men. Jack was slightly surprised that they were able to walk past several people and no one tried to stop them despite the fact that the man was screaming help me still and the guard had taken to yelling. The people made a wide circle around them, letting them go on their way as if nothing was happening. Jack looked at the Doctor, but he was staring forward just determined to get back to the safety of his TARDIS. As they approached the blue box, Jack dropped the guard's leg so that he could take over holding the man allowing the Doctor to open the door. He fought to get the man on as he kicked his legs out preventing them. 

"Help me," he screamed panicking as they tried to force him into the box. The Doctor tried to grab his leg and was kicked in his arm for his trouble. He didn't seem to care as he reached forward grabbing his leg again and finally pulling him into the box. 

"I promise you are safe with us. I'm the Doctor and this is Jack. What is your name? The DOctor asked the man as he continued to struggle. The man didn't answer him as he screamed louder for someone to help him.

"Give me your tie," Jack told the Doctor. The Doctor loosened his tie and slipped it over his head. Jack forced the man's hands together allowing the Doctor to slip the tie over his wrist tightening it in place. He then looped it around tieing it so that the man couldn't escape. 

"I know you're scared but I promise that we're going to get you the help that you need. I know me destroying the powder seems unfair but you'll one day see that you don't need it," The Doctor spoke softly trying to reassure the man as took his arm. Saying the words made it feel like a weight had been lifted off of his chest and his mind. While their were other men out there who sold the drugs, the men who hurt him were no longer part of it. Micha was dead and the guard would soon be in prison. 

"I do need it," The man whined at him. He continued to fight as the Doctor led him over to the captain's chair helping him to sit down. The Doctor was still talking soothingly to the man, but had lowered his voice so that Jack could no longer hear him clearly. Turning, Jack looked out the door to see that the guard who had managed to get to his feet and was running away from the box trying to make his escape. Jack stepped outside ready to give chase when he heard the Doctor make a strange noise with his mouth. Claws scraped across the pavement as Osiris rounded the corner. He caught up with the running guard easily and Jack didn't have time to react as Osiris's mouth opened wide before latching onto the guard's leg. The guard screamed in pain falling as Osiris held on. Osiris violenty shook his head back and forth causing the guard's leg to make a sickening snapping noise as it bent to the side.

"How do I get him to let go?" Jack called back to the Doctor. The Doctor leaned over looking out the door. He whistled long and low. Osiris let go of the guard's leg. Lifting his tails high he bounded into the TARDIS to sit by his owner. Jack grabbed the guard by his bitten leg dragging him towards the TARDIS once more. The guard screamed but his screams got cut off quickly as he passed out from the pain. Jack deposited him right inside the doors to the TARDIS closing them tightly. 

"I am going to take Ben to a hospital that can help him before we take the guard to a prison camp," The Doctor told Jack. Jack nodded as that arangement seemed fair to him. He left the guard by the door going to Ben's side. He supported him on the captain's chair while the Doctor drove. The ride was smooth but short as the Doctor stayed in the same century. With Jack's help he took Ben off of the hospital promising that he would be back to check on him. Going back on the TARDIS, he found that the guard was awake but he was eyeing Osiris wearily as he didn't dare move. 

"You have no right to hold me prisoner. Micha is going to make you pay for this," the guard snapped at him. Jack knelt down by the guard and grabbing the his hair forced his head back. 

"Micha is dead and you should be too you rapist bastard. The only reason I haven't killed you yet is he asked me not too. Keep testing me, though, and I might forget his request," Jack snapped at the guard. 

"You can't believe the whore. I didn't rape him, he wanted." They all knew how that sentence was going to end. The guard was cut off, though, as Jack dropped his head, swung his fist and hit him in the side of the head all in the same movement. The guard went limp as his eyes closed. The guard's trip was longer as the Doctor took him to the prison colony Hades in the Cerberus System. The planet was contstantly bathed in darkness as the sun was too weak to reach it. Even if his trip was longer it wasn't as if he was able to enjoy it as the moment he opened his eyes Jack punted him in the head.

"Did you kill him?" The Doctor questioned looking over his shoulder. Jack leaned down placing two fingers to the man's neck. He found the man's pulse and sighed. 

"No," he replied disappointedly. The Doctor shook his head making his way around the TARDIS console as he landed her. Jack opened the doors to the TARDIS and kicked the guard off. As soon as the doors were closed the Doctor sent the TARDIS back into the vortex. He flopped down on the captain's chair with a sigh.

"Maybe we should just go back to London," The Doctow whispered looking down. Jack went over to him sitting beside him. He put his arms around the Doctor pulling him close. The Doctor leaned over putting his his head on Jack's shoulder. He could feel the Doctor's sadness through their bond. This was supposed to be a trip to cheer up the Doctor and he wasn't going to let Micha ruin his life again. 

"I know you're disappointed, sweetheart as you didn't plan on taking care of Micha yet. But we are still in your TARDIS and there is a whole universe that we can explore," Jack told him. The Doctor nodded not moving. Jack tugged on the Doctor gently guiding him to sit on his lap with their chest touching. The Doctor's legs were bent pressing againtst the back of the seat. He held onto Jack tightly as Jack placed their lips together kissing softly. He explored the Doctor's mouth with his tongue as he comforted him with his mind. Reaching down in between them, he unbuckled the Doctor's belt helping him to slide down his trousers. The Doctor groaned as Jack pushed a finger up into his body rocking against it as they continued to kiss. His own hands went down to Jack's trousers. He unzipped them pulling Jack's member out. He held it in place as he lifted his bottom then sat down again taking Jack up into his body. It was hard to move with the way they were sitting but neither one mind as they rocked holding each other as close as possible. 

"Grab the back of the chair and lift yourself," Jack told him eventually. The Doctor listened lifting his body higher. Jack moved so that he could thrust into the Doctor easier, finally bringing them both over the edge. With their releases the Doctor sank back down kissing Jack. His mind was more at ease even if Jack could still feel his sadness through the bond. He helped the Doctor to stand and tucked him back into his trousers. Going to the console he placed a hand on the coordinates. "May I?" the Doctor nodded and Jack changed the coordinates. He then allowed the Doctor to take over driving. 

The planet they landed on was completely different than the snowy planet they had been on before. The sun was bright in the sky and the sandy beach sparkled beneath it. The Doctor could hear the sound of children laughing as they ran along the beach avoiding the water lapping at their toes. The Doctor peered out to see that they were next to a small village that lined a wood paved street. They left their coats inside as they walked hand in hand exploring the shops that lined the street. Jack wasn't surprised when the Doctor immediately went to a vendor selling fruit and bought several large bananas. He opened one, breaking off a piece to eat as he headed to the next shop. 

"What do you think?" Jack questioned as he couldn't tell how the Doctor was feeling besides his happiness over finding a banana. 

"It's nice," the Doctor answered. He loved little shops and he enjoyed himself looking at them as he picked out a few things to buy. Sooner than Jack expected, though, the Doctor was heading back to the TARDIS. Jack followed him watching as the Doctor bipassed his ship. He toed his converse off before running into the cool water. He swam out a few yards as Jack kicked off his own shoes following him. He swam over to the Doctor and went below the water. Grabbing the Doctor's legs he swam quickly upward causing the Doctor to raise then fall back. The Doctor laughed as the two of them played and when they finally made their way out of the water he was genuinely happy.

They dried off and changed in the TARDIS then headed out again for a nice meal at one of the villages many restuaurants. Choosing to eat outside, they watched the sunset staying long after the stars came out. They shown brightly in the sky with out all the bright artifical lights of a big city to dim them. The Doctor stared up at them until a soft yawn escaped his lips reminding him that he needed to take his medications and rest his still healing body. Relucantly, they went back to the TARDIS landing her in the UNIT hospital less than a minute after they left. Almost as soon as they landed the door to the TARDIS flew open and Martha stormed on. 

"Where have you been?" Martha asked angrily as her eyes looked from Jack to the Doctor. 

"Nowhere, I just moved the TARDIS out of the hallway like you have requested several times now," The Doctor lied as he turned to head back to the medi-bay for his medications. Martha looked at Jack who kept his face as blank as possible. She knew they were lying the only problem was that she couldn't prove it. 

"Don't you dare lie to me," Martha snipped at Jack. Jack furrowed his brow at her trying to look confused.

"We just moved the TARDIS," Jack reiterated to her. "Besides you know she won't let him travel yet." Irritated Martha stormed off of the TARDIS. Jack waited until she was completely gone before he laughed in relief. He had fun today and seeing the Doctor smile was worth Martha's anger. She would get over it and life would return to normal in London. Wiping his eyes, Jack went after his lover. He wasn't going to let Martha feel bad for having fun. Thankfully the Doctor didn't seem to care as he had climbed into bed, exhausted after his long day at the beach. 

"Thank you, Jack," The Doctor whispered sleepily. Jack pulled the blankets up to his neck tucking him in. 

"Any time."


	75. Chapter 75

With the Doctor asleep, Jack went to the TARDIS kitchen for a cup of coffee. He poured himself a cup, then settled down to work on his laptop. He was busy updating the information on an unknown artifact that came through the rift when Martha returned. She had calmed down a little thanks to Mickey, though, she was still upset with the fact they had lied to her. Pouring a cup of tea for herself she took a seat across from Jack. Jack finished up what he was typing before lowering the screen so that he could look at her. She had her doctor's face on, making it clear she wasn't there for a social call.

 

"How can I help you, Martha?" Jack questioned her keeping his voice pleasant.

 

"I need to know the truth about how long you two were gone," Martha informed him. Jack opened his mouth to tell her, but she cut him off before he could. "And don't you dare lie to me again. While you two may think it is alright to sneak off in the TARDIS for a few hours, then lie to me about it, I can't take care of the Doctor properly without the correct information. That is part of the reason I wanted him to keep the time the same both on Earth and on his ship. Now if he needs medication, I can't give it to him because I don't know how much time has elapsed."

 

"We were gone about ten hours," Jack answered finally. Martha's eyes narrowed and she gritted her teeth. "Before you go in there and wake him up to yell at him, we didn't do anything stupid like run for our lives. We took care of Micha and his guard then relaxed on a beach for the afternoon. It was even the Doctor's decision to come back here without me coaxing him. Hell if he wanted to I would have happily stayed in one of the rooms the place rents, but he came back on his own."

 

"Is that supposed to make me happy with the fact that you two left even after I told you to wait for a couple of days," Martha snipped. 

 

"You didn't see him, Martha. Ian asked him about his children and he was breaking down. I told you before that we were killing him and I meant it. I am not going to lose him when a short trip can save him. He had fun and then came back to UNIT to relax after taking his medications without prompting," Jack informed her, his voice rising angrily as he spoke. 

 

"He shouldn't have left in the first day. I ordered him to have a day of rest after he collapsed in his garden last night. Or have you forgotten that part," Martha hissed at Jack rising to her feet. Jack knew she was right. He should have rested the day away. Only that wasn't the Doctor. Jack didn't know the man to ever slow down unless he was forced to and Jack wasn't about to restrain him to a bed again. Well not unless the Doctor wanted him too, but that was play they could explore at some time in the future. 

 

"I'm sorry that I took him out without telling you, but I'm not going to apologize for him having fun," Jack told her. 

 

"I just hope your fun didn't set him back even further in his recovery," Martha hissed. She headed to the kitchen door and Jack followed her. He kept pace with her as she went to the Doctor's room, letting herself in without knocking. The Doctor was still sleeping peacefully but he woke as Martha began checking his vitals. He lay there staring at her with sleepy eyes as she pricked his finger to check his blood energy levels. They had fallen throughout the day which explained the Doctor's exhaustion. Leaving the room for a moment, she quickly returned with a syringe filled with potassium and another form of energy medication. She injected it into the Doctor's shoulder, being gentle despite her anger. 

 

"I am going home for the night after this. Being that you are completely off on your medication schedule, a nurse will have to give you the dose in the middle of the night. Next time you leave, I expect you to keep the time schedule the same," Martha scolded him. 

 

"I could move her forward in time now," the Doctor offered, knowing that there was no point in lying to Martha again about being gone only a minute. 

 

"Don't worry about it at the moment. Rest and move her when you are ready," Martha told him calmly. She didn't speak to him again as she pocketed the empty syringe, checked his energy levels again and then left the TARDIS. The Doctor knew he had really upset her by leaving without her permission, he was just trying to figure out how much that bothered him. After all, he had the right to travel when he wanted to regardless of Martha trying to keep him on Earth for another three months. Then again she was his doctor and he was trying to listen to her, so he could travel again. Deciding that she would get over it, he curled beneath his blankets falling quickly off to sleep once more.

 

-DW-

 

While Jack didn't lay down with the Doctor, he stayed close to his room. He was worried that the Doctor's sleep wouldn't be peaceful after having to deal with Micha and his guard. Sure enough, only a few hours later the Doctor began to cry out in his sleep. Jack rushed back into his room to find the Doctor thrashing around on the bed fighting off an unknown assailant. Jack climbed up on the bed with him trying to take the Doctor in his arms in order to comfort him. The Doctor fought him, leaving deep scratches on Jack's arms and chest as he continued to scream. Jack tried his best to calm him, except the Doctor was too far gone in his nightmare to realize his lover was there. 

 

"It's alright, sweetheart. I've got you," Jack cooed softly. He released the Doctor with one arm to reach up and run his fingers through the Doctor's hair. The Doctor tried to bite him and he nearly succeeded. Jack barely managed to get his arm away from the Doctor's mouth as the Doctor tried again. 

 

"No. Jack help me," the Doctor screamed in his sleep. "Jack please, I'm sorry. Just help me."

 

"All right it's time to wake up," Jack informed him as the Doctor begged for his help even as Jack laid next to him. It broke Jack's heart to hear his lover so distressed. Jack took the Doctor's shoulder in his hand giving it a firm shake. Rather than wake the Doctor up, it only served to make him madder as he screamed louder for Jack to save him. Jack tried to remain calm and let the feeling flow through the bond they shared as he continued to stroke the side of the Doctor's head. It seemed to work as the Doctor began to calm down. He stopped thrashing on the bed, rolling onto his side to curl around a pillow. Jack waited until his breathing had settled before standing up. He carefully pulled on the blankets untangling them from around the Doctor's legs. Once free he covered his lover tucking him back in. Walking quietly, he made his way to the door. He had almost reached it when the Doctor began to scream again.  

 

"Jack, please help me," The Doctor cried out desperately reaching out for his lover. Jack immediately returned to the Doctor's side. Sitting down on the bed, he pulled the Doctor up to lean against him. The Doctor was still crying out in his sleep, trying to get away from Jack. Jack held on, rocking him as he ran his hand comfortingly along the Doctor's spine. The Doctor calmed, his hands gripping Jack's hands tightly. Jack didn't need to look down to know that the Doctor was awake. He could feel his mind clearly as upon waking the feeling of fear and pain filled the bond that they shared. The Doctor leaned more heavily into Jack's arms, turning his head so that he could listen to his heart. 

 

"Did you dream about Micha and his guard?" Jack questioned softly. The Doctor nodded swallowing hard. He didn't want to think about the dream where Micha held him down using his body as he stared up into his cold dead eyes. He cried for Jack to help him as Jack struggled with the guard. He watched on in horror as Jack killed the guard before attacking Micha. "Do you want to talk about it?"

 

"No," The Doctor whispered as his grip on Jack's shirt tightened. 

 

"I think you should," Jack informed him. The Doctor looked up at Jack with wide brown eyes. 

 

"I'll talk to Ian tomorrow, Jack, I promise," The Doctor told him. Jack held the Doctor closer as he rested his head on top of the Doctor's. He would have no way of knowing if the Doctor followed through on his promise as neither the Time Lord nor Ian had to tell him anything they talked about in their sessions. While he was happy that the Doctor trusted Ian enough to speak to him, Jack wished that the Doctor would tell him what was bothering him. Still there were other things he could do to comfort his lover while he waited for him to speak to him. Standing up, he scooped the Doctor up in his arms and headed towards the bath. 


	76. Chapter 76

The Doctor didn't speak to Jack the entire time he was in the bath. Jack didn't join him in the water, instead choosing to kneel next to it so that he could bathe the Time Lord. The Doctor didn't think he had ever been cleaner as Jack cleaned him from the top of his head to the tip of his toes including every inch in between. The Doctor relaxed under his touch becoming putty in Jack's hands before he was picked up and carried back to the bed. The Doctor lay there completely relaxed while Jack dried him off. Rather than dress him immediately, he had the Time Lord lay on his stomach as he started at the Doctor's head and worked his way down his back massaging his body. Reaching his feet, he helped the Doctor to turn over so that he could do the same to his front. He was pleased to see that the Doctor's member lay heavy but he didn't touch it as he began once more to massage down his body. Finishing, he started to pull the blanket up over the sleepy Time Lord. 

"Jack," The Doctor moaned unhappily. While he was interested in sex due to the dreams that he had, he was turned on from Jack's hands running along his body. Being a Time Lord, he couldn't take care of himself but he was too hard to sleep comfortably without being given relief. 

"Would you like a happy ending?" Jack questioned with a small smirk on his face. The Doctor bit his lip as he nodded. Jack folded the blanket so that it was just below the Doctor's groin before taking his member into his hand. He quickly brought the Doctor to completion listening to him whimper. Jack watched his face monitoring him through their bond to make sure he wasn't hurting the Time Lord. While he had been unhappy about being forced into the bond without his permission, he wouldn't trade it for the universe. Not only did it show how much the Doctor loved him, but it also allowed him an insight into the Doctor's mind that no one else had. Even while the Doctor kept his face blank or his voice soft, Jack could still tell what he was feeling. Using that information, he changed his movements until he felt the Doctor tense.

"Jack," He groaned as he found his release. Sated, he felt as though he were going to melt into the bed as Jack disappeared for a moment. He returned quickly with a warm wet cloth that he used to wipe down the Doctor's stomach. He set the towel aside, then tucked the Time Lord in. The Doctor's eyes were quickly closing but he kept forcing them back open. Jack finished cleaning up before climbing up on the bed. He laid on top of the blankets as he pulled the Doctor close to his chest snuggling him close. The Doctor rolled onto his side, pressing his face into Jack's chest as he quickly fell into a deep dreamless sleep. Jack closed his eyes, resting as he helped the Doctor to sleep. 

It was late when the nurse came aboard the TARDIS to give the Doctor his morning medications. The Doctor was already beginning to wake and he took the pills from her swallowing them after a quick glance to make sure they were correct. Once she left, he pulled on a pair of trousers before jumping the TARDIS ten hours ahead. Jack was surprised when he opened the TARDIS door to find that they were no longer at UNIT but sitting in Martha's living room. Martha was sitting on the couch sipping a cup of coffee as she read a book. 

"The kettle is still hot if you're thirsty," she commented without looking up. The Doctor moved to the door, not sure if he wanted to follow Jack out for a cup of tea or retreat back into the safety of his TARDIS. Martha didn't make the decision any easier as she glanced at him over the top of her book. "Since you decided to release yourself from the hospital, I will call Ian to let him know that your session will be at his office today."

"Can I have it here?" The Doctor questioned feeling insecure. He didn't think that he could take the TARDIS to Ian's office and he also couldn't bring Osiris. Thinking of his pet, he wondered where Osiris had taken off to. The TARDIS would have created a safe place for Osiris and could provide him food but not the companionship that the dog needed. Sending a message to the TARDIS, he heard panting as Osiris rushed across the control room. He nudged his head into the Doctor's hand eager for attention. The Doctor obliged him turning slightly so that he could scratch his back as he stared at Martha. 

"That is up to Ian. I will ask him for you, though," Martha replied. The Doctor nodded disappearing into the TARDIS. Now that he had her back he was reluctant to be far from his sanctuary. While Jack had helped him to sleep last night, he still felt uneasy knowing that the guard had been on his TARDIS. He looked towards the door, then pulled off one of the panels for the console. He worked away, not stopping when Jack brought him a cup of tea along with a large breakfast including two bananas. Jack left them on the captain's chair for him hoping that he would eat. The Doctor, however, ignored his meal and Jack didn't try to coax him into eating. 

"You didn't have to make me breakfast," Ian commented as he settled down on the captain's chair next to the tray. 

"Help yourself," The Doctor told him. Ian picked up a piece of the sausage snacking on it as he watched the Doctor work. He expected a quiet session with the Doctor, but the Doctor had other ideas. While he worked, he began to talk. Keeping his promise to Jack, he told Ian all about his trip in the TARDIS the day before as well as how they had taken care of both the guard and Micha. He explained about saving Ben from Micha's control and how much it hurt him to be reminded about what he had let Micha do to his body. He kept talking telling Ian all about the dream he had. He spoke for so long that they ran over his hour causing Ian to message his secretary to cancel his next two appointments. He wasn't about to leave the Doctor when the Doctor needed to talk to him so badly. 

"Coffee?" Jack mouthed from the doorway of the TARDIS as he came into check on them. Ian nodded while the Doctor didn't notice that his lover had been onboard. Finally, after almost three hours he ran out of things to say. He still laid on his back but he was no longer working just staring up into the wiring. 

"Are you going to visit Ben?" Ian questioned him as the Doctor remained silent. 

"I don't know," The Doctor answered him honestly. 

"I think you should. You and Ben shared similar experiences at the hands of the same man. It might help you come to terms with what happened by realizing that you aren't the only one who suffered at his hands. Ben was lucky to be saved by you and I am sure that there are countless others who will also benefit by Micha being stopped," Ian explained to him. The Doctor finally crawled out of underneath the TARDIS to look at Ian. His tea had gone stone cold long ago and Ian had eaten one of his bananas. He didn't complain as he picked up the peel for it, shredding it in order to have something to do with his hands. 

"I'll think about it," The Doctor answered. It was as good of an answer as Ian was going to get at the moment. He still found himself weak for letting himself become addicted to the drugs in the first place. Admitting he was no better than a human couldn't help him. Could it?


	77. Chapter 77

It was just past three hours from the time he arrived when Ian finally stepped off the TARDIS. The Doctor was still sitting on the floor thinking about Ian's words. He looked up with a smile as Jack came on board with a hot cup of tea in his hand. He handed it down to the Doctor before taking Ian's place on the Captain's seat. 

"Feeling better?" Jack questioned. The Doctor shrugged. He was still feeling confused about what Ian said and hurt over what happened the day before. The worse part was that he never actually got to confront Micha. He had imagined himself marching into the office and looking Micha in the eye telling him that he didn't need him nor the drugs anymore. He would let the oncoming storm flash in his eyes as he ordered Micha to close down his library and leave the city. Jack had taken that from him by killing him. While it had saved Ben, it had still stolen the closer from him. He had also lost that same closer from the guard as Jack had taken it upon himself to kick him in the head. While he loved Jack for protecting him, he also hated him for it. 

"No, but I'm getting there," The Doctor answered him. Jack moved off the seat to sit next to the Doctor on the ground. He wrapped an arm around the Doctor's shoulder and he leaned into him. 

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Jack questioned. The Doctor shook his head no. He turned to face Jack, kissing him softly on the cheek before easing himself up. Jack offered him a hand, letting him push himself to his feet. He stretched his sore muscles then looked at the handbrake. Despite having the ability to travel all of space and time again, all he wanted to do was crawl into bed. He patted the console, then headed off the TARDIS intending to do just that. Leaving he was unhappy to see Martha was still there. With the Doctor back at the flat, she had taken the day off of work for the first time in over a week. 

"Ready for lunch?" She wondered. In front of her, she had a plate of fish and chips. He could see that there was more fish in the kitchen with two plates set out. 

"I'm not hungry," He replied automatically continuing towards his room. 

"Nonsense, you didn't eat breakfast," Martha started. The Doctor sighed loudly cutting her off. 

"And if I'm not hungry then I won't eat dinner either," The Doctor snipped at her. He stormed to his room, slamming the door behind him. Pulling out his sonic, he locked it intending on keeping everyone out. He didn't care if he had a seizure, he didn't care if they became angry at him or if they forced him back to the hospital for an IV. In the safety of the room, he could be alone. 

"Sweetheart, unlock the door and let me in," Jack called out to him. He could hear the annoyance in Jack's voice over the fact he had locked him out but he didn't care. 

"Go away," The Doctor replied. He unbuttoned his suit jacket taking it off before unbuckling his trousers. He toed his converse off before kicking his trousers off after them. Jack and Martha always made him pick up his clothes but with them locked out he was free to leave them on the ground. He threw his overshirt on the ground with the rest of his clothes. Flopping down on the bed, he peeled off his socks throwing them at the wall. 

 

"Doctor, please don't do this. Just open the door and talk to me," Jack practically begged him. He didn't answer as he flopped down on the bed covering his face with the pillow. "Sweetheart?" He still didn't reply. He knew Jack would eventually give up and leave him alone. Jack was persistent, though. He heard Jack sit down against the bedroom door with a thump. "When you finally decide to come out of the room, perhaps we can take another short trip. I have always wanted to see Felspoon in person, even if I have heard that you have to watch out for landslides. Or we can go to the Infernal district of Lakespur. I heard the flowers that they grow there make the land look as if it were on fire."

"If I unlock the door, will you shut up and let me sleep?" The Doctor questioned him crankily as he continued to ramble on. 

"Yes," Jack answered. The Doctor removed the pillow rolling over to reach for the sonic. He pointed it at the door as he pressed the button on the side. The lock clicked and almost at the exact same time, the door opened as Jack entered. He came over to the side of the bed sitting down on the edge of it. "While I can respect that you want privacy, if you lock me out again I will remove the hinges from the door."

"Fine, can I go to sleep now?" The Doctor wondered glaring up at his lover. Jack nodded. He stretched out so that he was eye-level with the Doctor staring into his unhappy brown eyes. 

"You can try to hide Doc, but I know you're not tired or angry. So rather than playing these games, why don't you tell me what is bothering you," Jack told him. He could feel the Doctor's unhappiness through the bond. It was the only thing he had felt from his lover since he began talking to Ian. He had hoped that Ian would help him to feel better, but the unhappiness had only increased until Ian left for the day. 

"Ian wants me to talk to Ben. He thinks it may help me see that I am no better than an ape who lets my body get used," the Doctor informed Jack. 

"He called you an ape?" Jack teased light trying to make his lover smile. It didn't work. 

"I may have summarized," The Doctor admitted. Jack chuckled leaning forward to kiss him quickly on the forehead. 

"It is up to you Doctor but I think it is a good idea. There is a reason that they have different groups that you can go to and talk about your addiction. You aren't the only one who was used by Micha nor are you the only one who took that drug. Maybe talking to Ben will help you realize that you aren't alone in what happened," Jack commented. The Doctor rolled his eyes. 

"You sound like Dannyboy," The Doctor informed him. "I will tell you the same thing I told him. I'll think about it."

"So, in other words, no," Jack commented knowing his lover. The Doctor glared at him turning his back to Jack. Jack lay there quietly while he pretended to be asleep. Jack knew he wasn't, though, still he let him pretend. After a short while, he crept out of the room quietly. Jack closed the door tightly behind him and the Doctor resisted the urge to lock it with his sonic. Alone with his thoughts, he wondered if he should just give in and go see Ben. With the thought of Ben, however, he could see him bent over the desk again being used by Micha. He pushed the thought away as his stomach flipped and he leaned over the bed to be sick into the bin. At this rate he didn't think he would ever eat again.


	78. Chapter 78

It was late in the evening before the Doctor finally made up his mind. During that time, he laid on his bed pouting watching as the sunlight gradually faded in his room until he was left in darkness. Jack had come in a few times to check on him but hadn't spoken to him as he left him alone with his thoughts. The Doctor was grateful as Jack changed out the trash bin before disappearing again and returning shortly with polos and tea. On his way out again, he had collected the Doctor's suit off the floor taking it with him to be washed. The Doctor had sucked on the mints letting them calm his stomach as he wondered if he would ever be completely free of the influence Micha had over him. Dannyboy and Jack were right, if he couldn't face Micha then he needed to talk to Ben. Rolling over he eased his body off of the bed heading to the shower. 

He washed his body slowly as he wondered if he was making the right decision. What if Ben didn't want to talk to him? That would be alright, but it wouldn't give him any answers and he needed answers. He hated not knowing things. Sure the initial realization that he didn't know was always fun, but he took the time to research the unknown once he had the chance. Even if he didn't have answers it gave him something to think about as well as knowledge for the next time. With that thought, he turned off the water stepping out of the shower. He dried off quickly knowing that he had to go see Ben before he was able to change his mind again. Opening the door to his room, he found that his suit was laid out for him to wear along with a clean shirt and tie. Jack had also laid out a pair of pajamas for him in case he just wanted to return to bed as well. The Doctor's hearts swelled with love for the Captain at the gesture. Jack took better care of him than he deserved and he would have been lost without his lover.

He dressed in his suit, then went back into the bathroom to shave. He combed his hair before messing it up styling it so that it stuck up. He shook his head picking up the brush. He brushed his hair flat then ran his hands through his hair to make it stick on end. It still didn't look quite right. Picking up the comb he brushed it upwards from the back and then flat again. He sighed loosening his tie. He couldn't go see Ben if he couldn't even style his hair properly. He put his hands down on the sink staring into the drain. He stared at Jack's electric razor contemplating shaving his hair off for half a moment. He quickly decided against it as he liked his hair. He picked up the razor anyways turning it on and then off again. Setting it down again, he messed up his hair one more time. Not looking at himself in the mirror he fixed his tie leaving the bathroom. 

"Ready?" Jack asked him from where he was sitting on the bed. He had come into the room to check on the Doctor, finding that he had dressed in his suit. He quickly followed his lead dressing in his black trousers with a light blue over shirt. He had his boots on and had brought the Doctor's converse in for him to wear. The Doctor swallowed hard then nodded. He sat down next to Jack allowing Jack to help him get his shoes on. Jack laced them up then pulled the Doctor to his feet. Together they left the bedroom, going to the TARDIS. Martha had gone out for the evening to visit with Mickey and Jack didn't call her to let her know that they were leaving. 

Entering the TARDIS, the Doctor set the coordinates to the hospital that he had dropped Ben off at. However, he also set the timing for over two weeks out. He wanted to make sure that he gave Ben time to get over the initial stages of the withdrawal. He remembered how much pain he had been in and the fear that he had felt as he worried that he was going to die. He didn't think that he Ben would be allowed visitors during the first few weeks, nor did he want to see him writhing in pain from withdrawing. Since he didn't know which room was Ben's room, he made the choice to land the TARDIS outside of the hospital so that he could go in through the main entrance.

"How can I help you?" A young woman asked from behind the secretary desk. She was the same young woman who had been there the day he brought Ben in and he smiled at her as he pulled out his psychic paper. 

"Hello, I am here to see Ben," The Doctor told her handing her the paper. She looked at it and then looked back up at him. 

"Do you know Ben's last name?" She questioned. The Doctor shook his head no. 

"I brought him in here about two weeks ago for drug addiction," The Doctor informed her. She closed the physic paper and handed it back to him. He didn't look at what it said as he placed the paper back in his pocket. Obviously, it hadn't worked the way he wanted as she still seemed reluctant to release information to him. 

"I'm sorry Doctor Smith, but we get a lot of drug addicts in this hospital. Without his last name, I wouldn't be able to accurately tell you which room he is in. If you would like to wait here a moment, I would be happy to get one of our doctors to speak with you," she told him. Neither he nor Jack missed however that she had motioned to their security. 

"That is quite all right," The Doctor replied making his smile larger. He turned heading out the door with Jack following him. They made it quickly to the TARDIS 

"Plan B?" Jack questioned and the Doctor nodded. He moved the TARDIS to inside the hospital a few hours later. They exited the TARDIS once more walking down the hall together. Each taking a side they checked the rooms and the patients charts hanging outside the room, looking for Ben. It was Jack who found him about twenty minutes into their search. He didn't need to enter the room or get closer as he watched a security guard pacing nearby. They waited until the guard turned the corner in the hall before rushing forward and into Ben's room. The curtain was pulled keeping anyone who entered from seeing him. The Doctor moved hesitantly forward, while Jack stood in front of the door, preventing anyone from entering as the Doctor spoke to the man. 

"Ben?" The Doctor questioned softly, his voice barely audible. 

"Go away," Ben replied unhappily. The Doctor didn't listen to him as he went through the curtain. Ben was paler and skinnier than the last time the Doctor had seen him. His right wrist was handcuffed to the bed and his skin around the handcuff was rubbed raw from him trying to escape. He glared at the Doctor as he stepped closer. "Oh, it's you."

"How are you doing?" the Doctor asked trying to sound pleasant. 

"How does it look like I am doing? It is because of you that I am trapped in this hospital in the first place. It is also because of you that my wife left me and took our children. You couldn't just let me be happy, now could you," Ben snapped angrily at the Doctor. 

"I helped you," the Doctor protested. "That powder was killing you, the same as it had been killing me. You can't blame me for your wife leaving you for taking drugs."

"It is because of you that she found out," Ben replied. 

"She would have found out eventually anyways. You can't hide drug usage forever," Jack argued him. Ben looked at the Doctor.

"Get out of my room," He snapped angrily. 

"Fine," The Doctor responded going towards the door. He stepped out of the room with Jack following him. He knew exactly how Ben felt being trapped in the hospital while his body ached from the pain of the drugs leaving his system. Two weeks apparently hadn't been enough time for him to come to terms with what happened to him at the hands of Micha. Going back to his TARDIS, he decided that he wasn't ready yet to give up on trying to talk to Ben. He jumped forward a few weeks hoping that this time Ben would be willing to talk to him. If not, maybe it was time for him to go see Sarah Jane.


	79. Chapter 79

"You again?" Ben questioned as the Doctor entered his room for the second time. It was the middle of the night but Ben was still awake. He had trouble sleeping in this hospital room and just wanted to go home. He couldn't go home yet, though. He still had another few weeks of rehab that he had to go through before he would be declared clean. If he was just doing this for himself, he would have demanded that he be released. Only there were two little ones that he adored waiting for him to come home. 

"If there is one thing I am it is stubborn. Just ask him," The Doctor told Ben as he gestured behind him to where Jack was standing. Jack nodded his agreement. 

"He is also very rude as well as talkative so if you want him to leave, I'd tell him before he starts talking," Jack teased. The Doctor stuck out his lower lip at Jack pouting for just a moment before turning back to Ben. He let a smile cross his face as he waited anxiously for Ben to tell him to leave again. 

"I'm not going to thank you for saving me," Ben told him. The Doctor shrugged as he dared to take a seat on the chair next to Ben's bed. He sat stiffly for a moment but when Ben didn't immediately tell him to stand up again, he relaxed back. 

"I don't expect you to. I didn't come here for a thank you. I came here because I was told that it would be good for me to talk to someone who had a similar experience," the Doctor admitted. After his weeks of talking to Ian, Jack and occasionally Martha, it was easier for him to be open with people. It didn't mean that he liked it or was comfortable admitting his feelings. There were only a few people that he trusted to never judge him. And less that he trusted to support him no matter what. In fact, that honor only went to one person and that person shared a direct link with him. The fact that Ben was rolling his eyes let the Doctor know, however, that he was going to have to offer more information than he wanted to in order for Ben to open up to him. "I don't know how long I was addicted to the powder for but I also lost everything to it. In the end, I almost lost my life and if someone hadn't saved me, I would have."

"Did you lose your wife and children as well?" Ben questioned him. Jack felt the sadness that went through the Doctor at the mention of his family, but he kept his face calm as he spoke to Ben. 

"Long before I ever decided to take drugs. The drugs helped me to forget and so I kept taking them," The Doctor admitted his voice soft. Ben looked at the Doctor curiously as if the Doctor's words had allowed him to come to a new realization. Then much to all of their surprise he laughed. 

"I may have lost my family but you lost everything and you don't even know the name of the drugs you were taking," Ben chuckled. It wasn't funny, nothing about the conversation they were having was, but the ridiculousness that the Doctor didn't even know what he had taken had still caused Ben to laugh. 

"No, you're right I never learned its name," The Doctor answered trying to keep his voice level. The admission only caused Ben to laugh harder and the Doctor stared at him in confusion for a moment. The confusion quickly left as the oncoming storm appeared behind his eyes. He was quickly getting angry that Ben was laughing at him. 

"I may have done some stupid things to get ahold of the drug, but at least I knew that I was taking Stardust," Ben told him through the laughter. 

"No, I wasn't taking Stardust. I would have known if it was Stardust. The drug is called Stardust because it is black with crystals that look like stars," The Doctor responded immediately. He was rambling and he knew as he tried to convince himself Ben was wrong. There was no way he could have taken the drug without knowing it. 

"You're right it was black with white crystals prior to the police trying to put an end to the drug. Once that happened they started dying the crystals blue and came up with a new way to process the drug so that the powder was white rather than black," Micha informed him. The Doctor stood up knocking his chair over as he did. Jack was immediately by his side taking his arm in his hand. The Doctor pulled away from him as he looked towards the door, ready to run. 

"Sweetheart, what is Stardust?" Jack questioned feeling the panic through the bond that they shared. 

"Stardust was banned across the galaxy as one dose was enough to cause anyone to become addicted. The mortality rate of users is high as most people don't want to stop using it," The Doctor explained to him. He looked at Jack. "The people in the cafe were willingly giving the drug to patrons to bring them to Micha."

"Do you know who Micha's supplier was?" Jack questioned Ben as he put a comforting hand on the Doctor's back, running it slowly along his spine. Ben shook his head no. 

"We could ask him, but you decided to put a bullet through his head," Ben informed him. 

"And I would do it again if I had the chance," Jack responded. "Doctor, the guard is still alive. We can ask him who Micha's supplier was."

"Then what? If you take down one supplier, two more will take over for him. It is impossible to get away from the drug on this planet. The only way to guarantee that you are going to remain clean is to leave the planet for good. There is a rehab center that I plan on going to that will help me get off the planet and if you would like, I can get them to help you as well," Ben offered. The Doctor shook his head no. 

"What about your children?" He questioned softly. 

"If I can get clean and stay clean, my wife has agreed that I will be able to see them again. While she understands that the drug is running rampant across the city, she is still angry that I got addicted. Yet, she is willing to give me a chance if I try and for my children, I am going to try. I don't want my children to grow up to be drug addicts," Ben answered. 

"Does she know what Micha did to you?" The Doctor wondered, his voice barely above a whisper. 

"No, and I don't plan on ever telling her," Ben replied just as softly. "Does he know?" He jerked his head slightly towards Jack and the Doctor nodded. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not," The Doctor told him. He turned towards the door, ready to leave. He had spoken to Ben like Ian wanted and it hadn't made him feel any better. It had just made him feel worse as he now had a name to the drug that he had taken and knew the full consequences, beyond what had happened to his own body. 

"Doctor, while I appreciate your visit, I hope I never see you again," Ben called after him. 

"You won't," The Doctor answered. He made his way to the TARDIS, making sure that Jack was on board before he slammed the door behind him. He kicked the door, hit it, and screamed in his anger. Turning, he didn't look at Jack as he walked to the console, flicked the handbrake off and then stormed out of the control room.


	80. Chapter 80

The Doctor sat down on the floor beside his bed with a huff. He was going to have to go pilot the TARDIS soon as at the moment, she was free flying through the vortex. It was fine for a little while but if he wasn't directly at the controls he preferred to have her orbiting a planet or landed. By leaving her floating in the vortex, there was always the risk that she could come out on her own. If that happened he never knew where he was going to end up. Not that he usually knew where he was going, except he really didn't want to end up in a parallel world again. He didn't look up as the door to his bedroom opened and a big black dog licked the side of his face. 

"Down Osiris," he told him, pushing him away. Osiris wasn't having it and laid his head down on the Doctor's leg. The Doctor gave in scratching him behind his ear as he continued to pout. The sound of something sliding on the floor made him curious enough to raise his head. He couldn't help the smile that crossed his face as he saw Jack's arm pushing in a tray that had a cup of tea and a banana. The smile quickly faded, however, as he wasn't in a good mood. "You can come in Jack."

"Are you sure?" Jack questioned from just outside the door. 

"I'm not mad at you," the Doctor responded. Jack's arm disappeared before Jack came into the room. He took a seat next to the Doctor but didn't try to put his arm around him. He had learned his lesson that the Doctor didn't like to be touched when he was angry. 

"Ben?" Jack wondered. The Doctor shook his head no. 

"Myself," the Doctor answered. "Everyone who visits knows that stardust addiction is becoming an epidemic. Yet, when I was drugged I never even considered it might be with that drug. I tried to convince myself that because the drugs didn't kill me and they made me feel better it was alright for me to keep taking them. Stardust has been proven to ruin the telepathic centers of the mind. I could have stopped myself from having seizures for the rest of my life. Instead, I chose to ignore all the warning signs and continued taking them."

"I've never heard of Stardust," Jack commented. 

"You may not know stardust but you know drugs like it. They make you forget and feel something while destroying your life. When the TARDIS stopped talking to me I should have known that something was wrong. Instead, I told myself that she was pouting and angry at me for enjoying myself. She tried so many times to save me until she finally forced me to come to London for help," The Doctor admitted to Jack. He turned his head to look Jack in the eyes seeing the concern in Jack's blue eyes. "I deserve to be dead for my stupidity and I don't know if I have ever thanked you for saving me."

"You don't have to thank me," Jack told him softly. 

"Yes, I do. I am sorry that I was horrible to you when I first arrived. I never could have made it this far without you and I want to spend the rest of my life traveling with you," The Doctor told him. He leaned towards Jack and Jack put his arm around the Doctor. The Doctor pressed their lips together kissing him slowly for a moment. Jack broke the kiss first leaning their heads together.

"I will stay by your side as long as you will have me," Jack told him. The Doctor smiled kissing him again. This time, the kiss was long and slow as they just reaffirmed their love for each other. When they finally broke the kiss, the Doctor felt breathless but Jack felt energized. He jumped up to his feet and then reached down taking the Doctor's hand. He pulled him up to his feet practically lifting him off of the floor. Osiris barked as he nipped at the Doctor's legs.

"Oi," The Doctor laughed. Jack spun him around once then kissed him one more time. 

"Let's go to lunch and then find somewhere that we can run," Jack told him. The Doctor's eyebrows furrowed. 

"What about Martha?" He questioned knowing that she would be angry if they didn't show up again in a short period of time. While he wasn't happy that he was still under the medical injunction, he understood why she refused to let him go. In a way, he was thankful for it. It was his safety net and he knew someone would be there to catch him when things got too hard. He needed that net more than he ever wanted to admit and it made him feel safe.

"Screw Martha. Set a timer to make sure that you are taking your medications on time that way you don't crash again. We can travel for a few days, then return when we're done feeling refreshed and ready to take on the challenge of the last part of your recovery," Jack told him. 

"Like a vacation?" The Doctor wondered. Jack nodded. 

"Exactly like a vacation," Jack responded. "What do you say?"

"Allons-y," The Doctor called out with a smile as he raced out of his bedroom towards the control room. With a whoop of laughter, Jack took off after him.


	81. Chapter 81

Jack didn't know how many days passed as the two of them took to the stars once more. Besides the Doctor's medications, there were no restrictions nor were there any time limits, appointments or anyone telling them when they had to eat or sleep. The Doctor felt alive again by Jack's side and together they explored forgotten cities and crowded space stations. They made love on sandy beaches beneath pure white stars. They climbed hills and trees alike as they walked on planets that had never seen life before, but most of all they ran. They ran from danger or for the thrill of it. Together they caused trouble and when visiting the temples of the Verdespobl they finally got the chance to run for their lives. It may have been the Doctor who touched the priceless gold statue that sat on the white marble throne but it was Jack who picked it up. 

"Jack don't you dare," The Doctor yelled as they ran towards the TARDIS with several guards chasing after them. Jack still had the gold statue in his hand and with the other hand had reached for his own gun as a bullet nearly missed hitting the Doctor's shoulder. 

"Get down," Jack yelled back. The Doctor ducked behind a large rock that sat to the side of the path, pulling Osiris with him to keep him out of danger. Osiris barked his happiness, his tails wagging as he enjoyed their game. With the Doctor and Osiris out of sight, Jack took the statue and held it high above his head. The guards all drew nearer, their guns pointing towards Jack's heart. Jack wasn't afraid of them. He could come back from a bullet. 

"Put the statue down," A guard demanded. Jack looked at the Doctor out of the corner of his eyes. The Doctor smiled at him and he smiled back. The Doctor pointed at the TARDIS and then held up three fingers. Jack nodded slowly as he focused back on the guards. They were inching closer ready to grab Jack. He really didn't feel like being arrested, though. Seeing the Doctor's last finger go down, he threw the statue as hard as he could at the guards. They scrambled to catch it, desperate not to let the priceless artifact hit the ground. With them momentarily distracted they took off running again. They were almost to the TARDIS when a bullet lodged itself into the wood. 

"They're shooting my TARDIS," The Doctor pouted. 

"Just run," Jack yelled. The Doctor made it to the TARDIS first, snapping his fingers to open the door. He ran in and Osiris followed him on board. With his lover safe, Jack turned running back towards the guards. The Doctor watched on in disbelief as Jack tackled the guard holding the statue. He wrestled it out of his hands before two other guards came after him. He heard Osiris growl and a man scream as he dropped his gun. Jack looked over to see that he was unable to hold it with a dog latched onto his hand and Osiris looked as if he had no intention of letting go. Jack got quickly to his feet taking the statue with him. He started running again towards the door whistling for Osiris to follow him as he ran. Osiris easily overtook him going to the TARDIS first. Jack was thankful that he did because not even a moment later the ground exploded by his feet right where Osiris had been standing. With one last push, he made it away from the guards and through the doors. The Doctor slammed the door shut protecting them from the bullets as Jack collapsed to the ground giggling. 

"I got it," Jack called out happily as he held the statue up. The Doctor dropped to his knees in front of his lover. Taking the statue, he broke all the laws of the temple and set it on the floor of the TARDIS.

"You are such an ape," The Doctor laughed kissing Jack. "Why did you go back for it."

"I thought it would make a nice decoration for my desk at Torchwood," Jack told him as he patted the statue on the head. Now that they were safe, he picked up the statue and actually looked at it. It reminded him of one of the flying monkies from the Wizard of Oz. It had a monkey body with large wings. Its face, however, was human. It was an ugly statue, but Jack felt that he earned it. He grabbed the Doctor pulling him down on his chest laying back on the TARDIS floor as they kissed again. The Doctor broke the kiss laying his head down on Jack's chest, listening to his heart. The grating was uncomfortable but Jack didn't make him move. He placed a hand on the Doctor's back just holding his lover. The Doctor rolled his head so that he could look at Jack. 

"I'm hungry," The Doctor told him. 

"There is a small restaurant that I use to go to when I was with the Time Agency. They make an excellent fake beef steak," Jack told him. It wasn't from a real cow as they didn't have cows on the planet. Yet, it still tasted like beef. The Doctor made a face at the suggestion. 

"I would rather have real beef because you never know where the fake beef actually comes from," The Doctor told him. Jack adjusted so the Doctor was laying between his legs as he ran his hand comfortingly down the Doctor's spine. 

"Does that mean that you want to return to London?" Jack questioned him. The Doctor thought about it for a moment then nodded. While he was having fun running, he had been gone for long enough. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he missed speaking with Dannyboy. While running with Jack had made him feel better, he had so much that he wanted to tell the psychiatrist. He had come to rely on Ian's opinion. Even if he didn't always agree with Ian, he had helped him to overcome many of the fears that he held after giving into the drugs. 

"I think it is time," The Doctor told him. He started to try to stand up but Jack held him in place. He sighed laying his head back down on Jack's chest. His lover was never completely satisfied and he could feel Jack's member hardening between them. He reached down, taking charge for the first time. Jack had to stop himself from cumming quickly as the Doctor pulled down their trousers. He let the Doctor up as the Doctor took off his own trousers and pulled Jack's the rest of the way down. Without any coaxing on Jack's part, he positioned himself between Jack's legs. He took Jack's foot placing it on his shoulder before pushing himself into Jack's body. Jack let his head fall back with a thunk on the grating. 

"Ow," Jack moaned. He lifted his head reaching to rub the back of it. 

"Ape," The Doctor chuckled as he paused in his movements buried deep within his lover. Jack looked up and could see that despite his laughter there was a fear in his eyes that he was the one who had caused Jack pain. Jack reached out for the Doctor's hand and the Doctor took it. He squeezed it comfortingly as he let the feeling of love pour through their bond.

"You didn't hurt me," Jack reassured his lover. The Doctor kissed the side of Jack's ankle and Jack smiled laying his head back carefully on the grating. Once he was sure he wasn't going to hurt himself by slamming his head back again, the Doctor stared into Jack's eyes as he began to move again. With the Time Lord finally taking charge, it wasn't long before Jack fell over the edge. The Doctor was close and he thrust harder into Jack before finding his release deep in his body. He quickly pulled out after examining his lover to make sure he hadn't inadvertently hurt him. 

"Are you alright?" He questioned sincerely. 

"I'm fine," Jack promised him, sitting up. The Doctor picked up his own trousers and pulled them on before handing Jack his. Going to the controls, he set the TARDIS to return to London only a couple of hours after they left. Martha didn't need to know about their adventure any more than they had gone on a trip. In the morning, routines would start again but the Doctor didn't dread the idea. The routines had kept him safe when he was at his weakest and the continued routine of his medications kept him healthy. Pulling the handbrake, he sent them on their way.


	82. Chapter 82

-A month and a half later-

The Doctor sat on the bed in the medi-bay of his TARDIS waiting nervously for Martha to return. All of the items that he had collected from during his stay in London had been packed up and placed in the TARDIS this morning. The room he had come to recognize as his own was once more Martha's guest room. That was alright, though, as with the loss of his room he had also gained the freedom of no longer being under the medical injunction. The lost, lonely Time Lord who was close to death was gone and replaced by the Doctor. His body, while still lithe and scarred, once more was healed. He felt better than when he first regenerated into the body and he couldn't thank his human companions enough for saving him. He looked up anxiously as Martha entered with Jack and Osiris by her side. He swallowed hard, his eyes immediately dropping to the ground.

"Oi, don't look like that. They came in with me to celebrate that your blood results have come back negative for any STI's," Martha informed him with a smile. He looked up at her a smile crossing his own face. He had feared for all these months that he was infecting his lover but he was clean. "I still want you to come up for follow up test in two months and then another six months after that, but everything looks good."

"So I am free to travel?" The Doctor asked. 

"Yes, you are free to travel and with my permission this time too," Martha teased him. She wasn't stupid and knew that he had traveled for days and maybe even weeks at a time with Jack. The only problem was that she could never prove it. Still, he had shown that he was able to be responsible and take his medications, eat and rest without someone having to remind him constantly. He even took the time to come visit Ian when he needed to talk. He no longer had daily sessions with Ian, but he was scheduled for weekly sessions for as long as he continued to need them. He didn't have to go weekly due to having the TARDIS, but it was nice to know that Ian would always be there when he needed him. It was due to his progress in therapy as well as his willingness to take care of himself that allowed Martha to release him from the injunction earlier than she originally planned. 

"Thank you, Martha," He told her sincerely as he wrapped her in a hug. She hugged him back tightly. 

"You haven't seen the last of me, mister. I expect you in here for your appointments on time and with no excuses, do you understand?" Martha wondered. He nodded releasing the hug so that he could salute her with two fingers. Martha walked over to Jack giving him a hug next. "Take good care of him."

"I will," Jack promised. She left them alone in the medi-bay as she showed herself off the TARDIS, knowing that the Doctor was going to be okay. Once she was gone, Jack turned to the Doctor. "Where to now? You promised that you would take me to Woman's Wept to skate on the waves."

"And we will. First, there is somebody I need to see," The Doctor told him. While he had kept his promise to Wilf and appeared occasionally at either his newspaper stand or floating above the hill, there was still someone he avoided. She beyond any of them needed an apology because without her they never would have been able to treat him in the first place. Setting the coordinates he kept the time the same as he jumped to a small home in Croyden. He took a deep breath before heading to the door of the TARDIS and opening it. 

"You're just in time for tea," Sarah Jane called to him happily from her front porch. He stepped out with Jack and Osiris pulling the door closed behind him. Walking to the steps he hesitated as he looked up at her. "Come on the kettle will be cold at this rate."

"Sarah Jane, I'm sorry," The Doctor told her. Sarah Jane smiled and shook her head. 

"You've gotten sentimental in your old age," She informed him. He smiled back at her. 

"Yeah, I guess I have," He replied. Taking Jack's hand he started up the steps for tea.


End file.
